Is giving your baby up for adoption considered being self fish? thats what my mom thinks?
Kristina asked:
i told my mom, if i had a baby now, i would give it up. (im only 14)
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i told my mom, if i had a baby now, i would give it up. (im only 14)
shes like thats selfish!
im like wtf?
i though giving your baby away in order to have a better life that you couldnt give him or she was not self fish?
or is it?
oh, thanks.
im not having a baby and still a virgin!
August 24th, 2009 at 4:15 am
No and you shouldn’t be having sex at 14 if you are.
August 27th, 2009 at 3:51 am
not selfish at all!!
August 30th, 2009 at 4:36 am
If a young woman of your age, gave her baby up for adoption to a family who could give that child a good, secure, 2-parent home, that is certainly not a selfish act.
Perhaps she means that it would be bad because that would be her grandchild and if it was given up for adoption, she would not be able to see it again.
September 1st, 2009 at 7:28 am
That’s really not selfish. It would be selfish if you were giving it up for your own gain, but you’re not. If you think somebody who’s more mature and secure could give the baby a better life, you should do it, no matter what your mom thinks. Watch Juno (; If you have an open adoption you can still see your kid so he or she won’t think that you are a horrible person and never wanted them, they’ll know that you cared enough and were smart enough to know that you couldn’t handle a baby and you wanted them to have a good life. Also, think of how happy a couple who can’t have children will be!
September 4th, 2009 at 12:25 am
I believe that this depends on the person that is pregnant. If you were pregnant and felt as if you couldn’t give the baby the life that it deserves then by all means you’re not being selfish by giving it up for adoption.
How does your mom feel, if you do have a baby at 14 and you can’t care for he/she, and if you would want your mom to care for your child? That may be another option.
Good luck.
September 6th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
well thats what my mom thinks too. but i think if its becouse your young thats good reason to put it up for adoption or becouse you cant give him/her the best life. but if you keep doing it then that is self fish . becouse my cousins were adopted and the real mom had about 6 babys and gave them up. and she is having another one. i think what that girl is doing is self fish. but if its like one baby thats ok its not self fish
September 8th, 2009 at 8:27 am
No its not selfish. If u believed in your current circumstances that you do not have the skills or resources to raise a child then turning a baby over (which is a very hard thing to do) to someone that has those things is the most unselfish thing u could do.
September 8th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
No it is not selfish! It’s actually the opposite of selfish. There are many people out there that can’t have children but want them and would give them a better life then you could at 14 years old and it would be better to give the baby up for adoption then to have an abortion. But if I were you I wouldn’t put myself in the position to have to make a choice like that.
September 9th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Choosing yourself before your child for reasons of comfort, financial gain or personal freedom makes you selfish.
If you have a child when you’re 14 or 25, it’s because you took a risk having sex. It’s like everything else in life - decisions you take have consequences. Giving up a child for adoption because you had sex but couldn’t accept the consequences means that you are selfish.
My parents adopted 2 kids. My parents were not rich, and it was a difficult life for everyone involved. But I can assure you that my adopted brother and sister still had a better life with my parents than if they stayed in foster homes.
You’ve got to get the idea of a better life for adopted children out of your head. It seldom ever happens. It’s a difficult life filled with doubts, searching for your true roots. It is difficult, sad, and heart breaking. Adoption should be the LAST resort.
Do you know how long it takes to adopt a child? It takes years and years and years. If you want to speed things up, you have to go through a specialized agency that matches parents to children in other countries. The chances that your child finds a home before he/she grows up are small.
Talk to someone in the adoption agency. Go visit an orphanage. The people involved certainly don’t think that adoption is an easy fix for a mistake you’ve made.
September 9th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
its far from selfish……my girlfriend and i are fifteen, and now were winding up with a baby that we wont be able to care for….no matter what your mom says, its not selfish, think about a couple out there that wants kids but cant have any, they would gladly love and cherish your child, we havent decided what were going to do yet, but adoption is not a bad choice, you’d benefit, your baby would benefit, and the couple would benefit, i understand its going to be hard to just let your child go, ive shed countless tears thinking about that day when i have to let my baby go……but understand that it will be loved, and that one day you can see it again..i hope i helped
September 11th, 2009 at 6:59 am
YES it is selfish. What you are repeating is the adoption agency’s advertisement that sounds so warm and fuzzy. What they do to you after wards is not only cruel it’s heinous. You’ll go from angelic and giving to a street tramp who couldn’t keep her legs closed and doesn’t deserve any better treatment than a wild dog. Not to mention the abandonment issues you will instill in your child. The fact that you will probably seal their identity away from them forever, their medical back ground, their possibility to leave the country, and ancestry are obviously things you didn’t know existed. They’re very real and very alive in this century.
Your mother is right it’s selfish and you should google some of the facts I just listed before you talk any of your friends into giving away their children. You really have only one side of the story and agencies pay millions of dollars for you to hear it, believe it and repeat it. Adoptive parents pay upward of $20,000.00 for what you intend to give away too. If and when you get pregnant, let your mother be a grand mother. Let your child have their roots, spare yourself the humiliation and heart ache of being separated from your child.
September 11th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
No my darling it is the greatest most selfless act that life has to offer.
September 14th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Of course it’s selfish. As Serge B pointed out, you’re giving away a child because you can’t be arsed to look after it yourself - personally, I can’t think of anything more selfish.
All this bollox you’re spouting about a baby having a better life just isn’t true. The truth is that you leave a child in the world who’s likely to be broken, and lost, and always missing an unobtainable part of itself (its history). Being adopted hurts like feck, because you ‘know’, deep down inside, that you’re so bad that not even your own mother wanted you.
Also, how’d you know the kid’s gonna have a “better life”? Once you’ve handed it over to the aparents, they can do pretty much what they like with it, and don’t have to involve you in it all.
September 17th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
thats wat u get for spreadin ur legs at 14
September 20th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
wait…so..that justice outfit is for a 14 year old? OH NO.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
All of these people are absolutely crazy. Giving up a baby is one of the most selfless things you can do. I don’t know what kind of family Serge grew up in, but I feel bad. There are so many loving, caring, stable, infertile couples out there that have to resort to adoption to start their families, and I know many of them. Giving up your child is not an easy feat, but putting your baby before yourself, especially when also helping out others is only a selfless action. I feel horrible for theses numnuts that think otherwise.
Just disgusting at what some of these low lives think.
September 25th, 2009 at 12:55 am
Completely depends on who you ask. Someones opinion may be different based on the expecting mothers reasons for wanting to place for adoption. Best think is not to get one self in to a predicament when they are not ready for a baby even more a teenager.
September 27th, 2009 at 9:51 am
That’s totally wrong! My younger sister was 15 when she had her Son, and had to give him up for Adoption. I don’t understand how your mom could think your being selfish. Your giving the baby up for both your own good, and the baby’s as well.
September 30th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Just assure your mum you will never be in that situation anyway!… at such a young age i doubt its considered selfish to think that, but if push came to shove and you were actually pregnant, i highly doubt you would have the same feelings about adopting your baby out.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:31 pm
NO ITS NOT I HAD MY DAUGHTER AT 17 AND HAD A 2 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND WAS STILL IN SHCOOL I COULDT TAKE CARE OF 2 KIDS SO I PUT MY SECOND DAUGHTER UP FOR AOPTION TO MY FIRST DAUGHTERS GRANDMAS NESE AND ITS WAS A OPEN ADOPTION I SITLL SEE HER AND SHE WILL KNOW I AM HER BIRTH MOTHER THEY AREADY TOLD HER BUT SHE REALLY DOSENT UNDER STAND I DONT THINK IT WOULD BE SELFISH IF YOU GOT PG ON ACCISENT BUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT PG I THINK YOU NEED TO USE PROTECTION AND HAVE HIM WERE A CONDOM!! IF YOU KNOW YOU CANT TAKE CARE OF A BABY YOU SHOLNDT BE HAVING SEX! YOU MOTHER IS TALKING TO YOU ABOUT SEX MY MOTHER NEVER TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT SO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN YOU NEED TO BE SMART!! IAM 22 AND LOVE MY DAUGHTER TO DEATH BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ALOT EASYER TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL WITH OUT HER. THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU DO ANY THING CASEU ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENSES!!
October 1st, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Although in some cases the decision is made out of pure selfishness (like getting in the way of parties, drinking…etc…) I think those ARE VERY RARE.
Choosing adoption for your child is not usually done with selfishness because it causes so much pain and loss (from what I’ve read lately) that you would have to overcome your own feelings to do what you think is best for the baby.
It also is a choice opposed by many surrounding the mother in question so it would be easy to cave in to their criticism (again…referring to those who criticize but won’t help raise the child or adopt the baby). So…to take all that crap to stick to your decision…that’s hard. So, not selfish.
I am disappointed your mother is less mature than you.
Good for you for thinking ahead to all the consequences of having sex, especially at a young age. Keep your principles girl…you will benefit much in life.
October 5th, 2009 at 9:42 am
I think whether it is selfish or not depends on what the reasons are for putting the baby up for adoption. Like if you can’t give the child a good life and you are putting it up for adoption because, you love it and want it to have a good life that isn’t selfish. If you put a baby up for adoption because, you don’t want the responsibility or want to party but, you could take care of it that is selfish. All situations are different.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
It is the opposite of selfish!!!!!!!!