My birth-brother lives at my birth-grandparent’s house, so i guess that could be an option….. Demyx

Seriously, if his parents are able to provide a loving environment for THEIR grandchild, why would anyone want the baby be exiled to live in the home of strangers? Unless, of course, you are adoptive parents. grapesgum

Woot! H******

If his parents are willing to adopt the baby, then the baby should be turned over to them instead of someone outside the family.Why doesn’t the father just keep guardianship but the child lives at the Grandparents?

Add more details. nelawala

Speaking as someone who was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old, I would like to give you a word of caution - not to put you off being willing to help a child who honestly and truly needs help, but to make you aware that adoption isn’t always the rainbow farting unicorns as depicted in the media.

I honestly and truly wish that I’d been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption, so please be prepared for the fact that any kid you adopt could grow up (I’m 37, so definitely and legally a “grown up” in pretty much everywhere) to be as screwed up as me.

I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)

Read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here and then go read through all of the books and links listed at 7rin

Unless this can all be talked out and an agreement can be made then it’ll have to go to court and both will plead the case on why the baby should be where they think and a judge will decide whats in the best intrest of the child.

I suggest trying to talk it out… LindseyTaylor