Comments on: I decided to put my baby up for adoption (looking for loving adopters)? http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/ Thu, 17 May 2012 20:26:05 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: webscoundral http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2789 webscoundral Sat, 18 Apr 2009 04:43:49 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2789 I put my son up for adoption about one year ago and let me tell you if your fiancee can not accept the fact that he got you pregnate and made a child then he does not need to be with you. If you put your child up for adoption you will miss your child like crazy. Even though you love your fiencee you can raise that child on your own. You have a bond with that child and I am sure you would need councling after going through with the adoption process. I am not saying adoption is wrong I am just saying it is not right to choose a man instead of your child. If he loves you he will stick by your side no matter what you choose but I would tell you based on experience it is not worth the heart ache and pain to give your child up. If I could go back in time I would have never gave my child up. E-Mail me for Questions and advice I put my son up for adoption about one year ago and let me tell you if your fiancee can not accept the fact that he got you pregnate and made a child then he does not need to be with you. If you put your child up for adoption you will miss your child like crazy. Even though you love your fiencee you can raise that child on your own. You have a bond with that child and I am sure you would need councling after going through with the adoption process. I am not saying adoption is wrong I am just saying it is not right to choose a man instead of your child. If he loves you he will stick by your side no matter what you choose but I would tell you based on experience it is not worth the heart ache and pain to give your child up. If I could go back in time I would have never gave my child up. E-Mail me for Questions and advice

]]> By: Tina http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2788 Tina Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:51:53 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2788 I'm not going to judge you, but i would like you to think about this... adoption is good when you cant afford it, or you cant handle it... but if you are leaving your little girl because your husband is giving you a choice... that's really bad! If you husband is giving you that choice, he doesn't care about you nor that poor little baby.... and eventually he will leave you to, and then what.... you wont have him or your daughter... then you'll really hate him! but how can u as a mother, look into her eyes.... and leave her... FOR A MAN??? I don't get it, for me to leave my child for a man, NEVER... not for anyone, only is god forbid one day, i cant give him what he needs and even at that, i would try everything in the world and that would be my last resort.... good luck to u.... I’m not going to judge you, but i would like you to think about this… adoption is good when you cant afford it, or you cant handle it… but if you are leaving your little girl because your husband is giving you a choice… that’s really bad! If you husband is giving you that choice, he doesn’t care about you nor that poor little baby…. and eventually he will leave you to, and then what…. you wont have him or your daughter… then you’ll really hate him! but how can u as a mother, look into her eyes…. and leave her… FOR A MAN??? I don’t get it, for me to leave my child for a man, NEVER… not for anyone, only is god forbid one day, i cant give him what he needs and even at that, i would try everything in the world and that would be my last resort…. good luck to u….

]]> By: Barefoot Chick http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2787 Barefoot Chick Sat, 11 Apr 2009 23:56:09 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2787 I looked at your profile and you had your baby 3 weeks ago! You carried her while she was growing in your body, kicking, and sharing nourishment. She is 3 weeks old and you worry about your breast feeding yet you still could bring yourself to put him first???!!!??? I know that I cannot understand your situation and none of us can. I saw that you had so many responses, so I was going to leave well enough alone but I saw that somebody mentioned about another question you posted, so it prompted me to look because I usually do not do that. I am so sorry that he has put you in this situation and you are now on my prayer list whether you like it or not. I know you cannot understand how we could all agree that he is a jerk, will leave you, and you will regret the whole thing, but think about that very thing. If everybody thinks it, it generally is true. I am sure that it hurts you so much to even consider that thought, but please listen to this advice that you did ask for. Listen especially to the one that told you to get away and think hard about it. I say that you need to throw prayer in there too, even if you don't normally do it. I can tell that you love your baby sooo much. It will really hurt to give her up. I hope that if you do decide that it is best for her, that you will follow another poster's advce about thinking of having a family member become her guardian. Please base this decision on what is best for her, not anybody else. God bless you, no matter what................... I looked at your profile and you had your baby 3 weeks ago! You carried her while she was growing in your body, kicking, and sharing nourishment. She is 3 weeks old and you worry about your breast feeding yet you still could bring yourself to put him first???!!!???

I know that I cannot understand your situation and none of us can. I saw that you had so many responses, so I was going to leave well enough alone but I saw that somebody mentioned about another question you posted, so it prompted me to look because I usually do not do that.

I am so sorry that he has put you in this situation and you are now on my prayer list whether you like it or not.

I know you cannot understand how we could all agree that he is a jerk, will leave you, and you will regret the whole thing, but think about that very thing. If everybody thinks it, it generally is true. I am sure that it hurts you so much to even consider that thought, but please listen to this advice that you did ask for. Listen especially to the one that told you to get away and think hard about it. I say that you need to throw prayer in there too, even if you don’t normally do it.

I can tell that you love your baby sooo much. It will really hurt to give her up. I hope that if you do decide that it is best for her, that you will follow another poster’s advce about thinking of having a family member become her guardian. Please base this decision on what is best for her, not anybody else.

God bless you, no matter what……………….

]]> By: Darkkangel http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2786 Darkkangel Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:07:30 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2786 First thing that I want to say is be strong. There are many cruel people and they will say things they've no right to say. They should not be so judgemental as they've no idea what you are going through. Having high opinions and being vicious to someone that is in an emotional crisis is cold and heartless! I really think that you should take some time and get away. Away from him especially and just go somewhere you feel safe. Do you have a close family or real friends that are like family? Where is your family while you are going through this very emotional time? You need them! You need your family right now! Not just blood relatives either, whomever is there for you and will let you lean on them and loves you unconditionally...that's family! Frankly, this guy of yours to me doesn't seem to love you unconditionally. That is true love, it doesn't make you feel horrible or asks you to make choices like this. True love gives all - it isn't a percentage or limited. Love is endless, you can always make more...it's eternal. If he can't love you and your child or he's afraid you'll love the child more than him...sweetie he's far too immature to be a father or a husband. He hasn't learned to be confident and selfless....he's selfish! You need to take time away from this person and really be honest with yourself. If the child is not there, will he truely and definitely be there a year from now? Two years? Think about how you will feel if he does leave you...and you are alone...what will you think of your choices then? You can ask for advice, go to councelors and all that, but in the end it will be your decision - your child's life is in your hands. Remember if you give her up for adoption, He has to sign the papers too - giving up his rights as the father. It isn't something that an agency will overlook, the rights of both parents are signed away so that they can't come back later to take the child back. Now have you thought of this, no one seems to have mentioned it. Do you have a sister, young aunt or uncle or even a cousin or someone you are very close to that would help you in this special situation? You could give the person guardianship of your child, but you don't sign away your rights as the mother. You would be expected to have contact and help in her support too I'd think. But you have to make sure that the person that you choose to take care of your daughter understands that it's only til you can get your life under control again...because you really need to do it!!! Take the time to get away for a while and get away from him too. You have a life, yours...you are not a piece of this guy...you must decided what is best for you. Clear your head of all this rose colored lovey dovey goop!! He may seem the most wonderful and important thing to you and it's cause you are in the midst of that hazy love influence. Get your mind back in gear and shake it off for now... Your daughter NEEDS YOU to be clear minded!! Honestly answer these questions to yourself...be painfully honest! What are you doing with your life? Where are you going? Do you know? You can not think that you'll sit at home waiting for your guy to come home and just play housewife (aka slave) do you? What are your dreams? What interests you and what kind of skills do you have? Do you have a good job? Think you need to go back to school or get training to get a better job? If HE wasn't in the picture - what would you be doing at this moment in your life? (Don't you dare tell me looking for a husband to take care of you!!!!) This is not the 1940's or 1950's - besides, women started working in the factories due to the war time then...so even they had ambitions!!! The stress you are going through is going to put you into the hospital and it isn't good for you at all. Try to understand that if you don't keep control of what you do in your life there are plenty of manipulating people that will take over your life for you and most times it isn't in your best interest - plus getting your life back from them isn't easy...trust me!!! I can't have children and I love to spoil my nieces and nephews! It does annoy my siblings at times though...lol If any of them needed me to take care of their little ones for a while I'd jump at the chance!! I'd have to go ask my big sister for help since I'm sorta clueless about a lot of the right things to do. But since she's got 9 kids, 4 of them grown, and 3 grandkids I'm sure she can get me straight on a bunch of it. If you decide to go to an adoption agency, please try hard to find one that will let you meet with the couples, that way you can decide which ones you think your daughter would fit in with. Find a couple you feel comfortable with and see if they are comfortable with an open adoption. If you feel you are strong enough to not know what happens to her, then choose a closed adoption and try to forget and hope that you aren't left alone. If you do what to know your daughter, choose an open adoption...so that if she wants to get to know you she can. Or you can discuss how much involvement you're allowed. Once you sign away your rights as her mother and the agencies will expect that, you are legally not her mother. No matter what your heart says. That's why I think an arrangement with a close family member would be my choice. Your still the mother, you are most definitely involved and a lawyer can draw up the proper papers to make sure everything is legal. Please think it through clearly and listen to yourself...not the love crazed idiot...the mother and the person inside....remember it is YOUR life...not his or even your daughter's...though she can be a big part of it...you must decide what is right for you. Then remember that you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. I wish you boundless love and comfort and hope that your are surrounded with love from your family in your time of crisis. Please be safe and may your heart know true love....for a child is love...unconditional and eternal....it is there forever in our heart. First thing that I want to say is be strong. There are many cruel people and they will say things they’ve no right to say. They should not be so judgemental as they’ve no idea what you are going through. Having high opinions and being vicious to someone that is in an emotional crisis is cold and heartless!

I really think that you should take some time and get away. Away from him especially and just go somewhere you feel safe. Do you have a close family or real friends that are like family? Where is your family while you are going through this very emotional time? You need them! You need your family right now!
Not just blood relatives either, whomever is there for you and will let you lean on them and loves you unconditionally…that’s family!

Frankly, this guy of yours to me doesn’t seem to love you unconditionally. That is true love, it doesn’t make you feel horrible or asks you to make choices like this. True love gives all - it isn’t a percentage or limited. Love is endless, you can always make more…it’s eternal. If he can’t love you and your child or he’s afraid you’ll love the child more than him…sweetie he’s far too immature to be a father or a husband. He hasn’t learned to be confident and selfless….he’s selfish!

You need to take time away from this person and really be honest with yourself. If the child is not there, will he truely and definitely be there a year from now? Two years?
Think about how you will feel if he does leave you…and you are alone…what will you think of your choices then?
You can ask for advice, go to councelors and all that, but in the end it will be your decision - your child’s life is in your hands.

Remember if you give her up for adoption, He has to sign the papers too - giving up his rights as the father. It isn’t something that an agency will overlook, the rights of both parents are signed away so that they can’t come back later to take the child back.

Now have you thought of this, no one seems to have mentioned it. Do you have a sister, young aunt or uncle or even a cousin or someone you are very close to that would help you in this special situation? You could give the person guardianship of your child, but you don’t sign away your rights as the mother. You would be expected to have contact and help in her support too I’d think.
But you have to make sure that the person that you choose to take care of your daughter understands that it’s only til you can get your life under control again…because you really need to do it!!!

Take the time to get away for a while and get away from him too. You have a life, yours…you are not a piece of this guy…you must decided what is best for you. Clear your head of all this rose colored lovey dovey goop!!

He may seem the most wonderful and important thing to you and it’s cause you are in the midst of that hazy love influence. Get your mind back in gear and shake it off for now…
Your daughter NEEDS YOU to be clear minded!!

Honestly answer these questions to yourself…be painfully honest!
What are you doing with your life? Where are you going? Do you know? You can not think that you’ll sit at home waiting for your guy to come home and just play housewife (aka slave) do you?
What are your dreams? What interests you and what kind of skills do you have? Do you have a good job? Think you need to go back to school or get training to get a better job?

If HE wasn’t in the picture - what would you be doing at this moment in your life? (Don’t you dare tell me looking for a husband to take care of you!!!!) This is not the 1940’s or 1950’s - besides, women started working in the factories due to the war time then…so even they had ambitions!!!

The stress you are going through is going to put you into the hospital and it isn’t good for you at all.
Try to understand that if you don’t keep control of what you do in your life there are plenty of manipulating people that will take over your life for you and most times it isn’t in your best interest - plus getting your life back from them isn’t easy…trust me!!!

I can’t have children and I love to spoil my nieces and nephews! It does annoy my siblings at times though…lol
If any of them needed me to take care of their little ones for a while I’d jump at the chance!! I’d have to go ask my big sister for help since I’m sorta clueless about a lot of the right things to do. But since she’s got 9 kids, 4 of them grown, and 3 grandkids I’m sure she can get me straight on a bunch of it.

If you decide to go to an adoption agency, please try hard to find one that will let you meet with the couples, that way you can decide which ones you think your daughter would fit in with. Find a couple you feel comfortable with and see if they are comfortable with an open adoption. If you feel you are strong enough to not know what happens to her, then choose a closed adoption and try to forget and hope that you aren’t left alone.
If you do what to know your daughter, choose an open adoption…so that if she wants to get to know you she can. Or you can discuss how much involvement you’re allowed. Once you sign away your rights as her mother and the agencies will expect that, you are legally not her mother. No matter what your heart says.

That’s why I think an arrangement with a close family member would be my choice. Your still the mother, you are most definitely involved and a lawyer can draw up the proper papers to make sure everything is legal.

Please think it through clearly and listen to yourself…not the love crazed idiot…the mother and the person inside….remember it is YOUR life…not his or even your daughter’s…though she can be a big part of it…you must decide what is right for you. Then remember that you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life.
I wish you boundless love and comfort and hope that your are surrounded with love from your family in your time of crisis. Please be safe and may your heart know true love….for a child is love…unconditional and eternal….it is there forever in our heart.

]]> By: JÖrDå∩♥ http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2785 JÖrDå∩♥ Wed, 08 Apr 2009 08:17:40 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2785 Im not going to be rude, but you should take a few weeks to think it through before you do this. Having a baby growing inside of you is an amazing thing, then bringing them into this world and the joy they give you is beautiful. Undescribable. You will never forgive yourself in years time when you want to know what she looks like. And if your a*sshole of a boyfriend want to start a family later on again, you will want to know what your daughter is like and also being the sister of your next baby. Your boyfriend has probably just given you this choice because he doesnt think you would go through with it. He will probably dump you as soon as you legally let your baby go anyway. Really think this through sweetie. It will be very painful for you in the longrun. He has probably been with heaps of other women the whole time he was overseas, and you were here waiting for him with his unborn child. Its discusting how males can be sometimes. Your baby will be your angel for the rest of your life, do you realise that? Im not going to be rude, but you should take a few weeks to think it through before you do this. Having a baby growing inside of you is an amazing thing, then bringing them into this world and the joy they give you is beautiful. Undescribable. You will never forgive yourself in years time when you want to know what she looks like. And if your a*sshole of a boyfriend want to start a family later on again, you will want to know what your daughter is like and also being the sister of your next baby. Your boyfriend has probably just given you this choice because he doesnt think you would go through with it. He will probably dump you as soon as you legally let your baby go anyway. Really think this through sweetie. It will be very painful for you in the longrun. He has probably been with heaps of other women the whole time he was overseas, and you were here waiting for him with his unborn child. Its discusting how males can be sometimes. Your baby will be your angel for the rest of your life, do you realise that?

]]> By: eehco http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2784 eehco Tue, 07 Apr 2009 12:37:07 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2784 It sounds like you have the right idea. Good luck and don't pay attention to the rude/mean comments that come up. Make sure to be approachable if the child wants to meet you in the future. Make sure you go through an accredited adoption agency. Check their backgrounds to make sure they are legit. It sounds like you have the right idea. Good luck and don’t pay attention to the rude/mean comments that come up. Make sure to be approachable if the child wants to meet you in the future. Make sure you go through an accredited adoption agency. Check their backgrounds to make sure they are legit.

]]> By: thyladydulcinea http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2783 thyladydulcinea Sun, 05 Apr 2009 01:24:44 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2783 Jess, I applaud you for your decision! Please check out the website while pondering this decision. GOD BLESS YOU! Jess, I applaud you for your decision! Please check out the website while pondering this decision.

GOD BLESS YOU!

]]> By: collins2004_08 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2782 collins2004_08 Thu, 02 Apr 2009 02:30:38 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2782 Wow... after reading every single response I am first of all speechless to see that one can ever choose a man over an innocent loving being of their own. Not many women are as fortunate to have children and you are! It's not like you are giving your daughter up because you cant support her financially or you have no place to live. You are giving your daughter up for A MAN. Thats tough to understand I must admit! I just have one question considering "YOU THINK" you have made the best decision what do you think your life will really be like after the whole adoption issue is done and taken care of? I mean do you & your husband plan to put it behind you and never discuss it like its an old rag thrown out. I mean I am positive the issue will come up and it will bother you as the mother who carried your child for NINE MONTHS PLUS the issue will come up in the long run and it will break your family apart. Something like this cant be forgotten totally. In the back of your mind it will follow and you will always wonder what if or I wonder how shes doing etc. etc. It's going to be hard. Furthermore I can not even believe someone would even consider being with a man who makes a women choose not only her child but his as well over himself. I mean wow! But keep in mind one important issue and that is this situation will come up later on in the long run and its going to be like you are reliving it all over again :( I wish you luck on everything and hope god can forgive you for making a decision based on a man other than logical real life reasons... :( Wow… after reading every single response I am first of all speechless to see that one can ever choose a man over an innocent loving being of their own. Not many women are as fortunate to have children and you are! It’s not like you are giving your daughter up because you cant support her financially or you have no place to live. You are giving your daughter up for A MAN. Thats tough to understand I must admit! I just have one question considering “YOU THINK” you have made the best decision what do you think your life will really be like after the whole adoption issue is done and taken care of? I mean do you & your husband plan to put it behind you and never discuss it like its an old rag thrown out. I mean I am positive the issue will come up and it will bother you as the mother who carried your child for NINE MONTHS PLUS the issue will come up in the long run and it will break your family apart. Something like this cant be forgotten totally. In the back of your mind it will follow and you will always wonder what if or I wonder how shes doing etc. etc. It’s going to be hard. Furthermore I can not even believe someone would even consider being with a man who makes a women choose not only her child but his as well over himself. I mean wow! But keep in mind one important issue and that is this situation will come up later on in the long run and its going to be like you are reliving it all over again :( I wish you luck on everything and hope god can forgive you for making a decision based on a man other than logical real life reasons… :(

]]> By: sparky2003 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2781 sparky2003 Wed, 01 Apr 2009 09:36:30 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2781 This is really a sad situation.If you don't want your baby then giving her up for adoption is a wise choice because every child deserves to be loved.What others think really shouldn't concern you.I hope you realize that in all probability your boyfriend will not be around for long, anyone that shallow and selfish doesn't stay satisfied and soon moves on. I also hope that you go through an adoption agency so the would be parents are screened and has a back ground check.. I'm sure there are wonderful people on line that would love your baby, But can you go through life"not knowing what kind of people have her"?There are a lot of sick perverted people out there. Peace be with you and good luck. For anyone considering adoption, please go through an accredited adoption agency. Countless couples that adopt end up with the hearts broken when the birth mother "changes her mind" Even though an adoption is finalized the birth mother can change her mind at any time and if the court finds that she can support the child she will get the child back! This is really a sad situation.If you don’t want your baby then giving her up for adoption is a wise choice because every child deserves to be loved.What others think really shouldn’t concern you.I hope you realize that in all probability your boyfriend will not be around for long, anyone that shallow and selfish doesn’t stay satisfied and soon moves on. I also hope that you go through an adoption agency so the would be parents are screened and has a back ground check.. I’m sure there are wonderful people on line that would love your baby, But can you go through life”not knowing what kind of people have her”?There are a lot of sick perverted people out there. Peace be with you and good luck.

For anyone considering adoption, please go through an accredited adoption agency. Countless couples that adopt end up with the hearts broken when the birth mother “changes her mind” Even though an adoption is finalized the birth mother can change her mind at any time and if the court finds that she can support the child she will get the child back!

]]> By: meggiephoo42069 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2780 meggiephoo42069 Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:18:31 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/i-decided-to-put-my-baby-up-for-adoption-looking-for-loving-adopters-2/#comment-2780 im not trying to be rude but what is more important your child or your man. i think my child would mean more to me than him. you can alwalys find another man but you cant replace that baby girl. you play you pay girl.im sorry!!! that child does not deserve that kind of respect from you. im not trying to be rude but what is more important your child or your man. i think my child would mean more to me than him. you can alwalys find another man but you cant replace that baby girl. you play you pay girl.im sorry!!! that child does not deserve that kind of respect from you.

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