Comments on: An adoption question should we have a surprise baby shower or should we wait ?

By: Turkey Lurkey

Turkey Lurkey — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:56:15 +0000

NO!

You must understand that you have to respect and honor your sister’s wished. It sounds to me that your sister is the realist. This child’s mom has every right to change their mind.

Imagine the grief you will instill on your sister if you give her an unwanted shower and she ends up not adopting. Please respect her and use common sense!!! Turkey Lurkey

By: Heather B

Heather B — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 09:35:59 +0000

Not a good idea to have a baby shower for a baby who is not hers.

Your sister is right, any celebration needs to wait until the baby is officially adopted; until then the child is not her baby and the expectant mother has every right to parent her own child. Heather B

By: Melissa G

Melissa G — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 11:11:51 +0000

Please wait.

Yes, you are probably more excited than she is because she is aware that nothing is for certain. She needs to hold a little piece of her heart back in case something goes wrong. With adoption, being cautiously optimistic is totally normal.

The best thing you can do is honor her wishes, and plan for a HUGE shower after the relinquishments are taken care of. Then she will be more at ease and excited to be loving her new baby. Melissa G

By: mikalina

mikalina — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:25:22 +0000

not even an adoption question, my aunt delivered a son, stillborn, and then had to deal with the gifts and the nursery she no longer needed. our family has waited for the baby until then. the high point of waiting is that the shower becomes a welcome party for the child as well. mikalina

By: I want Obama Impeached

I want Obama Impeached — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:26:11 +0000

Yes, you should wait. My daughter, gave my grandson up for adoption a year ago. And it took everything she had, not to go to the nursery in the hospital, and run out with her child. After we came back home, it got easier. But she changed he mind 20 times. So please wait. It will be harder to take having those gifts around, if for some reason, it doesn’t work out. Good luck to your sister, adoption can be a wonderful experience, even for the birth family. We have a whole new family now, and I couldn’t be happier. We have an open adoption, I think that is better for the child. I want Obama Impeached

By: Jennifer L

Jennifer L — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:57:11 +0000

It’s a better idea to wait until the adoption is completed before doing any baby showers. Until that legal milestone is passed, the baby’s mother has every legal right to change her mind. It’s better that your family doesn’t think of this baby as “your sister’s” until the adoption is actually completed. Jennifer L

By: magic pointe shoes

magic pointe shoes — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 21:32:22 +0000

ARGH at the other answers. The pregnant woman is an expectant mother, and if she decides to parent, good for her. Just because she is considering relinquishment she doesn’t just become some birthmother who could change her mind. Give her respect for pete’s sake.

That being said, to answer your question… NO. Do not give her a baby shower this soon. It would be celebrating another woman’s pending loss and hedging a bet that the woman will be relinquishing. She and your sister deserve more respect for this process than to instantly bring out the celebration carnival. Right now that baby belongs to the mother pregnant with him/her… not your sister. Even after the birth, that baby will still belong to his/her mother and not your sister until all legal paperwork has been process properly. To throw a party in celebration for a child that may still be raised by his mother instead of by your sister would be insensitive. Especially while pregnant with the child. “Hooray for this woman’s loss of her baby! Let’s celebrate!”

The chance to adopt is thrilling, I get that. But please respect the plurality of emotions that go with getting to that point. magic pointe shoes

By: supercalafragilisticespialidocio

supercalafragilisticespialidocio — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:23:59 +0000

Don’t surprise her as every one rightly said that the birth mother could change her mind and that could be a lot of sad reminder for her being stuck with baby stuff..

ETA- I know my difference between “expectant mother” and “birth mother” and i meant birth mother…..i.e after child comes home the birth mother can change her mind within a certain period untill it becomes “legal”.
Ofcourse so can an expectant mother…..but i don’t see that as painfull for a PAP as after being placed.
So don’t bother educating me with the correct language. I know the difference. supercalafragilisticespialidocio

By: shida720

shida720 — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:45:37 +0000

I would wait. As unfortunate as it is, a birth mother could could change her mind, leaving your sister with a lot of reminders.

I pray that they the adoption goes 100% perfect!! shida720

By: Just Thinking

Just Thinking — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:28:56 +0000

No Surprises, although your intentions are great it could cause a lot of heartbreak for your sister should the adoption not go through. Its best to wait, respect your sisters caution she’s obviously been through a lot.
Best wishes Just Thinking