DO NOT ABANDON YOUR CHILD TO ADOPTION!

Seriously.

If you know you don’t want it now, then get an abortion before it’s too late, because if you abandon it, you’re screwing it up for life - and probably yourself too.

If you don’t want to abort, then please do not allow anyone pressure you into abandoning it.

I was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d've chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that’s proving to be completely agonising.

Taken from Nancy Verrier’s book, Coming Home to Self:

For the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn’t understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.
(pg 50)

Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That’s why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. Even though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwise harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child’s greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.
(pg 102)

It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn’t as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, “Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you’re not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun.”
(pg 117)

Please, if you’re not gonna abort your baby, then make damn sure you parent it.
Go read - it’s by someone who made both choices at different times in her life.

You may find some of the books and links listed over at useful.

Good luck. 7rin

If you think you can do this then try. Its the only way you’re going to know for sure. If you find that you can’t, your baby will still be adoptable. They don’t expire till they hit around 8 or 10.

Your age may be young, but that means you will be young enough to properly play with your child. It gets better as they get older.

Besides if an adoption does end up being an option after you have tried, there is a strong chance a family member will step up and help out. That would be in the best interest of the child. smarmy

Never mind having a “baby” ok babies are easy and they don’t stay small for long. The question is can you be responsible for another living person for the next 20 years? That’s what young girls never seem to think about. They never think beyond the couple of baby years. There’s more to it than that. Are you going to be able to afford to live in a decent neighbourhood so your child can you go a good school with nice kids? What sports and extra curricular activities will you get him/her involved in? What high school will he/she attend? What will you do to make sure they don’t make the same mistake that you did? What’s your plan for college? What will you do the first time your child swears at you? What will you do when that child’s heart is broken? How do you plan to instill a good positive attitude?

There’s a lot more to being a parent than changing diapers and loving them. Be sure you’re ready before you punish a helpless child with your decision. I’m not saying you can’t do it. Many young people turn out to be great parents but many don’t so please, please think hard and be sure.

Good luck. Nic

If you do decide on adoption make sure it is an open adoption. sandra F