Im pregnant and would like to put the baby up for adoption but it seems as if people have an issue with my age?
Blackvidaila asked:
Im single, 36 and have a grown daughter of my own. I have been seeing a man and recently found out I was pregnant. The guy told me I should have an abortation but I can’t do it and I can’t have or raise another child. Does anyone know any sites or suggestions for finding adoptive parents, that deal with someone other than teenagers/college students?
This entry was posted
on Monday, May 18th, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Adoption.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Im single, 36 and have a grown daughter of my own. I have been seeing a man and recently found out I was pregnant. The guy told me I should have an abortation but I can’t do it and I can’t have or raise another child. Does anyone know any sites or suggestions for finding adoptive parents, that deal with someone other than teenagers/college students?
May 19th, 2009 at 2:54 am
Go through Catholic Charities in the main city where you live- they are a wonderful resource for you just as much as the adopters!
Good luck to you!
May 20th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
its better to adopt then abortion, at least consider the choice of finding a home for the baby. dont listen to the guy, he is a scumbag.
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Don’t worry- you’ve made the right decision…there are a lot of people willing to agree to adoption before the baby is even born- like people in your situation and im sure they’d be happier adopting from a healthy, middle aged woman rather than a teenager who could be smoking or on drugs so you have a large change of finding someone or a couple wanting to adopt. I don’t know much about actually agencies seeing as i dont know where you live, but the 1st answer seems like a good idea- there are probably many christian charity organisations willing to help. Good Luck!
May 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am
I think being 36 you may fit the term, “advanced maternal age” strange as it may seem. You still feel 18 on the inside, right? I think perhaps people are worried about Downs Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, Autism and other issues that seem to increase with advanced maternal and paternal (was the father your age or older?) age while the baby of a 17-21 year old just seems like it would be healthier.
You may have to go through ads in the paper or another private route rather than an agency, but be careful for predators. If you find a potential adoptive family, perhaps they will pay for an amniocentesis so at least you’ll all have an idea of whether the baby has birth defects or not. Even if the news there is bad, there are still adoptive parents out there more than willing to adopt a special needs baby - you might just need to look around more.
May 26th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Age shouldn’t matter. Get an Lawyer and he can help you it will cost you $0 and the A-Parents will pay your medical bills.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I think the reason you are getting back lash is because at 36 you are not young and impressionable. You have a mind of your own and are quite capable of making decisions based on YOUR life experiences. Not like the teenagers who have had no real life experiences yet and don’t know how manipulative people can be.
I assume you do not WANT to raise another child at this age. if that is the case say so, don’t say it’s because you can’t, unless you really can’t. In that case abortion seems to be a viable option. I had my first at 16, surrendered her, and was so screwed up form it I waited another 20 years to have more, making me 36 and 37 when i had my sons. It’s not impossible to do, in fact it has its advantages over being so young, wisdom and the ability to smell BS.
Adoption is not the wonderful scenario most people paint. You should read up on it before permanently screwing up another human being, making them a forever second class citizen, and being the cause of their civil rights being violated on a daily basis.
If you are only interested in the plans you had set for yourself and not interested in what happens to your baby, like trust and abandonment issues, attachment disorders, servitude, rape, being a personal punching bag for want to be parents, and so much more then call that number you were given. But in all honesty, I haven’t heard anything that even remotely sounds like this is for the child, it sounds like its going to inconvenience you.
Do you really think by letting the child live he/she is going to feel less pain? Get off the adoption web sites who peddle flesh for a living and goggle some real peoples stories who have been there and had to live with the results. Like being kept in cages, broken bones, starved, teeth knocked out, not to mention the emotional scars. BTW while your in those sites, try signing in as an adoptive parent looking for a kid. That way you can see how much their going to make off your baby that you are giving away. That’s a lot of paperwork shuffling to cost so much. And what do you get? That’s right, your not allowed to make one red cent, that would be child trafficking.
I know my post is going to draw a lot of negative response because not all adoptive parents are as evil as what i have posted. The point is some are and once you sign your rights away to your child, you have no legal leg to stand on. Did you know they can be returned like pets, and live their life out in foster care? google foster care and see what happens to kids in the system.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:35 am
There are many sights. Cafemom.com has a group where you can search for birthmother profiles, Be very careful online, because although there are some wonderful people who want to adopt (I know I’m one), there are also some loony ones out there.
Our son’s first mom was 29 when she had him. 30 when she had her next child that she chose to parent.
No one should have an issue with your age. There are a few risks, but they’re small, and there are tests that can be done before the baby is born. Make sure that you get contact information for the father, even though he obviously doesn’t want the baby, it can make the adoption process much easier if he’ll sign the consent forms.
Make sure you know your rights. A mother who’s placing has every right to meet the parents, see their home, meet their extended family members, and more. Any agency that tells you that is impossible is wrong, and you should RUN away from there. Our son’s first mom, by her asking and her choice, wanted to move in with us right before the baby was born, so he’d come home to noises that were familiar, and so she could get to know us very good, and to know her decision was right. It’s a little weird, but for his sake, has really, really worked.
There are those of us also, who know that agencies will run over a woman who’s placing. They get paid lots of money to do so, so don’t trust them either, just because they have a billboard out front.
You also should demand a copy of anything you sign, and keep it in a safe place. In the event you change your mind, and decide to parent, there are a limited number of hours/days you can, depending on where you live. The instructions should be laid out in the consent forms. Don’t be afraid to say NO to anyone if you don’t feel the decision is right. I also urge you to do open adoption, so this way, the baby can know who you are in the future. Good luck in your processes, and I hope everything works for you, and most of all, for the baby.
June 5th, 2009 at 11:02 am
I’m an adoptee myself and I just wanted to give you a little something to think about.
I would be very disappointed, hurt, saddened, upset, etc, if I found out one day that you could have raised me but decided to surrender because you thought you were too old, or too poor, or because you were single.
June 7th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Talk to Bethany Christian Services, they are great. 1-800-BETHANY.
June 7th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Any agency or adoption attorney should be able to help you. Your age should not matter.
June 8th, 2009 at 4:50 am
You must have an idealized view of adoption. You think your problem will be eliminated, and your child will be better off. Neither situation is likely. Do some research:
Adoption studies:
Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted Break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky
Please consider a tubal ligation or abstinence for the future.
June 8th, 2009 at 9:45 am
please email me :
im interested in adopting…
June 10th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
birth control pills are 99% effective! geez. why not have an abortion and save everyone a lot of pain
June 12th, 2009 at 5:58 am
If you “can’t have” another child, get an abortion. You are contradicting yourself.
June 12th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
As someone who is considering adopting a baby at some point, I don’t see why anyone should have an issue with your age. I would think that some people would actually feel better about your age, since at 36 you are probably more responsible regarding drinking, drugs, etc.
Good for you for considering adoption! It’s a wonderful to give your baby life, and to give a couple a chance at a child that they probably would not have otherwise.
June 14th, 2009 at 1:26 am
Are you sure this is what you want to do?
anyways look up good efficient agencies in your city and you can start from there.
June 15th, 2009 at 3:45 am
Any adoption agency would be happy to work with you, I think you’re asking for someone who is used to working with women and not just girls. Adoption.com is always a good place to start, they have a lot of information. Rainbowkids.com works with plenty of agencies, but is more for adoptive families. SpenceChapin.org is a good site to check out, they have a special needs program, and I know they work with all ages.
Your chance of having a baby born with downs is higher but still only 1 in 300. There are actually waiting lists for parents willing to adopt children with downs, so that should not be an issue.
As far as all the responses about adoption being a bad choice, I’m sorry that there are horror stories related to adoption. It gives adoptive families a bad stigma sometimes. There are so many loving families out there. Choosing your child’s family is a huge decision. If you are listening you will know them when you find them. I can tell you from experience the love a family feels for an adopted child is no different than for a bio child. I will be praying for you.
June 18th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
You are doing the right thing. If you can’t raise another child, it’s best to put the baby up for adoption. Would your grown daughter want to adopt the baby? All of these people are telling you to get an abortion, but if you would ask anyone that was adopted, they would rather have a life without their biological parents than no life at all. If you need someone to talk to, email me.
June 21st, 2009 at 6:46 am
I want to adopt so bad..I wish I could adopt your baby…lol you should do a private adoption if you know of someone who wants the baby..it is cheaper for the adopted parent and easier..good luck!
June 21st, 2009 at 9:51 pm
There are lots of sites that list the waiting families. Go to. They have lots of them listed.
June 22nd, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I totally agree with LoriA. Read every word she wrote twice. You have no idea how life altering adoption can be for everyone. Save yourself a lot of heart ache.
June 22nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Contact me I don’t mind helping. I will find some places that would be more then happy to help you. What state do you live in so I can start doing some research for you.
Dianna