i am currently pregnant and gonna put up the baby for adoption?
kenziekorn asked:
i was wondering if there are people out there that have been adoption and have question for there birth parents? if so i could like to have theses question anwer for my baby when it is born .
and i will have contract with the adoption parents too and i will see the kid
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i was wondering if there are people out there that have been adoption and have question for there birth parents? if so i could like to have theses question anwer for my baby when it is born .
and i will have contract with the adoption parents too and i will see the kid
April 4th, 2010 at 1:12 am
Nothing says mommy loves you like giving him away. Cat Lover
April 6th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
You’re terrible. You’re ruining a poor child’s life by doing this, you MONSTER! Gosh, it’s people like you who are ruining the youth of the future….. Shasta
April 8th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
You go girl puppyloves
April 8th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
to tell the truth, you might regret putting the baby up for adoption. And isn’t it kind of mean to let the baby get adopted then when grows up he never knows who his real mom is? Raven-haired Natasha Green
April 10th, 2010 at 3:24 am
I’ve always wanted to know about my birth parents:
Why couldn’t you keep me and make it work out?
Where did your parents and grandparents come from (what country)?
What do you look like?
What kind of personality do you have?
Are you happy? depressed? friendly? withdrawn?
Do you love me even though you couldn’t raise me?
Can I look for you when I’m older? How will I find you?
What is my dad like? Officious Seeing Eye Byatch
April 13th, 2010 at 7:18 am
Oh gosh, don’t listen to them. Its honorable to offer a baby a better life then you can provide. Please don’t allow peoples negative and ignorant views change your mind. There are many families out there who can’t have children of their own that can offer your child a great life.
Adopted children often just want to know why you did it. Some can feel like there was something wrong with them and feel resentful towards you. A lot of birth parents write letters or video messages for their child when its older. Letting them know they loved them even though they weren’t able to offer them the best life. Good luck! Janis
April 16th, 2010 at 10:40 am
Don’t listen to any of them. If you feel the best thing for the baby is to put it up for adoption then good for you. You are just trying to give that baby the best home you can. At least you did not kill it. I dont know anything really about all that, but I would just write a long letter to the baby. Maybe add some photos of you and the father. Tell the baby why you gave him or her up to another family. I would give any information about you you can so if the child ever wants to find you when they are older they can. Rememeber though it will be up to the soon to be parents if they want the child to know about you or not. I wish you the best of luck. I am sure giving up your child is not an easy thing to do. I just hope you are the type that is doing it for a good reason. Jenny
April 16th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
What is wrong with these people on here? They assume they know your situation? I wish I had some answers for your question. I am sure You can get that list somewhere online. I just want to say do what’s best for the baby for whatever reason and it will be good in the end.
Besides you could go with open adoption too. ru4real
April 18th, 2010 at 11:56 am
Don’t listen to these negative comments. If you feel as if you can’t raise the child for whatever reason, then give it up for adoption. At least you know that you’re giving your child to a couple who’s ready and will give the child a better life. At the end of the day it’s completely your decision. If you feel as though you might regret it, get an open adoption, that way you can still have contact with your child. Regardless, don’t let these bad comments influence you to keep the baby if you’re not ready. Make the right choice for your child, not yourself. -No regrets.
April 19th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
do not listen to the people who are being rude and saying mean things.
at least you didnt get an abortion. there are people out there that can really really take care of your baby better than you could and will love it.
now there are ways you can do this that your child wont have to wonder. you have to right to give it up for adoption but stay in its life.
like be there when its growing up be invited to birthdays all that.
your child will be able to ask you everything it wants to know when its old enough.
if financially you cant support it then let someone else. it doesnt mean you have to be cut from its life.
i just think you should know when the time comes if you give it away if the plan is adoption dont back out because its really breaks peoples hearts when they think they are getting a baby and the mom backs out.
if they want a child that bad make arrangements that you can still be in its life.
and sometimes to back you up the best way to say i love you is to give the baby a future it deserves.
good luck hun i hope everything works out for you Sara Jo*
April 21st, 2010 at 9:14 am
What exactly was your question???? Why would you want to give your baby away?? I am 26 weeks pregnant and can’t wait to meet my baby. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I have ben so happy. I wonder what she is gunna look like all the time I couldn’t imagine giving her away or any of my other 2 kids I allready have.
You will see the kid?? Are you serious? The kid? Wow! Maybe you don’t deserve your baby. At least call him or her your son/daughter. Girly<3Girl<3
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Look I can honestly sit here and say when I was 18 I got raped and it wasn’t fun and games, I took the morning after pill and it didn’t work for me. I don’t believe in abortion and at the time I didn’t have a house myself or a stable financial situation for my daughter to grow up in, So I looked into adoption and I believe I made the best choice ever, I am happy that I placed my daughter in a home where the parents are great and financially stable. I think what your doing is wonder and in the long run you will be thanked by many for doing so just watch. Mommy of John 19 Months Old
April 25th, 2010 at 5:40 am
Don’t listen to these idiots. It’s better to give your child to parents that are capable of giving the child a good life. Then to have an abortion or keep a child with out the means or temperment to take care of it. It is a noble & honorable thing to do. Try to search online when it comes to what you’re looking for. namenotpickedyet
April 28th, 2010 at 9:07 am
Health history, strokes? heart disease, cancers? diabetes? High blood pressure, what did your grand parents or great grandparents and their siblings die of?
Gestational history, full term, prenatal care. use of drugs, alcohol?
Psychological history, any family members with bi-polar, schizoprenia, alcoholism, drug use or abuse,
What do you look like, what was your relationship with the father of the baby? What is his medical, psychological history?
What part of the country are you from, where did your parents come from?
Everything. I would want to know everything about you. And so will baby. Stay in touch. Don’t disappear.
Literally. Hold your baby and love it. Rosie
May 1st, 2010 at 6:18 pm
I think it is great that you are going to give your baby up for adoption that is a very unselfish thing to do. Allot of people prob would have an abortion and I think it is great that you are going to give your child a better life and give some one who most likely can not have there own children the possibility to be parents . Just ignore the ***holes who are making negative comments they all have there heads up there ***. My Step mom gave her first son up for adoption and he is now 18 and they reunited recently and they are very happy to be back in each others life’s he has no resentment. I know that is not the same for everyone.If I were you I would write a letter and write your reason’s why you chose adoption and write down your feelings and hope’s for your child and give it to the adoptive parents to give to your child when he or she is older. good luck to you. Pamela
May 3rd, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Giving a baby up for adoption is a courageous and unselfish thing to do. There are so many couples who are desperate for a baby, and can offer that child so much, not just monetary things, although they are important, but, time and love. I think mother’s who choose adoption are so brave, to set your own wants aside for the sake of your child? It’s easy for others to judge. They’re not in your place. Do what you feel is right. Whatever decision you make it is out of love and concern, and could that be wrong? I hope that if you choose an adoption plan the couple feels as lucky as we would if chosen.
May 4th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
I think Official and Janis gave you fantastic answers! There are some angry adoptees on Yahoo, but please understand that not all of us feel that way. In fact, many many adoptees had a great experience with our adoptive families. I think it is a much better option than abortion. Please feel free to drop me an email if you have any questions from the point of view of someone who was adopted. If you truly cannot take proper care of your child, it’s the best option. Best of luck to you. Johnsmuffinpie
May 5th, 2010 at 12:56 am
how about waiting til after the baby is born? give it a month or so and see how it plays out.There will always be waiting families for babies..there will not always be a chance for you to parent that child. nikki
May 7th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
My children are grown and have families of their own I have been wanting to adopt since I am no longer able to have children. In researching I have found that most agencies wont allow any records or contact between the birth mother and child until the child turns 18 or 21 I want to adopt a child that has a Mother that wants the baby but knows that she can not provide for the child and want to give her baby a good life. I want to be able to send her pics and letters of how her child is And I want our child to know and even have a relationship with it’s birth Mother when he/she is old enough and wants to.I feel that it will not take anything away from me. It will only give that child twice the love and the security of knowing that their natural Mother loved them enough to give them a better life but yet always knew that they were safe and loved. The love of 1 Mom is wonderful imagine having the love of 2? Look around find the kind of adoption that you want for you and your baby. good luck. Mom of 7
May 8th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Questions for my FIRST parents? Yep, hundreds of them……
What was so wrong with me that you didn’t want to keep me?
Why did you abandon me to the unknown the day I was born?
Why if you didn’t want me did you think it was ok to just give me away to total strangers?
For my first grandparents who forced my first mum to give me up:
How could you possibly not want your grandchild?
How could you hate me for existing?
There are so many questions…..it is pointless to put them all here.
To those posters who have judged adoptees who have answered this question, this is actually how we feel. We arent trying to be horrible, this is OUR TRUTH, which the question asked us to provide.
Its not ok that you all think that adoption is some great fantastic gift……its not!
Adoption, and being adopted hurts. Its an act committed against an innocent child who is given no say in the matter. It is an act that takes a childs truths and identity and makes it a lie.
If you are genuinely ok with that then I have to worry about how you will raise these children that you want other people to gift to you. minimouse68
May 11th, 2010 at 10:44 am
I’ll be honest, I never had too many questions for my birth parents as to why couldn’t they keep me. I understood they were too young to Truly be able to handle a young child like me. What my main questions are- ones I’m trying to resolve now- is where do you live now and can I please meet you. I know my father- his parents adopted me- but i don’t know my mother. I hate not knowing who she is, what she’s like, what that side of my family is like, do I have any serious medical problems that run in me from her side etc. Plus, I’d love to have another picture or two and know what she does for a living and what her personality was like
You know, you could give your baby up in an open adoption and if you and your chosen adopters agree you can write e-mails/ letters back and forth or you might even be able to visit on occasion. Jasmine
May 12th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Good for you. I have met my bio parents and my adoptive parents were able to give me a much better life. I’m not sure who the morons at the bottom are, but I would guess bored 13 year olds with too much computer freedom.
Now, to answer your question. The main thing for me that I asked when I was contacted by the husband of my bio mom had to do with medical history. Is there a history of cancer in the family? Or what? That’s important to know. So list if there are any hereditary health issues.
Give the honest reason you’re giving the baby up–because you love your child so much that you’re willing to break your own heart to make sure it has the best life possible. Just open your heart.
What are you interested in? What are you good at? Things like that.
Blessings to you for being such an unselfish person. Teenage moms are a social disaster, the kids, by and large, do not do well, and the novelty of simply “knowing who mom is” doesn’t get them into a successful adulthood. Those are the hard facts. Thank you for realizing that. Carrie
May 13th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
Having an open adoption is the best possible situation. Choose a family that will welcome you to come and spend time with “their” child, and treat you like a member of the family. The child will have many questions as he or she grows up. Answer them as honestly as possible, in terms the child can understand. The most important thing for the child to know is that you didn’t give him up because you didn’t want him or love him, but because you did. You wanted him to have a much better life than what you could provide.
Try to at least keep current contact info about the child’s father. When he is older, he will want to meet his birth father, also. Any photos of you and his birth father, and of you while you were pregnant, should be stored in a safe place. The child will cherish these when he is grown.
Don’t listen to idiots who do not know what they are talking about. I know you are acting out of love and wanting what is best for you and this baby. Adoption is the best thing for all concerned when you are unable to provide for a child.
Take it from me, I was adopted. I am so glad of it, too! baymast13
May 14th, 2010 at 1:30 am
we have a home study by the state and would love to adopt your baby.
we are a loving Christian family. i home school, and for me it is a joy
to give up my dreams for my children to achieve theirs. i was violated
as a child, and i vowed i would NEVER take my eyes off of my children,
and so we don’t. we seek to adopt. pls. reply, and God bless young
ladies like you who RICHLY bless parents who were or have been
unable to conceive. LovingMom
May 14th, 2010 at 2:36 am
LOL the people who gave you honest answers to your question are the ones who have lived it. All that “don’t listen to them stuff” should make you wonder which side of the adoption fence they are on. My guess most of them are on the receiving end.
I surrendered my daughter. I worried for 28 years if she hated me for my decision, if she was still alive, if she was mistreated, and you will too if your “not legally enforceable opened adoption” slams shut in your face like so many others do. Opened adoption is a “technique” creatively created by agencies to get more mothers through the door. sales were slipping. There is no law to back up the promises agencies make in this situation. I have been promising my neighbor yer years I would trim that bush, same premise, means nothing.
There are plenty of happy adoptee’s who had good lives who still want to know the why’s and the what’s of their origin. THOSE PEOPLE are labeled here as unhappy, angry, bitter, and ungrateful. But their the ones you should listen to because they are the product that was sold without any genetic paperwork.
When you child gets older and starts their own family I guarantee these questions are going to come into play. The ones who say they never cared to find out haven’t had a medical emergency yet, they may not care now or about themselves but they will about their children.
As far as those who made the right decision blah blah blah, my guess is its only been a few years, they’re still marveling in their own self glow. something else agencies are good for. How wonderful and selfless you are. It wears off after a few years. and the real questions begin. Like “what have i done”.
YOu want to give your child all you can besides yourself, get a copy of their ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE before their is sealed. A complete genetic history on BOTH sides of this child’s gene pool, FATHERS NAME, ancestry, ethnicity, and UPDATES. Your medical history is going to change over time and your child needs to know what is going on in his or her genetic family, other wise they can’t fill out the forms at the doctors office and the doctors have nothing to go by when there is a problem. Cancer, diabetes, heart problems, blood disorders, obesity, alcoholism, drug dependency, and siblings. You really don’t want to hear that your kids fell in love and have been sleeping together because they didn’t know they were related.
Home work for you
Google
adoption corruption, non profit (that’s a good one lol), sealed records, abandonment issues, trust issues, attachment disorders, associated with adoption.
Then google, adoptee blogs, first mother or birth mother blogs, dark side of adoption, and READ.
My daughter got a good home, great parents, and she still has issues. We have been in reunion for 10 years and she still has issues. We love each other and we both still have issues. You haven’t asked what this is going to do to you. Google it. Form your own opinion of adoption. It’s not all rainbows.
I agree with try it first and decide from there. Your baby will still be very salable at a few months or even a year old. They will still fetch a handsome price.
I DO NOT BELIEVE IN PRE BIRTH MATCHING. smarmy
May 14th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Well open adoption is not a legal matter so if the adoptive parents get sick of it then there’s nothing you can do to see your child. Also a friend of mine gave up her daughter when she was 16 and now she is trying to through all this court system to get her back and is living with horrible guilt and regret. Now its too late to get her baby back tho. She told me she Truly regrets her decision and wishes she could take it back. ღ41.1ωεεкş αℓσηgღвαвч♂
May 16th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
I’d wanna know why you abandoned me to a lifetime of agony, when instead you could’ve done the decent thing and aborted me, since you knew you didn’t want me anyway.
EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!
DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!
Seriously.
If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.
If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.
Also, don’t listen to anyone suggesting that open adoption is the way to go - it is almost never legally enforceable! Many parents have lost access to their children due to “open” adoption promises. Please read and and before listening to the hype.
I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.
I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.
Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:
For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)
Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)
It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)
Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.
Go read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.
If you go to a Planned Parenthood clinic that has a low-income program it can be as cheap as 100$. If you tell them you have no job, no money and no support, they will likely have you pay the minimum for the procedure and get donations to cover the rest.
1-800-230-PLAN (1-800-230-7526) to find the Planned Parenthood clinic nearest you. If you are underage it will mostly likely be free and it is always confidential.
You have the choice between the pill (which can be taken up to 11weeks, at home or at a friends house) or the vacuum method (in clinic procedure).
You will be financially and medically screened. You may be asked if you want to view the image, this is up to you. You will receive antibiotics, anti-nausea tabs and pain meds. Take them ALL. You must - at the very least - finish your course of antibiotics.
Follow all aftercare instructions and go back to your after care appt. This last step is vital, you must go back for your aftercare appt! Abortion begins a new menstrual cycle. You should have a regular period in 4 to 8 weeks. You should have the option of receiving birth control - again this will most likely be free; take it and use it correctly.
If you are underage check out to see about parental consent laws. **Even if it says you need parental consent, you don’t.** Call P.P. and tell them you cannot tell your parents; by law, a judicial bypass must be available to those minors who just cannot get their parents/guardians permission. A judge signs the parental consent acting as a de facto guardian.
Abortion funding @
Some state medicaid programmes cover abortion. Go to to find out if your state covers it. If they do, you can go to a welfare office, get emergency coverage, and then the state will help pay for it.
It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt b 7rin
May 19th, 2010 at 7:14 am
Please don’t go for pre birth matching, be aware that open adoption can be closed as it’s not legally binding and do your research on how adoption affects adoptees and natural mothers. I notice you have had plenty of “adoption is wonderful” responses and few that tell the other side. Adoption does have a dark side of pain, sadness, regret, guilt … are you prepared for that?
You don’t have any guarantees that you will see your child grow or that he/she will have a better life but it will be different. Pip
May 20th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I am on the list to adopt at an agency. I can tell you that one thing that is asked of us is if the parents decide on open adoption you will have to send yearly pictures and even our phone number if that is what you wish. Most states have a waiting period anyway to make sure that you made the right decision. You will have plenty of time to get peace in your heart about the decision that you made. Most adoptive children as I know several in there teen years are very greatful children and they want to meet the person that gave them birth to have peace in there heart aswell as the birth parents.
I wish you well in your decision and many blessings.
May 20th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
My son’s first mom and I both had several questions for each other. She had asked me things like how many aunts/uncles/grandparents and cousins would my son have. She asked about jobs I’d had in the past, what made me want to adopt a child, how long we’d been together, how we met, and much more.
Know your rights in your situation. You have the right to meet the parents ahead of time. You have the right to ask them to take and pay for a lie detector test. You have the right to see their home, read their home study, and no matter what anyone says, you are in control of this situation, and if you desire to change your mind, you have no obligation to talk to these people or anything. Be merciful, and if you aren’t sure, say so up front. It helps to know that an adoption might not happen.
You also have the right to hold the baby in the hospital, take pictures, and spend time with the adoptive parents. If you truly want open adoption, I’d urge you to get to know the adoptive parents very well before the baby is born. Our son’s first mom helped me decorate the nursery, pick out clothes for him (we picked out boy and girl both because she didn’t want to know what she was having).
I urge you to not sign any papers until you get all your quesions answered. If you don’t feel comfortable, then don’t go through with the adoption. You have a right to have a photocopy of the homestudy, including copies of the adoptive parent’s information, including their home address/telephone number, and birthdays. Some adoptive parents are thankful for their child’s first parents. Others are jealous and can’t stand that someone else gave birth to the child they’re raising. If you don’t feel comfortable with the adoptive parents now, then find someone else, because they aren’t the right ones.
You won’t have a contract for open adoption. It isn’t legally enforceable in the United States. That’s why it’s important to know them ahead of time. The answers you get from them will tell you if or if not that you will see them in the future.
Good luck! sizesmith
May 22nd, 2010 at 3:55 pm
I wanted to ask her why she didn’t love me enough to keep me. I wanted to ask her why I wasn’t good enough for her. I wanted to know if I had siblings. I wanted to know if she ever thought about me. I wanted to know who she was.
Please know that open adoptions where you get to see your child are NOT legally enforceable and usually the adoptive parents break off contact as soon as the adoption is final. kidmindi
May 25th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
I think the big questions when and if they come should be answered face to face. By that I mean if and when the child comes looking for you in the future be there and ready to talk.
In the meantime the birth parents should be equipped with medical history and also some explanation as to why you felt it best to give them (like it is personally them and not just anyone ) you wanted to raise your child. This would matter to me I think because I grew up feeling I was a commodity given to the next name on the list.
The child needs to know it is special to everyone, mum dad and birth mother. eagledreams