My Adopted Baby

13 Responses to “I placed a baby for adoption several months ago. Does it ever get easier?”

1. Elisabeth - Third boy due in Dec Says:
   November 30th, 2009 at 4:37 am

   I have never been through the experience but as a mother, I can understand what you are going through. It really isn’t easy going through pregnancy, giving birth, and then having someone else raise your child. However you just have to tell yourself that you made the right decision. You made the responsible choice to give your child a better life and I think that is a very selfless act. You should explain to people the sacrifice that YOU made when they say that you are selfish. Concentrate on the fact that you made the best decision for your child to put your mind at ease. Elisabeth - Third boy due in Dec

2. Momof2 Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 1:08 pm

   First off , you are not selfish whatsoever. The selfish thing to do would have been to have an abortion. You cared enough for your child to do the best thing possible in order to give him/her a good life. The pain may or may not go away. But what might help is staying in touch with the adoptive parents, maybe have the parents send you pictures. Momof2

3. thejes Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 11:30 pm

   Wow, you are very strong to do this. What you are doing is good, because you’re considering your child, no matter how much you feel badly and how much you love your child you know that he/she will be better off in someone else’s care. You really are strong for doing that.

   If you want support for what you’re doing, I’m sure the adoption agency you’re with has some sort of program for parents whose children are up for adoption. I’m sure there are meetings and programs and stuff like that which can help you through this obviously difficult time.

   I hope this helps, and good luck. thejes

4. Allanas Says:
   December 4th, 2009 at 11:42 pm

   People say it’s just as if the child had died. I won’t even lie and say I know what you’re feeling. It has to be excruciating. I just want to say.

   YOU’RE NOT ALONE!!!

   There are groups and people to help you through. Contact other people in your situation. Look online for groups. If you used an agency, they may have resources for you.

   I’m so sorry. I pray it gets easier for you. Allanas

5. Aislin Says:
   December 6th, 2009 at 5:28 am

   I am deeply sorry. I hate to say this but it doesn’t get easier. You just learn to live with the pain. You learn to function and cope. The only thing I have found to help is talking to people that truly understand. People that have been there and I don’t have to explain everything to every time I am down. Feel free to email me if you need to talk to someone that understands your pain. Our situations are different but the pain is the same. I hope you find some support and help. Aislin

6. ¡ ♥ π Says:
   December 8th, 2009 at 4:17 am

   You aren’t selfish-keeping a baby that you couldn’t support and trying to live off of the government would be selfish. Talk to a therapist or join an online group. Whenever you feel sad just think of all of the things your baby has now. This might make you feel better,
   Always remember that giving your baby a chance at a better life is the ultimate expression of love. ¡ ♥ π

7. Enchant Me Says:
   December 9th, 2009 at 10:11 pm

   Well, I gave my dog away 2 weeks ago because i couldn’t take care of him he kept throwing up on the carpet and stuff so I figured he’d be better off somewhere with people who don’t like to keep their house clean. It was really difficult for me to leave him outside burrito station but i managed to do it, for him. We have to make difficult decisions sometimes. I think its getting easier to deal with. I’m sure your baby’s new owners are taking good care of it. Enchant Me

8. Monique Says:
   December 12th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

   Perhaps you could seek some counselling? You may never fully heal from this but perhaps counselling would help you to better understand yourself and the way you’re feeling. Best of luck Monique

9. Becca Says:
   December 15th, 2009 at 7:08 pm

   You are not a selfish person. If you had placed your baby for selfish reasons such as you want to party and didn’t want to disrupt your life then you wouldn’t be feeling such pain right now.
   I have never placed a child so I will not even begin to pretend that I know what it is like. But being a mother myself I can not imagine knowing I had a child that I was not getting to see every single day and raise as I saw fit. Being apart from your baby I assume will never be pain free. It may get easier to deal with over time but I don’t think it will ever be totally ok and without pain. Becca

10. ashlea Says:
    December 18th, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    im a birth mother is was so hard to do this who ever said your selfish they don’t know what there talking about. They don’t know how painful it is to carry your son or daughter than hand them over to a family.

    Well its been 4 year on sept 8th when i signed my rights away i will never forget that day or my daughter’s birthday

    It will take time for the pain to heal i still cry for her
    what helped me was to talk to about it with someone i talk to my teach my best friend and my sister-in-law.

    my sorry that your friends and family don’t understand but if they went through what all of us birth mother’s went thought then they would understand

    here is my email for you if you need someone to talk to or any questions ashlea

11. crystal Says:
    December 20th, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    you are not selfish. it was the right thing to do. i’m soo sry and i’ll pray for things to get better for u. i hope u find some support soon. crystal

12. Ferbs Says:
    December 21st, 2009 at 8:11 am

    What sadness.

    This is unfortunately the real painful part of the adoption process. No one else can understand this pain unless they have been through it.

    I wish I could help you more but let me say this: You made this decision out of love, not selfishness so don’t let those haters make you feel worse about it.

    I am very sorry your family and friends are not supportive. Perhaps someone here can suggest some support groups for you to contact.

    Did you choose an open adoption plan? If so…I’m hoping that will help you along the way. I think it is helpful for our son’s bio mom. This is what she has shared.

    This is still very raw and fresh so it is supposed to hurt this much. This being said…like any loss…I hope it will get better over time but I don’t pretend to know how this feels. You will likely never stop thinking about your child. I think this would be very normal.

    I will leave it up to those who have experienced this first hand to guide you on this. My response is mainly to tell you that your decision may very well have accomplished all that you desired for your baby. I do not know the circumstances around your decision but it may have been the right thing in the end. I hope this makes a little easier.

    God…the sacrifices you and others make…breaks my heart. I am forever grateful to our sons biological mother. And this is why.

    Please seek counselling or support where it is available. You are not selfish and should not be looked down upon. Just the opposite. Ferbs

13. BAT Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    The pain will not go away….ever. However, just keep telling yourself that you did what was best for your baby. You are a brave person! Do you think that the couple who adopted your child are looking down on you or think you are selfish? No…they are very grateful for you and the sacrifice you have made. For me, 16 years later, I still cry. I think about her all the time. We have reconnected and she tells me how grateful she is for the decision I made. She understands and respects me. I kept a journal for her and she found that very touching. It should her that even though it hurt me, I stayed strong knowing one day we would be together again. I told myself that every day. BAT

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