At what point in a pregnancy does it become too late to decide to give the baby up for adoption?
momof3 asked:
My friend’s daugther is expecting her third child any day now and she just decided that she may not want to keep the baby. This was an unplanned pregnancy for both her and her husband and they already have 2 wonderful children. Both parents are very family oriented but also career minded as well. She already has an established career but intended to go back to school to further her education and feels having to care for another child will put those dreams out of the picture. Also, due to last trimester complications, she has had to stop working earlier than planned and the family has suddenly become financially burdened. I was just wondering if anyone else thought that this decision was being selfish or if it sounds like it is in the best interest of the baby. And, what does one tell the other two children who are anticipating the birth of a new sibling. Any reasonable advice is appreciated.
I don’t think that the reasons are because the family has no time to look after the baby, but rather more because of financial reasons that they feel they may not be able to adequately provide for another child at this point in time.
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My friend’s daugther is expecting her third child any day now and she just decided that she may not want to keep the baby. This was an unplanned pregnancy for both her and her husband and they already have 2 wonderful children. Both parents are very family oriented but also career minded as well. She already has an established career but intended to go back to school to further her education and feels having to care for another child will put those dreams out of the picture. Also, due to last trimester complications, she has had to stop working earlier than planned and the family has suddenly become financially burdened. I was just wondering if anyone else thought that this decision was being selfish or if it sounds like it is in the best interest of the baby. And, what does one tell the other two children who are anticipating the birth of a new sibling. Any reasonable advice is appreciated.
I don’t think that the reasons are because the family has no time to look after the baby, but rather more because of financial reasons that they feel they may not be able to adequately provide for another child at this point in time.
February 9th, 2009 at 4:53 am
She’ll change her mind when she sees the baby. Mark my words.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I am pro-choice but under those conditions, this sounds very selfish indeed. Imagine that child in a few years’ time with its adoptive parents when it finds out that it was adopted because an existing family could not find the time to look after it.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I doubt that she will give her baby up when she has her baby in her arms
February 13th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
if she gives up that baby then she deserves to go to HELL!
February 16th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I’d rather see an unwanted child go to a set of parents who want nothing more in this world than to have a baby of their own. Sometimes adoption is the right thing. Is she really feels she doesn’t want to care for this child and is going to resent the child and see it as a burden, I think the best thing would be to give it up for adoption. I wouldn’t know what to tell the siblings but that’s going to have to be part of her decision. That’s up to her and her husband. I’m thinking she may change her mind when the baby comes.
February 18th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
i don’t think its ever too late to give up a baby for adoption. however, you should ask your friend to reconsider. she is giving up a baby because she has no time? she’s not a teen mom with no education or a poor person (from what you say). every time you have sex, you have a chance of having a baby…i’m sure they knew that (whether you use a condom, OCPs, get a vasectomy or tubal ligation even).
February 19th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
yes i would say that their decision sounds super selfish, and very irresponsible.
Why in the world after having and loving 2 children could you ever give one away.
Financial burdens or not, that is a poor choice.
Depending on their situation it sounds like they could at least liquidate some assets to make more funds available.
February 22nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I, too, had an unplanned pregnancy when my twins were 10 years old. I was dismayed. It has been hard on him knowing he was a surprise, but he also knows we all love him. Life was more complicated, as I returned to work right away, but had stayed home for four years with the first two. He was still at home when we retired, too. He has been a delight.
I can’t imagine giving up a child. They won’t be able to, either.
February 25th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
It is never too late, the baby can be born and you can still give it up if you choose.
February 28th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
You *can’t* adequately explain this to the older siblings. If you tell them that it’s for financial reasons they’re going to feel super guilty about the amount of food they eat, about getting new clothes, toys, etc. If you tell them it’s for other reasons then a) you’re lying and b) they might notice you’re lying and think it’s perhaps because you don’t like kids, and that you perhaps don’t like them either. Hell, they might even think that if you’re honest and say it’s for financial reasons, especially if you’re not dirt poor.
Odds are they can just sit down, look at their budget and figure it out. I’m not claiming kids are cheap, but they really aren’t *that* expensive. Perhaps they could get a cheaper car or a cheaper house (the kids can share a bedroom) or w/e, or pay more attention to all the little things that add up every month. Quit saving money up for the kids’ college funds or something. There are ways, really.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
This family doesn’t sound like they can’t afford another baby, it sounds like they don’t want to give up their life style to accommodate another child. Selfish - yes. Hopefully, they will think long and hard before they give away their child, because there is no going back - only regrets to come.
March 4th, 2009 at 4:59 am
Yes, it’s selfish, but it’s the parents’ right to be selfish, even if we don’t approve.
Here’s the upside. There are probably hundreds of thousands of women, like me, who can’t have more babies and would take that extra one off of their hands. That child will likely not grow up neglected, especially given that its parents are both known and are successful and well-educated. It would likely be very easily adopted out.
March 4th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
As someone who desperately wants a child, and is having a hard time getting pregnant, I don’t think there is an easy answer. I know what it is like to be career oriented. I am an attorney; a working woman, who knows that it cannot be easy to balance parenting and work. All I can say is that there are plenty of people out there, who would love to have a child, who cannot. A baby deserves to be in home where the child is wanted, and there are plenty of people who would want a healthy baby. If it is too much for your friend to take on, good for her for recognizing it.
March 6th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
It’s never too late. Just contact an agency, i DO NOT recommend Abby’s One True Gift, they are like debt collectors and really scared me away. I gave my son up about 4 months after her was born, but my family members decided to keep him.
And tell your friend no to sweat the haters on here, she will not go to Hell, for the self righteous stick up her ass person who said that, Baby Moses was basically given up for adoption, he was sent in a basket down the river, so whatever their reasons are are really no ones business, and if its an open adoption where everyone is open and upfront, then they can still see the child and maintain contact with its birth siblings. Half the people in this world act like they were planned pregnancies, iunno what the heck they are so self righteous about.
March 10th, 2009 at 1:02 am
She can choose to put the child up for adoption at any point. Even after birth. 10 years ago, when I was 1 week before my due date I realized that I was in no state to care for a child properly at that time (and for all of you who think I should go to hell for that, think what you want, I know I did what was best for that baby) …. there is an agency in Illinois that is VERY good with adoptions - they do both open and closed adoptions …. The place is called Sunny Ridge (1800BABYLUV)