Comments on: do girls regret putting a baby up for adoption later on in life?

By: red&sassy

red&sassy — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 01:11:45 +0000

Many, many years later it still hurts. I didn’t realize that “open” adoptions aren’t legal, and with very few exceptions, they are always closed after the adoption becomes legal. I was devastated.

I didn’t know how to explain my c-section to my boyfriends. When I did, they bailed.

I was unprepared to find out how horrible people think you are for giving a child up for adoption. You never here that when you’re pregnant, it comes after.

You’re cutting off your family lineage. Your child, grandchildren…

One day when you have children, you’re going to realize that you could have been a great parent.

By: janessa

janessa — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 19:06:21 +0000

I gave up my twin girls when I was 17. I was about to graduate and had a full ride scholarship. I had so much going for me and it put this huge speed bump in the road. The day I did give them up was horrible. I was devastated and never expected to feel that way. It took me quit a while to get over it. looking back i made the right decision for me. I have no clue how I would of afforded to take care of twins at that age.

By: snowwillow20

snowwillow20 — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 14:15:17 +0000

Yes, most of us do. Your friend has no idea how painful her life will be without her baby for the rest of her life.
My daughter is 36 and i found her when she was 29 1/2. You have no idea how much giving your child away will affect your life in 2 years or 20 years. I became physically ill. Try to find a different way to help your friend. Talk to first moms and adoptees, before she makes this big decision, that not only afects her and her baby, but her family and her boyfriend and his family.

By: paduch26

paduch26 — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 12:37:45 +0000

sometimes as she might find it hard knowing that this a child out there that’s hers later in her life especially when she has children later in life

By: crapinchuk143

crapinchuk143 — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:19:58 +0000

My birthmom had me at 16 yrs, but put me up for adoption at 21 yrs. She was sad & kind of scarred from it, but knew she was giving me a better life bc she couldnt take care of me.

By: sunny

sunny — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:58:02 +0000

My mother is a 67 y.o. “girl” who gave her baby up for adoption. She NEVER got over it.

By: Brookie bear<3

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:44:10 +0000

If you truly care and are care and are curious they regret it

By: L-train

L-train — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:32:47 +0000

Some do and some do not. I was adopted and I met my birth mom at age 16. We have a good relationship now. I do however get the impression that she feels guilty but I truly understand why she had to give me up. Also, I love my adoptive family with all my heart so I think she made the right decision.

I had my first baby at 18 and got married shortly after. It is completely manageable and I get very minimal help. She can do it if she wants to.

Good luck!

By: magic pointe shoes

magic pointe shoes — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 12:11:34 +0000

Yes and it gets bigger and more complex as the years go by. At first it was regret I got pregnant when I did. Regret that I wasn’t as happy or prepared to parent compared to the family in the dear birthmother. Regret for not telling my family sooner.

Then it turned into regret that I didn’t get the opportunity to parent while other people who were awful parents did get to parent.

And when my grief took over any strength out of me to turn my life around for the better, my regret was that I relinquished to have this better chance at life that I was squandering away.

After that my regret including not realizing how important I was to my son, and thinking that my relationship didn’t matter if his adopted parents were wonderful. I didn’t know back then that the relationships don’t cancel each other out.

When I had more children, I regretted knowing that I am a wonderful mother and there was no reason to think I wouldn’t have been wonderful for my son.

I regret how little I knew when I was exploring adoption for my son. I regret not asking more questions. I regret not listening to everyone just because I was frightened by the strength and passion of what their opinions were.

And here’s the real messed up thing of regret. To say any of this, it upsets everyone around me. The myth is that I was supposed to move on with a fresh start and I’m not that at all. Regret upsets the adoptive parents, it weighs on our children both relinquished and parented. Regret seems to say that we regret our relinquished children.

I don’t regret my son. I value who he is regardless of the different choices I wish I made.

By: maybe

maybe — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 04:35:33 +0000

Yes, it’s a nightmare.