my girlfriend is pregnant and Im thinking about giving the baby up for adoption.heres the situation?
zappa asked:
This is an unplanned pregnancy. My girlfriend and I are in our early twenties. Both of us are still in school. She wants to get married but I don’t think I want to because I m not ready to commit to any longterm relationship. I know deep down I m just not ready to settle down. I know in 2 to 3 years I should be making good money and would be able to support a child; but don’t know if our relationship will work out…what would be best for the baby? adoption? shes want to keep him/or her.
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This is an unplanned pregnancy. My girlfriend and I are in our early twenties. Both of us are still in school. She wants to get married but I don’t think I want to because I m not ready to commit to any longterm relationship. I know deep down I m just not ready to settle down. I know in 2 to 3 years I should be making good money and would be able to support a child; but don’t know if our relationship will work out…what would be best for the baby? adoption? shes want to keep him/or her.
April 1st, 2009 at 11:16 am
2 bad. Iff you didnt want a child THEN YOU SHOULD OF WORE A CONDOM OR HAD PROTECTION. So now you gotta suffer & deal with it, Its all your fault you NEVER give up & child are you in the fucin head? & what iff you want to see your child in yrs to come huh? Im so sick of people like you doin this ohh i could say so much more. But fuc it know one listenens too me.
April 4th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
unfortunately its not up to you.if she keeps the baby you will still be financially obligated to the baby.all you can do is sit her down and talk with her.but if you didn’t want a baby you should have used protection.there is condoms and birth control.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:30 am
its her decision unfortunately u cant make it for her and if she keeps it i hope u will do the decent thing and be a father to ur child!! life doesnt always work out how we plan it u just have to make the best of the hand u are dealt. ull never regret having your baby once he or she is here. good luck !
April 8th, 2009 at 11:09 am
You seem to be between a rock and a hard place and I feel for you is my answer to you….Which I know it’s not the answer you wanted.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
It’s her choice. You can’t put up the baby for adoption without her consent. If you weren’t ready to settle down the both of you should have used contraceptives or used a better kind if what you used failed.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:47 am
No where in this question did you show any compassion, empathy, or caring for this young woman who is carrying your child. I think you are too young and selfish. But that does not mean your girlfriend is. That does not mean she could not raise this child- alone if necessary. You screwed up dude!!! Now grow up and accept your responsibility. You play you pay.
You don’t have to marry her –BUT … that’s YOUR child, does that not mean anything to you?
April 17th, 2009 at 7:10 am
She keeps the baby, you pay child support.
April 17th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Wow, sorry but you’re pretty much stuck. If she wants to keep the baby, she’s going to keep it. YOU can’t give it up for adoption. If you weren’t ready to settle down yet, you shouldn’t have had unprotected sex. You’re going to be financially responsible.
April 20th, 2009 at 8:14 am
In all fairness you are old enough to be parents. If you don’t want to get married that is ok but you should support your child. I can’t imagine your gf wants to carry a child for 9 month just to give it up. Taking responsibility is not easy and yes you will have to help raise your child. But that is the right thing for a man and father to do. But in the end you will be a better person for it and you will be proud every time you look into your child’s eyes. Remember this is your child not a used car you just sell of to the next bidder.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
There are mistakes in life we make and wish we could go back to correct them, huh? Don’t feel pressured into marriage, but the choice of keeping the baby is up to your girlfriend. You will have to pay child support one day. I hope you’re mature enough to be involved in your baby’s life. If not, I promise you will regret it for the rest of your life.
April 25th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
If your girlfriend wants to keep the baby then you dont have a say in the matter. You can’t force a woman to give up her child. You are old enough to deal with the responsibility. You do not need to stay in the relationship if you do not want to but you should support your child financially and emotionally. As I said before, if your girlfriend wants to keep the baby then you do not get a say in it, you can give her your opinion but obviously it is only hers that counts
April 25th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
If you were not ready for long term relationship why did you have unprotected sex? I don’t know how you can put money before a child but, if you don’t want this baby let your girlfriend keep him/her and you can still pay for it the rest of your life. Any child is best w/ parent(s) that love them so get out of the picture and let mom do her job.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:16 am
All I hear in your rant is about YOU…………you never mention what your gf really wants, however, it appears that if she wants to get married, then she wants to keep your child. You really need to think about this long and hard. You were not responsible when it came to have unprotected sex, but now you have the responsibility of being a parent. A child is a blessing. Adoption is an option, but I feel it should be an option only after all ofter options are dismissed. This is your child. Think of your child, and do the work you need to do for your child.
April 30th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
if she wants to keep her baby then don’t pressure her. I’d say the same thing to her too. good luck.
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:33 pm
i agree with the first answer. if u keep the kid u will be so happy u did! helping w/ homework, baseball games, music class! and don’t just make ur gf be a single mom or ur just a scumbag.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Being a dad who’s contesting the adoption of my daughter, I can give no sympathy. it’s a shitty position but you put yourself there. if she wants the baby she’s a better person than the mother of my daughter. As for you useless scrubs that play without paying attention I have nothing for you the name i think fits is “DEADBEAT DAD” people like you are the reason I have been fighting an adoption agency for almost 2 yrs. Time to Man up and be responsible. After your child is born and you’ve held him/her come back and let us know if you feel the same. odds are good you’ll thank us for trying to keep you in your childs life.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:06 am
If your girlfriend wants to keep this baby she should and you, my friend, should support her 100% This is no longer about YOU. This is now about that baby.
You don’t have to marry her, but you need to be a father to YOUR baby. Don’t worry you have 40 weeks to get used to the idea.
I’m not against adoption, but I am against coercing someone you care about to make a decision that will affect her entire life, the baby’s entire life because hey “you are just not ready to settle down.” How selfish is that?
Your girlfriend is shell-shocked right now. She needs support. She needs to know that you will be man enough to support your child. You both have some of the biggest decisions of your life ahead of you and need to be unified. That doesn’t mean you’ll have to get married.
Looks like you can’t put growing up off anymore. The time to do it is NOW. Best of luck to you.
May 7th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!??? I HATE RETARDS LIKE YOU!! IF THE MOTHER WANTS TO KEEP HER CHILD, THAN SHE SHOULD!!!!
May 9th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I’d i would have already left your a**! And it’s her decision not yours. I really think that once you see the baby you will want it.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Hon, I’m sorry but you made your choice when your pants hit the floor.
Your girlfriend is pregnant, and now you have a long term relationship with her, whether you like it or not. Start saving for child support, cause those first couple of years are going to be tough, and more expensive in terms of child support if you go through the courts than if you marry her.
Adoption is like suicide: a permanent solution to an admittedly temporary problem.
May 15th, 2009 at 10:36 am
You say you are thinking about giving this baby up for adoption. It doesn’t sound like that is what your girlfriend wants for her baby. It sounds like she wants to keep this baby. You don’t have to marry your girlfriend, but you shouldn’t pressure her to put the baby up for adoption. You want to know what is best for the baby - well, if a biological parent is able and wants to parent, whether or not it’s an ideal time, a biological parent is best. It sounds like that is the case here.
May 16th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
hear is the thing, you can not put the child to be up for adoption without her saying yes to it.
if you are not ready for a baby then you should have not had sex with her in the first place
May 17th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
if ur gf doesnt want to give the baby …dont force her…….she is carrying the baby in her stomach for 9 mnths obviously she will be attatched to the baby more….am sure wen u see da babys face u wont feel lyk giving the baby up for adoption…after all he is ur blood and dat connection will neva be erased…..y dint u use any protection???dont make the baby suffer for ur fault
May 19th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
she wants to keep her baby? then shut up about it and prepare to pay child support.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:25 pm
sorry dude. but you can’t MAKE HER place the baby because you are not ready to parent.
if you wish to not be with her, that’s fine. but the final decision to place is hers. and if she doesn’t want to, then i guess you’ll be a dad…ready or not.
ps. ripping a baby from its natal bond is never a good think, except in cases of abuse or neglect. many people successfully parented chidren with far less and did fine.
May 24th, 2009 at 4:55 am
The best thing for the baby would be to stay with his mom and dad, if possible. You don’t have to get married to have a relationship with your child. Yes, you are young and don’t feel ready, but 15 years when you are a bit older, you will be happy that you maintained a relationship with your child. You will never have enough money, so that is not a good reason not to keep a baby. Babies need love more than anything. Why don’t you guys support the baby together. It will make your life complicated, especially if you don’t stay together, but it’s worth it.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Sir Adoption is not an option if both biological parents don’t agree to it. If your girlfriend does not want to place the baby then you can’t. Just as she would not be able to place if she wanted too and you didn’t want too.
If you were not ready for children then you should have taken greater measures to prevent it. However you would have also known that even with measures it’s a possibility that you could get her pregnant. You will need to sit down and talk this out regardless if you are ready for a child; you are going to have one in 9months or less.
That said you don’t have to get married at this time in fact if you don’t want to you don’t ever have to end up marrying this woman. You do need to provide for your child that you helped created both financially and emotionally as well. You should also help pay for the mother medical costs.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
First off, I don’t agree with all the people scolding this guy for “not using protection” and saying, “it’s all your fault.” Sometimes protection doesn’t work so that’s not a 100%.
The the guy, I think you’re being a little selfish, but I understand the shock of an unplanned pregnancy (and even the shock of a planned one) so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re just a bit freaked out and trying to figure out what to do. I noted you asked what would be best for the baby so your question can’t be entirely selfish.
You say you’ll be making good money and will be able to support a child in two or 3 years. I would think that a bit of a struggle for the first two years would be worth that beautiful child. I also think that if the child was given up for adoption, 3 to 4 years later you would feel very guilty because you now have money to take care of him or her, but you already gave up the chance.
I don’t think it’s necessary to get married and if that’s the main issue, talk to your gf. If you’re willing to support her and baby emotionally and financially then tell her that you’ll do so and that marriage is something you’re just not ready for at the moment but that won’t change things in terms of support. Maybe she is worried you’ll bail out on her.
Finally, in the end, it’s her decision. You can’t give up the baby for adoption without her consent so I think the question her is are you going to support her in her decision or not?
May 28th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
A child is on the way and if she doesn’t want to give the baby up, she won’t. What you do know is up to you. You can get nailed for child support and have no relationship with the child or you can step up and be a Dad and that does not mean you have to marry the Mom yet. Talk it over with her and tell her what you told us, your not ready for marriage but know what your going to do in relation to the child. With children come great responsibility
May 29th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Both of you need to sit down and discuss what you want to do. If you are both willing to place your child, look at the sites listed. Otherwise, be an active participant in your child’s life.
Best of luck either way!
May 30th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Ok… despite what you want,… you both have to agree to put the baby up for adoption. You can’t just tell her that’s what you’re going to do.
Secondly… if you aren’t ready for marriage you need to be completely upfront about that with your girlfriend. And if she decides to keep the baby that is her choice.
You should really think about this kind of thing before hand… Either way.. this will be a huge change for the rest of your life.
June 1st, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Wow….I assume when you were in the act of creating this child you never thought for one minute about telling this poor girl you were not interested in a “long term” relationship.
Sounds like you want the easy way at the expense of this girl and your unborn child. All I hear is ME ME ME!!!
What about the other two lives that are affected in “your” decision to place her child for adoption.
This is EXACTLY what I mean when I say that woman are forced into the decision to place or terminate because A MAN will not live up to the responsibility to care for the life he helped create.
You have no right to persuade her to do what you want!
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
If she wants to keep the baby, then you can’t make her change her mind. But you can sit down and talk to her about it. Maybe make a list of pros and cons for parenting and adoption. And be completely honest about your apprehensions concerning parenting and getting married. I’m sure if she cares about you enough to marry you, she will be willing to compromise with you. Remember to say it in a way that won’t be hurtful to her. She is in a very emotionally difficult and fragile position right now. Placing a child and parenting are both very difficult, and can both be very rewarding.
Don’t forget that you need to think of what is best for the child too!
Good luck.
June 5th, 2009 at 9:55 am
sorry, but you should’ve kept your pants on. My mom always told us that if you play with Peter, you pay with Paul.