im planning on giving up my baby for adoption?
confusionismynickname asked:
ok so,im 17 and im 5 months pregnant..im planning to give the baby up for adoption..at first i thought i wouldnt have any feelings for this baby if i just dont think about it that much..but when i went to the doctor and saw the baby inside me yawn and move her(its a girl) arms around,and feel her kick everynight,i just cant help but feel sad that im giving up my baby and i wouldnt be ablet o see her grow up..im so proud that i have a baby girl but it just makes me cry knowing i wont see her grow up,wont see her have her first walk..im not the one she’ll call mama when she first say it..im giving her up because i dont think i can support her financially and i want her to have the best opportunities in life..at the age of 17? can i give her all of that? and i also want to continue school and become a doctor..so do u think its smart to give my baby for adoption?
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ok so,im 17 and im 5 months pregnant..im planning to give the baby up for adoption..at first i thought i wouldnt have any feelings for this baby if i just dont think about it that much..but when i went to the doctor and saw the baby inside me yawn and move her(its a girl) arms around,and feel her kick everynight,i just cant help but feel sad that im giving up my baby and i wouldnt be ablet o see her grow up..im so proud that i have a baby girl but it just makes me cry knowing i wont see her grow up,wont see her have her first walk..im not the one she’ll call mama when she first say it..im giving her up because i dont think i can support her financially and i want her to have the best opportunities in life..at the age of 17? can i give her all of that? and i also want to continue school and become a doctor..so do u think its smart to give my baby for adoption?
February 2nd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
You can have an open adoption - we have one with our daughter’s first mom who was 14 (she was raped). Now she is taking college classes and doing great. We write letters an send pics back and forth. We want our daughter to know who her first mom is and where she came from. You can see your baby grow up and know he/she is doing wonderful
email me if you want: kck3@live.com
February 4th, 2009 at 2:15 am
Only your heart can tell you what to do, but it IS possible to keep your baby AND give her the best life possible, it will just take a lot of hard work and dedication, which in the end, will make you a better person. My (ex) fiancee` ran away with her abusive ex a few weeks ago and is 5 months pregnant with my child, and she won’t contact me, it tears me up every moment of every day thinking that I won’t be there to raise my baby all the time…I want to be there so bad, but she won’t let me yet, and it kills me…I don’t wish that feeling on anyone. My vote, you made that little girl, raise her. Don’t put her, and yourself through any unnecessary torture…you can make it if you try hard enough, and use your family and friends’ help.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
You definitely are very selfless. I couldn’t, I wasn’t strong enough to be, so I had my dtr at 16. I can tell you it is the hardest thing to do-raise a child while still being a child.
It is deff rewarding!
All I can say, is do what is best for the child, not you. Alot of adopted child do look for their biological parents later in life. If you give her up for adoption, it’s not because you didn’t love her, but because you loved her so much that you knew you couldn’t provide enough for her, that you wanted her to have more in life, is the reason.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:25 am
I thinks its great. If you cant support her financially then its definitely the best thing. Maybe you could have an open adoption. Its when you still give the baby up to another family but instead of the baby never knowing who you are, you can visit every now and then and they phone occasionally. You could be like an aunt or Godmother.
February 8th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
are u serious… SEE PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME MAD… WHY WOULD YOU GO AND OPEN YOUR LEGS TO BEGIN WITH… YOU KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES OF HAVING SEX… NOW YOU SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE AND A LITTLE MATURE… IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR 17… ARE YOU HANDICAPED IN ANY WAY… BECAUSE THAT BULL STUFF YOU SAID ABOUT BEING ABLE TO SUPPORT HER FINANCIALLY… YOU COULD ALWAYS GET A JOB…. AND SCHOOL A BABY IS NOT GOING TO BE IN YOUR WAY OF YOUR EDUCATION AS LONG AS YOU KNOW HOW TO MANAGE YOUR TIME… PLUS THERE’ MANY GIRL’S OUT THERE THAT CAN’T HAVE BABIES AND WOULD KILL TO BE ABLE TO HAVE ONE… WHY WOULD YOU GIVE UP SOMETHING SO PRECIOUS THAT TROUGH OUT TIME… SHE IS GOING TO BE YOUR PRIDE AND JOY… GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO BE WITH HER MOM… IF YOU FELT THE KICKS AND SEEN HER YAWN… IMAGINE HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS GOING TO BE ONCE YOU HAVE HER IN YOUR ARM… PLEASE I ASK YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS SO GOOD BUT IN MY PROSPECTIVE I WOULD ADVICE YOU TO KEEP HER
February 9th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
You can keep the baby. Apply for DSHS, they will help pay for your medical costs and food. They can also help pay for your college.
I’ve read so many message boards where mothers felt guilt of giving up there children several years later, and could never feel free from it. That is why I decided to keep my daughter. I’m really glad I did. She puts a smile on my face everyday.
It’s not easy, but the best things in life never are. Children of adopted familys always feel a sense of abandonment in there lives. Please don’t contribute to this.
February 10th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I think if you truly want to keep your daughter, adopting her out will only cause you emotional distress later on. 17 is plenty old enough to raise a child, even if you don’t feel like you are responsible enough you can learn to be once you have a dependent. Making either choice will affect you for the rest of your life. Is there any government assistance that might help you support her?
February 11th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
It is definately something that is very personal to you honey. Only you can decide what you must do. If you keep your baby there is no doubt that you will love her, but anyone will tell you it is not easy bringing up a baby so young. On the other hand, if you decide to go ahead with adoption you will be giving the greatest gift, more wonderful than anything. With adoption your baby will be financially supported and you can also be sure that she will be loved. Adoption is not an easy process and the couple you bless with your child will have gone through so much to get there so there will be no doubt that she will be their whole world.
My husband and i are wanting to adopt. I gave birth to a baby boy in October last year who died the following day. I got pregnant 6 months later and my daughter was still born. I just can’t bear to get pregnant again myself and risk loosing another, so we want to adopt. So, it’s really coming from the heart when i say that an adopting couple would treasure your little girl so much because usually they have gone through so much to have a baby.
February 13th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Of course you have feelings for your beautiful daughter. You would be abnormal if you did not, after providing her with room and board for 9 months. But if you feel you can’t take care of her and provide her with 2 parents, financial stability, etc. then you are making a wonderful choice with adoption. There is a song out there by Michael McClean called “From God’s Arms to My Arms to Yours”. It’s a beautifully written song from a biological mother’s perspective. You might also want to check out itsaboutlove.org.
I have the most amazing nieces and nephews–my sister- and brother-in-law were unable to have children for 7 years after getting married, and when they adopted, it was the best day of their life. Even when they have struggles with their kids, they love them and appreciate the biological parents who were selfless enough to help them to be parents. And they are such wonderful parents to those kids. It’s amazing.
Just remember that it’s about the baby, and not you. I think your decision is admirable. Good luck.
February 16th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
My cousin was able to adopt a baby through an “open adoption”. They have communication with the birth mom and the baby’s brothers and sisters. In fact, the birth family comes to the birthday parties. The child knows he is loved by everyone. (His mom was young with 4 children already and unmarried. My cousin was 38 and established…and unable to conceive a baby.)
I know it’s hard to give up a baby, but it’s very hard to rear one without financial and emotional support too. Just do what your heart tells you is best and consider the many different types of adoptions.
Best of luck!
February 18th, 2009 at 7:24 am
i would like to say for being 17 you have a good head on your shoulders. i can’t really give you any advise. i’m 25 and i didn’t feel ready finacially and emotionally. having him is the best thing in life. i can say there is alot of assitance you can get . like medicaid, wic, houseing, and daycare. if you do decide to keep her. good luck and i hope everything works out for the best.
February 18th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I think that is was a much better choice than abortion. But it is possible for you to be able to take care of her at your young age…is the father around? My friend and her husband had a baby when she was just 18 and dating at the time. 5/12 years later they have a beautiful little girl and a 1 1/2 year old sister for her. It was a struggle at first, I won’t lie to you there…but they got through it and came out on top.
My friend still went to college and got a degree, her huband works for UPS and they are doing just fine.
But if you feel that you cannot provide a life for this baby of yours and be able to kep her safe then you made a good decsion. All mothers who give their child up for adoption feels what you are feeling (well at least I would think so) but the most important thing is making the right choice for your baby girl.
February 19th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
if you are feeling like that it sounds as though adoption may not be what you want. if you are feeling like this now imagine what you will feel when you meet your beautiful little girl!
i had my first baby at 16 and i have no family at all. it was hard but we survived. study is still possible with a baby even if it means you have to apply for government assistance so you dont have to work. thats the one thing that i would say is to not push yourself. study with a baby is doable but working aswell is pushing it a bit…being a mother is a job! i study from homw which is fantastic. you should find out what is offered via correspondance or part time.
i would definetly say that if the only reason you are thinking of giving your baby away is because you want to study then dont do it. it doesnt matter if you are tight on money or if your study takes a bit longer, you will have your baby there with you and that will make it worthwile…you will be doing it for her!
but…if you do decide on adoption then you could look into open adoptions. there are all sorts with all sorts of involvment by you in your childs life.
good luck
February 21st, 2009 at 8:47 pm
First of all I commend you for not aborting her like so many other young kids do! I think you are doing the right thing. I’m 30 and married so I’m not sure what I’d feel like at your age but it honestly seems like you thought it through like a mature person. There’s different types of adoption. I think one is open adoption which the birth mom can visit the baby every now & again or you can ask for pictures just to see that she’s doing alright?
Good luck becoming a doctor and hopefully you don’t make this same mistake again. 17 is rather young to be having sex but at least you are making a smart decision about your life.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Adoption is wonderful for people who want children and can’t have them. In some circumstances, it is definitely best for the child. Is the father in the picture? He may want to keep the baby. Consider what your daughter might want… if she could tell you what she wants, she probably would want to be with you. How about having her placed in a foster home, where you could have regular visits with her, and work towards becoming more financially able to care for her. Also, you could apply for the many government programs available to you for aid in raising your child. There is even financial aid for childcare while you are working or going to school. If you want to keep your baby, you CAN do it, it won’t be easy and you may have to make sacrifices. You just have to decide whether or not you want to make those sacrifices.
February 25th, 2009 at 7:00 am
I too commend you for being so selfless! If you have an open adoption with a family you can trust, you would be able to see her and watch her grow.
My husband and I are trying to adopt a biracial or black child and we really want a very open adoption. We feel it is extremely important for the child to know where they came from and to know their birthmother. We plan to have her involved in all milestones and yearly visits.
I wish you well!
February 28th, 2009 at 12:21 am
No, I don’t think it is smart to give your baby up for adoption. I lost my child to adoption many years ago - it is extremely damaging to both the mother and baby to be separated especially at birth when you need each other most!
Please, do not even consider adoption until several weeks after you have given birth. You need time with your child after she is born, to hold her and bond with her.
Try to get help from family or trusted friends. There is government aid available to you:
Government program with contacts for each state WIC (Women, Infants, Children)
Federal government food stamp program
Government health insurance for your child
You might also want to look at some of these sites for single mom’s:
Maybe you can go to school part time, or in the evenings, or maybe take courses online. You can always go back to school later, but if you lose your child to adoption, you will not get her back.
Beware of open adoptions. They are not legally enforceable. That means that the couple who adopts your child can close the adoption if they decide to do so. It is common for open adoptions to close.
I wouldn’t advise putting your child in foster care either as you may not be able to get her back.
There is a big market out there for infants. Many people want to adopt - so be very careful about agreeing to anything until you are absolutely sure.
Seventeen is young, but not too young to raise your baby. Best of luck to you.
February 28th, 2009 at 8:32 am
if you have any doubts about giving your baby up, don´t do it, this is a permanent decision that will afect many lives in the future, try keeping your baby for 6 months, and if you really feel you can´t suport it, then give it away.