Comments on: if i decide to give my baby u for a adoption, what do i do? http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/ Thu, 17 May 2012 20:34:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Tamara C http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5482 Tamara C Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:26:15 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5482 Are you still needing to give your baby for adoption? I have 3 children and wanted one more, but I just found out I can no longer conceive. I have been looking for a private adoption for some time now. Would you be interested in this? If not i do have the adoption information, and how to go about it. Good luck! And if you get nasty replies from others...IGNORE THEM!! They have no idea what you are going through! Tammy C. http://www.healthstorebargains.com/srch/srch.php?q=xtreme Are you still needing to give your baby for adoption? I have 3 children and wanted one more, but I just found out I can no longer conceive. I have been looking for a private adoption for some time now. Would you be interested in this? If not i do have the adoption information, and how to go about it. Good luck! And if you get nasty replies from others…IGNORE THEM!! They have no idea what you are going through!

Tammy C. http://www.healthstorebargains.com/srch/srch.php?q=xtreme

]]> By: xlinzx88x http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5481 xlinzx88x Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:48:30 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5481 If I were you, I'd wait at least a few hours until after the baby is born to decide whether or not to give him/her up. The last thing you want to do is give birth to your baby and give it up immediately. Many women arrange to have their children placed for adoption before hand and end up regretting the decision and reclaiming their rights, that hurts the AP's, you, and possibly the infant. By the way, the father of the child has rights too. You'd need his permission to give up his child. http://www.cargearusa.com/srch/srch.php?q=hitch If I were you, I’d wait at least a few hours until after the baby is born to decide whether or not to give him/her up. The last thing you want to do is give birth to your baby and give it up immediately. Many women arrange to have their children placed for adoption before hand and end up regretting the decision and reclaiming their rights, that hurts the AP’s, you, and possibly the infant. By the way, the father of the child has rights too. You’d need his permission to give up his child. http://www.cargearusa.com/srch/srch.php?q=hitch

]]> By: Danielle W http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5480 Danielle W Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:50:57 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5480 My husband and I adopted our son a year and a half ago from a 24-year old woman with the same feelings as you. She loved her baby very much, but could not realistically take care of him. We had tried for a few years to have a baby, and being able to adopt was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I love my little boy more than anything in the world, and I love his birthmother so much as well. I am so grateful to her for making me a mom, and I am raising my son to be grateful to her as well for knowing what was best for him. We have an open adoption, so we still visit his birth mother once in a while as often as she feels comfortable. We keep in touch with her and send her pictures. How you would get started is you could either find a family yourself, or go to an adoption agency who will help you find someone to adopt your baby. You won't have to pay for anything, the couple wanting to adopt will, and should pay all expenses related to the adoption. I would reccommend contacting an adoption agency or finding a family first so the child does not have to go into foster care until it is adopted. We were able to bring our son home right from the hospital. If you really are serious, my husband and I really want to adopt another baby and would be so happy to meet you or talk to you about the adoption process. I am a stay at home mom whose life centers around my little boy. We want another baby and would love to adopt yours. Please consider us!! Also, do not listen to those that are negative about adoption. Unless they have been in your shoes, they cannot truly understand how you feel. You need to do what you feel is best for you and your child. Adoption is the most unselfish act a woman can do for their child if they feel they cannot take care of it. http://www.fresh-coffee.com/coffee/costa-rica-coffee.htm My husband and I adopted our son a year and a half ago from a 24-year old woman with the same feelings as you. She loved her baby very much, but could not realistically take care of him. We had tried for a few years to have a baby, and being able to adopt was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I love my little boy more than anything in the world, and I love his birthmother so much as well. I am so grateful to her for making me a mom, and I am raising my son to be grateful to her as well for knowing what was best for him. We have an open adoption, so we still visit his birth mother once in a while as often as she feels comfortable. We keep in touch with her and send her pictures.

How you would get started is you could either find a family yourself, or go to an adoption agency who will help you find someone to adopt your baby. You won’t have to pay for anything, the couple wanting to adopt will, and should pay all expenses related to the adoption. I would reccommend contacting an adoption agency or finding a family first so the child does not have to go into foster care until it is adopted. We were able to bring our son home right from the hospital.

If you really are serious, my husband and I really want to adopt another baby and would be so happy to meet you or talk to you about the adoption process. I am a stay at home mom whose life centers around my little boy. We want another baby and would love to adopt yours. Please consider us!!

Also, do not listen to those that are negative about adoption. Unless they have been in your shoes, they cannot truly understand how you feel. You need to do what you feel is best for you and your child. Adoption is the most unselfish act a woman can do for their child if they feel they cannot take care of it. http://www.fresh-coffee.com/coffee/costa-rica-coffee.htm

]]> By: mindi101 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5479 mindi101 Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:58:08 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5479 You can leave the baby there, however, I found it nice to choose where my child was going. It was comforting to me to meet the family I was placing with. Many agencies nowadays let you be very involved in the adoption process and you can even choose open adoptions where you keep in contact via e-mail or mail or sometimes in person (if you want) I would talk to some agencies about it. I too talked to LDS family Services, you don't have to be their religion, they have free counselors to help you understand adoption options (and even single parenting etc) http://www.batterybackupguide.com/backup-battery-d500.htm You can leave the baby there, however, I found it nice to choose where my child was going. It was comforting to me to meet the family I was placing with. Many agencies nowadays let you be very involved in the adoption process and you can even choose open adoptions where you keep in contact via e-mail or mail or sometimes in person (if you want) I would talk to some agencies about it. I too talked to LDS family Services, you don’t have to be their religion, they have free counselors to help you understand adoption options (and even single parenting etc) http://www.batterybackupguide.com/backup-battery-d500.htm

]]> By: Ashred13 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5478 Ashred13 Mon, 19 Oct 2009 10:49:37 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5478 My brother and sister-in-law wanted to have children very badly. However, they tried for 5 years and still couldn't get pregnant. Yet, just 6 months ago they were blessed with an opportunity to adopt. They worked with the family and LDS family services and arranged the adoption. LDS family services is a good option. They have a website where couple who want to adopt have pages describing themselves and pictures so you can see what the parents look like. Not just anyone can get pages on the website, so you won't have random, unreliable people there. http://www.ihearclear.com/miracle-ear-hearing-aids.htm My brother and sister-in-law wanted to have children very badly. However, they tried for 5 years and still couldn’t get pregnant. Yet, just 6 months ago they were blessed with an opportunity to adopt. They worked with the family and LDS family services and arranged the adoption.

LDS family services is a good option. They have a website where couple who want to adopt have pages describing themselves and pictures so you can see what the parents look like. Not just anyone can get pages on the website, so you won’t have random, unreliable people there. http://www.ihearclear.com/miracle-ear-hearing-aids.htm

]]> By: jessica300 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5477 jessica300 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 04:28:08 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5477 I know how it feels to not really accept the fact that you are pregnant. I remember knowing that I was, but not wanting to face the fact that I was. For me it was a form of denial because I was very scared and didn't know what I was going to do. That was 24 years ago and because I didn't act - didn't ask for help - didn't know how to find out what resources were available to me and my baby, I lost my baby to adoption. Have you told your parents or someone who could be supportive of you and your baby? Do you know what options/resources there are to keep your child? You've received a couple of answers that I disagree with. One is the option of leaving your child at the hospital with the doctor. There are laws called safe haven laws that allow you to do this legally, but I think it is one of the worst ways to lose your child. You leave no information for your child and the chances of you being found or of ever finding your son or daughter, once he/she becomes an adult are very slim. If you are already feeling that you don't really want to part with your child imagine living without ever knowing whatever became of him, without ever being able to find him just to know that he is okay. If you are already feeling that you don't really want to surrender your child it is because you've already begun to bond with your son or daughter. Adoption can really mess up that bond, but the bond will always be there. That being said, the advise given to you to do everything you can to NOT bond with your child is really crappy in my opinion. You are already bonding with your child. During labor your body produces oxytocin which is a natural hormone that furthers the bonding between mother and child. (Here is an article on it:) It is natural to feel scared and confused especially if this is your first child. It is a big deal to bring a new life into this world. You and your child deserve to bond after birth even if, after exploring all of your options, you can't parent him/her. If I were you I would tell my family and try to get their support in helping you raise my child. Focus only on the child that you are carrying now and the coming birth. If you have to surrender your child after he/she is born find an adoption agency then. You'll have time to do this after your child is born. It is possible that you may place in an open adoption, but many times prospective adoptive parents will say they will maintain an open adoption, but don't. Once you sign over your termination of parental rights, you don't have any rights to your child and you cannot enforce an open adoption. Do read the link that Possum left you. If you have any questions or want help finding resources to keep your child you can email me. Best of luck. ETA: Please do not contact posters over the internet who want to adopt your child. If you decide to surrender go through an agency. http://www.badcooking.com/ I know how it feels to not really accept the fact that you are pregnant. I remember knowing that I was, but not wanting to face the fact that I was. For me it was a form of denial because I was very scared and didn’t know what I was going to do. That was 24 years ago and because I didn’t act - didn’t ask for help - didn’t know how to find out what resources were available to me and my baby, I lost my baby to adoption.

Have you told your parents or someone who could be supportive of you and your baby? Do you know what options/resources there are to keep your child?

You’ve received a couple of answers that I disagree with. One is the option of leaving your child at the hospital with the doctor. There are laws called safe haven laws that allow you to do this legally, but I think it is one of the worst ways to lose your child. You leave no information for your child and the chances of you being found or of ever finding your son or daughter, once he/she becomes an adult are very slim.

If you are already feeling that you don’t really want to part with your child imagine living without ever knowing whatever became of him, without ever being able to find him just to know that he is okay.

If you are already feeling that you don’t really want to surrender your child it is because you’ve already begun to bond with your son or daughter. Adoption can really mess up that bond, but the bond will always be there.

That being said, the advise given to you to do everything you can to NOT bond with your child is really crappy in my opinion. You are already bonding with your child. During labor your body produces oxytocin which is a natural hormone that furthers the bonding between mother and child. (Here is an article on it:) It is natural to feel scared and confused especially if this is your first child. It is a big deal to bring a new life into this world. You and your child deserve to bond after birth even if, after exploring all of your options, you can’t parent him/her.

If I were you I would tell my family and try to get their support in helping you raise my child. Focus only on the child that you are carrying now and the coming birth. If you have to surrender your child after he/she is born find an adoption agency then. You’ll have time to do this after your child is born. It is possible that you may place in an open adoption, but many times prospective adoptive parents will say they will maintain an open adoption, but don’t. Once you sign over your termination of parental rights, you don’t have any rights to your child and you cannot enforce an open adoption.

Do read the link that Possum left you.

If you have any questions or want help finding resources to keep your child you can email me.

Best of luck.

ETA: Please do not contact posters over the internet who want to adopt your child. If you decide to surrender go through an agency. http://www.badcooking.com/

]]> By: Becca http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5476 Becca Sun, 18 Oct 2009 02:49:24 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5476 It breaks my heart to read that you "don't exactly want to" place but feel you must. Make sure you are 100% sure before you sign any papers. Of course I don't know your situation but woman parent all the time when they feel they couldn't (I was one of them). I thought about placing many years ago but thankfully I was lucky and didn't have to. If you are sure about placing then you can talk to your doctor or call an adoption agency or contact one by email. http://www.healthstorebargains.com/srch/srch.php?q=Progesterone It breaks my heart to read that you “don’t exactly want to” place but feel you must.
Make sure you are 100% sure before you sign any papers. Of course I don’t know your situation but woman parent all the time when they feel they couldn’t (I was one of them). I thought about placing many years ago but thankfully I was lucky and didn’t have to.
If you are sure about placing then you can talk to your doctor or call an adoption agency or contact one by email. http://www.healthstorebargains.com/srch/srch.php?q=Progesterone

]]> By: Not insecure.... http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5475 Not insecure.... Thu, 15 Oct 2009 07:18:04 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5475 Sure lets just leave the baby at the hospital like a pair of pants..everyone;s doing it ..... http://www.resumeminers.com/Networking.htm Sure lets just leave the baby at the hospital like a pair of pants..everyone;s doing it ….. http://www.resumeminers.com/Networking.htm

]]> By: anastasia beaverhausen http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5474 anastasia beaverhausen Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:29:10 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5474 family guardianship. if you have half a heart, don't give your baby away. http://www.teambuildingdirectory.com/free-team-building-exercise-free.htm family guardianship. if you have half a heart, don’t give your baby away. http://www.teambuildingdirectory.com/free-team-building-exercise-free.htm

]]> By: Stars Mom http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-5473 Stars Mom Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:54:32 +0000 http://www.myadoptedbaby.com/blog/if-i-decide-to-give-my-baby-u-for-a-adoption-what-do-i-do/#comment-5473 There are many families who would love to adopt. Like the other posters said consider working with an agency to help you find a family. If you don't want to work with an agency there are families who post on the web most of them have a completed Homestudy which means they have been approved by the state that they live in. If you see or read about a family that intrestes you call them..or write them you may find a family that you really like. I don’t want to start a huge fight here however I do want to clarify something…some people make comments like "don't give your baby away". Adoption does NOT have to be about “giving your child away”. Our daughters entire birth family is an extension of our family. They all spend as much or as little time as they want with “our daughter”. They have even thrown a birthday party for her we have had slumber parties together, we celebrate birthdays and holidays together. I know that every situation is different however it is possible for all parties to unite and walk hand in hand so that the adopted child grows up to be strong and confident. Our daughter knows who her birth family is, she knows that she was not born of me and she is not confused. She is a very happy and secure child who is loved by many. Our birthmothers sister got pregnant, married her babies father and things are not going well, lots of screaming fighting etc. His parents pay for everything little Sarah is only 3 months younger than our daughter she doesn’t know her ABC’s and can’t count his family has lots of money but little Sarah has never traveled anywhere is not in dance or gymnastics and she spends most of her time in front of the TV. Our daughter has been reading since age 4 and is doing math at age 5 she has a horse, has traveled to the Bahamas, played in the Virgin Islands, had snowball fights in Switzerland and sooo much more. Her birth grandmother writes us touching letters around her birthday stating that she knows that her grand daughter would probably had never become the sweet articulate, fun, loving person that she is had she stayed in their family. She is grateful that our families have blended and that we have all chosen to stand together all for the best interest of the little girl that we all love so much. Everyone’s life experience is different; everyone’s adoption situation is different however I can say that not everyone thinks that adoption is “giving a child away”. I guess it boils down to perception and trust. So many people are so “afraid” of adoption that they really don’t understand that open adoption can be a healthy experience for everyone involved. I can understand all the mixed feelings, the hurt, the anger and the feeling of being abandoned most of that occurs when an adopted child does not know their birth family or they have been lied to for most of their life. In a truly Open Adoption many of those thoughts and feelings are by passed because the child knows their birth family and everyone is open enough to share the truth so that questions get answered and resolved before those feelings ever become an issue. Adoption is a very personal choice only you can decide what is best for you and your baby. This is your life and your journey there is no right or wrong answer it’s all about what you and your baby need to become the best that you can both be. Take care and trust your heart… Hugs, Maria aka Stars Mom Dreaming of baby number 2 http://www.premierhomestyle.com/wall-brackets-and-sconces-1558 There are many families who would love to adopt. Like the other posters said consider working with an agency to help you find a family. If you don’t want to work with an agency there are families who post on the web most of them have a completed Homestudy which means they have been approved by the state that they live in. If you see or read about a family that intrestes you call them..or write them you may find a family that you really like.

I don’t want to start a huge fight here however I do want to clarify something…some people make comments like “don’t give your baby away”.

Adoption does NOT have to be about “giving your child away”. Our daughters entire birth family is an extension of our family. They all spend as much or as little time as they want with “our daughter”. They have even thrown a birthday party for her we have had slumber parties together, we celebrate birthdays and holidays together.

I know that every situation is different however it is possible for all parties to unite and walk hand in hand so that the adopted child grows up to be strong and confident. Our daughter knows who her birth family is, she knows that she was not born of me and she is not confused. She is a very happy and secure child who is loved by many.

Our birthmothers sister got pregnant, married her babies father and things are not going well, lots of screaming fighting etc. His parents pay for everything little Sarah is only 3 months younger than our daughter she doesn’t know her ABC’s and can’t count his family has lots of money but little Sarah has never traveled anywhere is not in dance or gymnastics and she spends most of her time in front of the TV.

Our daughter has been reading since age 4 and is doing math at age 5 she has a horse, has traveled to the Bahamas, played in the Virgin Islands, had snowball fights in Switzerland and sooo much more.

Her birth grandmother writes us touching letters around her birthday stating that she knows that her grand daughter would probably had never become the sweet articulate, fun, loving person that she is had she stayed in their family. She is grateful that our families have blended and that we have all chosen to stand together all for the best interest of the little girl that we all love so much.

Everyone’s life experience is different; everyone’s adoption situation is different however I can say that not everyone thinks that adoption is “giving a child away”. I guess it boils down to perception and trust.

So many people are so “afraid” of adoption that they really don’t understand that open adoption can be a healthy experience for everyone involved. I can understand all the mixed feelings, the hurt, the anger and the feeling of being abandoned most of that occurs when an adopted child does not know their birth family or they have been lied to for most of their life. In a truly Open Adoption many of those thoughts and feelings are by passed because the child knows their birth family and everyone is open enough to share the truth so that questions get answered and resolved before those feelings ever become an issue.

Adoption is a very personal choice only you can decide what is best for you and your baby. This is your life and your journey there is no right or wrong answer it’s all about what you and your baby need to become the best that you can both be.

Take care and trust your heart…
Hugs,
Maria aka Stars Mom
Dreaming of baby number 2 http://www.premierhomestyle.com/wall-brackets-and-sconces-1558

]]>