Comments on: How to plan an “adoption” baby shower when money is all they need?

By: Jessica

**Jessica** — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:15:43 +0000

I think the idea from mommy2squee is just the cutest !! **Jessica**

By: littleJaina

littleJaina — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:47:07 +0000

Asking for cash is always a bit difficult, but in this case since you’re asking and not the parents, it’s a bit different.

I would put something on the invitation like, “We are inviting you to this celebration in honor of the new Smith family. Gifts are absolutely not required. In fact, Jennifer and Steven haven’t registered anywhere because they have wanted little Emily for so long the nursery is already completely stocked! However, I have started a college fund for Emily. If you would like to contribute in leiu of a gift, feel free. Otherwise, remember that diapers and formula are always welcome”

There are a couple of ideas for the college fund. The “money tree” thing seems a little tacky to me, but if it was done well you could pull it off. Maybe instead of having a tree you could have a little graduation cap instead… You could also just have people put cash into cards, or have a “wishing well”. You may even try visiting local banks to see what they have to offer in terms of college funds and/or children’s savings accounts. They may be able to set one up for you that people could donate to directly. This could even be a good long term thing. I know that my parents and grandparents often just make donations into my sons account instead of getting him large gifts. Like, if my grandparents would normally spend $100 on Christmas, but he doesn’t need or want anything that costs that much, they’ll give him something little to open that costs about $20 and have me put the other $80 in his savings account. (Since my son’s birthday and christmas are nearly back to back, we do this alot!) Some states even have “prepaid tuition funds”, so you might look into that as well.

Other things people have suggested are really good ideas too. Registering at Wal-Mart and Target for gifts is a great idea. Those can always be returned for store credit if they’re not needed. Also, if they only register for a few things (like larger sized diapers, formula, and gift cards) most people will take the hint. I also think that some gift registries are starting to let people put a certain amount of money towards larger gifts! This would be a great idea if they wanted to put a playscape or something for the child in the backyard.

Anyway, goodluck! littleJaina

By: diapercakesbybecca

diapercakesbybecca — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 04:07:30 +0000

This is a tricky one. I would, maybe, call the close friends and famiy that you would be comfortable sharing your “financial” gift idea with. Tell them about their situatin and your ideas for contributing to their family in this way. Send out regular invites for EVERYONE but have one on one conversations with the ones that CAN help and who KNOW and UNDERSTAND their situation.

Take it off the table and, instead, do everything normally with this suggested, in person, to those that are most able to help.

Its funky ground, from an etiquette standpoint. These are tough times for a lot of people and you could offend some people with this. diapercakesbybecca

By: Waiting4mychildren2comehome

Waiting4mychildren2comehome — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 00:46:58 +0000

Well you definitely got some strong input on this question, a lot of your answers are probably NOT what you were looking for. I will add my 2 cents politely. It is definitely inappropriate and tacky to ask for money at a baby shower. Part of adopting, is paying for the fee’s. Part of Parenting, is paying for your children’s needs. Although your intentions are ever so very very kind, just throw them a baby shower, they can return what they don’t need, just like any other mother would. Good Luck. Congratulations to your cousin, and their new bundle of joy. Waiting4mychildren2comehome

By: ot2hvfn

ot2hvfn — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:51:47 +0000

OK.. lets start by saying I am in the process of adopting our foster child. There is a HUGE difference between adopting and “popping” a child out. When you adopt you are SAVING a child!! I think that your family is doing a wonderful job on saving a child.. Not everyone in the word is able or should adopt children.. The ones who “pop” children should sit back and not be so harsh when they see such a diffucult question..
I understand were this question is coming from.. We are in the same situation.. We have anything and everything that the child needs. Both of our families have been beyond helpful and ready to give us what we needed… The only things that the child needs are daily items.. Diapers etc.. We wanted to do the greenback but it is tacky.. the reason being is we wanted to put a swingset in the back and get the child all new bedroom set for his 2nd birthday, the one he is using is hand-me-downs and now that he is in a forever family he should be given the things he never had…
If it wasnt for “us” foster / adoptive family the children would grow up living in shelters and on the streets with out family.. Its so easy to judge until you open your ming and heart to a loving child..
Now back to the question… Have them register for gifts even if its clothes that the child will grown into.. Diapers.. I am sure this isnt a shower for the new parents to recieve gifts its more of a party to welcome the new child into your family.. there isnt a birth per say or a anything a typical birthing parent goes through..
Your family is special and must know that they are loving a child that its own parents didnt want!!!! ot2hvfn

By: Doodlestuff

Doodlestuff — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:20:04 +0000

Sorry, but asking for money for gifts for a shower is tacky, tacky, tacky, and there is no excuse. How is the fact that they accrued debt relevant? Doodlestuff

By: Sofiakat

Sofiakat — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:03:57 +0000

I do not think it is appropriate to mention gifts or money on an invitation.
What people choose to give is what they choose to give.
However, you can choose to add to the invitation that gifts are not necessary as the baby has everything he/she needs and just their company for the celebration is enough. A simple “No gifts Please” or “Just bring yourself” would seem reasonable if they have everything for baby. If they are not poor, and do not need baby stuff, then why not cancel the shower and just have a Welcoming Baby get together to celebrate the new arrival.
If they are after a cash grab, perhaps it is better to let people know by word-of-mouth. Although a cash grab does not seem to be appropriate either. Sofiakat

By: Kazi

Kazi — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:27:22 +0000

Adoptive mom here,

I think your heart is in the right place, however, I agree that money is inappropraite, and I would say this even if this was a shower celebrating a birth.

Even if your friends have everything they need, speaking from experience, parents of an infant can never have enough diapers, wipes, bibs, onesies and formula. Believe me they will be very thankful for it.

If the guests would like to do something more “special” to celebrate the little one’s arrival then they can think outside the box and instead of a wrapped gift they can offer a month of their service doing laundry or making meals. I remember vividly how touched I was that when I came home from China and my fridge was fully stocked and for 3 months my laundry was done, folded and put away. It allowed hubby and I precious bonding time.

Gifts comes in many different packages. Kazi

By: Isabel A

Isabel A — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:52:45 +0000

Simple etiquette states that it is inappropriate to ask directly for money. I thought everybody knew that. Isabel A

By: L-train

L-train — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:54:49 +0000

I agree with Devon,

These are things you will always need and those 3 stores have a phenomenal return policy! They will take almost anything back and give you store credit.

That way, they can take back whats needed and build up a decent store credit to buy gorceries.

It’s a touchy subject and I hope it works out!

Good Luck! L-train