Giving up baby for adoption, would you tell co-workers? ?
anonymous asked:
I’m currently 5months pregnant and cannot keep the child. Very bad circumstances surround the situation. I’m considering a closed adoption, which is heartbreaking but necessary.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Other - Pregnancy & Parenting.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I’m currently 5months pregnant and cannot keep the child. Very bad circumstances surround the situation. I’m considering a closed adoption, which is heartbreaking but necessary.
All my co workers see that I’m pregnant, and I can’t bring myself to tell anyone that I’m giving the baby up. There is such a stigma to giving up a baby. But after I have the baby, and it’s with it’s new family, I’ll need to tell co-workers something. Can I just say that my baby didn’t make it, and that I don’t want to discuss it? I don’t want to tell anyone about the adoption.
Any suggestions? Please be kind. This is difficult enough! Thank you.
October 29th, 2009 at 11:44 am
I don’t think its any of your co-workers business. There will be questions, you know that. But ask them to respect your privacy and tell them you would rather not discuss it. Saying the baby didnt make it seems like bad karma to me. (sorry, im supersticious) Anything you tell them is going to create gossip. Wether you tell them about your decision to adopt out, or make up a story. I don’t think there is any negative stigma for choosing to give up your baby for adoption. I think its an extremely mature decision and the absolute best hope that the child will have the best life possible. Only you know whats right for you. Don’t let others make you feel badly about doing it. I am eternaly grateful for the woman who gave up her son so he could go to my brother and sis in law. Without her I wouldnt have a beautiful perfect little nephew. There is nothing negative about letting that baby have a better life and giving life to a couple who cant have their own. Its a wonderful thing. NewArmyWife
November 1st, 2009 at 10:15 pm
If you really really have to give your baby up for adoption I think you should be honest with your co-workers. Don’t advertise the fact and don’t go into detail if you don’t want to but it will be harder to have to go through the pain of gving the baby up and on the top of that having to live a constant lie in the workplace.
You can’t tell them the baby didn’t make it because that is just wrong.
plus, only tell the pple you feel the closest too. don’t bother explaining anythign to pple you aren’t really that friendly with.
Good Luck.x Abigail H
November 4th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
It would be awesome if you could be honest. Maybe with the coworkers you are close to, who are checking up on you with your pregnancy. They won’t think negatively of you, at all! It’s your decision!
If you don’t feel comfortable with it… then simply don’t say anything! h4a5r
November 5th, 2009 at 11:05 am
i wouldn’t tell them the baby didn’t make it because that would make you feel more upset just tell them you gave the baby up for adoption and that is all you really have to tell them it’s your choice Kelly D
November 7th, 2009 at 4:55 am
I agree that saying the baby did not make it is not a good option. I think most people would give you credit for giving the baby up and not consider it a stigma. You owe no explanation for that.
I’m sure at some point people will start asking you pointed questions, if they haven’t already. Boy or girl? Any names picked out yet? Etc…..so the next time this happens I’d respond with a “actually, I’ve decided to go with a closed adoption, but prefer not to go into details, because obviously it was a difficult decision.” Anyone with a heart and half a brain will drop the matter and not ask more questions, The sooner you get the info out the sooner they’ll know, and won’t ask more questions or worse yet plan a office party for you. GEEGEE
November 10th, 2009 at 3:15 am
I went through this same issue with my 2nd daughter. Her father turned into someone I didn’t even know anymore, situations arose, I left him when I was 7 months pregnant & ended up moving back in with my parents until I could get on my feet. I was hired on at 7 months along, so EVERYONE knew I was pregnant (kinda hard to hide it when you’re THAT far along). I knew I was placing my daughter at that point, but nobody else did - it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about. Who DID know was my supervisor - I could confide in her like she was my own mother. So when it was time for me to return to work, after my daughter was placed, I called my supervisor to let her know I’d be coming back to work, and to politely ask everyone to not talk about the baby. She didn’t tell them about the adoption or anything, because it would be against the law - I told her in confidentiality & she has to respect that. So I went back to work, and no one talked about the baby. I was able to grieve in private, and no one bothered me or asked me questions. I’d suggest that - confide in someone that you trust at work. Tell them your situation & see what they can do about “damage control” once you come back to work. The last thing you’ll need is a million people asking you about the baby you no longer have in your custody. It’s hard enough as it is. Good luck to you! I’m sure it’s hard - but chances are, you’re doing the right thing & your baby will love you for it. It’ll all work out in the end. Emily D
November 13th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Personally, I do not think it is any of your co-worker’s business that you have chose to give your child up for adoption. Obviously, questions will come up, so if and when they do, simply state that you decided to go through with a closed adoption, and you would rather not discuss the details and reasonings behind this decision that you have made. It is difficult enough to make a decision of that type without people wanting to judge and ridicule you based on knowledge that they have no idea about.
I commend you for thinking enough of your child to know that your current circumstances would prevent this child from thriving properly. That shows that you care and love your child enough to want for it to have a better life.
Good Luck with everything. *BrEEzy*
November 16th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I believe it is your decision whether you should let your co-workers know what happened or not. One thing that I can say is that my heart goes out to you…how hard this situation may be for you……..i cant even imagine. The only good thing about this is that you know your baby will be in good hands and will have a better life. Again my heart goes out to you… lexa
November 18th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
You can simply tell them that you’re going thru a difficult situation and don’t want to talk about it and ask them to please not ask questions about it. katezly
November 19th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
First off, the best term is ‘placing the baby’ . As a birthmother myself, I think that you could tell them, but it is your decision. A lot of people will respect you though. Adoption is a tough choice to make and it takes a truly selfless and brave woman to place her child with a loving family. I am proud of you, and know that it will be rough for a while, but knowing that you have provided the best for your child and have made a family is sooo rewarding! 37 weeks with Zeke!