can a man get his baby back if it was given up for adoption without him knowing?
Julia L asked:
my husband had an affair and the girl got pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption but my husband didnt even know about the pregnancy because the girl just kind of disappeared and never told him anything.he wants more then anything to get the baby that he never knew existed and wants to be a father to it
This entry was posted
on Monday, August 31st, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Adoption.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
my husband had an affair and the girl got pregnant and gave the baby up for adoption but my husband didnt even know about the pregnancy because the girl just kind of disappeared and never told him anything.he wants more then anything to get the baby that he never knew existed and wants to be a father to it
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:27 am
Why are so concerned about him now? He had an affair… He broke your wedding vows and abused your trust…You should distance yourself from him and stop trying to help him. He doesn’t deserve to be a father.
September 5th, 2009 at 10:09 am
He might be able to get the child back, but he will need an attorney, right away. It will depend on the state and the laws where he lives and the child was born.
Try this link
He should get help very quickly. He will have to prove that he didn’t know about the child.
This is fraud and deception on the part of the mother. I wish him well.
ETA; see a family law or father’s rights attorney.
September 7th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Boy, that’s a tough one. I think it would be hard to get the kid back if it’s settled in a new home already. But obviously you need to talk to an attorney that specializes in this area.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:35 am
he shouldn’t have a problem with an attorney.
September 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
how long has it been since the affair (aka how old would the child be)?
The answer to this question holds a lot of weight in whether or not the child would be given to him…the longer the child’s adoption has been finalized, the less likely he will be granted guardianship (though the adoptive parents may open the adoption some)…
September 11th, 2009 at 4:35 am
It will depend on which state the adoption took place, but if the adoption has already been finalized then it could be very difficult. In many states there is a punitive father registry, where if a man thinks or knows that a woman is having his baby, he must either register or start providing for the unborn baby and mother before the child is born. In many of these states, this still applies even if the father is unaware of the pregnancy.
If the adoption was legally finalized without his permission, then it was likely in one of these states. However, in the event that another man was listed as the father on the birth certificate, and gave his permission for the adoption, then your husbamd may have a case, but a lot will depend on how long it has been, and what a judge decides is in the best interest of the child.
I would suggest researching adoption laws in your state, and contacting an adoption lawyer for advice. Also, I would tread very lightly until you know the laws and the situation for sure, because if you find he doesn’t have any legal rights to the child, he still may be able to have some contact or visits, but this would be completely up the the adoptive parents in that case.
September 11th, 2009 at 7:18 am
Spotty Do, yes the father screwed up royally, but is that any reason to keep him from knowing his child? No i don’t think so. His extra martial affair, while definitely not winning him any points in the moral arena, should have NO bearing on whether his child should be able to know him or not.
The father can contest the adoption, as it was done without his knowledge.Good luck to your husband.
September 12th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
whoa you REALLY need to think about this. 1.This child is already in a new home. Think about the poor child. It would be cruel to rip it away from the only parents it’s ever known, and equally cruel to the new parents. 2. Will you REALLY be able to love his child? Or will you just be reminded of the affair every time you look at it? What are you going to tell your kids? (if you have them) This could break your marriage. Your family probably wont like it either, and it’ll make the affair impossible to hide.
Even if he can get the child, its just not a good idea. I fell sorry for him, really I do. His girfriend had no right to do that. But maybe the new parents will let him see the child?
September 13th, 2009 at 4:11 am
That’s going to be like finding a needle in a haystack if he’s not on the birth certificate and she did the adoption anonymously-which I think you can do in certain cases, but I’m not totally sure.
Furthermore, how did he find out about the pregnancy and adoption? that needs to be addressed, because if he found out that information-he had an informant and that person knows a lot more, there’s no guarantee he is the father, especially since this woman had an affair with a married man then disappeared.
September 13th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Don’t know if you remember Baby Jessica, she was given back to her dad (early/mid 90’s). Big news story back in Michigan, the little girl was living in Ann Arbor. The child was 3 or 4 at the time, now living in Ohio. And a few years later, a boy made headlines. At age 9 he to was given back to his dad. It’s something he would have to check in too.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Not usually. Any time a man has sex with a girl, he should assume there might be a pregnancy. That is what a putative father registry is for.
It is up to the man to establish his paternity and his rights… It isn’t the woman’s responsibility to inform him. At least in most states, of course state law varies. His best bet is to consult an attorney.
September 16th, 2009 at 3:03 am
That completely depends he will need to contact an attorney and see what his options are. In some cases yes he could get custody since he never gave up his rights. There are other factors such as does the state the baby was born in have Putiave Father Registry and if so then what are the conditions for it in that state. Often times if a potential father is not registered typical 30 days after the baby is born then his rights are automatically terminated. There are some places that not knowing about the pregnancy is not an excuse for not being on the registry.
Does he even truly know that the child is his? I’m sorry but a woman who sleeps with a married man clearly does not have the highest morals. Who knows who else this girl was sleeping with while your hubby was banging her.
How old is the child in question. The courts will do what’s best for the child and if they feel it would be detrimental to remove a child from the only parents/home that child has known it less likely that your spouse could get custody though he certainly might be granted some form of visitation.
You will need to find out more about this adoption if you can. Did another man sign the BC? I think there are some states that will allow a woman to put unknown. If she knew the baby was his and had another man sign the BC that would be fraud. If she just didn’t tell him about the pregnancy though morally wrong I wouldn’t call that fraud. To be honest fraud would be very hard to proof either way. Even if she had another man sign the bc she could easily say that she truly thought this man had fathered her child. Whether that was true or not.
Best bet is to contact an attorney and they will see if there are any options that your spouse can take and what those options are.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Find out if there is a Putative Fathers Registry in the State and get him on it.
He can speak to other fathers who’ve had their rights stomped on this way: