for anyone whos given their baby up for adoption?
*Nikki* asked:
what was it like after the baby was born and you had to hand him/her over to someone else?
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what was it like after the baby was born and you had to hand him/her over to someone else?
May 20th, 2009 at 8:19 am
It was like having someone die. The missing is really the hardest, like something that is supposed to be there is just gone.
I am lucky, I went with an open adoption and see her at least once a year. She knows who I am and her parents make it clear to her daily that she was and is loved. The loss is still there but it no longer feels like a death in the family.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:51 am
It is pretty traumatic. It felt like I was just used up and thrown away. When he was in my stomach, he was still mine, and I had “something” that someone else needed and wanted. Once he came out, and they took him, I didn’t have anything else to give. I felt very empty. He will be 8 next month and that feeling has gone away of course.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
It was the most painful and sad period in my life. It felt totally unnatural to be walking away without my baby - I knew that in my heart even though everyone was telling me I was doing the right thing…
Listen to your heart. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.
May 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am
My mother did it 40 sum years ago. She says it “broke my heart”. she has never gotten over it.
May 27th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
One of the most joyful moments of my life was when my son was placed on my chest and instead of just being in the moment of the miracle of life, I blew it by instead turning my attention to his adoptive parents to tell them how beautiful their son was. =o/
And then the trauma of the childbirth repair happened, and then devastating quiet. Absolute silence and quiet consumed me. Shock and denial and sadness and joy and happiness and confusion well there aren’t enough words to describe who or what it was like then because honestly the girl that I was knows much more the emotional devastation of that moment with hindsight.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Looking at people’s answers here makes me believe adoption is not a good choice. It puts an emotional and sometimes physical sickness on the biological mother and child. I think adoption is only appropriate when the child has been in the foster system due to abuse.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:20 am
The best way to describe it is as invisible amputation and the worst event of my life but then I wanted to parent. I always thought about my son and have suffered depression because he was adopted. We’ve been in reunion almost 5 years but it doesn’t make up for the lost years.