I think I want to give my baby up for adoption?
Mariah asked:
I’m scared I think I want to give my baby up for adoption. I don’t think I can take care of her. I have a crappy job at a fast food joint and my car just went out on me. What should I do? I can barely take care of myself and the dad walked out on me.
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I’m scared I think I want to give my baby up for adoption. I don’t think I can take care of her. I have a crappy job at a fast food joint and my car just went out on me. What should I do? I can barely take care of myself and the dad walked out on me.
June 2nd, 2010 at 6:43 am
Whatever you do, do what is best for the child. A one parent home is not what is best right off. I am glad you aren’t talking abortion, but willing to give the child you created a chance at life. If you adopt her out, she will be able to go to a good home, with people ready and willing to take care of her needs, and provide her with a stable home and family life. From what it sounds like, that would be doing right by her, and giving the opportunities she deserves. You can always make it an open adoption, or leaving yourself with the opportunity to see her as she grows up. Just make sure that when you do this, you won’t go crashing into her life later to take her back and destroy what you have given her. Good for you for thinking of your baby girl before yourself. WhtGrl1414
June 5th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
It is completely up to you, there are government programs that will help you, and then there are great families out there that can’t have children. Think it over and do what you feel is best and don’t let others pressure you. Panda M
June 8th, 2010 at 12:07 am
How sad you want to abandon your baby to strangers Hanly
June 8th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
How far along are you???
You should do whatever you think is in the best interest of the child.
But you could always keep the child.find a better job.get a little help(wic,food stamps)and take the father to court.
In the end it’s all up to you.and your baby will love you no matter what
heather
June 11th, 2010 at 9:12 am
if you really want to keep your baby you can always get help from social services, a lot of people on welfare have babies, if they can take care of them so can you, also, you can always ask God to help you provide for your baby, he’ll do that too if you want to keep it Pearl L
June 13th, 2010 at 6:53 am
I know its a hard decision. Actually I don’t know personally. My sister and I were adopted together, and my 2 other sisters were put in foster homes. My mother was in jail and my mother was a freakin slut and we all had different fathers and the men she claimed were our fathers failed the tests. I was the darkest and no one wanted to take care of me and then finally my adoptive parents (who were irish, adopted two spanish girls) my sister looked white and loved her more, they just took me because my sister wanted me to come with. (i don’t feel this way they told me) they decided to kick me out on my 18th birthday and I was still in school, I moved in with my boyfriend, was on birth control, but still became pregnant. I decided to keep her.
Things happen for a reason, but if you feel it’s neccessary and you can’t think by yourself… Make a pro’s and con’s list and if there are more options and you can still move on with your life even if you decide to keep your baby or not (your choice) You’ll know and feel it in your heart. The father left you? He wasn’t a man then. I realized in 6th grade that when you have a boyfriend, you find out who your true friends are and when you think you love someone, something bad or a crazy surprise has to happen to know truly if they’ll be by your side. The difference is, your baby will always be by your side no matter what. It’s instinct. If your instinct is telling you that your baby doesn’t deserve you, only you know. Good Luck Ms. Lady and Best wishes to you’re to beautiful baby. Mizz Lion3ss
June 14th, 2010 at 1:18 am
what ever you do, do the best for your child. i know is hard but listen you can´t give up to your own baby that´s crazy! what kind of mother are you!, darling! calm down! you are beautiful, strong you have so much to do in this life. think about your little princess what is she going to think about her mommy that left her alone in this world. be strong i know is hard but everytime you wake up in this morning open your eyes and look at your little sweet girl, think that you got to be strong for the person that you love so much that is your baby!. she needs you and you need her, giving your little princess up for adoption is going to make things worse, and you might regret it and you might not get her back anymore. you had her inside you!, you gave her a life and she made you a woman!. my dad and mom had so so many problems in their life, sometimes my dad didn´t had a good job and he was very sad because he need it the money to give a plate of food for his family, but by underneath everything, we were awalys with him and we are still with him.
trust me when your little girl gets more older she is going to thankfull so much that you took care of her and that you gave her so much love, no matter how many battles you had to fight. please don´t give your baby up for adoption i know you don´t want to do it!, how would you feel if your momma did the same thing giving you up for adoption? c´mon girl! enjoy your baby!!!!!!! get help from your family, friends, etc. remember you are not alone in this world!!!!!!!!!! SAY WHAT!?
June 15th, 2010 at 1:31 am
I know you are in a scary place. I was once there, too. Your baby does not want to be raised by strangers…only by YOU.
Please do NOT give your child up for adoption. The pain will last an entire lifetime, for you and YOUR BABY.
Please read the facts about adoption and how it will more than likely affect YOUR BABY and YOU. If you decide to continue with your pregnancy, your child deserves to be loved and raised by YOU. Adoption does NOT guarantee a better life, only a different one.
Also, do NOT contact anyone who has asked you to, or who has emailed you already. They are greedy vultures who want to make money off your baby, or want that baby for themselves, and as I said earlier, open adoptions are not legally enforceable. Its a trick to make you give away your baby.
Here are some links that can help you. The baby’s father will be ordered to pay child support. LinnyG
June 16th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
It’s natural to be scared but having a job in a fast food joint and having a car that doesn’t work wont make you a bad mother. You will regret surrendering so be a good mother and make the dad pay towards his child. Also check out what you are entitled to in regards to financial help. Pip
June 19th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Doing what you think is best for your child is not always popular. But parenting is a tough job. Choices you make are tough weather you keep the baby or give the baby up. Their are programs that will help you if you decide to keep or decide to give up. The place where I adopted my children had both programs and the first two birth mothers who choose me to parent their child, changed their minds. So I encourage you to look for a place like that. As for deciding what action to take, that is totally up to you. you love the child, no doubt or you would have ended it already. Now you give it what you think is best. Lot of people think on this site that adoptive parents are just people with money. But they are people who love the children and who are at a better place to raise a child. Not just with money, but emotionally too. If your barely making, the baby’s father walk out, you are under a lot of stress. Stress can make you do some crazy things. So first things first, get your self to a safe situation where you are not worrying about barely making it. Then look a things for the long haul. What the future holds if you keep the baby and if you don’t and decide which is better for the baby and for you De
June 21st, 2010 at 10:05 am
Keep your baby if you are having any doubts. Your baby wants you not some strangers with a little bit more money than you. Go get on WIC, Housing assist, Food Stamps, Heating&Cooling Assist, Medicaid, anything that will help you keep your baby and get you on your feet DO IT! They even have programs to help you with getting and paying for daycare for your child. Its not as expensive as you think to get ready for a baby either. Cloth Diapers, Breastfeeding, Homemade Wet Wipes, Buying all the clothes either on clearance or on Ebay or even from Yard Sales. Ask your health department or Social Services if they can help you get a car seat or fix your car so it would be safe for you and your baby (they do that around here wouldn’t hurt to check). Work up until you have your little one, if you have to quit by Dr’s orders (I was forced to quit) you can get short term disability. You can keep your baby, screw the dad he doesn’t deserve either of you. tiffany<3
June 22nd, 2010 at 11:32 pm
no don’t do it.
you will regret your decision.
if you live near the orange county area, there’s a shelter and place for people like you called “Casa Teresa” or Mary’s shelter. they will take care of you for awhile. It’s only temporary. I advise you to check it out.
As far as the dad walking out on you, shame on him. He should have known better, but hey….
Anyway, this is too serious to post here. I would go now. Go today if you can.
child support issues: you can go to your local court maybe, and file for that.
Also, it’s not bad to keep contacting your baby’s daddy. It’s not harrassment, since you have a reason and a good one at that.
keep your head up, you are probably young. But most people would KILL (hence the news) to have children, and you want to give him/her up? don’t. You’ll regret it.
this is coming from someone who wishes she had babies sometimes. R.I.K.A
June 25th, 2010 at 5:24 am
IN MY OPINION ITS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN EVER TAKE BACK IM SORRY THE FATHER WALKED OUT,AND HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ,BECAUSE TRUELY AS YOUR CHILD GROWS UP WITH OUT YOU IT WILL ALWAYS HAUNT THAT CHILD ON WHY HE WASNT IMPORTANT ENOUGH,THATS JUST MY OPINION Dani
June 27th, 2010 at 12:45 am
This is a difficult time for you. You should time to weigh up all of your options and perhaps consider getting some advice. There are resources online and free confidential support services available to help. Mhairi P
June 27th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
File for child support, ask for help from your parents and his, ask for help from welfare, WIC, the churches in the community, cricketlady
July 1st, 2010 at 12:02 am
As a single mother on benefits i can tell you that the doubts you are having are only natural… I really hope you think this through though… I have a daughter and a son that both live with me however a few years back, i was really having a tough time tryin to raise a child and found myself pregnant again, at that time i had concealed my whole pregnancy from everybody i knew… I gave that beautiful baby up for adoption and it was by far the hardest thing i have ever had 2 do… There are open adoptions though where you can have contact with your child, this was my choice and i see my child twice a year… It is very hard and not a day goes by without thinking about it but i do feel that at that time i really made the right choice as i really was not able to car for that child alone with another…. It is up 2 you only to make the decision but really think hard about it… Please do not act hastily… You will be a great mother if you keep your child, however if you really feel you have no other choice there are adoption boards with plenty of nice, loving couples out there who can not have children that are always waiting on a call… I see how happy it has made a couple like that and i also see what a happy and loving environment my child grows up in…. rugbylady
July 4th, 2010 at 5:05 am
there are things out there that can help u like wic for formula and other places that will give u food stamps and cash assistance gibson.samantha23
July 4th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Why do you want to give your baby up?
If it’s because you truly don’t want to be a mother right now, then maybe adoption is the best thing to do. There are many women out there who’d love to give your darling baby a wonderful home. Adoption will give you the chance to get on with your goals in life, knowing that your baby is being well cared for (by the family of your choice, if you so desire).
However, if it’s just because of the money, or because you feel like you don’t “deserve” to be a mom, then maybe you should look into what services are available to you. Not just government services, but private charities like the Crisis Pregnancy Centers. Remember, tough financial situations don’t last forever. Don’t give your baby up if money is the ONLY barrier, because you’ll always regret it if you do.
Anyway, you sound like a very brave and unselfish woman who wants to do the right thing. I wish you and your baby all the best, whatever you choose. Phaery G
July 7th, 2010 at 8:08 am
You don’t think you can care for her? More like you can’t.The solution(for you)is to get an education and a real job.Not going on welfare. Josh
July 9th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Dont listen to Josh hes an idiot and asks questions about his farts.
I think you should silence your mind. Forget the media and all chatter and everyone elses opinions. When you find a quite place in your mind then you can make a clear decision. Crabapple27
July 11th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
So you’d rather live the next 20+ years wondering if you made the right decision, wondering if your child is safe, loved, well cared for, abused, neglected, bullied, still alive.
You’d rather experience tons of guilt, shame, low self esteem, low self worth, a substance habit to shut your head off at night so you can escape your own mind, nightmares, and have a therapist for the next two decades.
You’d rather wonder about reunion, what it will be like, if it will ever happen, how it will go, if he/she will forgive you, hate you, never contact you.
You’d rather look at every kid the same age and wonder if its yours.
You’d rather subject your child to thoughts of what was so wrong with me that mommy didn’t want me, abandonment issues, attachment disorders, trust problems, teasing at school, sealed birth records, never knowing their ancestry, heritage, ethnicity, medical back ground, actual birth-date, actual age, not being able to leave the country as an adult because their adoption took longer than one year to finalize, so it makes them a possible terrorist, being returned and re-adopted over and over again because they didn’t fit in, weren’t quite what the adoptive parents wanted, didn’t make little Johnny or Suzie (their bio kids) as happy as the parents thought they would.
You’d rather take a chance of your child growing up in and aging out of foster care, because they were a hard ot place, hard ot love child, because of all the issues they have from being adopted.
You’d rather your child looked at every stranger on the street wondering if they might possibly be a relative. Let them fall in love with and possibly have children with a blood sibling because they didn’t know they were siblings and have no mirror image or documentation to go by.
Everything I have posted has happened to some degree to adoptees and surrendering mothers.
I have NO job right now. I have raised my two teenage sons this way for the last 4 years. One is in college, the other graduates high school next year. What you THINK you can do and what yo can actually pull off are two very different things.
I have a daughter who is 37 years old, who I have had the absolute pleasure to know and love for the last 10 years. I have grand children I have had to look in the eyes and explain why I am they’re mommies mom but grandma so and so raised her.
I have had the the blessing of being forgiven, yet I still can not forgive myself so what good is it, and my daughter and I both have ever lasting scars from separation through adoption even though she got a good home. smarmy
July 13th, 2010 at 6:34 am
I think it’s something you would have to dig deep inside of you and figure out whats best for you and the baby. If you do decide on adoption please consider me, I would love to raise a wonderful child. God bless you on your journey. rv