I’m pregnant and want to give the baby up for adoption?
Kelli asked:
Hardest decision i’ve ever had to make but im only 18 and I can’t afford a baby… I can’t raise her, and I want her to have the best life possible… it’d soooo hard but i know i have to give her up… how do i find an agency and how do I find someone to meet… I need to find a good home for her…
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Hardest decision i’ve ever had to make but im only 18 and I can’t afford a baby… I can’t raise her, and I want her to have the best life possible… it’d soooo hard but i know i have to give her up… how do i find an agency and how do I find someone to meet… I need to find a good home for her…
January 5th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
adoption doesnt necessarily mean a better life. there is more to life than money. adoption can cause pain and suffering for the child. if u care so much about her keep her. if not, give her to strangers and risk never seeing her again or knowing if she is safe.
it sounds like ur giving a puppy away, a ‘good home’…she is ur baby.
look i think u should take the advice of adoptees and birth parents on here because the other people, the pap who is practically asking for ur child and the person whos friend adopted a child dont have a CLUE what is involved in the whole thing. its not about making some childless couple happy its about u and ur baby. i cant believe some of the stuff im reading here.
rebekah - your right ur on the other side of it. you will gain from adoption if u do it. we mostly lost. Lish
January 9th, 2010 at 6:43 am
Give her up for adoption. There are so many people out there who cannot have children of their own. I know someone who just adopted a baby, it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She has told me before that she is so thankful that her baby’s birth mother loved the baby so much that she gave her up for adoption. My friend and her husband love that baby more than anything. She is constantly talking about her and showing us pictures. It has made her so happy. The baby is being very well taken care of and she is very loved. You could look in the phone book and find an adoption agency. I’m sure they would let you meet with your baby’s adoptive parents. If you can’t afford this child, the best, most loving thing you can do for her is to give her up for adoption. Not only will you be giving her a good life, you will be giving a child to someone who wants one more than anything. Giving her up for adoption does not mean that you don’t love her, it means you love her very much and want what is best for her. Jenni
January 12th, 2010 at 6:29 am
I am a waiting adoptive parent with the Independent Adoption Center in Raleigh, NC. They have been great so far on the adoptive parent side and I’ve heard good things about them from birthmothers also. You can visit their website for more info. You can also contact any adoptive family on their website without having to contact the agency first. We all have toll free numbers and email addresses listed. Best of luck to you! Lori
January 14th, 2010 at 12:33 am
If you decide to give the baby up for adoption, keep in mind that it is permanent and you may never see that child again. You can meet the adoptive parents and they’ll seem friendly but remember they want your baby so they will present themselves in the best way possible. Even if it is an open adoption, they are not legally enforceable. Some adoptive parents will honor their agreement about allowing contact but many others will end it once the adoption is finalized. RoVale
January 15th, 2010 at 7:59 am
You think it’s hard to think about now. Wait till Christmas and the baby’s birthday. It’s harder than you can ever imagine. So tell me again why you can’t do this? 18 has nothing to do with it. smarmy
January 18th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
if you do open adoptions, you can still be in her life so its not all bad….Just dont regret your decision, you must live with it for the rest of your life…Planned Parenthood may be able to help you out.. 1-800-230-PLAN Miss Everything
January 21st, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Why? You have given us no real reasons to abandon your baby other than being 18. I know plenty of mothers who became parents at 16 and have raised fabulous children. One of them is now a social worker, happily married and doing well. Another works for a vet and has two children, again happily married. And these two examples were 2 years younger than you.
There is no such thing as can’t. Either you don’t want to raise this child which you need to be honest about with yourself or you are being told by others you can’t in that case you need to tell them to get lost.
Raising a baby is not easy but its not hard. You don’t need a fancy home; kids don’t give a crap about flashy stuff if they have a happy, loving home. I am sure there are programs for mothers to help them finish school etc, there are in most western countries.
And as Lish said, being adopted doesn’t mean a good home. Adoption doesn’t save a child from poverty or abuse despite what all the media spouts. Who do you think funds all that crap about adoption being wonderful yada yada yada? Why, the money from separating all those families of course. It certainly isn’t because adoption is a good option. Money speaks volumes and when you have a multi-billion dollar industry behind you, you can manipulate the media therefore the people to swallow the rubbish you feed them daily.
So you need to do some soul searching and some real research on adoption. Good luck! myst1998
January 25th, 2010 at 12:54 am
1) Don’t try to give away your baby on the internet. Ew.
2) You can do this. You are 18, which means you can vote, and make all other decisions that an adult can make. You are a grown woman who is pregnant. You first need to decide if you are carrying the pregnancy to term. If you are, then you need to start seeking resources.
I have worked with many teen moms. I promise you, they only “failed” if they chose to. There are resources out there, but you have to seek them. Hopefully there are some good resources available right in your own community. If you want to parent this child, you can do this, and you can give her what she deserves, which is a committed, loving mother. Babies don’t care about ’stuff’.
Breast feeding is free, cloth diapers are cheap. Eat some good healthy food, make sure you take care of yourself and the two of you will be just fine. Check freecycle, consignment shops, etc. for some of the things you will need. Hopefully you have supportive family and friends, but if not, that doesn’t have to stop you. I promise, you ARE capable of this, as long as your focus shifts to her (your baby) and her needs. AnnaBelle
January 28th, 2010 at 4:55 am
If you are going to do this, you have to go over ever scenario possible.
Are there any programs you are willing to look into that would help you and the baby?
Are you sure you can handle the thought of never seeing her again?
Are you sure you can handle the though of her dying to meet you for the rest of her life?
Her living with you is no guarantee that she will have a great life with what you can provide but adoption isn’t a guarantee that your child will have a great life either.
This is a decision only you can make and you should try to involve the child’s father as well.Why the child’s father? perhaps someone in his family would want to take in the child.Afterall it is their child too. if you’re a turtle, im a tur
January 30th, 2010 at 8:07 am
Please stay away from IAC. I was a victim of the very same branch in Raleigh NC. Almost everything they said to me was a lie. When I said I was unsure in the hospital they waited until the nurse gave me iv pain medication and then brought in papers for m to sign. To this day I have no clue if that is my signature. I revoked my consent with in the legal time frame but they “lost” it until the day after my time ran out. I have never been able to get any of the post adoption services they promise all over their website. The open adoption they go on a dn on about is not legally enforceable and has been slammed shut. If I am lucky I will see my baby in another 14 years when she is a legal adult. I can not even begin to tell you the amount of pain I live with everyday knowing my child is being raised by people who think it is ok to lie to get what you want. I can not protect her from anything. I can not even tell her how much I love her and wish she was here with our family.
Please talk to mothers that have lived this and considering parenting. If you are determined to make an adoption plan you should also have a parenting plan in place. If you would like to talk you can email me. At 18 you are capable of parenting. I have plenty of baby items if you need a hand Aislin
January 30th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
For every person that hits you up for a baby claiming they want to help you, ask them to donate money so you can raise your child.
You won’t be 18 and broke forever but losing custody of & contact with your child will be. Walter Ford II
February 1st, 2010 at 11:39 am
no do not do it. give her to someone who cares and knows you. It’s not very good to be in a orphanage, They run away or get picked on. So do that. And hear me out, anyone that isn’t sure about having kids adopt. Please there are over 1,000 kids out there, so do whats best. And plus, have a kid of your own! but, have only 2/3, it is easier. Trust me, my mom had me and my brother. Enough for her, she was 30 something when she had me. Then My brother, 20 something. Yea. Summy#1
February 4th, 2010 at 11:35 am
like others said adoption definately does not mean a better life….i can tell you from personal experience. i went through 14 foster homes and was adopted for 10 years….which failed btw and they treated me horrible until i finally ran away. all my foster homes were HORRIBLE and mistreated me. and my adoptive parents went mental…the best thing you can do for your baby is keep her! get state help. get on welfare. get on wic. on food stamps. and keep a job as long as you can throughout your pregnancy….itll be hard but itll be worth it in the end for you and your child….. angie<3
February 6th, 2010 at 10:03 am
If you do decide to place, there’s several ways to go about it. I know women who were bullied by agencies, and lied to, because their entire income is dependent upon getting babies to be adopted by others. They don’t have their money until the baby is placed.
There are several ways of finding someone to adopt, each carrying it’s own risks, and it’s important for you to know your rights. We were introduced to our son’s first mom by a mutual friend. Even though she didn’t know us directly at that point, she knew of our background, she’d met my oldest son before, and she could ask questions before she met us.
Next, there are ads and internet, but be extremely careful! Before you give out any information, especially where you live or a home phone, know that there are a few predators out there who give good adoptive parents a bad name. If you do meet someone through anything like this, then make sure you get copies of their police reports, ask for references, get a copy of their home study, and if you decide to meet them, do so in a semi-private place, such as a police station parking lot, where you know you could get to safety and have them taken away from you if you decide they aren’t right for your situation.
Know that you can make them take a lie detector test to make sure they’ll honor open adoption. It’d be at their expenses, and you can have the administrator of the test ask yes/no type questions, such as “Do you plan to honor open adoption?” You have these rights, even if you go through an agency, and you have the right to visit the home of the prospective adoptive parents, see their home study, and you don’t need to sign anything until the baby is born, but do your research ahead of time.
There are so many good people who want to adopt, but there are also many bad ones out there. Be careful, because it’s not just the baby’s life, but their entire future, and yours also if you want an open adoption, because it’s not legally enforceable except in a few states, and you need to keep that door open, even if you don’t feel like visiting now, as you get older you will. Good luck! sizesmith
February 6th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Adoption is not the best answer to your problem.
You may be young but think of the damages you
might cause to her when she grows up.
Every child deserves his or her mother,
I don’t live with my mum and it really brakes my
heart to bits.
Do you want your child to grow up with strangers? Jum@me
February 8th, 2010 at 7:39 am
wow! i can’t believe how many people on here are against adoption, though i can understand their concerns. i guess it’s hard for me to think like them b/c i’m on the other side of it. (My husband and i have been trying to concieve for 10yrs and have been told we might not be able to, so adoption is possibly our only choice) Anyway, honey you’re old enough to make your own decisions. Only you know what’s best for you. Follow your heart, do the best you can, and god will take care of the rest.
**best wishes** rebekah
February 10th, 2010 at 2:16 am
I’m confused, are you 26 or 18???
DO you get cramps from implantation bleeding?
Feels like a period…. but… there was one day of semi-heavy bleeding. then nothing. And, the jelly-like lining wasn’t in the blood.
Me and my boyfriend use condoms every time but no other birth control. I am 26 and can support a baby but don’t want one yet!!! sundragonjess
February 13th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Trust me, you really really don’t.
Follow the links at and read the sites and pages and books posted before you even *begin* to contemplate this.
If you know you don’t want it, then ffs do the decent thing and get a bloody abortion. 7rin
February 16th, 2010 at 9:50 am
Well definately adoption as opposed to adoption.
But I wonder why you think you can’t raise your child? You are 18 after all, an adult, you are not a child anymore. She can have an awesome life with you. Kiki