EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Seriously.

If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.

If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)

Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.
Go read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.

You may find some of the books and links listed over at useful. 7rin

I was in a situation that I was capable of taking care of my baby, so that’s what I did. I knew that God had given me this precious gift to protect and take care of. His birth certificate shows father unknown, because the BF refused to sign it stating that he didn’t know if the baby was really his. Now, five years later, we are going through the adoption process for my current husband to adopt him. I never lied about who his BF was, there were times after the baby was born that I plead the 5th, and didn’t volunteer information concerning his BF to anyone, but I never lied about it. The BF is contesting the adoption, even though he has never seen the baby, but has now decided that he wants to be his father “if he is his, of course.” I have found that in any situation honesty is always the best policy, because if you tell one lie, you will have to tell another to cover that one up and then another until it gets out of control.

I don’t know of your situation, such as are you financially/emotionally capable of raising this child. What I can tell you is that to realize that you cannot provide this child with the things they need and to give it up for adoption is truely one of the greatest self sacrifices one can make!!! In my opinion being a good mother means to realize when you can’t do it and finding someone that will take this child and love it and nurture it and provide it with the needs that perhaps you cannot. In your situation with the BF I would be very careful, because he can make it difficult for you and sometimes they will do it, not because they want the baby, but because they just want to stab at you. I will be praying for you that your will receive direction and know exactly what to do with your situation. Jordan

And an agency who knowingly participates in this is criminally liable too.

Lastly, the best way to really screw up your child’s life (and I don’t think it’s the adoption part that guarantees that) is to have the child placed and start bonding with a family only to have this horrible man (as you described) have it overturned and gain custody. After all…you will have lied…how much control do you think you would have as a convicted kidnapper?

Why don’t you document and report his abuse and set up a case for keeping him away from your baby regardless your end decision? Ferbs

Lies have a way of kicking you in the pooper when it is all said and done, tell the truth. Andraya searchin for Jay11/29/94