do girls regret putting a baby up for adoption later on in life?
proud mommy asked:
i am just curious because my best friend is young and pregnant. we are just trying to explore options.
she is 19.
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i am just curious because my best friend is young and pregnant. we are just trying to explore options.
she is 19.
February 14th, 2009 at 2:46 am
I think a lot do regret it but not all do. If you are only giving your baby up for your family or for financial reasons or ur feeling pressured into doing it then yes i think you would regret it every day of the rest of your life
February 15th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
if your friend is too young (still a teenager?) to take care of a baby its best to do what is best for the baby and give it to a couple who is mature and healthy and ready for a family..
February 17th, 2009 at 1:26 am
I was 18 when I considered it and my mom at the last minute decided she would help me and told me to bring her grandson home but this doesn’t always happen. I was prepared to give him up to a loving family that could provide for him only because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own so you have to face the facts. There are alot of things to consider school, work, home, family and the end result. I have raised two kids and believe me it wasn’t easy because when we went home the help stopped soon after it started so give the child a chance to grow up where he or she can be taken care of and you will feel better that you made that decision if that is the one to make. If you just want to talk drop an email at
February 19th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
If you would like to speak to a family who could be a potential adoptive family I can set you up with some. They have approved home studies with agencies. They live in northern indiana. contact me for more info: mskw260@yahoo.com
February 20th, 2009 at 12:17 am
All I can say is don’t let anyone pressure into to doing something she doesn’t want to do. If she has second thoughts keep the baby. 19 is old enough to handle having a child. It’s not like shes 15 but if this is something she really wants to do go for an open adoption where she will still have the chance to see the child if she chooses to and be a part of babies life.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Yes. Later on she will have a real family and she will say ” I miss the child that I given up for adoption. Will he/she still accept me if I say that I’m his/her real mother?”
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I think that most do - also many adopted children also regret being adopted I know that it is something that I think about quite a lot.
Johanna - wtf is a real family? My family is very real to me despite not being bonded by blood.
Sami - who the f*ck is Dr Luara they need reveiw the way they veiw adoption as they know nothing about it
February 26th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
My birth mom regrets putting me up for addoption. I was her “first angel’ as she says and she misses me everyday and she says it tore her apart inside when she let me go.
March 1st, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Yes, most do have serious regrets as do their children. You and your friend must read this wonderful brochure which was written by a mother who gave her baby away and years later is still trying to cope with the loss:
Also, here is a WEB site developed by mothers who lost their babies to adoption, many because their families forced them or because of adoption agency lies. This WEB site exposes tricks that adoption agencies use to get babies from girls for their paying customers.
Do not believe ANYTHING that an adoption agency or an adoption lawyer tells you. They are in the business to sell babies to make money. Do not confuse their “services” with true social services. Do not believe ANYTHING that adoptive parents promise. Many are so desperate for a baby that they will tell you anything to get one.
Does her family know about her pregnancy? Giving her baby away means loss for the entire family.
Sorry to sound so cynical about adoption but I have family and friends who have been burned by the dirty dealings that go on in adoption.
ETA
Dr. Laura tried to adopt a baby but the mother changed her mind after the baby was born. She has been pissed about young women who have unplanned pregnancies ever since that time. Also, I don’t think Dr. Laura is one to be dishing out parenting advice considering how screwed up her son is -
March 5th, 2009 at 2:03 am
I did. It tore me up. I wanted my daughter away from my family because I believed they would harm her. That doesn’t change how much it hurt me to do it.
March 5th, 2009 at 6:09 am
i believe my mother was so jacked emotionally, she didn’t know what end was up.
i think, yes, she regretted it.
and i also think she became insane and an absolute, certifiable, complete lunatic because of it.
my mother has lost her mind since she dumped me.
March 5th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Yes. I can not say that all women regret it, but many women and men do regret such a decision. I have heard many women state that the regret in choosing adoption is harder than the regret of an abortion, i have not personally experienced it though. My advice is that she is 19, she can handle a baby and raising a baby. I had my first child at 19 and although it is a struggle at times, we make it just fine. She should wait until after she has the baby to make the final decision, because holding the baby one time may be all it takes for her to keep the baby and oftentimes after birth a mother does not even get that chance, especially if the adoptive parents are there with her.
There are many many resources out there to help your friend should she choose to keep her baby. She can start at her local department of family services. In the end it is her decision, so be the support that she needs.
March 7th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
everyone i know has.
March 11th, 2009 at 12:38 am
Some do. i believe my bio mom did, but she also knew she was doing what was best for me and my twin brother. Explore your options, and hopefully, your friend does what she feels is right, whether that’s keeping the baby and raising it, or giving it up for adoption.
March 13th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Yes, it’s a nightmare.
March 17th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Yes and it gets bigger and more complex as the years go by. At first it was regret I got pregnant when I did. Regret that I wasn’t as happy or prepared to parent compared to the family in the dear birthmother. Regret for not telling my family sooner.
Then it turned into regret that I didn’t get the opportunity to parent while other people who were awful parents did get to parent.
And when my grief took over any strength out of me to turn my life around for the better, my regret was that I relinquished to have this better chance at life that I was squandering away.
After that my regret including not realizing how important I was to my son, and thinking that my relationship didn’t matter if his adopted parents were wonderful. I didn’t know back then that the relationships don’t cancel each other out.
When I had more children, I regretted knowing that I am a wonderful mother and there was no reason to think I wouldn’t have been wonderful for my son.
I regret how little I knew when I was exploring adoption for my son. I regret not asking more questions. I regret not listening to everyone just because I was frightened by the strength and passion of what their opinions were.
And here’s the real messed up thing of regret. To say any of this, it upsets everyone around me. The myth is that I was supposed to move on with a fresh start and I’m not that at all. Regret upsets the adoptive parents, it weighs on our children both relinquished and parented. Regret seems to say that we regret our relinquished children.
I don’t regret my son. I value who he is regardless of the different choices I wish I made.
March 20th, 2009 at 6:32 am
Some do and some do not. I was adopted and I met my birth mom at age 16. We have a good relationship now. I do however get the impression that she feels guilty but I truly understand why she had to give me up. Also, I love my adoptive family with all my heart so I think she made the right decision.
I had my first baby at 18 and got married shortly after. It is completely manageable and I get very minimal help. She can do it if she wants to.
Good luck!
March 21st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
If you truly care and are care and are curious they regret it
March 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am
My mother is a 67 y.o. “girl” who gave her baby up for adoption. She NEVER got over it.
March 25th, 2009 at 11:19 am
My birthmom had me at 16 yrs, but put me up for adoption at 21 yrs. She was sad & kind of scarred from it, but knew she was giving me a better life bc she couldnt take care of me.
March 26th, 2009 at 7:37 am
sometimes as she might find it hard knowing that this a child out there that’s hers later in her life especially when she has children later in life
March 28th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Yes, most of us do. Your friend has no idea how painful her life will be without her baby for the rest of her life.
My daughter is 36 and i found her when she was 29 1/2. You have no idea how much giving your child away will affect your life in 2 years or 20 years. I became physically ill. Try to find a different way to help your friend. Talk to first moms and adoptees, before she makes this big decision, that not only afects her and her baby, but her family and her boyfriend and his family.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I gave up my twin girls when I was 17. I was about to graduate and had a full ride scholarship. I had so much going for me and it put this huge speed bump in the road. The day I did give them up was horrible. I was devastated and never expected to feel that way. It took me quit a while to get over it. looking back i made the right decision for me. I have no clue how I would of afforded to take care of twins at that age.
April 1st, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Many, many years later it still hurts. I didn’t realize that “open” adoptions aren’t legal, and with very few exceptions, they are always closed after the adoption becomes legal. I was devastated.
I didn’t know how to explain my c-section to my boyfriends. When I did, they bailed.
I was unprepared to find out how horrible people think you are for giving a child up for adoption. You never here that when you’re pregnant, it comes after.
You’re cutting off your family lineage. Your child, grandchildren…
One day when you have children, you’re going to realize that you could have been a great parent.