An adoption question should we have a surprise baby shower or should we wait ?
just wondering asked:
Ok so my sister is adopting a baby and my other sister and I would like to give her a baby shower before the baby comes home but the sister that is adopting wants to wait till the baby is officially adopted. Should we still give her a surprise baby shower? we are more excited then she is it seems!!
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Ok so my sister is adopting a baby and my other sister and I would like to give her a baby shower before the baby comes home but the sister that is adopting wants to wait till the baby is officially adopted. Should we still give her a surprise baby shower? we are more excited then she is it seems!!
September 26th, 2009 at 4:15 am
NO surprises.
ack! no surprises. the poor kid is going to be shocked as it is. anastasia beaverhausen
September 27th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
You should wait, because the birth mom can take the baby back in the first thirty days (or ninety days in some places!) with no questions asked. After that, it’s harder and has to go through lawyers. I know you are excited and stuff, but think about how your sister is going to feel if that happened and she is stuck with all this baby stuff that constantly reminds her of her loss of a baby. Check into the adoption laws in your state, and wait until the probationary period is over. It will still be just as exciting, and your sister will actually be able to ENJOY the shower!
Good luck, and Congrats! Ez’smommy
September 29th, 2009 at 4:28 am
No Surprises, although your intentions are great it could cause a lot of heartbreak for your sister should the adoption not go through. Its best to wait, respect your sisters caution she’s obviously been through a lot.
Best wishes Just Thinking
October 1st, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I would wait. As unfortunate as it is, a birth mother could could change her mind, leaving your sister with a lot of reminders.
I pray that they the adoption goes 100% perfect!!
shida720
October 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Don’t surprise her as every one rightly said that the birth mother could change her mind and that could be a lot of sad reminder for her being stuck with baby stuff..
ETA- I know my difference between “expectant mother” and “birth mother” and i meant birth mother…..i.e after child comes home the birth mother can change her mind within a certain period untill it becomes “legal”.
Ofcourse so can an expectant mother…..but i don’t see that as painfull for a PAP as after being placed.
So don’t bother educating me with the correct language. I know the difference. supercalafragilisticespialidocio
October 3rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
ARGH at the other answers. The pregnant woman is an expectant mother, and if she decides to parent, good for her. Just because she is considering relinquishment she doesn’t just become some birthmother who could change her mind. Give her respect for pete’s sake.
That being said, to answer your question… NO. Do not give her a baby shower this soon. It would be celebrating another woman’s pending loss and hedging a bet that the woman will be relinquishing. She and your sister deserve more respect for this process than to instantly bring out the celebration carnival. Right now that baby belongs to the mother pregnant with him/her… not your sister. Even after the birth, that baby will still belong to his/her mother and not your sister until all legal paperwork has been process properly. To throw a party in celebration for a child that may still be raised by his mother instead of by your sister would be insensitive. Especially while pregnant with the child. “Hooray for this woman’s loss of her baby! Let’s celebrate!”
The chance to adopt is thrilling, I get that. But please respect the plurality of emotions that go with getting to that point. magic pointe shoes
October 5th, 2009 at 7:57 am
It’s a better idea to wait until the adoption is completed before doing any baby showers. Until that legal milestone is passed, the baby’s mother has every legal right to change her mind. It’s better that your family doesn’t think of this baby as “your sister’s” until the adoption is actually completed. Jennifer L
October 5th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Yes, you should wait. My daughter, gave my grandson up for adoption a year ago. And it took everything she had, not to go to the nursery in the hospital, and run out with her child. After we came back home, it got easier. But she changed he mind 20 times. So please wait. It will be harder to take having those gifts around, if for some reason, it doesn’t work out. Good luck to your sister, adoption can be a wonderful experience, even for the birth family. We have a whole new family now, and I couldn’t be happier. We have an open adoption, I think that is better for the child. I want Obama Impeached
October 7th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
not even an adoption question, my aunt delivered a son, stillborn, and then had to deal with the gifts and the nursery she no longer needed. our family has waited for the baby until then. the high point of waiting is that the shower becomes a welcome party for the child as well. mikalina
October 9th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Please wait.
Yes, you are probably more excited than she is because she is aware that nothing is for certain. She needs to hold a little piece of her heart back in case something goes wrong. With adoption, being cautiously optimistic is totally normal.
The best thing you can do is honor her wishes, and plan for a HUGE shower after the relinquishments are taken care of. Then she will be more at ease and excited to be loving her new baby. Melissa G
October 10th, 2009 at 4:35 am
Not a good idea to have a baby shower for a baby who is not hers.
Your sister is right, any celebration needs to wait until the baby is officially adopted; until then the child is not her baby and the expectant mother has every right to parent her own child. Heather B
October 13th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
NO!
You must understand that you have to respect and honor your sister’s wished. It sounds to me that your sister is the realist. This child’s mom has every right to change their mind.
Imagine the grief you will instill on your sister if you give her an unwanted shower and she ends up not adopting. Please respect her and use common sense!!! Turkey Lurkey