Is it wrong to give my 3 month old baby up for adoption?
Miranda asked:
I am only 17 i will be 18 in a few days. when i was 16 i ran away from michigan to chicago and i got pregnant. i thought that moving back to michigan would make things better for me and my baby but honestly it hasn’t. i love her but i don’t have the necessary resources to take care of a baby. i live with my mother (she lost her rights to me when i was 7) and she is no help. its hard doing it alone and i dont want my daughter to grow up in the system like i did!
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, July 7th, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Adoption.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I am only 17 i will be 18 in a few days. when i was 16 i ran away from michigan to chicago and i got pregnant. i thought that moving back to michigan would make things better for me and my baby but honestly it hasn’t. i love her but i don’t have the necessary resources to take care of a baby. i live with my mother (she lost her rights to me when i was 7) and she is no help. its hard doing it alone and i dont want my daughter to grow up in the system like i did!
July 7th, 2009 at 6:48 am
you did the right thing she might be better off in an orphanage
July 9th, 2009 at 11:20 am
If it woudl make thinsg better for you, you can have an open adoption.
July 11th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Its a decision only you can make. Do what you feel in your heart is best.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
If you can’t take care of her, the BEST thing you could do is give her up for adoption
July 17th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Since you’re asking this type of question on Yahoo! Answers, GIVE THE POOR BABY TO SOMEONE MORE RESPONSIBLE!
July 18th, 2009 at 5:07 am
Would it be wrong? No.
Would it be best? Maybe. Only you will know what you are capable of. You may also be able to share your experience with some of the teenage mothers posting on here that thing they are going to have no trouble with this. You can inspire others to make wise choices.
July 18th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
yes. she is too old and has adapted to you. find resources for your baby. the best she gets is the best she gets. howeveer if u think in the long run both you will have no living. do it earlier than later.
July 19th, 2009 at 12:40 am
no its good
July 19th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
It’s not wrong at all. If you can’t take care of your child, it would be wrong of you TO keep her. At 3 months old, a family will take her very quickly since she’s still an infant. You can even work with the adoption agency to find a family you think is suitable. If you want to see her from time to time, you may want to consider an open adoption as well. That means that you would still get to write to her and see her now and again but she would be raised by another family.
Best of luck to you and I really hope you make the right decision for your daughter.
July 21st, 2009 at 6:43 pm
dont she needs ur love
July 24th, 2009 at 4:56 am
if you can’t look after her, then it’s probably for the best. good luck.
July 25th, 2009 at 1:52 am
Sweetie, do what you think i best for you and your child.
July 26th, 2009 at 6:44 am
it might be time for you to get a job, you dont give away babies, thats just wrong. but regardless I wish you luck and no harm to you and your baby.
July 28th, 2009 at 2:25 am
well you want her to grow up ok and you just have to be a good mom and teach her wright from wrong tell her what you did was wrong and hopefully shell understand
but if you cant raise her corectly you should put her for adoption but still send her letters and stuff
July 30th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
think hard about this. Is this for your daughter or for you? If it is for your daughter, then by all means please do.
My parents had me and my twin brother when they were 17 and put us up for adoption and I grew up with on eof the best most caring families in the world. I don’t hate my biological parents for it, and in fact i want to meet them some day. A child is a huge responsibility and if you want what is best for the child, then I would put her up for adoption. if you need any support, feel free to email me. everything will be okay
August 2nd, 2009 at 2:14 am
i would talk to adoption agency and ask if you can help interview prospective parents so you can help make a decision on where your baby goes. if you cant do and you have a mother that wont help no sense in making the child live without when someone out there has lots to give.
good luck with your decision, its a hard one to make… you need to think about it yourself before you worry about the comments you get on here.
August 4th, 2009 at 5:52 am
What ever is best for your baby. If she will have a better life being adopted then yes.
August 7th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Honestly, NO!. Your going to regret it in the future. DO you no who the father is? Find help NOW!. There’s usually shelters where you can stay for young single mothers who have no job. They’ll help you get a job and feed your child with clothing on ur back. So don’t. Your going to Regret it in the future.
August 10th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
If you feel you aren’t able to take care of her and she will have a crappy life, then do it. There are thousands of couples in the US unable to have babies of their own who would love to adopt. Contact an adoption agency.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
If adoption will be better for your baby’s well-being and future, as well as for yours, then don’t feel bad about considering adoption, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it either.
August 14th, 2009 at 4:16 am
well if you think that putting her up for adoption is wrong then dont you can search fammlies that want a baby and get to no them in a year or so they will get the baby if you like them you can also keep her
August 15th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Maybe you could ask a very close friend to take care of her for you until you have the nessesary tools to care for your baby. You clearly want to provide for your baby, and that’s a good thing. By putting her with someone you know, you can be in her life, and still work without the financial stress of having a newborn.
August 18th, 2009 at 12:33 am
It would be the most selfless and loving action you will ever do in your life. I cannot imagine what you might go through and I would seek help. Call Focus on the Family for support. They have so many resources and wonderful people to talk to you. I wish you all the best.
August 18th, 2009 at 10:43 am
It may be hard to do this, but if you don’t think you can do it alone you did the right thing. It’s sad that things have to end like that especially if you believe the guy will be of help. Good luck, and you’re a good mom, you did the right thing instead of leaving her in the streets like a nutso mom would do, go you!
August 20th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Think about it… You cant give it a fair chance at life, and it looks like you didn’t get one either. If you give it up for adoption you give you child a fair chance at life, and maybe even yourself.
August 21st, 2009 at 9:05 am
Personally I don’t believe it’s wrong in your situation. But whatever you do make sure your doing it for the baby even if it’s hard. Good Luck.
August 21st, 2009 at 4:42 pm
It is never wrong to give a child up for adoption if you can’t take care of her. It sounds like you want the best for her, and you realized you can’t give it to her. Your daughter does not have to grow up in the system. You can choose adoptive parents for her. It can be an open adoption, or a closed adoption. She is still a baby, There are a lot of couples on waiting list wanting to adopt a baby. You will have a ton of qualified parents.
August 24th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
I think you should have thought of this while you were pregnant, but I also understand that you couldn’t have known exactly how it would be to have a child. So no, I do not think it is wrong for you to find a loving family that has the means to properly raise a child and let them adopt her, because it is in the best interest of the baby. While ideally it would have been better to put her up for adoption much sooner so that she could have been immediately adopted after birth, it will be okay still now because she is only 3 months old, but you need to make a decision fast!
August 27th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Then I think yu know the answer to this find a baby sitter and get a job my mom was a single immergrant parent that had 3 daughters and we turned out just fine yeah it was tough in the beging we lived in trailer but e everything tough at first get food stamps to help pay for food but get 2 jobs if that’s what you need your going to have to be really stronge
August 30th, 2009 at 1:15 am
It’s hard but parenting can be done and done well.
She will miss her Mommy
Sadoption
August 31st, 2009 at 10:09 pm
You seem to love your child enough to make the sacrifice for all the right reasons. I am proud of you. Now go back to school and get qualified so you can beat the system. This will also keep you too busy to stress about your baby. God will bless you and give you another child when you are ready to care for one.
September 4th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Its not wrong. But for God’s sake dont put it in an orphanage. You want to get with an adoption agency, they can always find family’s who want babies especially. There are good parents lining up to adopt. It’d be very selfish to not give your baby a good home.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
It is so kind of you as a mother to do this for your daughter! Mothers who know they will not be able to provide the best life possible for their child yet refuse to do what’s best for the child are doing a serious injustice for their baby! You may have second thoughts, and feel like you’re not doing the right thing, but in your heart you know you are. Your daughter will grow up in a loving family. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck, and God bless:D
September 7th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
im sorry 2 hear that and i understand its hard but if i can do it at the same age u r now then i know u can do it!!! im bout to be 20yrs old and im pregnant with my 2nd baby i have my own place and i work for the government..my baby dad is in jail so im doing it on my own without no help not even my mothers help..i haven’t spoken to her in years..but there public assistance that can help u with ur baby but do whats best 4 u and her!
good luck
September 7th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
If you don’t think you can give her a suitable life, then your best bet is to give her up for adoption. It may seem like a hard decision, but you will be doing the right thing.
September 9th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
You might have torment you later on, but in all truth, it is probably a very smart choice. If you want the best for your child, go for an adoption. And it would be a good idea to go for an open adoption. Best of luck to you and your baby.
September 11th, 2009 at 4:19 am
I am 17 too and an adoptee. My mom had me when she was 16 and didn’t know whether to put me up for adoption or not. She ultimately chose an open adoption. It was the best decision she could have ever made for me, (her baby). If she kept me I would not have had the wonderful life I have today. I know it and she knows it. I feel that the best thing for your baby would be an open adoption. You know two parents who can’t have a baby of their own and their top priority will be YOUR baby is the best chance your baby has for a good life. In an open adoption, you can stay in contact with her and be a part of her life like my birth-mom is with me. It’s not too late to put your baby up for adoption. And I applaud you for the strength you have to make this decision on your own. Adoption will be the greatest decision you could ever make for your child.
September 12th, 2009 at 10:10 am
I was adopted at 2 months. Let me tell you a little of my story.
1) I grew up fine, and later on when I was 21 I met my mother. It was hard, and exciting, and traumatic, and relieving and a hundred other things all at once. Years and years later, I am still slowly getting to know who my mother is. I like who I am, and I don’t think her decision to adopt me out was bad or wrong or damaged me in any way.
2) She told me why she released me to the state; She was 19, unmarried. She thought she loved her bf at the time, and when she was suddenly pregnant he got angry. She didn’t know what to do. She didnt have a stable life, didnt have a good job, or a solid place to live. She didnt think she was up for this challenge. She never thought she didn’t love me, or thought that she wouldn’t love me. She loved me so much that she thought it would be better to let me go to someone else who could do a better job of raising me. She thought she would fail at being a mother.
That was 35 years ago. And she has never stopped hurting from that day.
Call your parents, your grandparents, your sister, your brother, your best friend, your uncles monkey. Tell them that you are scared.
If you want to keep your baby YOU CAN DO THIS! Sure, you’ll need some help, maybe a lot of help in the beginning, but what the hell is wrong with that? Show me a mother who never received ANY help and I’ll believe there is no porn on the internet. The fact that you don’t want your daughter to grow up in the system like you did only proves that you want the best for her. YOU are the best for her. You can do it! Be afraid. Be very afraid. There is nothing more scarier than becoming a parent. Be the best mother you can be - she will adore you for it.
So will I.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
this is a very big decision and I am sorry you feel that you are at the end of your rope…don’t lose hope and do that…you might regret it for the rest of your life
That is good that you want a better life for your child but think deep down…could you really let your child go like that? You can do it…you just need the proper channels for help and assistance!
where is the father of the baby? he should be paying child support! regardless if he wants to be in the child’s life or not…he is legally bound to pay. There are websites that offer free legal advice here is michigan’s main website
I found this yahoo question with websites that listed for aid for single mothers
are you poor enough to qualify for welfare? you could get some additional money if you meet their requirements
this website should help you find the help you need
try going to your local churches…go to salvation army for other assistance…some times if you are involved in certain organizatiosn they can dontate clothes food etc for you
here is another site i found that gives grants for single mothers
keep googling for legal aid for single mothers for your state and town…
trust me i know you think you might not be able to provide for your child but if that child grows up with a loving mother that baby will grow up to a great adult! just think about how selfless you are to give your own daughter up adoption in hopes for a better life…if that is not love i don’t know what is…keep your daughter…you are the only one who will love that child more than anyone else ever could!!
good luck and god bless!
September 16th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
No its is not wrong. You love your baby and want her to have a better life than you can give her. By giving her up you can make sure that she is given to parents who will love her and raise her the way that she needs to be raised.
September 17th, 2009 at 5:54 am
GOOD GOD!! Is every PAP and agency worker here answering this young mom’s question?? I have never seen so many ‘answers’ saying…’GIVE THE BABY UP’!
And please, O! please OP…do not respond to any emails you might receive from those seeking babies born of it’s own mother.
You have received some good advice from a few people here..Please check out the resources available to you and your baby in the state you live. Please educate yourself on adoption..all facets of. Visit forums where adult adoptees talk…and you will get a glimmer of what your child may feel about you and your ‘choice’ to surrender your precious baby. And simply having another baby down the line…will never, never replace the baby you ‘gave away’.
I send you only very positive thoughts and hope upon hope that you will be brave and fearless and be the mother you were meant to be, to your own child.
Adoption does not…never has…guarantee a child a ‘better’ life…only a different one…as one very knowledgable adult person who was adopted as an infant..said sometime ago. It certainly bears repeating..
“Adoption does not guarantee a child a ‘better’ life…only a different one”.
Good Luck and Hang Tough…and steer clear of the Vultures that will be flying around you and your baby.
September 19th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
This is a decision that only you can make. It is wonderful that you are looking out for what you feel is in the best interest for your daughter. If you place her at 3 months it will easier to place her, then if she was in foster care when she older. If you honestly feel, even with all the resources that are out there to help a single mom, would not be best for your child, adoption is a great option. Even though I am adopted and have 2 adopted kids this is not saying that adoption is right for everyone.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:04 pm
You do whats best for you and your baby. What YOU feel is best.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Here’s some information that might be helpful in making your decision. You don’t have to go it alone. It is stressful…but the BEST thing for your baby is to be with YOU.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:45 am
No you absolutely did the right thing and I commend you for giving your child the gift of life rather than aborting her
If you aren’t ready to be a mother then maybe it is best for her to be with someone who can provide better for her. However, Im not going to say that it won’t be hard for both of you. It sounds to me that your current situation is not one for a child to be in though. You can always try to keep some line of communication open with her. Try to set something up with her adoptive parents, etc. People change and situations change, you never know what things will be like a little further down the road.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 am
3 months doesn’t seem very old probably lots of people would want your baby. But to try and raise it your self will it have the opportunities it would have with two adult parents who have jobs and lives.
If you wait to long it will spend its life in foster care.
Which sounds like that is where it is headed.
September 25th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Most people here will say that it is. I wouldn`t call it wrong, I would call it irresponsible, yet you seem to have had quite some trouble growing up with your mother loosing rights of you when you were just 7 yrs old, and then running away…
Truth is, you were irresponsible to get pregnant but like I said, you don`t seem to have had the necessariyl and healthy guidance of a normal teen.
Many mothers kill their own babies or leave them unprotected in the porches of other people`s homes. You`d be doing something under the law and many couples out there are dying to have a baby and can`t. Here you are with the blessing of a baby in your arms, the blessing others lack to have. So yes, give her up for adoption if you can`t take care of her and let other mothers have the joy to love her the way she deserves, and take care of her.
However, you do have to realize that in a couple of years, when you get yourself together and grow up and mature, and learn to be more responsible, you will think of the baby you gave up and it will haunt you forever. I`m not trying to make you feel bad, but this does happen to women who give up their babies, they tend to think “could I have really kept her?” “Did I give up too easily?” and so this will happen, expect that, yet like I said…babies deserve the best and so does your little baby girl, and other mothers are dying to be parents.
Good luck and god bless your baby.
September 26th, 2009 at 9:06 am
HI I would think your life must be in a spin right now and with a three month old baby in arms you wont know if your coming our going, but you have done so well to get list far great, so your baby is only three months old you could put your child in to foster care for 6 to 9 months, which would give you time to get your life back together an a home sorted for your self and your baby and at the same time still be mum to your child, and l would like to think that in say 9 months time you your baby will be in your home never having to look back again and just keep looking forward. But if you think adoption is the right move FOR YOU THEN IT HAS TO BE YOUR CHOICE–yours—-PS l am adopted 53 years ago AND I HAVE NOT GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT GREAT–
HI—gypsywin–I like your way of thinking great.
HI bY-H****** I gave you a thumbes down sorry should of been up.
September 29th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
What exactly is the best life possible. Can you answer that question? does it have to do with money, or security? Money is nice but does not make for the best life possible. My kids have the best life “I” can possibly give them, it is enough for them. they would like more things but what kid doesn’t. They wouldn’t be willing to trade “me” for those things they want. My daughter had a great life with her adoptive parents. she was one of the lucky ones. Not all children get the best life possible, that is so affectionate talked about. some get much much less than they deserve. good life and all, my daughter still has issues from being adopted, and so do I.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:37 pm
With a strong and profound voice YES!!!!!! Think of all the people telling you it isn’t wrong, they’re APs or PAPs; now look at those of us who are telling you it is wrong…we’ve been adopted. She’s three months old, you’re all she knows. Do you really want to put her through the trauma of losing everything all at once? Imagine her in the arms of screaming until her throat hurts because she doesn’t know where you are or why you won’t come back. If you love her, truly love her; you’ll keep it together and raise her like you should. You can apply for WIC, Medicaid, section 8 (housing) and there’s even a government program to pay daycare expenses; not to mention the child support you should be receiving from her father. I don’t understand why you would think of giving her away. Be a good mom and keep your baby. You should give her a big hug and kiss for even thinking of it.