EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Seriously.

If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.

If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)

Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.
Go read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.

You may find some of the books and links listed over at useful.

Good luck. 7rin

NO, You obviously can’t! .The father of the child, needs to approve. He has rights. What if he asks to see him one day? What’re you going to say then? If you do this, your life is going to be full of regrets, sadness & anger. ☆ Mahrie ☆

Depending on what state, the time from birth to the adoption consent varies from little time to months. Each state is different. Some states require ads to be placed in papers, and some don’t. For instance, Arkansas simply has 10 days from the date of birth of the child for the father to sign the registry (he can sign before the baby’s birth). This is also the time from signing the consent to adopt papers to the termination of parental rights. The laws vary from state to state, and usually the laws where you give birth are the ones that rule. An attorney can advise you more, and has the putative father registries regulations.

I strongly urge you to think about what’s best for the baby rather than yourself. Perhaps it might be best for the father to raise the child. Just because the two of you couldn’t be together doesn’t mean that he might not be a terrific father. I would never condone using these laws if there’s a smithering of a chance that he might be a good choice for the baby. Also, I’d wait until you give birth to decide anything. Hormones, fear, not knowing, jealousy, and rage can be really confusing when you’re pregnant. Good luck on making the right decision for the baby! sizesmith