can i put my baby up for adoption at birth without the fathers consent?
rachel asked:
I realize that i need the fathers permission to put my baby up for adoption. But can i simply state that i do not know who the father is when she’s born? I have already contacted agencies and have told them that i don’t know who he is. He is a very abusive man, and wont be able to financially, physically and emotionally provide for a baby. Can I have the baby adopted out before he finds out the abby was born?
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I realize that i need the fathers permission to put my baby up for adoption. But can i simply state that i do not know who the father is when she’s born? I have already contacted agencies and have told them that i don’t know who he is. He is a very abusive man, and wont be able to financially, physically and emotionally provide for a baby. Can I have the baby adopted out before he finds out the abby was born?
January 20th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Yes, you will be committing a crime if you lie about the father. its called Fraud. Since the adoption process is a legal process, you can go to jail Dave87gn
January 21st, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Yes, I do beleive it’s up to the woman, though it’s uusually a relationship wrecker when u flat out defy him… gecko guy
January 24th, 2010 at 4:27 am
Yes you can.
If you do not know who the father is they will dismiss the signature.
and I personally think you are doing the right thing by not telling him if he is abusive.
but if you are not telling him because you do not want the baby, that is unacceptable. Soon to be Mrs. Mullins <3
January 25th, 2010 at 7:05 am
you probably could, BUT if he does find out and then proves he is the father, he can fight the adoption and then get full custody himself. Best to prove that he is indeed the father, then prove him unfit. There are plenty of places that will help you with the legal aspect. But if he’s abusive, you don’t want a chance of him getting the baby, so do it right cmanderson_06
January 25th, 2010 at 7:39 pm
=O =”’(, Why would you want to do that =”( !! Horribleee >:( April
January 29th, 2010 at 4:53 am
it all depends on the state or location where you live in and the situation.Also going to partically agree with the group on this one Bert
February 1st, 2010 at 7:13 am
Yeah, the only right the father has is to pay child support. Ugly
February 1st, 2010 at 9:45 am
sounds like a sticky web your spinning but i suppose how are they ever going to prove your lying? they never will but its not really fair on your baby. if in 18 years he/she decides to trace you or its father there will be no record of its father.
and god for bid you were to die, this baby (who is going to be an adult sometime) is never ever going to find out his real father. i wouldnt wish that on anybody. even if this guy is as bad as you make out, this life you’ve created deserves to find that out for themselfs.
i dont know your situation so im not judging on the whole adoption thing but i do think its quite selfish your not giving him/her the right to know their birth parents if they wish in the future. confudled….
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:02 pm
You can tell them what you want but legally any lawyer or agency facilitating your adoption case still has to publically list the birth in a newspaper for two weeks and wait to see if the paternal father OR another relative from your side or his family is going to step forward and ask for custodity BEFORE any adoption can proceed.
My son’s father was “unknown” and we still had to do this in the county that he was born in and wait the two week period out before we could go forward with any type of paperwork or adoption proceedings. They will also check the paternity register to see if he has registered there or there are any registered in your area that may be the baby’s father. If found then one of a few things is going to happen:
1. He will either sign away his parental rights and consent to the adoption to go forward OR
2. He can fight for custodity of the child in court OR someone from his family (or even your family) could contest the adoption procedings and argue for custodity.
If the later happens then you will need a lawyer to prove him (the father) unfit to parent in order to stop him getting custodity. Chances are a guardian ad lidem will be assigned by the court for your baby as well in that case.
3. He may not come forward at all in which case the court will automatically terminate any parental rights of paternity on the father. ladedamom
February 6th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
You can try. The problem here is that when he finds out you gave away his kid without telling him he will have grounds for a court case against you and the adoption can be found to be fraudulent.
Lies have a way of kicking you in the pooper when it is all said and done, tell the truth. Andraya searchin for Jay11/29/94
February 7th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
It would be fraud. The father has a right to the baby, unless a court finds him unfit. You need his consent, or you will be falsifying legal documents and putting yourself in legal hot water. If he will not provide for the child, he should be willing to sign things away. You need to tell the truth here. This can cause much trouble for yourself and the baby later on if he decides to try to get custody from the adoptive parents.
Be responsible. Be moral. Do the right thing and make the father of this child known to anyone who needs to know. DevonChaos
February 9th, 2010 at 7:31 am
That would be lying and fraudulent. Plus if and when he finds out there could be a whole legal mess for everyone involved. H******
February 11th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
It’s a crime.
And an agency who knowingly participates in this is criminally liable too.
Lastly, the best way to really screw up your child’s life (and I don’t think it’s the adoption part that guarantees that) is to have the child placed and start bonding with a family only to have this horrible man (as you described) have it overturned and gain custody. After all…you will have lied…how much control do you think you would have as a convicted kidnapper?
Why don’t you document and report his abuse and set up a case for keeping him away from your baby regardless your end decision? Ferbs
February 13th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
you need an attorney in your state to answer that he caN PROBABLY PROVE THE BABY IS HIS BY DNA IF HE KNOWS YOU ARE PREGnant he can find out . Nora
February 16th, 2010 at 6:31 am
I was in your shoes 5 years ago…I was in a relationship with a man that was very abusive, and when I became pregnant I left the situation. During the pregnanacy I thought about all of my options. I am an adopted child, so adoption was my first thought, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As horrible as it seems abortion was another thought that rattled around in my head, but I didn’t know that they were so cheep and was too embarrased to ask. (Please don’t judge me, unless you have been there!) I even thought about suicide, but was too afraid to try that because it might hurt. I was a total nut case but I carried the baby fullterm and delivered a healthy baby boy. When I looked in his eyes there was no doubt that I loved him more than life!!!
I was in a situation that I was capable of taking care of my baby, so that’s what I did. I knew that God had given me this precious gift to protect and take care of. His birth certificate shows father unknown, because the BF refused to sign it stating that he didn’t know if the baby was really his. Now, five years later, we are going through the adoption process for my current husband to adopt him. I never lied about who his BF was, there were times after the baby was born that I plead the 5th, and didn’t volunteer information concerning his BF to anyone, but I never lied about it. The BF is contesting the adoption, even though he has never seen the baby, but has now decided that he wants to be his father “if he is his, of course.” I have found that in any situation honesty is always the best policy, because if you tell one lie, you will have to tell another to cover that one up and then another until it gets out of control.
I don’t know of your situation, such as are you financially/emotionally capable of raising this child. What I can tell you is that to realize that you cannot provide this child with the things they need and to give it up for adoption is truely one of the greatest self sacrifices one can make!!! In my opinion being a good mother means to realize when you can’t do it and finding someone that will take this child and love it and nurture it and provide it with the needs that perhaps you cannot. In your situation with the BF I would be very careful, because he can make it difficult for you and sometimes they will do it, not because they want the baby, but because they just want to stab at you. I will be praying for you that your will receive direction and know exactly what to do with your situation. Jordan
February 16th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
i gave my daughter up for adoption and the father was completely against it and i did it all on my own i didnt have to have anything from him what so ever i went thru an adoption agency i would talk to an adoption couselor or something along those lines for all the facts Teresa
February 19th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
Not legally no. If you try that, it’s possible he could get the adoption over-turned and gain sole custody.
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!
DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!
Seriously.
If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.
If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.
I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.
I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.
Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:
For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)
Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)
It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)
Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.
Go read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.
You may find some of the books and links listed over at useful. 7rin
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:17 am
You could do what you described, but it wouldn’t be the best idea. When the father finds out (because ::eventually:: he will), he will then have grounds for a court case to try and get custody…and he’ll probably win. So if you are hoping for a safe, stable environment for you baby you would risk that environment being disrupted. I would say contact an agency, and do everything legally. Each state’s requirements for father’s consent to the adoption are different. If you want to message me I do have an idea about something that may help you. hollywantsababy
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I understand your concern. Women do it every day but I am sure most actually do not know who the father is. I would love to adopt your baby and I can assure you that I would give him/her the best home and life possible. Kristin