If I give my baby up for adoption and decide that I don’t like it, can I regain custody?
Johanna asked:
I have 6 month old twins, I’m a single mother and I’m 4 months pregnant with a new baby (accident). I feel like I won’t be able to take care of it so I’m looking into adoption, but I’m worried that if I go through with it I’ll want my baby back, and I’ll feel horrible that I ever gave it up. What are the rules on regaining custody if that did happen?
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I have 6 month old twins, I’m a single mother and I’m 4 months pregnant with a new baby (accident). I feel like I won’t be able to take care of it so I’m looking into adoption, but I’m worried that if I go through with it I’ll want my baby back, and I’ll feel horrible that I ever gave it up. What are the rules on regaining custody if that did happen?
August 25th, 2009 at 7:09 am
you really should talk to a lawyer about it any persons answer on here could not be completely true especially depending on your state…
but here is what i think i know…
there are open ended adoptions where you can give your baby up and still see it and some ppl will do this with you..
also i believe that if you sign over your rights to your child which is usually how adoption goes you can not get your child back…
i would definately look into open adoption though. and definately talk to a lawyer and find out your rights and your laws that is the only sure fire way you will get the answers you need.
good luck!!!
August 27th, 2009 at 11:57 am
A you’re feeling like this adoption isn’t a very good idea. If the adoption is finalized then no you wouldn’t be allowed to get your child back.
Adoption is for ever so if you go ahead with it even if you have an open adoption you’ll never legally be your child’s mother.
August 29th, 2009 at 8:20 am
I don’t think you can but it depends on your adoption. Besides that would be totally unfair to the baby and the parents as they will all have bonded. Adoptive parents are not a babysitting service and if you hand your baby over I don’t think you should just go taking them back! We wouldn’t let our birthmother do that!
August 31st, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Well to help things, you could do an open adoption, in which you could get pictures, phone calls, updates, etc. That is all decided by you and the parents. In most cases, there is a window of opportunity that allows you to change your mind after doing so. You must also think of what is best for the baby. I’m sure with two six month old twins that you are struggling as it is. There are couples who cannot have children that would love to take it in, even agreeing to updating you so you don’t have to wonder and worry. I’d contact an adoption agency, or lawyer who specifies in that area. Adoption agencies can also get you counseling to help with your peace of mind and the transition. I wish you the best of luck.
September 1st, 2009 at 3:26 am
No, you cannot just reclaim the baby. It would be cruel! If you cannot care for the baby, you really need to think about the baby’s welfare here. If you are taking care of twins, you wont be able to give this baby the attention it needs. If you keep it, you could very well end up neglecting all three, which you would regret a lot more than knowing all three are loved and cherished, and well taken care of, even if one doesn’t live with you. Not that you wouldn’t love them and try your hardest, but hey, you’re not Superwoman. What about open adoption? You could still she him/her, and your twins could even be a part of their life.But it sounds as if you already know that this baby would be better off with loving adoptive parents, and your twins would be better off with you able to concentrate on them.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Once you sign those papers you have no legal rights anymore and can not get your kids back. They will legally belong to whoever adopts them. Why did you have them in the first place if you were just going to give them up?
September 4th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
“What are the rules on regaining custody …?”
To start with, the petition to adopt can not be filed until the mother’s revocation period has ended, terminating her rights.
Adoption “finalization” is the last step for the adopters, and happens only after the petition to adopt is filed.
In other words, mothers don’t have up until the adoption “finalization” to change their mind but only up to the end of the revocation period (if there is one).
So regaining custody or changing your mind hinges on how long the revocation period is after you sign the papers.
Every state has different laws. In most states, the revocation period is a few days. In a handful of states the revocation period is anywhere up to 30 days. The worst states only give a mother 24 hours after birth to sign the papers and there is no revocation period - any wonder why they call these states “adoption friendly states”.
Interesting how in the majority of states, adopters have from the moment a baby is born until the adoption is finalized to change their mind, which can be up to 6 months. But mothers are given as little as 24 hours after the baby is born to change their mind.
In open adoption - any promise made to you before they get your signature is not legally enforceable afterward. Is adoption worth the risk of never seeing your baby again if the adopters decide to close the adoption afterward?
September 5th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Nope.
You sign away your parental rights, there’s no getting them back.
What to do?
Take your baby home with you. See if you can make it work. It’s easier to change your mind and place a child than it is to take back a signed legal document.
Some cities will allow you to place the baby temporarily in a foster home while you decide. It’s TEMPORARY! As in, you have a few weeks to decide.
TALK TO A LAWYER.
Not an adoption agency.
Not a doctor or other “women’s health” specialist.
Not your family
Not your friends
A LAWYER - It’s the only way to get honest, fair advise without hearing about how you’d be doing “such a wonderful thing for an infertile couple”.
BEWARE OF OPEN ADOPTIONS!!!
The are not legally binding unless you file ADDITIONAL paperwork separate from the adoption papers. Basically, you have to get the adoptive parents to swear in court to certain things (letters, pictures, visits, etc.) before the adoption is final. If you don’t, THERE IS NO WAY TO MAKE THEM KEEP THEIR PROMISES of future contact.
September 6th, 2009 at 4:17 am
If you have any doubts than don’t go through with the adoption because you’ll regret it
September 7th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
I would not suggest adoption if you are not 100% positive your not going to change your mind
September 11th, 2009 at 7:02 am
You will not be able to regain custody, and please do not fall for promises of “open adoption”. Because you will have no rights whatsoever, the adoptive parents are allowed to cut off contact entirely.
Please read over these links:
Keep Your Baby
Birthmothers Info
Exiled Mothers
September 13th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
which kids would you like to give up for adoption? all of them? the twins? the new one?
I think giving up the eldest ones would be a mistake unless you’re desperate. They won’t understand and will suffer from not seeing you.
September 14th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
okay so i have heard that in some states you have 10 days after the adoption takes place to change your mind…but i don’t know where that is and if that is 100% true..i heard it on an episode of adoption stories…
September 17th, 2009 at 12:00 am
Don’t do it.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:53 am
you said you “feel” you haven’t tried yet to take care of the baby so wait till the time comes and then make a decision later on if its to much for you to handle
September 20th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Once you give your baby for adoption; there is nothing you can do. You have 48 hours to reconsider what you are doing. After that; the baby is no longer considered yours….
September 20th, 2009 at 6:27 am
It depends on what state you live in as to how long you have to “change your mind”. Some states you have 3 days until you sign the papers that make is official, other place you have no “grace period”.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:25 am
I am glad you are not considering abortion. You have 5 months to make plans, can you get help from family or friends or a church? You will have a huge load to carry but you can do it if your heart is in it, just don’t be afraid to ask for help. Good luck and take care.
September 25th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
If the child is placed for adoption—then NO. It’s not something to go into lightly—be sure you get counseling first.
September 27th, 2009 at 1:42 am
This is called “adoption dissolution” and must be approved by a judge in court. Judges almost always deny the request.
but it matter’s in some states but yes some states give you a time period to get your child back like 3 months but you need to realize that you will be giving a family false hope tho if you think you might want your child back then maybe adoption is not right for you
September 28th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Once you have relinquished your rights there is no going back in most states. However there are some states that don’t work that way, you may want to get an attorney and fast because there may be a time limit on regaining your rights.
September 30th, 2009 at 8:48 am
The only way is to instead of placing the baby for adoption, is to place the baby with a temporary guardianship, with adoption as a future thought, but at the same time, not signing the papers yet.
It would have to be an emotionally strong prospective adoptive parents, because knowing that a child might be taken away is a strong emotion for them (and I definately don’t mean to minimize the fact that you and every placing mother don’t go through this!).
If you do proceed with adoption, in your case, I’d only place the baby with someone who’s home I’d visited, to know where they live, that they have family ties to the area, and that they are stable. I’d also want a lie detector test done to make sure that they’re planning on honoring open adoption. If they say no, then they aren’t the right PAP’s. Good luck