I thinking aobut giving my baby up for adoption?
georgia asked:
Thank you for all the great advice that you all have given to me.I do not feell that Im ready to be a mother because I’ve kept my baby for the wrong reasons and I dont want to be selfish when she gets here in three months.There are so many woman that want the opppourtunity to get pregnant and it always seems like the ones that aren’t ready for motherhood are the ones that do.I pray the the decision that I make will be the right one for my daughter because I want her to enjoy her life and not be around negative and selfish parents because she did not ask to be born and I just want to make the right decesion for her even if it might not be with her biological parents.
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Thank you for all the great advice that you all have given to me.I do not feell that Im ready to be a mother because I’ve kept my baby for the wrong reasons and I dont want to be selfish when she gets here in three months.There are so many woman that want the opppourtunity to get pregnant and it always seems like the ones that aren’t ready for motherhood are the ones that do.I pray the the decision that I make will be the right one for my daughter because I want her to enjoy her life and not be around negative and selfish parents because she did not ask to be born and I just want to make the right decesion for her even if it might not be with her biological parents.
March 1st, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Even if you do give her up for adoption you can have an open adoption so you can still be apart of her life.
March 1st, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Can you grow up some & keep your baby & give the life that it deserves.You can change if you feel that you are not good enough to raise the child. What changes would you be willing to make,,the baby may make you change for the best.As you dream,,so shall you become.
March 1st, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I did and I believe it was the best decision at the time. I won’t say that I have not thought about my decision every moment since. In fact, I have no other children ~ and can’t have them. I sometimes regret my decision, but still know I made the best decision I could at that time. I was 21 and could hardly support myself. It was best for the baby.
March 4th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
The best thing you can do is find a family for your child if you still want to choose adoption. I knew a couple a long time ago that took part in an open adoption and both the mother and the adoptive family were there for the child as he grew up. The mother was active but not as active as the grandmother so Little David had extra grandparents and a great life.
March 8th, 2009 at 3:27 am
I don’t think a child could ask for more than the kind of love it takes to make that very decision. I think you are brave and I truly hope everything works out the best for you and your baby. My birthmom made that decision for me when I was a baby and I love her for it! I was given a wonderful life and family because of her, and I’ve since met her and been able to thank her for it. Best of luck to you!
March 11th, 2009 at 4:04 am
YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON TO THINK OF THE BABY’S LIFE BEFORE YOURS. BUTS A BIG CHOICE AND YOU SHOULD PUT ALOT OF THOUGHT IN TO YOUR CHOICE. YOU NEVER KNOW YOU COULD BE A WONDERFUL MOM
GOOD LUCK AND HOPE YOU MAKE BEST CHOICE FOR YOU AND YOU BABY
March 13th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I was adopted and met my birthparents when I was 18. They were so young when I was concieved. I am so glad they made the choice to keep me alive and give me up for adoption. I had a better life because of it. I saw how they lived and it was the best decision for all of us. Good luck to you.
March 15th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
you can look to give her to some people you trust or maybe someone you know. You seem to love this little angel girl already to be thinking of her so much. I am sure if you decide that this the route to go you will find an amazing family to love and care for her. Good Luck
March 15th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
It sounds like you have made your mind up, but ponder this… How will you feel every year on her birthday? Will you wonder when she starts to walk? Or what her smile is like? What about her first day of school? Or who she calls out to first? What about all the scraped knees that you could’ve kissed and made all better? What about those days when you were down and she could have come up to you and in the sweetest little voice said “Mommy I love you”? Will you miss all of that? Do you really want to? It’s not selfish to want your children to be with you, it’s normal and understandable. You are the one who carried this baby for nine months and felt her kick and heard her heartbeat and watched her move around in the ultrasound, you already have a bond with this child.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
I’m wondering how old you are. If you are a teenager I think that adoption is the perfect option for you. You are right - there are a lot of wonderful families waiting to adopt a baby. You could give them the gift they’ve always wanted. You’re only trying to do what’s best for the baby and your child will understand in the long run. If you are older and living on your own, please look at what it would take to raise this child on your own. A child brings so many blessings, and if you are able to care for this baby, please consider it. Take care.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Only you can decide what is the best for you. Having a baby is a wonderful thing, and giving a baby to a family who cannot have one also is a wonderful thing.
If you have any doubts about giving it up..don’t as you will regret it forever. However, if you really feel this is the right thing, than it is.
I am sorry I am not helping at all, but only you can make this decision. DO NOT make it for any reason other than for yourself.
I wish you well in your decision making. A very difficult decision.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
I applaud you for your decision. I can not imagine the heartache you must feel, but know you are doing the right thing. If you cannot emotionally or financially support this child and give her the best start in life that she deserves, by giving her up, in fact you are. As a person who can not have children your decision touchs me, and I am so grateful you decided to carry your child to term. You are carrying a very precious gift for another couple who will never be able to thank you enough.
Good luck.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I definatly think that if you feel that you are not ready to raise a child that adoption would be much better than abortion. You might want to check to see if anyone in your family would like to adopt your child before you choose an adoption agency. So then you can see the child and be apart of his/her life whenever you want. Good Luck to you and your little one.
March 20th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
think really hard it to see of that is really want u want to do…. its asmart thing hat i dont want to put a negative influence on the baby life and want the child to have whats best…. or this could be the breakthough for u to turn things around and realize that u can change and make a change and be there for ya child.but dont toy with the childs life… one u have made ya decision, that will be the end….. but i think it wil be good to do open adoption that will u can still be in the baby’s life
i know u will make the right decision!!!!
March 23rd, 2009 at 8:53 am
You’re a very brave girl and I’m so glad you didn’t have an abortion.
I understand pro-choice blah blah….but too many women are using abortion as a form of birth control.
Stay strong and do what your heart tells you is right.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:49 am
It sounds like the best situation for your baby is to do an open adoption.
That is what I did. I don’t think I could have done it, otherwise.
There are great agencies that set it up. Couples apply to adopt and YOU get to pick the couple that will adopt her.
The idea is that you get to be in her life and she gets to be in yours. You get to determine how much. I know of a few situations in which the adoptive parents bonded with the birth mother before the birth and even attended the birth.
My son thinks of me as a very special aunt and my husband a very special uncle. He knows his origins, but he was raised by his adopted parents.
He knows his birth siblings and other relatives. He has two families!
I wish you well. It was both the most difficult and the most incredible thing I have ever done.
It is the most precious and most generous act you could ever perform, in my opinion and experience.
March 28th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. She is lucky to have a mom like you. Consider what you could offer her instead of what you can’t. My parents were broke raising me and my 2 sisters, but we made it with love and hard work. As far as the selfish parents you mentioned, it must be the father to be. It’s definitely not you. You already love her enough to consider this option of adoption, (you should also consider leaving him if that is what the problem is.) Good luck to you and your beautiful baby girl. It’s going to be a tough decision, but I truly believe that god has a plan for you. You will know what to do when she comes.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.
Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.
One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.
And now you ask me, through your tears,
the age-old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different kinds of Love.
April 1st, 2009 at 10:11 pm
This has got to be one of the hardest decisions anyone can make. Keeping a child is hard, giving one up is hard.
A real test of love is what is BEST-in the long run- for your child.
YOU pass with flying colors, in my opinion.
It is always a good idea to love and support your children, and you are doing that the best way you can!
You will have plenty of time to have children when you are in a better position in life. take care of yourself. Good luck!
April 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Check out the book “Adoption Without Fear” by Jim Gritter or it may be under James Gritter. (You’ll probably be able to find it at your library) It is about open adoption. Also, I would check into an agency that will give you support in whatever decision you make.
Best of luck
Nicci
April 6th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Adoption is such a huge gift to give someone, but a lot of times it’s hard for the birth mother unless they have some kind of contact with the adopting parents and their biological child. If that’s what you’re looking for then you should definitely do an open adoption.
I have a 4 year old daughter, Kinsley. I gave her up for adoption when she was born to a couple who knew my boss at the time (they’d been trying to have a baby for 4 years). We have a completely open adoption and I see her several times a year. My relationship to the adopting parents is sort of like just having an extended family.
It takes a truly strong person to give their baby up, but it also takes someone who has guts and character. I applaud you for weighing all your options and considering adoption.
Good luck and blessings to you!
April 9th, 2009 at 9:54 am
I was adopted the day I was born, my father left my mother and my mother didn’t have a job and was too young, but, every day that passes I can’t help but cry myself to sleep thinking about her. If you decided to give you baby up, please stay in contact with the adopting parents. Thinking that every day that your parents didn’t want you is difficult and I always wonder if I look like her. Leave your baby with something to remember you with. If you can’t take care of your baby and don’t think you can give it the love it will want, don’t keep it, but make sure they know you are there. Just let them know you didn’t hate them.
April 9th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
I am currently in the same situation and I will be praying for you to make the right decision for you and the baby. What I found to be really useful is getting in contact with a nonprofit adoption agency. I’m in the Dallas Texas area and am currently getting counseling with Buckner Adoption. Because they are nonprofit, Christian, and an open-adoption agency, they really want to help you with your decision (and aren’t getting money to make them bias). I have a caseworker named Erica, shes awesome and she really makes me feel less alone during this awkward pregnancy. So far we’ve talked about both options and consolers with these organizations will defiantly help you realize and put priorities together with you.
Just by you wanting to go through with the pregnancy and even considering the baby before yourself makes me think that you are not be selfish at all.
Children will benefit with you as a parent or with another loving family, just don’t let a negative image or yourself lead your choice.
Good Luck and God Bless!