In the meantime the birth parents should be equipped with medical history and also some explanation as to why you felt it best to give them (like it is personally them and not just anyone ) you wanted to raise your child. This would matter to me I think because I grew up feeling I was a commodity given to the next name on the list.

The child needs to know it is special to everyone, mum dad and birth mother. eagledreams

Please know that open adoptions where you get to see your child are NOT legally enforceable and usually the adoptive parents break off contact as soon as the adoption is final. kidmindi

Know your rights in your situation. You have the right to meet the parents ahead of time. You have the right to ask them to take and pay for a lie detector test. You have the right to see their home, read their home study, and no matter what anyone says, you are in control of this situation, and if you desire to change your mind, you have no obligation to talk to these people or anything. Be merciful, and if you aren’t sure, say so up front. It helps to know that an adoption might not happen.

You also have the right to hold the baby in the hospital, take pictures, and spend time with the adoptive parents. If you truly want open adoption, I’d urge you to get to know the adoptive parents very well before the baby is born. Our son’s first mom helped me decorate the nursery, pick out clothes for him (we picked out boy and girl both because she didn’t want to know what she was having).

I urge you to not sign any papers until you get all your quesions answered. If you don’t feel comfortable, then don’t go through with the adoption. You have a right to have a photocopy of the homestudy, including copies of the adoptive parent’s information, including their home address/telephone number, and birthdays. Some adoptive parents are thankful for their child’s first parents. Others are jealous and can’t stand that someone else gave birth to the child they’re raising. If you don’t feel comfortable with the adoptive parents now, then find someone else, because they aren’t the right ones.

You won’t have a contract for open adoption. It isn’t legally enforceable in the United States. That’s why it’s important to know them ahead of time. The answers you get from them will tell you if or if not that you will see them in the future.
Good luck! sizesmith

I wish you well in your decision and many blessings.

You don’t have any guarantees that you will see your child grow or that he/she will have a better life but it will be different. Pip

EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Seriously.

If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.

If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.

Also, don’t listen to anyone suggesting that open adoption is the way to go - it is almost never legally enforceable! Many parents have lost access to their children due to “open” adoption promises. Please read and and before listening to the hype.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)

Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.

Go read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.

If you go to a Planned Parenthood clinic that has a low-income program it can be as cheap as 100$. If you tell them you have no job, no money and no support, they will likely have you pay the minimum for the procedure and get donations to cover the rest.

1-800-230-PLAN (1-800-230-7526) to find the Planned Parenthood clinic nearest you. If you are underage it will mostly likely be free and it is always confidential.

You have the choice between the pill (which can be taken up to 11weeks, at home or at a friends house) or the vacuum method (in clinic procedure).

You will be financially and medically screened. You may be asked if you want to view the image, this is up to you. You will receive antibiotics, anti-nausea tabs and pain meds. Take them ALL. You must - at the very least - finish your course of antibiotics.

Follow all aftercare instructions and go back to your after care appt. This last step is vital, you must go back for your aftercare appt! Abortion begins a new menstrual cycle. You should have a regular period in 4 to 8 weeks. You should have the option of receiving birth control - again this will most likely be free; take it and use it correctly.

If you are underage check out to see about parental consent laws. **Even if it says you need parental consent, you don’t.** Call P.P. and tell them you cannot tell your parents; by law, a judicial bypass must be available to those minors who just cannot get their parents/guardians permission. A judge signs the parental consent acting as a de facto guardian.

Abortion funding @

Some state medicaid programmes cover abortion. Go to to find out if your state covers it. If they do, you can go to a welfare office, get emergency coverage, and then the state will help pay for it.

It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt b 7rin

I surrendered my daughter. I worried for 28 years if she hated me for my decision, if she was still alive, if she was mistreated, and you will too if your “not legally enforceable opened adoption” slams shut in your face like so many others do. Opened adoption is a “technique” creatively created by agencies to get more mothers through the door. sales were slipping. There is no law to back up the promises agencies make in this situation. I have been promising my neighbor yer years I would trim that bush, same premise, means nothing.

There are plenty of happy adoptee’s who had good lives who still want to know the why’s and the what’s of their origin. THOSE PEOPLE are labeled here as unhappy, angry, bitter, and ungrateful. But their the ones you should listen to because they are the product that was sold without any genetic paperwork.

When you child gets older and starts their own family I guarantee these questions are going to come into play. The ones who say they never cared to find out haven’t had a medical emergency yet, they may not care now or about themselves but they will about their children.

As far as those who made the right decision blah blah blah, my guess is its only been a few years, they’re still marveling in their own self glow. something else agencies are good for. How wonderful and selfless you are. It wears off after a few years. and the real questions begin. Like “what have i done”.

YOu want to give your child all you can besides yourself, get a copy of their ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE before their is sealed. A complete genetic history on BOTH sides of this child’s gene pool, FATHERS NAME, ancestry, ethnicity, and UPDATES. Your medical history is going to change over time and your child needs to know what is going on in his or her genetic family, other wise they can’t fill out the forms at the doctors office and the doctors have nothing to go by when there is a problem. Cancer, diabetes, heart problems, blood disorders, obesity, alcoholism, drug dependency, and siblings. You really don’t want to hear that your kids fell in love and have been sleeping together because they didn’t know they were related.

Home work for you
Google
adoption corruption, non profit (that’s a good one lol), sealed records, abandonment issues, trust issues, attachment disorders, associated with adoption.
Then google, adoptee blogs, first mother or birth mother blogs, dark side of adoption, and READ.

My daughter got a good home, great parents, and she still has issues. We have been in reunion for 10 years and she still has issues. We love each other and we both still have issues. You haven’t asked what this is going to do to you. Google it. Form your own opinion of adoption. It’s not all rainbows.

I agree with try it first and decide from there. Your baby will still be very salable at a few months or even a year old. They will still fetch a handsome price.

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN PRE BIRTH MATCHING. smarmy