How do you get your baby back after you give it up for adoption?
Candy asked:
Is there any way to give your baby back after you give it up for adoption? The baby is almost year old. The adoption has been final for 8 months. I was promised an open adoption and then the adoptive parents moved and changed their names and now i cant find them. There was no open adoption contract. I didn’t think that i needed one they were my friends.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Adoption.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Is there any way to give your baby back after you give it up for adoption? The baby is almost year old. The adoption has been final for 8 months. I was promised an open adoption and then the adoptive parents moved and changed their names and now i cant find them. There was no open adoption contract. I didn’t think that i needed one they were my friends.
July 28th, 2009 at 7:31 am
They moved and changed their names?
Why on earth would they change their names to avoid an open adoption? This seems strange to me…
July 31st, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I would check into the laws in your State however I strongly suspect that 8 months is outside of the window for you to change your mind regarding the adoption. Its a done deal.
As for the issue of what you were promised…it’s just that, a promise and not anything that was, or is, legally binding. The promise was broken and that sucks but as the saying goes, its not worth the paper its written on. Open adoption agreements, written or not, are not legally binding in most (all?) areas of the US and Canada and any lawyer you speak to will most likely tell you that there is nothing you can do. The couple is now, in the eyes of the law, legally and 100% the parents of the child and they are free to raise him or her as they see fit, allowing or not allowing contact with whom ever they want and living where ever they want. They cannot be compelled to allow contact with the child any more then a natural mother and father can be compelled to allow anyone contact with their natural child. It even happens when grandparents sue for contact with grand kids when the grandparents have become estranged from the parents. There have not been many (any?) cases where the grandparents have won as the courts uphold the rights of the parents to raise their child as they see fit, and the baby is now legally their child.
August 1st, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Open adoption contracts are not enforceable even if you did have one.. What state are you in? Some states have up to 1 year to revoke your consent for adoption if you can prove coercion. It would be a long up hill battle if you are up for it and there was coercion involved.
I would also contact the agency. It’s rather suspicious that they would go as far as to change their names, when all they had to do was ignore you. There may be something deeper, because that’s not typical. Our agency required follow up visits after the adoption was complete, and we were required to not make changes, like add another child ot move for at least 1 year.
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Yeah, this seems sketchy. I really hope I’m wrong, and if I am, I profusely apologize. But I’m calling BS on this one. Either some vital info is missing from your story, or you’re a troll.
There would be no logical reason for them to change their names. It defies common sense completely.
August 4th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
What they did is downright cruel and by the sound of it they didn’t ever wanted an open adoption but told you what you wanted to hear. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do as the adoption is finalised. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
August 6th, 2009 at 2:39 am
I have heard of adoptive parents not honoring their agreement to have an open adoption but going to the lengths of changing their names is a bit suspicious. How do you even know (find out) that they changed their names?
Unfortunately you are most likely out of luck if the adoption was done completely legal and has been finalized for 8months now. What was your window of reclaim if you had one though I would imagine that has past as well but you can check and see.
August 9th, 2009 at 2:38 am
They changed their names???? I highy doubt that because the adoption would have gone through court and for legal reasons their real names would have been on the paperwork, Plus do you have any idea how much effort it really is for a person to totally change their identity in adult years? A Lot…just go back to the agency and see if they can contact them. People get transfered often due to working commitments or other things happening in their family.
Maybe you just haven’t looked hard enough for them. And you had no open adoption contract at all?? Then you had nothing in the way of real agreement for contact to start with.. what can you do then. Not much unfortunately.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:53 am
Are you saying there was no contract at all? If that is the case, the child is still yours. Hire an investigator quickly. They can probably get a hold of court records and find these people.
August 12th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Open adoptions look good on paper but they are not enforcable. Once those adoption papers were signed that child is no longer legally yours. Legally you have no right to see your child now because you gave up your rights. There is no laws that says an open adoption has to be enforced or respected.
August 13th, 2009 at 3:43 am
You would have to ask a family law attorney in your state if you now have any rights in this matter and go from there.
August 13th, 2009 at 7:35 am
I don’t think this is for real. They moved and changed their names? Also there is no such thing as an open adoption contract. Much less a legally enforceable open adoption.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Unfortunately, open adoption is not at all legally enforceable. Anyone who told you so before the adoption lied to you. There are no “open adoption contracts” that will hold up in a court of law.
I’m sorry you were tricked by people you thought were your friends, but eight months is probably too late. I’d contact a lawyer for legal advice, or if you can’t afford one, google “Legal aid” and your area to find your closest Legal Aid. They will provide you with free/low cost legal services.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:13 am
i think its only 6weeks
August 18th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Nope it is to late. Something is wrong with this story.
August 21st, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Eight months after finalization? Sorry, no.
Even in states where open adoption is enforceable to some degree (and it’s never to a very great degree, even in those places,) there would need some kind of legal document to enforce, not your word about a verbal agreement that was made to you. Insisting you are right may very well be the truth, but it’s not legal grounds for anything.
Finalized adoptions can be overturned in cases where there was fraud or illegal coercion, but again, the authorities can’t just take someone’s word with no evidence to back it up, because the other party is considered innocent until proven guilty in our legal system. You would need to have some kind of proof of what the adoptive parents actually said to make a coercion case, and you don’t have that.
I’m sorry for your loss, and that you were mistreated. But the time when you could have legally changed your mind about the adoption is long past. I suggest you find a good counselor as soon as possible, to help you through your feelings of anger and grief. Other than that… not anything to be done this late in the game, I’m afraid.
August 23rd, 2009 at 7:47 am
I’m sorry to say that there is nothing you can do if that is what happened. Even if you had had an ‘open adoption contract’ there is no binding law forcing the adopting couple to honor it. Such contracts DO NOT have any legal standing. Once you sign away your rights to the adoptive parents there is nothing you can do if they choose to not allow you to see your child. That baby is their child legally, it is as if it were their biological child and they have the rights to go where they wish to with the baby. Once you signed the papers you gave all of your rights to its adoptive parents, you don’t have any say anymore.
August 25th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Candy and All,
This is EXACTLY what the people who made off with Stephanie Bennett’s baby girl, Evelyn did. They moved out of state, in defiance of a court order, to avoid returning Evelyn to her mother, until there was so much time passed that they had the best interest of the child. It took a while since Evelyn was 8 mos. old when they took her, so they had to have her for longer than that.
You know, Candy, if this is indeed true, and I have no reason at all to assume it is not, then I am just sorry. There is not much you can do, unless you have it in your agreement. Otherwise, it is just a “gentlemen’s agreement”. Since they clearly are not gentlemen, you are up a creek.
One thing that you have to remember, they wanted your baby and when someone lusts after something that you have, they are not your friends. They wanted your child, and this is altogether too common an event. They take the baby and they run. Stephanie’s baby’s PAPs did it ON THE ADVICE OF THE AGENCY!! So, the agency isn’t your friend, either, as we have seen evidence of here a lot lately. If you had an open adoption, where are they representing your interests? Why are they not encouraging the APs to contact you? What are THEY doing for you? If nothing, why not? They were on you like ugly on ape BEFORE you signed the papers, were they not? Contact them now and see what they will do for you now, and don’t take NO for an answer. Make them earn that Money Bundle they got from the sale of your baby!
There is only one thing else that I will say on this…I wish you had spoken to mothers who had surrendered years ago and asked them how they felt and if they were reunited, how their children felt. That would have stopped you in your tracks.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:40 am
There had to be an agency or attorney involved. I would contact them and talk to them of your concerns and tell them that you still desire contact with the family. Maybe start by establishing just some open communication and then go from there.
August 28th, 2009 at 9:39 am
contact the lawyer or agency who handled your adoption case. See what they can do. But since you did sign away your parental rights and finalization has been completed. No, you cannot get your baby back.
August 30th, 2009 at 2:10 am
No you can’t get the baby back. The baby is legally theirs now. Once an adoption is completed they make the rules.