Comments on: Does adoption mean the baby will be loved and taken care of?

By: Chad R

Chad R — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 07:26:19 +0000

Yea it can be but what it really means is it was never loved to begin with

By: sunny

sunny — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 08:47:00 +0000

Absolutely not.

I was abused (not sexually, like many other adoptees I know) by my amother.

I was not ‘worshiped and adored’ as I believe all children should be.

I was never allowed to participate in ANY activities outside the home like my friends.

I was made fun of for reading!

I was treated as ‘less’ than aparents bio kids.

I was NEVER given any money. I started working at a catering company at 14, getting paid under the table, until my amother happily signed off on a working permit at 15, so I could get minimum wage.

They wouldn’t let me drive their cars. I wasn’t allowed to take showers every day.

I could go on and on…it sucked.

And the irony, as I’ve written about here is that my parents (who dated for 11 years!!!!) never had other children and were/are wealthy.

For years my nmother was pi$$ed big time.

But as we all know, adoption is FOREVER.

By: Felicita1

Felicita1 — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 09:46:29 +0000

Nope. My son was despised by his former adoptive parents, abused, and forced by them to choose between us and them. The only care and affection he received was from nannies. He never lived up to the f-a-p’s expectations and they were firm believers in adoptees being “blank slates.”

By: elodie duck

elodie duck — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 05:14:09 +0000

Does adoption mean the baby won’t be? Can anybody prove this?

By: BPD Wife

BPD Wife — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:24:32 +0000

In a perfect world, yes…that is what adoption would/should mean. But we all know that this is far from a perfect world. Many would even say that in a perfect world, adoption would not be necessary. But again, we all know that this is far from a perfect world, sadly.

By: Kristy IA Mom

Kristy IA Mom — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 21:31:10 +0000

Sadly, no… because even adoptive parents are not perfect.

By: bestadvicechick

bestadvicechick — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 09:19:30 +0000

To be honest, I think it depends on alot of factors. To broadly say that all adoptees have a better life because they were adopted is wrong and a generalization. The foster system in this country has many flaws and I’ve heard horror stories of adults adopting foster kids for money or for even worse reasons. But I would hope that’s a very small segment of those who adopt. Here’s how I see it: any idiot can make a baby….we all know what it takes and to naively think that just because a baby came out of you that it automatically gives you the skills necessary to raise a child is absurd. But the actual conscious choice to become a parent takes something special. That’s why some people say that adoptive parents can offer a better life. These are usually people who have thought about a child, planned for one, imagined the experiences they’d give their child, the fun things they’d do, the values they’d instill, etc. Alot of thought and love went into their decision and follow through to adopt this child. Why on earth then would they turn around and mistreat the child or give it a horrible life? In my opinion, adoptive parents do sometimes give a child a better chance at life and no, that doesn’t have to mean material things. Good parenting is so much more than things.

By: opedial

opedial — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 13:45:34 +0000

No one can answer that. There are cases of children adopted who have been neglected, abused and other, just as their are cases of children neglected, abused etc. by their original parents.

The argument is that adopted parents are screened, but as I have heard, in many cases the screening was pretty lax. (not so in ONtario!)

I think people who adopt certainly hvae thought it through even before they get their child, and hopefully know what kind of parent they will be, but in life their are no guarantees.

By: twinsister1111

twinsister1111 — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 05:08:00 +0000

Unfortunately there isn’t a guarantee of a kind and loving family. But even for children who aren’t adopted and are born into a family there still isn’t a guarantee that they will be loved and cared for. However, for the most part, the adoptive family is checked up on for criminal records and other such things to make sure that they are fit for this baby. We can only hope that all families will love and nurture their child, but until people stop abuse of drugs, alcohol, and each other, we can never know for sure.

But in my heart, I think that every couple who wants to adopt has to be loving enough to try for adoption, so they will be loving parents also.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 00:23:12 +0000

Of course, you already know the answer to this question, so I don’t see why you ask it..
Adoption is not a ‘guaranteed’ good home, but, it’s a home that HAS had screening done. Right now, for instance, my husband and I wouldn’t even be found fit to adopt due to our financial situation, but, we could get pregnant and have our own child if we wanted to. Does that mean we’re going to be bad parents if we had a child now? No, but, that doesn’t mean someone would give us a child at this stage in our lives.
I’m not trying to compare a child to a dog, but, by way of illustration: I have several dogs. A couple of them are special needs. We adopted them because they were special needs. There is not a chance in heck anyone would EVER be able to talk me into rehoming them. They are family and they will stay with me through the good times and the bad times. Quite frankly if you can be talked out of keeping your child, then there’s some kind of maternal bond/instinct that is missing.
Sure people may pressure young mothers to give up their child, but, ultimately, it is their decision. There’s also plenty of pressure to keep a child in the form of people who have given up children in the past warning them about regret later, perhaps religious individuals that believe the child should stay in the family no matter what. Young pregnant women catch it from both sides.
I couldn’t be talked into giving up a mangy, special needs dog which in NO way compares to a child. I can’t even imagine actually being talked into giving up a child I carried for 9 months. I wouldn’t entertain the thought for even a moment.
If someone can be talked into giving up their child, then there’s either some attachment missing or there is a realization that at this point in life the child may be better off with someone else. While the adoption may not permanently be a better choice, at the moment it may well be a better choice. A out of work, in school teenager is NOT necessarily as good of a home as a 20 something adoptive couple that is established and stable. If she is committed to keeping her child and raising it right, then no one would ever be able to talk her into giving up her child.