My Story

I’ll start from when I was 12 years old so it will make a bit more sense with my reasoning.

When I was 12 and my sister was 15 she had a steady boyfriend by whom she feel pregnant and when my parents found out they were furious. They insisted she had an abortion and made sure she split up from her boyfriend despite them wanting to keep the baby. He was working so could have afforded to support my sister and their baby.

Fast forward 6 years and I got myself into a serious relationship resulting in us getting engaged. In late 1980 we split up basically because his jealousy got the better off him and shortly afterwards I knew I was pregnant. I knew it would be a waste of telling my ex boyfriend he was the father as he wouldn’t have believed me.

I kept quiet long enough so that my parents couldn’t force me to have an abortion like they did with my sister. It had crossed my mind once but I couldn’t go through with it as I wanted my baby. I was working so could afford to keep my baby financially as well emotionally wanted to keep him.

When my parents found out they went ballistic as it was too late for me to have an abortion so they were adament he was to be adopted. Nothing was discussed nor did I agree with them and they went ahead with making arrangements. The first time I saw a case worker was after I had my son on the 3rd August 1981 and I admitted that I didn’t want him adopted, that it was my parents who were adament about this. She promised to put a stop to the adoption and that she would support my decision. However she did persuade me to let my son go into foster care until I got sorted and not to see him in case I decided adoption was the best option. My one act of defiance was to go and see him in the nursery and to hold him for a while which I have always been glad I did. I was in hospital for about a week as I was ill so asked to see my son again but was told I was too ill to see him. Later I found out he had already been moved to another hospital so I couldn’t have seen him anyway.

The weeks went by and I still wanted to keep my son but my parents started putting more pressure on me as the case worker had told them how I felt. They used lines like I couldn’t work and look after my son, I couldn’t afford child care, they would make sure I would lose my job, that I would be homeless and that if I was living on the streets my son would be taken away from me. When he was 6 weeks old I was told it was too late to put a stop to the adoption which I naively believed so that was it.

For the next 23 years my son wasn’t talked about although I never forgot about him. I got married on the 20th November 1993 although unfortunately we haven’t had any children. In early 1999 I had a falling out with my family as my sister had told some particularly nasty lies about me and my husband. In the August my son started searching for me and found my family quite quickly. However by this time I had moved so they quite honestly told him they didn’t know where i was.

In late 2001 I got back in contact with my parents as I felt it was time to try and bridges as they are elderly and frail. I still refuse to have anything to do with my sister as she still tells lies about me. In August 2004 my husband and I thought it would be fun to join which is a British based site for people researching there family trees. After I had put all the details that I could I realized my details had been entered by my son as he was a member using the names I had given him. I emailed him without a second thought then panicked about it. He responded quite quickly and we have been in reunion since. I was very upset to find out that my parents hadn’t told me that they had contact with him or let him know where I was, Their excuse was that they didn’t know if my husband knew about my son yet my sister had told him about my son years ago. All I can assume is that my sister didn’t tell my parents what she had done. However because of their silence my son thought I didn’t want to know him and that my family were covering for me though he knows that isn’t true now.

It’s been a rollercoaster journey particularly since my son moved in with us on the 21st Dec 2006. At the time we thought it was just till September 2007 when he would be returning back to Canada. Reunion had had it’s ups and downs but it got progressively worse with him living with us. My son constantly lied to us, tried playing us off against each other, wouldn’t do anything, bled us dry financially. Eventually we insisted he start looking for work and signed on for unemployment benefit. Things were either very good between us or very bad and when it was bad it was very bad. Since he moved out I thought things would get better but instead we no longer have contact. My son went Pip

Even mothers who do not want contact years down the track don’t just get over it.

Your body, psych etc is all geared to keeping and parenting YOUR child. Humans are not programmed to abandon our infants and in cases where it happens, it is ually due to obscene situations and desperation. Please research the effects of adoption on both mothers AND their chidlren before you plan anything.

I would also suggest you wait until you hold your child in your arms before you do anything. Decisions made while you are pregnant can change dramatically once the child is in your arms. myst1998

I was told by the agency that placed my son that the “parents” were carfeully screened and that they “loved my son very much.”

Years later when he and I reunited I found out that the parents were alcoholic, they divorced when he was 6, and the “mother” abused my child. She drugged my baby when he talked “too much” and asked “too many questions.” she married another alcoholic and they moved every 3 months for years avoiding the bill collectors. My son was forced to lift heavy objects like a washing machine, and this fractured his back, leaving him with a disability.

He never was able to overcome all that they had done to him, although he was a hard worker and my husband and I tried to help him. We noticed that he seemed to be aging faster than other people in my family, looking older than he should be..

but I think he was just worn out from the stresses. My son died at age 39 from cancer. I have read that adopted people have a higher rate of death at younger ages than the general population.

I never wanted my son to be adopted in the first place. If you want some control over your child’s life, keep and raise your child. kitta

Take a look at these web sights for a little insight.

origins-usa.org
keepyourbaby.com Damitra