Comments on: Does it change your opinion of someone if you find out she has given a baby up for adoption? http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/ Thu, 17 May 2012 19:28:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Pat Brown http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5219 Pat Brown Sat, 24 Oct 2009 11:15:06 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5219 I am so sorry your "friend" could not be more understanding and supportive. When I meet a birth mother who is making an adoption plan for a child, I see someone who is emotionally strong and courageous, unselfish, able to think of the child's needs before her own, able to be objective about her own parenting abilities and situation at the time, and able to give to some couple the greatest gift one human can give another--a child to raise and enjoy throughout life. I hope your life is getting better. I hope your adopted child is receiving loving care, and that your other children are doing well. I think you did the right thing for everyone in your situation, and it was a very tough situation. Take pride in your maturity and strength. Blessings... I am so sorry your “friend” could not be more understanding and supportive. When I meet a birth mother who is making an adoption plan for a child, I see someone who is emotionally strong and courageous, unselfish, able to think of the child’s needs before her own, able to be objective about her own parenting abilities and situation at the time, and able to give to some couple the greatest gift one human can give another–a child to raise and enjoy throughout life.
I hope your life is getting better. I hope your adopted child is receiving loving care, and that your other children are doing well. I think you did the right thing for everyone in your situation, and it was a very tough situation. Take pride in your maturity and strength. Blessings…

]]> By: BOTZ http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5218 BOTZ Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:17:12 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5218 Sure it does...but read on before you assume the worst. :-) Everything I learn about *any* person changes (to some degree) my opinion of them. It doesn't, however, necessarily change it in a 'bad' way. It doesn't necessarily mean I would suddenly think badly of a woman that I had, up to then, thought well of. This has happened to me more than a few times. I am adopted and I share that fact frequently in the process of getting to know new people. Once I like them, that is, and once I'm sure it's more than just a passing acquaintence. Before that, they're not 'important' enough (to me) for me to share such a personal thing with. I've noticed a kind of pattern. When I mention that I'm adopted, a lot of people ask me how I feel about my natural mom. In the case of women who have lost/relinquished a child/children to adoption, they ALWAYS ask. :-) I love my natural mother very much. We 'found' each other (over the internet) a few years ago and now share a very lovely, and loving, relationship. If she had not wanted contact with me, I would still love her. I loved her before we re-connected. That wouldn't change if a relationship was not possible. I can't explain why...that's just me. When I respond with love for and acceptance of my first mother, many who are first mothers themselves have shared that with me. If it seems okay to do so, I ask them to tell me more. Whether they do share more or not, and regardless of their 'reasons' for relinquishing, I don't usually come away with less respect for them...or feeling negatively about them...or having my opinion changed in a bad way. I say usually because it has happened -- once. There was one girl (I am significantly older than she is) who shared her specific situation with me and it *did* leave me a little less...um...impressed with her. That was a very specific case, though. I still didn't 'hate' her or think she was 'bad' or 'wrong'...I just 'saw' her a little differently. It wasn't because she'd relinquished a child for adoption. It had to do with some of the feelings she expressed. We still had a friendship (of sorts -- we worked together) after that. I don't know if that helps answer your question. I'm disgusted by what your (so-called) "friend" did to you. Even that is just my opinion. BUT -- please believe me on this one -- you are NOT the worst mother in the world...not even close! Take care! Sure it does…but read on before you assume the worst. :-) Everything I learn about *any* person changes (to some degree) my opinion of them. It doesn’t, however, necessarily change it in a ‘bad’ way. It doesn’t necessarily mean I would suddenly think badly of a woman that I had, up to then, thought well of.

This has happened to me more than a few times. I am adopted and I share that fact frequently in the process of getting to know new people. Once I like them, that is, and once I’m sure it’s more than just a passing acquaintence. Before that, they’re not ‘important’ enough (to me) for me to share such a personal thing with. I’ve noticed a kind of pattern. When I mention that I’m adopted, a lot of people ask me how I feel about my natural mom. In the case of women who have lost/relinquished a child/children to adoption, they ALWAYS ask. :-)
I love my natural mother very much. We ‘found’ each other (over the internet) a few years ago and now share a very lovely, and loving, relationship. If she had not wanted contact with me, I would still love her. I loved her before we re-connected. That wouldn’t change if a relationship was not possible. I can’t explain why…that’s just me.

When I respond with love for and acceptance of my first mother, many who are first mothers themselves have shared that with me. If it seems okay to do so, I ask them to tell me more. Whether they do share more or not, and regardless of their ‘reasons’ for relinquishing, I don’t usually come away with less respect for them…or feeling negatively about them…or having my opinion changed in a bad way. I say usually because it has happened — once. There was one girl (I am significantly older than she is) who shared her specific situation with me and it *did* leave me a little less…um…impressed with her. That was a very specific case, though. I still didn’t ‘hate’ her or think she was ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’…I just ’saw’ her a little differently. It wasn’t because she’d relinquished a child for adoption. It had to do with some of the feelings she expressed. We still had a friendship (of sorts — we worked together) after that.

I don’t know if that helps answer your question. I’m disgusted by what your (so-called) “friend” did to you. Even that is just my opinion. BUT — please believe me on this one — you are NOT the worst mother in the world…not even close!

Take care!

]]> By: Melissa G http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5217 Melissa G Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:27:39 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5217 Drop her as a friend. It is the most amazing thing any woman can do -- make an unselfish choice such as adoption. You gave your child life, you gave the gift of parenthood to a couple. You are an angel here on earth. :) Drop her as a friend.

It is the most amazing thing any woman can do — make an unselfish choice such as adoption. You gave your child life, you gave the gift of parenthood to a couple.

You are an angel here on earth. :)

]]> By: flowergirl http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5216 flowergirl Sat, 17 Oct 2009 07:47:52 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5216 Are you kidding? It takes a strong and brave woman to bring a baby into the world and give it up to another family to raise! You could easily have had an abortion and ended it right there, but you cared enough about this baby to carry it to term knowing that it wouldn't be raised by you. You are a powerful and admirable woman. I have so much respect for you! Your friend is wrong - you are an amazing mother! Are you kidding? It takes a strong and brave woman to bring a baby into the world and give it up to another family to raise! You could easily have had an abortion and ended it right there, but you cared enough about this baby to carry it to term knowing that it wouldn’t be raised by you. You are a powerful and admirable woman. I have so much respect for you! Your friend is wrong - you are an amazing mother!

]]> By: dontknow86 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5215 dontknow86 Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:35:37 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5215 That was NOT your friend. You did what was right for you and your baby ask the people that took him. I bet they think your the best ! That was NOT your friend. You did what was right for you and your baby ask the people that took him. I bet they think your the best !

]]> By: medusa http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5214 medusa Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:43:22 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5214 No, it just proves they are a strong person for finding the child a better home. No, it just proves they are a strong person for finding the child a better home.

]]> By: sandwds http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5213 sandwds Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:41:46 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5213 No, it does not change my opinion. You never know the reason behind the person giving up the child. No, it does not change my opinion. You never know the reason behind the person giving up the child.

]]> By: Kaatje_n_Matthewsmom http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5212 Kaatje_n_Matthewsmom Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:40:27 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5212 It is commendable that you did that. You did what you believed was best for your child. That is real love. You are brave for that. Your friend doesn't know what the hell she is talking about. You are a good person for being able to do what you did. Most people would have resulted to abortion instead of giving life like God intended. It is commendable that you did that. You did what you believed was best for your child. That is real love. You are brave for that. Your friend doesn’t know what the hell she is talking about. You are a good person for being able to do what you did. Most people would have resulted to abortion instead of giving life like God intended.

]]> By: Cecily G http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5211 Cecily G Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:30:08 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5211 No! As a matter of fact it makes me think more highly of them as a person. My husband and I have adopted two children. One whose birth mother will never be known and my other child we knew the birth mother and met her and we were actually present at the hospital for the delivery. We saw how extremely difficult it was on her and all of the conflicting emotions she was going through. She was/is and awesome person who just was unable to take care of her child and wanted to do the right thing by giving her to a couple who were able to take proper care of her. What she did, and you did was an extremely unselfish act. I will be honest and say that I don't know if I would be able to do it had I been in my daughter's BM shoes. She and you are the heroes in the situation. Too many people when they get pregnant are not ready for the child and they know that but they just think that th babies life will somehow adapt to their own and move on ahead with having the baby when in fact I feel that they oftentimes shouldn't. I am not saying everyone who gets pregnant has to have all of thier ducks in a row and thier lives totally together but they do have to be ready to stop putting themselves first and sometimes adults have a real difficult time in this situation. So anyway- no it doesn't change my opinion and I think that I can speak for most adoptive parents out there- we actually think very highly of the BP because of thier kindness we have been given an oppurtunity to be a parent that we would not have had otherwise. Your a good person. Better than most and certainly less selfish and egocentric than most of society today. No! As a matter of fact it makes me think more highly of them as a person. My husband and I have adopted two children. One whose birth mother will never be known and my other child we knew the birth mother and met her and we were actually present at the hospital for the delivery. We saw how extremely difficult it was on her and all of the conflicting emotions she was going through. She was/is and awesome person who just was unable to take care of her child and wanted to do the right thing by giving her to a couple who were able to take proper care of her. What she did, and you did was an extremely unselfish act. I will be honest and say that I don’t know if I would be able to do it had I been in my daughter’s BM shoes. She and you are the heroes in the situation. Too many people when they get pregnant are not ready for the child and they know that but they just think that th babies life will somehow adapt to their own and move on ahead with having the baby when in fact I feel that they oftentimes shouldn’t. I am not saying everyone who gets pregnant has to have all of thier ducks in a row and thier lives totally together but they do have to be ready to stop putting themselves first and sometimes adults have a real difficult time in this situation. So anyway- no it doesn’t change my opinion and I think that I can speak for most adoptive parents out there- we actually think very highly of the BP because of thier kindness we have been given an oppurtunity to be a parent that we would not have had otherwise. Your a good person. Better than most and certainly less selfish and egocentric than most of society today.

]]> By: april.bagnall http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/comment-page-1/#comment-5210 april.bagnall Sun, 04 Oct 2009 00:43:35 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/does-it-change-your-opinion-of-someone-if-you-find-out-she-has-given-a-baby-up-for-adoption/#comment-5210 No, in my opinion. I think mothers who give their child/ren up for adoption are some of the world strongest women. I would be very honored to know a person like that. No, in my opinion. I think mothers who give their child/ren up for adoption are some of the world strongest women. I would be very honored to know a person like that.

]]>