How do siblings feel when they find their mother gave a baby up for adoption, how do they feel about adoptee?
DRA asked:
The children are now all adults and the adoptee was born first. The other children, so far, have no knowledge of the first baby.
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The children are now all adults and the adoptee was born first. The other children, so far, have no knowledge of the first baby.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:35 am
They might wonder why they’re brother or sister is gone, but not them….
February 9th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Depends on their ages. need more info to give a decent answer.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
My friend was adopted and he didn’t really have any problems with it. Usually the reasons for adoption are pretty valid (ie financial issues)
February 13th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
well it depends on the situation like whether or not the mother has enough money to support the baby and gave it up for adoption, the child might feel understanding toward the situation. However, i think that the sibling of the baby would be angry it is after all there brother/sister that they will not be able to play with. And the sibling also might feel different towards the adoptee depending on what type of person they are and how they treat the baby
February 15th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I can’t say from the perspective of the kept child except that my sister has kept a lock of my baby hair for over 30 years . . .
ETA: Geez, how do these answers know anything about it - are they all siblings of relinquished children? I doubt it. People in this section are so quick to dictate and speculate how it ‘feels’ to be in a situation they’ve never actually been in! LOL
ETA: Oh! you’re in a predicament about ‘telling’. I hear alot from adoptees being a ’secret’ with the mother not telling her other adult kids.
Please end the cycle of secrets and lies and I’m sure things will be alright.
February 18th, 2009 at 6:10 am
i’m the oldest of my bio parents 5 children, and the only one given up for adoption. my siblings and i are very close in age and they were teenagers when i contacted my bio dad at 18. my three sisters were all super excited to have another sister, my brother was kind of indifferent but i think he would have been more excited if i was a boy, haha. my siblings have accepted me as one of them, i talk to them often and we say “i love you”.
my situation might be unique but i was accepted with open arms!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:04 am
My bio sister found out about me when she was 14 and was over the moon. The day I turned 18 she pretty much dragged our mom to the computer so she could start looking for me. When I found our mom she moved across the country so she could live with our mom and I and get to know me better.
All of my brothers found out about me when I found my dad, they were all over 20 by that time and not one was negative about it. They were all very happy to have a sister.
February 21st, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I can’t speak fully for my children, but they are being raised in this situation. The oldest who is now twelve was relinquished for adoption and we receive pictures twice a year. His pictures are everywhere in our household so he hasn’t been a secret. We do our best to explain about our girls’ brother and how he lives with another family and maybe someday they will meet him.
It’s tough though. My oldest wanted to do playdates a few years back and it turns out he knows nothing about his sisters. My oldest knows we were sad when we had to relinquish him for adoption, and unfortunately thinks that once she was born it made us happier. I hope someday I can correct that interpretation she has that she is the healing child for sorrow, because she isn’t a replacement child at all.
I think for the girls it is some of the same plurality of emotions that conflict that we as their parents who relinquish have. Similar feelings of loss, hope, caring, etc…
I hope this helps some, but you will probably get more use of answers from actual siblings to adoptees.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:45 pm
My natural siblings on my mother’s side (all born to our mom after me) were awaiting my ‘return’ with open arms. They have known about me since they were 10, 7, and 2 (all at the same time). They have welcomed and accepted and loved me from that day to this. I have also been openly and warmly welcomed by my mother’s husband of 9 years (not my sibs’ father) and his two grown sons. I now have FIVE more siblings (woo hoo!) who are delighted to have me in their lives (as I am, them).
My father has two other daughters (besides me). One sister was born 5 years after I was and does not know about me. I don’t know why he never told her (or her mother) about me and I haven’t asked. That part of it is his, and only his, to decide and handle. His third daughter (counting me) was born last March. She is 6 months old today and while she is as yet ‘unaware’ of me, per se, she will be raised to know me as my father and I were reunited before he married his current wife (her mother). So, as my father’s side of the family goes, I am reunited or newly-united with all of his ‘now’ family, as it were.
Not sure exactly what your perspective on this is, but as HeatherUK does, I read into this that you are pondering whether or not to tell your grown children they have another sibling that was adopted out of the family.
Best of luck to you!
February 27th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Right now 2 of my 3 older sisters speak with me
My 2 younger Sib’s don’t acknowledge my existence
February 27th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
A work colleague recently reunited with her adopted daughter. Her other children (late teens early 20’s) are delighted to have their long lost sister in their lives.
March 1st, 2009 at 1:47 am
they blame the adoptee . .
my bmom’s son is totally cool about it . . .
my bdad’s two daughters (one about a year or so older than me and the other about 6 months younger than me — both by the same woman) can’t stand me. won’t even try.
my bdad has another daughter that i’ve never met so i have no idea what the story is there.
his son, with his wife, are great. very friendly, very open and kind. i should probably see him a bit more but it seems like life gets busy and it’s hard to just get together.
that’s mye xperience. i’m sure some have a curiosity and others are wondering WTF? no one told me yet? mom had another kid? what??
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I gave my daughter up in 1972, My son was born in 1977, he didn’t find out he had a sister until 2001, she was 29 and he was 23 and he had been raised as an only child. He was upset that we had not told him. I don’t force a relationship on them, I wish he would make more of an effort, but they are adults now. They email and we invite all to family ge togethers. I wish they could have a brother/sister relationship, but she doesn’t even have a relationship with the brothers she was raised with.
I wish my daughter had not been such a big secret and that I had not had to live the lie.
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Given many of the reunion stories, if the children find out as adults, they are far more accepting than finding out when they are still kids. Underneath, I think they think that they would be given away. Realize though, if you have grasping children, they will be hostile as it is a threat to their inheritance.