Giving baby up for adoption?
Jessica C asked:
I need to give my baby girl up for adoption. I am due in 3 weeks. I don’t know where to start. Help?
Knock it off with “should have done it earlier” - circumstances change.
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I need to give my baby girl up for adoption. I am due in 3 weeks. I don’t know where to start. Help?
Knock it off with “should have done it earlier” - circumstances change.
October 30th, 2009 at 4:33 am
well you should of started the process along time ago. but you need to go to an adoption agency and they will start the process for you. you may be able to choose a family to adopt your baby but usually it takes awhile so you really should of thought of that sooner… look online for adoption agencies in your area.
your right i apologize…. just dont worry about it to much…. get in contact with someone as soon as possible but even if you dont get the baby adopted right when its born you can still give it up for adoption awhile after its born…. it just might be harder for you. but plenty of people want new born babies so i dont think you’ll have a problem but it may take awhile if you want to check out families and find the right one…. anyways…. goodluck. Christine
October 30th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Contact a adoption agency. There are so many parents out there like myself that is just waiting to be able to adopt a baby. You are doing a good thing.
GOD BLESS! ProudMommytoOne
October 30th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
i’m in the same position.
be calm. ask lots of questions. don’t do anything rash. get lots of help, from all sides. make sure it’s really what you want to do.
also, don’t let anyone talk down to you. i’ve hung up on more than one “professional” because i felt like they were being condesending.
just try to get lots of help, and like i said, don’t do anything because you feel panicked. there’s lots of time.
i haven’t got much more advice besides that since i’m in the thick of it, but just be calm. no matter what you decide, no good decision happens when you are freaking out.
good luck to you.
eta: thanks 7rin.
i wanted to add to something that someone else said. you do not have to relinquish as soon as the baby is born. you do have time. the agency that (i think) i will be dealing with is not normally ok with babies going direct from the hospital to the adoptive parents. that will give you more time to assess your feelings. they also do not allow adoptive parents to buy gifts (not even dinner or coffee) and they are not in favour of adoptive parents in the delivery room even though that is techinically my choice.
make sure you are talking to reputable people, and as 7rin mentioned, get both sides of the story. i have spent the last 5 days scouring this site (even before i signed up) reading answers from adoptees and birthmoms and have read every link suggested to me. know the facts and know your rights. also know your child’s rights. where i am, records are not sealed, but it’s good to know that is not the case everywhere. my decision still stands, but yours might not.
good luck. i know these decisions dont happen lightly. Darla
October 31st, 2009 at 7:11 am
My daughter is in the same situation…we have done much research…”ADOPTIONS FROM THE HEART” is a very nice group, they have a website to look at families, they offer counseling as well. Hope you can find what ur looking for
Also it can be totally closed or as open as you choose they will find a family that will work with you. LIPPS
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:23 am
WHY do you *need* to give this baby up for adoption?
Giving a child up for adoption is one of the most traumatising things that a mother can do - both to herself, and to the child.
Before you set this decision in stone (and I’m not saying you’re wrong for doing this - I support Darla’s reason for believing that adoption would be the best in her scenario), please make sure that you’re fully informed about the pros and cons of this decision. I have absolutely no doubt at all that you’re aware of the potential pros behind the idea, and so instead would like to direct you to some of the cons:
While I understand that you probably don’t *want* to read any of the negative stuff about adoption, I suggest that you do so so that - at the very least - when feelings of awfulness rear in your head for “giving your child away”, you’ll at least have some understanding of where these thoughts are coming from, and - potentially - how to deal with them. 7rin
November 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Don’t panic. My daughter’s mom contacted us 2 weeks before her due date, and she was already having some contractions (luckily false). She found us online on a site called parentprofiles.com. However I’m not advertising for them. There are a lot of agencies that post “waiting families” on their web site. Generally all are approved for adoption (have completed a home study in their state). Also you can call local agencies and talk to them. There are some things you should know - deciding on adoption is completely up to you. Don’t let anyone pressure you. If you’ve decide that is fine, but you may not feel the same after the birth. The relinquishment papers should be signed after the birth, and you can take your time. they may pressure you to sign after a day or two, but don’t do it until you are sure.
I know some on this site don’t agree with “pre-birth matching”, but you decide what you think for yourself. You can find a family after the birth too. Our daughter’s mom wanted the baby to be with her new family as soon as possible, and we were at the hospital the day my daughter was born (but not for the birth). We took my daughter home from the hospital, but you can do it they way that is best for you. There is no “right’ way. Also the father will have to sign the adoption papers unless he is unknown (please be honest about this). If you don’t want to deal with him you can have the agency do it. I really don’t know anything about your particular situation, so I’m just providing general information. I’m also assuming you’re in the US. If not things may work a bit differently. My daughter was born in geogia, and my husband and I were living in california. We used california adoption papers, so it was legally a california adoption. However there was a georgia agency involved too, since documents are required to take the adopted baby out of state.
Also you should know that you can pick the family for your child, and decide on the level of contact you want. You may want photos or visits etc. Even if you don’t want ongoing contact you might still want to insist on full names, addresses, etc, so you can contact them in the future (the agency may not be around forever).
Good luck with your birth, and a very tough decision. cmc
November 5th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
It depends on where you live but there are many agencies who would speak with you about your needs and wishes for the baby.
Another option is to contact a social worker who can help you navigate through all this and also arrange for free counselling, regardless of what you end up doing. In Ontario, Canada, counselling is part of the fee we have to pay to the licensee so that the birth parent can have supports available.
In Canada and the US, there are online sites for prospective adoptive families who have all their documents completed and ready to adopt. We use and I believe some others have listed others. In the US…there is also.
Make sure it’s what you want to do. We adopted and it’s going very well for all involved, including our son’s birth mom but be sure you look out for your interest too (open vs. closed adoption etc..).
Of course you can decide all this now but like Darla said, these are very emotional times and it’s best to have a calm mind to make these decisions.
Thank you for considering adoption. We hope to be parents to another child soon so we do try and appreciate the sacrifice. Ferbs
November 7th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Adoption is a very difficult decision. You are not necessarily giving your child to a good family. Even if she was adopted, she can still be returned to social care if they have enough of her.It is a very difficult life for a child. Research statistics for looked after children and you will see that they are very unlikely to achieve in life. a very small minority make it to further education and a shockingly high amount end up homeless, and/or in prison. I mean like close to 50%.
I dont want to influence your decision, just make you aware that you arent putting your baby into a good life at all - infact far from it.
Please contact me if you would like to talk more. I work with looked after children every day, and i have a very very difficult child of my own, and have been close to giving him up. I really do know how you feel.
xx njh47
November 8th, 2009 at 12:23 am
I konw that the church i go to has good contacts for adoption, I would contact an agency or a church and just ask them do you know any adoption agancies. This is a hard choice I wish you the best! Just know that if your not alone circumstances do change and looking in to other options is good so you can make an educated decision. win4me
November 9th, 2009 at 2:20 am
I just sent you an email with some information that might help. I second the parent profiles idea, you can look at lots of people who have been approved and are ready to adopt.
Best wishes! HighC
November 12th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Ignore the rude comments. Some people have no heart.
I admire you for knowing that you aren’t ready for this child and having enough love in you to not abort it.
I was putting my child up for adoption and found a lovely family through this website.
I had an amazing caseworker, Sharen Caulfield.
They offered to fly me to Maine where I could live until the baby was born and until I had recovered, and pay the doctors bills.
Sadly, I miscarried.
I wish you all the best and I highly recommend Connections.
Good Luck!! Preda
November 13th, 2009 at 5:32 am
Get a grip. You, for whatever reason, chose to bring a child into this world. Now do your job and be a mother. Bed. Made. Lie.
Don’t make your child pay for your lack of planning and/or birth control.
Don’t be an abandoner. Are you prepared for your child to hate you one day? If you abandon your child, you will be willfully stealing that child’s identity and ENTIRE family.
Don’t do it. Don’t be an abandoner. Elizabeth
November 15th, 2009 at 5:10 am
Hi Jessica
First off, you have to relax. Stress is not doing your baby any good.
Have you thought this through very carefully? I take it things have just changed - take a day or so, and REALLY think it thorugh, see if there is any way to avoid this.
Having been in your situation, though, I sympathise, but in my case I never thought it thorufh and have had to live with regret. It’s something I want you to not have to go through, so make very very sure about this.
If you have decided thqat this is the best option, you will need to go and see an adoptionagency - this will not cost you anything. I got an agency, there are different ones that give you as birthmother various ,options, choose one with not only what you want now but what you want in future, they can help advise you with this.
Choose an agency that you can pick the family with, I would say - that way you get to pick who you would like to see raise your child. Talk about options, like if you want pictures, some will give you limited visits even. You may want to just do this and walk the other way, but take my word for it, this will change, over time you will keep wondering and thinking aobut this, it’s natural since your body never forgets it carried a baby that is no longer with you. So talk it over with the agencies, see who offers what, and go for it. In my case the adoptive parents paid for all my medicals, scans, birth process and hospitalisation, everything. The process itself should be quick, since most agencies have a long waiting list of adoption families just waiting for a child.
You will also need to check the laws about the biological father, and make sure you follow those laws, hard as it may be.
I wish you the best of luck with the future. Silver
November 16th, 2009 at 4:25 am
One of the best agencies I know of is Bethany Christian Services. They helped my birthmom when she was only 4 weeks away from giving birth to me so no, you are not too late to make a good plan for your little one. Their number is 1-800-BETHANY.
I wish you well. Ranchmom1
November 19th, 2009 at 11:38 am
As I wish that you would consider keeping your little girl, I can understand the circumstances in which you would want to give your baby up for adoption. With only 3 weeks left, there is so little time, but it is still possible. Maybe you could discuss with your doctor at your next appointment and explain to them that keeping the baby is no longer part of the plan and explain that you would very much rather to give the baby up for adoption. Your doctor should be able to help you out on a game plan of what to do. I also know that some hospitals allow you to bring in your newborn baby (72 hours or younger) and leave them with them. They will keep in completely confidential and they won’t call the police. Now that really isn’t the route that I would choose, but whatever is the best for you and your baby. Good luck with everything honey Kayla
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:35 pm
i would do open adoption so you can still be apart of her life and she dont wonder about you my sister in law adopted a baby and my brother inlaw was adopted Babii Girl
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:57 am
The decision to give your child up for adoption is totally yours and yours alone. The time or place in which you decide to do it or not is totally up to you. Some people don’t decide till they are in the hospital and you are three weeks from that.
Good Luck
You can email me directly, if you need help finding an agency, i would help you find one near by you, but you can go on line and search or you can go to your ob or church and any of those places can help you. rugby chick
November 24th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Call social services. mizz linda
November 25th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
it matters where you live you can look in the phone book or the internet
I give my little girl up 4 years ago i have a open adoption so i get to see her. It will be hard to say good bye
people can be so mean when you say adoption im sorry
it is you life and your baby if you want to give your daughter a nice family that is all up to you
hope everything works out for you
here is my email if you have any question or just want to talk its ashlea
November 28th, 2009 at 5:00 am
I will take her Email me! Aleshea F