He could just be a douche and get the baby aborted, or ditch his GF. Lay the hell off unless you have something constructive to say.

Though personally, I’ll say that if my brother, who was a drunk and a junkie, can clean his act up and take care of his kids, anyone can do it. though he had the support of me and our whole family. geninx3m2

Interview adoption agencies in your vicinity. Find one that you are comfortable with. Have them explain your options if you want to parent. If you are definitely set on adoption, pick the type of couple you want to parent your child. Do you want college graduates? Someone with other children? Birthparents select couples based on all types of situations. Sometimes they might select a couple because they like the family pet, like the look of the house, the couple may have a cottage that reminds the birthparent of her life growing up. I know one couple that was selected because the birthmother was getting a college degree in a particular subject and the adoptive mother had a degree in that subject. If you decide on open or semi-open adoption, only look at couples that want the same option. Do you want pictures, e-mails, exchange of gifts, phone calls, and/or visitation? Meet a couple. If you are unsure if they are the right couple, ask to meet another couple. Establish a relationship with them before the baby is born so that they will feel comfortable with you and vice versa. Some birthparents have a visit once a year with the child; some meet twice a year (determine this ahead of time), some adoptive parents have invited both sides of the birthparent’s families to the baptism. One adoptive parent is having the birthparents to their home in summer. Do not listen to everyone else. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Cheryl

This question is about you and what you want and to be quite honest the better option is for you two to raise your baby.

I do know what it is like to surrender but I was coerced and it has been a life of pain, sadness, guilt, anger for 23 years to name a few emotions. My son also has issues with adoption so it has affected two people not just one. Pip

EITHER PARENT OR ABORT!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Seriously.

If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.

If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.

Also, don’t listen to anyone suggesting that open adoption is the way to go - it is almost never legally enforceable! Many parents have lost access to their children due to “open” adoption promises. Please read and and before listening to the hype.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)

Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.

Read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.

If you go to a Planned Parenthood clinic that has a low-income program it can be as cheap as 100$. If you tell them you have no job, no money and no support, they will likely have you pay the minimum for the procedure and get donations to cover the rest.

1-800-230-PLAN (1-800-230-7526) to find the Planned Parenthood clinic nearest you. If you are underage it will mostly likely be free and it is always confidential.

Abortion funding @

Some state medicaid programmes cover abortion. Go to to find out if your state covers it. If they do, you can go to a welfare office, get emergency coverage, and then the state will help pay for it.

It is entirely possible to have an abortion and not feel guilt because you knew it was the right thing to do:

Abortion: There is a Consensus

You may find some of the books and links listed over at useful.

Good luck. 7rin

However if this is something you both want, you should know that open adoption is not at all legally enforceable. If you place a child for adoption you need to be prepared to never see or know about the child again.

Adoption is rarely about what is best for the child. The adoptive parents hold all the cards and sadly they end up doing what they want which is usually closing an open adoption.

As an adopted person, I think that being raised by the parents (meaning biological parents) is what is best for a child. If that isn’t possible then a family adoption (meaning someone from the child’s family i.e grandparent, aunt, ect) would be second choice.

The next best choice is an open adoption, but again, this only works for the child IF the adoptive parents keep the adoption open.

Closed adoption is the worst. The child will grow up not knowing a thing about their parents, heritage,or medical history. They will wonder why they were not good enough or loved enough to be kept. They will wonder who they look like, or where they get their musical ability from or if they have siblings. kidmindi

That said, I believe as an adoptee that open adoptions are best. An open door with access to truth and knowledge and history is better than secrecy. Problem is that open adoptions are not legally enforceable. I can see that you may feel you have no other option, and adoption is certainly one option in dealing with crisis situations. Just don’t fool yourself into thinking this is a good thing for your child or for you. You and your child will never get over it. It is always sad when a child loses their family. cruzgirlz3

Don’t expect any thanks from the dumpee; the excuses are pathetic.

The ones praising you are most likely the may eager vultures awaiting to pounce their prey and score themselves a newborn (either for themselves or those adoption industry hacks looking to make money off the transaction)

Bet your inbox is full of baby begging emails by now. Good luck with that H******