should i keep my baby or put it up for adoption?
Jus Me asked:
I’m 19. It’s my first child. I want to keep him because he is my first child. I don’t see whats the point of me carrying a child around for 9 months and then give him away. My mother is in my ear..looking out for me. Her choice was to give him up for adoption. I love my unborn baby. But i don’t think i’m be able to support him the way i want to. But i’ve seen and experience single parents raising their child and they came out fine. I don’t know what to do. I know there are open adoption options. But that is saying that the adoptive parents have to send me pics of my child and i keep in contact with them til he’s 18. i can keep contact with him if i keep him.
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I’m 19. It’s my first child. I want to keep him because he is my first child. I don’t see whats the point of me carrying a child around for 9 months and then give him away. My mother is in my ear..looking out for me. Her choice was to give him up for adoption. I love my unborn baby. But i don’t think i’m be able to support him the way i want to. But i’ve seen and experience single parents raising their child and they came out fine. I don’t know what to do. I know there are open adoption options. But that is saying that the adoptive parents have to send me pics of my child and i keep in contact with them til he’s 18. i can keep contact with him if i keep him.
October 12th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Its a hard thing to go thru.
Only you can do what’s right for you. If you feel that you are able to care for a child, and have the right support, then go for it!
If you put the baby up for adoption, that would be a great thing to. It would be such an unselfish thing for you do to as a mother. Even better, the open adoptions are nice, because you can pick the family, and they are to keep you up to date with the baby.
Best of luck to you, and you will make the right choice for you and the baby. Connors Mommy
October 14th, 2009 at 8:15 am
keep him, i can read in your post that you want to. If theres a will theres a way. Babies don’t care about designer clothing or about any material things. You can do it and you can do it even better with the support of your mother. Ask her if she could give her mother away? or you for that matter.
If you want to keep your baby do so!! yes you can DO IT!! Gershom
October 15th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Spare your child the pain of your mistake and give it up for adoption. Keeping the child would only be selfish. How can you @ 19 provide for this child. You arent married, is the father even still around?
How sad! Jenni’lynn
October 19th, 2009 at 1:13 am
I think the best form of love is to offer your chiild a mother and a father. A stable home. An income. An opportunity.
I don’t think an uneducated 19 year old, probably un or under employed person is a good role model or supporter.
Break the poverty chain. Stop it now. momeeeof1
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:45 am
personally;
i think that you should keep him
your 19 which means you can get a job to support both you and him.
your his mother as long as you love him everything should come out fine.
imagine if you give him to someone and they abuse him mentally, physically, or sexually. I think he would be a happy child as long as he had a mother who loves him. At least your contemplating keeping him, most people our age just have abortions or give their babies up like it doesn’t even matter. At least attempt on keeping him, try to find a good job; ask your mom and friends for help just to get you on your feet.
Plenty people would be proud of you and willing to help.
and there’s always government funds.
wick, wellfare, section 8.
you and your baby should be fine.
keep us posted.
and for all you ppl talking about she needs a stable family;; do you know how many ppl have stable families and the mom or dad abuses the kid. Or their druggies, or don’t give a crap about the kid.
their is no such thing as a stable family.
keep your baby sweetie. dreuxluver4alwayz
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
I think you should keep him, by you’r mother telling you to give it up for adoption she is’nt trying to look out for you,she thinks shes saving you the embarrasment.Your young and she wants you to do something with your life but by you having a baby she dosent think that will be possible.If you want your child keep him, God put him in your life for a reason, because only YOU can love him the way he’s supposed to be loved.You think by giving him up is helping him but it will hurt him later on in his life.Make the right decision and Keep him!! bananna
October 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Keep your child if that is what you really want.
And, if you do decide on adoption, be very, VERY careful. Even if you and the adoptive parents agree on an open adoption, they can, and more than likely WILL, screw you in the end. See, when they take custody of YOUR child, they can do whatever they want: move, change his/her name, change their address or phone number, refuse your correspondence or calls, etc. Once the adoptive parents run off with YOUR child, legally they no longer have to tell you anything or have any further contact with you. This happened to my cousin and she was devestated.
In fact, there is even a book out today that teaches prospective adoptive parents how to befriend a young Mother, win her trust, promise her anything, and then once they take the baby they can close the adoption by their behavior despite whatever they have originally agreed on.
Be very, VERY careful and don’t assume that this couple will hold up their end of the bargain. In the vast majority of cases, they don’t. They use the Mother to get the baby and then they refuse to uphold their promises. And, since they now have YOUR child, there is no legal way for you to get him back.
I would only suggest adoption if you KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would not want to see him again until he was a legal adult himself. I’ve never seen an adoption work out in a way that benefitted everyone. The adoptive parents receive their benefit always, the child sometimes receives a benefit (though you really don’t know what type of life they will have because you know nothing about that couple), and the Mother never benefits in the legal kidnapping of her own child.
If you have the support to keep him, do it. You won’t regret keeping your son but you may regret allowing someone to legally kidnap him from you through an adoption.
Best of luck!
Peace,
Jenn jenn_smithson
October 28th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
KEEP - PLEASE KEEP.
You CAN do this - and I know you want to.
No amount of money will make his life better - if you are not there.
Some reading I suggest -
First parent blogs -
Especially don’t miss -
Also - if you need help keeping your child -
You can do this.
I was adopted - and my adoptive father died when I was almost 1.
I was essentially raised by a single mother.
Yeah - it worked out fine - and I love my adoptive family dearly - but in a way - it was just all wrong.
My first mother went on to marry my father 6 months after my birth - they have had 3 more children.
I missed out on growing up in the family I was meant to.
My grandmother pressured my mother into relinquishing me.
Stand strong for your child.
Adoption is a long term fix to a short term problem.
Please keep!!
All my very best wishes to you and your bub.
Poss. xxx Possum
October 31st, 2009 at 12:25 am
Absolutely! You obviously want to. And yes…you are 19….but that does not mean you aren’t old enough to take care of a baby. Depending on what state you live in, there is plenty of help out there for you…and don’t be embarassed if you need help now.
Just think this: Will you be able to move on, if you give this baby up? If in 2 years…you are more grounded and stable etc…will you look back and say “Why couldn’t I have just given this a chance with trying to raise my baby…cause I am perfectly able to now and it’s only been 2 years….?”
You said…”I want to keep him….” Then you do what you need to do to keep your son” You don’t need the most expensive name brand clothes etc…..
You will find a way if you want your son to be with you!!
If you feel that you truly can’t and this would be the best…..then you find him a loving family….but from reading your question I can tell that you want this baby and You Can Do it!!!
Good Luck! CrazyTrain
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Please be careful on thinking that the adoptive parents have to do anything. Often, these contracts either are not enforceable or are expensive to do so. The adoptive parent scan also move and you don’t know where they went. So, if you do go through with adoption, please be careful and get the advice of a lawyer in your state. You want to know what your rights are and how difficult they are to enforce. tmt0568
November 5th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
The most selfless thing you could do is let a loving mother and father adopt him. I’m not saying this would be the easiest decision, but it would be in the best interest of the child. You are so young, and the two of you will have a very hard road ahead. You will have to work and most likely put him in a daycare during the day. That is extremely expensive - not to mention you will only see him a small part of the day. In addition to working, you will have to play “mom” for the remaining hours in the day. It will be exhausting if you are the only one taking care of him. If you do not have a college education, chances are you will not make enough money to support the two of you. It will definitely be an uphill battle if you raise him as a single parent. I also know that it would be incredibly hard for you to give this child up. It would be very painful since you sound like you want to keep him. Honestly, I believe adoption is the best thing, but only you can decide. I wish you the best of luck. You have a very hard decision to make. Jenn
November 6th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Here’s the thing about loving your child: you do what is best for them, every time, no matter how much it hurts you. This ranges from the innocent - handing over the last chocolate chip cookie even though you really want it - to the impossible - choosing to let another person raise your child.
I won’t bore you with details about how hard it is to raise a child, even with two parents and plenty of money and blah blah blah. There’s no way you’d believe it. I didn’t believe it myself, until I became a mother.
What I will say is this: you owe it to yourself and your unborn child to at least get in contact with a caring, responsible adoption agency and seriously consider the possibility. That’s the test of mother love - doing the right thing for your child, even when it is the opposite of what we wish for ourselves. Verity Watson
November 7th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
If you think you can properly care and support the baby, then keep him. You might ask yourself can I give this baby the life I know he deserves.
What about the father? Do you have or will you be able to get a stable job? What about your education if your in college? Will you be able to afford daycare?
Whatever you do don’t make a hasty decision. Perhaps you can talk to a consoler at planned parent hood. If you decided to keep they may be able to help assist you. spirit_shurtugal
November 10th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
If you have any doubts, then you can’t do it. This is more of an option for someone who has NO way, not LITTLE way. Don’t let your mom push you into it. She’s thinking of herself and dosen’t wan the extra responsability.
If this is what you chose then make sure that you’ve done EVERYTHING you can jsut so you know that at least you tried your best. This is asssuming that the father and his family is for an adoption. Maybe he would like to keep the baby florida gal
November 10th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Read every word Possum says, then read it again–go to the sites she suggests.
THIS is your baby!!! Only you can raise it right! I wish I’d been raised by my mother instead of the ‘two parent’ home I was subjected to. But that was 1964. Impossible!
Your mother will be telling you how wrong she was a year from your baby’s birth.
Please don’t let your baby be raised by strangers.
Good luck sweetie! sunny
November 13th, 2009 at 12:38 am
In your post you state that you want to raise this child and that you love the child. Keep that child and raise him or her. You already know what you want to do now you need to focus on securing resources so you can parent.
If you are already clear in how YOU feel, that you love and want to raise this child, then that is what you should do.
If your mother is pressing you to relinquish this child then I encourage you to limit communication with her at this time. The last thing you need right now is someone telling you what to do with YOUR child when it counters what you want to do. Mom’s heart if probably in the right place, …she probably wants what she thinks is best for you, college education, nice job, house before baby,… but that is not what YOU want for YOU.
Relinquishment is difficult even when a woman has no regrets. I can’t imagine you ever getting on with your life if you have very clear feelings during pregnancy of parenting this child. You can do it. Children don’t need the best of everything to be happy well and well adjusted. Parents don’t need to provide the best of everything to provide a good life. ragdollhugs
November 14th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Almost ALL parents think they won’t be able to support their children the way they want to. This is a really normal fear, do not let it affect the love you obviously have for your unborn child.
Your child wants, needs, and is expecting YOU when he is born. He has imprinted on you already through your amniotic fluid, and is comforted by the sound of your voice, the rhythm of your breathing and heartbeat, and your scent. Imagine how traumatized he would be if he suddenly found himself without these things after the huge ordeal of entering the world of light and air.
Open adoption - even truly open adoption - is not a guarantee and, even if honored, would still deprive your son of those comforting things that would give him a sense of trust and safety. Even being in the next room is depriving him if someone else is his primary caretaker.
Please stop thinking about this. Your son can feel your thoughts about this and is in danger of feeling abandoned even now. Julie R
November 15th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Either choice is not an easy one. Single parents have it tough but they still make it. If you are determined then you will be fine. Don’t forget the father has to give child support. Good luck De
November 17th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
The most important thing is who will help you. Giving up your son will haunt you for the rest of your life. Every birthday will be a very sad day for you. If your family refuses to help you then it will be extremely hard because you are so young.
No matter how much people say that adoption agencies are careful in how they choose who is fit to adopt children, they are very fallible. They look at how well the family can provide for the baby. But they often cannot see whether these adoptive parents are OK people.
This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your whole life.
If you can get help from family and friends, and you can get an education so that, in the future, you will be better able to provide for this little child, you should then follow your heart.
Who knows what your boy can become if he is surrounded by a loving family. Would your mother advise you to give him up if the family who adopted him were going to get divorced in 5 years? And then the adoptive mother remarried someone who was not interested in this adoptive child and coerced her into sending him away to a boarding school? And this new second adoptive father did this because the two boys he brought into the new marriage didn’t like the adoptive mother’s son? This may sound very convoluted but it happened to someone I know and he, the boy, now a man, has never really gotten over it. So, the decision is a terrible one that should not be taken lightly. Try to talk to your mother about what she would do it she were in your position and you were the baby. That should help clarify her position. Obviously, your mother loves you and doesn’t want your life to be ruined because you have had a baby at such a young age. But it is important that she listen to you and that you listen to her.
And what about the father of this baby? Where is he in this?
I hope you will choose what is the best thing for you and I hope that you will be a happy person. You sound so sensitive and caring. If there is a God, I hope he/she hears you and helps you. Love to you from a stranger who cares about you. kia
November 18th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Please start putting plans in place to keep your baby. If you want your baby and love your baby now, those maternal feelings will be a millions times stronger when you first lay eyes on that precious little person. After you hold your baby, it will nearly kill you to let him/her go to someone else. Open adoption is still adoption - it breaks the mother-child bond.
Please tell your mother that you love your child and do not want this adoption. Your mother may be advising adoption because she thinks it is what you want and because she is concerned for your future. Be bluntly honest with your doubts.
I have many friends who are awesome single parents. One had her son at 16 years old. She finished high school and then went on to get her engineering degree and has risen to the top of her profession. I have another friend whose mother threw her out of the house because she wanted to keep her baby. Her older sister helped her. She completed her degree on line and is now an admissions counselor at her university. I have other friends who did not complete school but worked their way to fine jobs. Yes, they pinch pennies but they have glowing gorgeous children.
What is it that you want to provide your child that you feel is beyond your means in the future? Remember, you will not always be 19! Beyond the basic necessities, for the first years all they want is their mommie. Your youth is temporary. With some hard work, you can be on your feet and providing for your child as his needs become more expensive.
This is not your mother’s decision. It is yours. If she will not support you, then find someone who will help. There are programs out there if you ask for help. Your child needs you - not a load of junk at the store. grapesgum
November 21st, 2009 at 10:16 pm
If you want your baby then by all means KEEP your baby.
My natural mother relinquished me when she was eighteen and she regretted it for her entire life. She looked for me. She even posted ads in newspapers near my home town looking for me on my 21st birthday but I never saw them.
I didn’t find her until I was in my thirties.
Can you imagine regretting a decision you made for over thirty years?
“Open adoption” is a marketing ploy developed by agencies to encourage mothers to relinquish their children in the early 70’s when it seemed that women were no longer relinquishing as much as they had before.
What you do need to know is that open adoptions are not legally recognized in most states in the US. This means that the adoptive parents can close the adoption any time they want to for any reason. They can even move to another state or another country and there will be nothing you can do about it.
Lastly, many have said that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please, really think hard about this. Adoption is forever.
There are many, many resources available to you that will help you to parent your child if that is what you really want to do. Isabel
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
The decision of giving your child to a loving family or parenting your child is one that probably should not be made though yahoo questions and answers. IT doesnt hurt to see what other opinions are but you probably need to sit down with the baby’s father and perhaps both of your parents. There are some agency’s that provide counseling for moms, but be aware that some Agency’s will not have your best interest at heart. Make sure that you find a reputable Agency if that is the route you take. You can also go through your medical insurance and find a Licensed Counselor to sit down with you and go over the pros and cons of all options. Most have sliding scales. If it is parenting you decide to do, you need to have a plan with the father too…..it is his child also and his responsibility as well. Good luck http://www.adopt-with-love.com
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
I have 2 children that I love with all of my heart and I am very thankful to their birth moms for making an adoption plan for them but if you want to keep this child then that is what you should do. Just know that all of the families I know through our adoption agency are so grateful to the birthmom for allowing us to adopt these children and every adopted child I know and I know hundreds of them is LOVED so much and really wanted. I am sure you will love your child too but I just want you to know there are very wonderful adoptive families out here too…some of the posts put a negative slant on this. Either way as long as you take charge of you situation and make a plan then your child will have a loving family! Lots of prayers for you on this life changing decision. Jennifer W
November 26th, 2009 at 3:57 am
You need to keep your baby. That is your job as his mother.
Are you prepared for your child to grow up hating you? Because if you abandon him that is a distinct possibility.
Since you have chosen not to abort (I assume it is too late) be responsible. Loving mothers do not abandon their children to strangers. Elizabeth
November 28th, 2009 at 2:03 am
Imagine this scenario:
You have the opportunity of having a baby, your very own baby.
Now imagine you dont keep it and you spend the next 10 years educating yourself and finding the right man. Then imagine trying to get pregnant knowing in your head that it will happen straightaway because hey, you got preg so easily last time. Then imagine finding out he’s STERILE. yes sterile. And you threw away your one and only chance at having a family. even if it’s just you two.
Whatever you do keep it. Hey i dont resent my tax dollars going to you if it means you wont suffer my heartache. be nice to the kid. marythedoridis
November 30th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Your mother needs to stand right back. She also needs to be reminded that this is not her baby, it is yours, and you are the baby’s mother, and you have the responsibility of making the decisions for his life and future.
Dealing with a teen pregnancy is a difficult dilemma, so that is why it is most important that you decide what is best for both you and baby.
Also bear in mind, that no matter what choice you make, others will critisize your decision. For instance: ‘Your too young to keep the baby’ ‘you aborted, you murderer’ and ‘oh how could you adopt your own flesh and blood?’ and so on. That is why it is important that you do what’s true to your heart.
Follow your heart no matter what others say. All the best xxx The Bunyip
November 30th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
You are of an age that affords you the ability to make informed decisions on your own. You don’t need anyone else’s consent, should you make the decision to parent…..but please remember that you are also making a decision for someone else, as well. You’re making a decision for your child. It’s the first of many, many, many important decisions you will make on his behalf, and will shape his entire life, and your own, in the process.
The enormity of it is overwhelming, to be sure —- but whatever the outcome, make the decision yourself. Don’t let anyone pressure you. Listen to your heart and follow what it tells you.
My prayers are with you and your child. RenoGirl
December 3rd, 2009 at 6:22 am
If you can’t say, “There’s no way I want to keep this baby,” then you should not put him up for adoption.
I, personally, don’t think its fair to birth mother, baby, or adoptive parents to want to keep in touch and let your child have two sets of parents a time. Adoptive mothers aren’t unpaid foster care until the child is 18.
To me, open adoption is what people do when they really shouldn’t give up their babies in the first place. There is such a thing as girls/women who absolutely know they don’t want the baby in their life. That’s who should place the baby for adoption.
Many people can’t raise their child in the way they wish they could. You just have to do your best and do what’s right. Get some parenting classes or read up on child development and parenting. You’re right - your mother’s maternal instinct is to look out for you. You will have a maternal instinct to your baby.
If you want to keep in contact with him that pretty much means you’re not willing to separate from him. Adoption isn’t supposed to be about who can afford the child more. Its supposed to be about whether his mother wants and love him. LisaHW
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Sit up straight. Fix your bra. Buckle your belt and be a good mother. You will hate yourself forever. Your mother just thinks she will be stuck with the kid. Tell her you can handle it. C B
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
keep the baby, no matter how hard u try to support him/her the child would value and appreciate u in future. adoption is pain for the child when they old enough and try to find out whom their biological parent are. in most cases the child ends up with hatred for their mother especially. they have a sense of rejection from the mother joddie
December 6th, 2009 at 5:54 am
remember, if you did surrender your child, there is NO guarantee that the people who adopt won’t divorce. plus your baby already has a father, unless it was immaculate conception.
the two parents just happen to be living apart, which is not a disaster at all and both parents can still co-parent. Men often build a father-connection with their child post-birth. dont worry if he seems stand-off-ish pre-birth, because he might need face-to-face contact with his child in order to feel like a father.
so, don’t hesitate to ask for child support — chances are that the father will support his child, especially if he gets in touch with fathering resouces and support that teach him how to play a fathering role in his child’s life.
the pain of adoption never ceases. you might live in the numbness of the first stage of grief for months or even years, but the pain/loss/grief grows after that and is overwhelming and agonizing. i would not wish it on my worst enemy. and truly, no-one around you would understand: people think we “get over it”. Ask your mother if she truly wishes you to experience lifelong unresolved complicated grief, PTSD, severe depression, and possible secondary infertility. Becuase that is what the risk is. Is she trying to punish you with a life-sentence of pain?
there are resources out there: even scholarships specifically for single parents.
open adoption is no better than closed adoption. the pain is just as severe plus there is NO legal guarantee that the adoption will remain open. most of them close once the adopters get what they want.
single parents can accomplish anything! despite the stereotype, poverty is NOT a given! good luck! cedartrees4
December 6th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Believe me, when you hold your child in your arm the first time, you will find a way 結縁 Himei
December 9th, 2009 at 2:31 am
I dont know why everyone keeps saying your so young your 19 an adult I had my first child when i was 18 granted i was married but thats not the point. I dont know much about adoptions but i wasnt raised by my parents either. I know that a there is alot of things you can do to keep your baby. You can go to college and get a good job you can get government help for childcare and even get your college paid for if college is what you want to do. If not you can still get a good job and care for your baby. But know matter how many ppl answer your question telling you to give him up or keep him in the end its your choice and no one is gonna have to live with it but you and your baby. What ever choice you make i wish you the best of luck. marcey m
December 10th, 2009 at 12:20 am
KEEP HIM GET A JOB DON T LISTEN TO YOUR MOM ITS YOUR BABY BUT SO TAKE ADVICE FROM YOUR MOM THOUGH Morgan A
December 10th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Keep your baby; I too; thought my mother had my best interest at heart. She did not; me losing my son to adoption was her decision; not mine. Possum already linked my blog; so I won’t link it again. Also; I saw another reply; that don’t believe in the contracts in open adoption; they are right. Ask; people who believed their adoptions would be open; and the adoptive parents closed them without giving the mother/father a reason. I do have another daughter now; she is 10; she will never replace the loss of my first-born son. I miss him every day; and pray he is ok. I hope that he will one day; at least give me a friendship. But; there is help out there. E-mail me @; if you need to talk. Yes; I too; now have seen young mothers who are wonderful mothers!:) Kelly L
December 13th, 2009 at 4:07 am
Keep your baby. There’s nothing else more precious in this world. If he give him away it would destroy you. missbc
December 16th, 2009 at 4:35 am
Please keep your child.
Single parenting is hard, yes. But so is relinquishing for adoption–and personally, I think relinquishing is much, much harder than parenting.
You CAN find a way. Accept state assistance if you need it, work extra hours, get family to help you.
No matter what you do, your life will change. Period. Parenting brings tough moments, yes… but it brings a TON of joy, too. Adoption? Lots and lots of pain… little to no joy. Since your life is going to change anyway, pick the option that will bring you AND your son the most happiness–and that is the two of you staying together. concerned
December 17th, 2009 at 4:25 am
I’m 18 and gave my baby up for adoption, but I gave up my baby because I still have one more year of high school to go and I don’t have an income and the baby’s dad does not have a high paying job. Your situation is different, because you most likely have your diploma. I do have an open adoption and I have really liked it in my situation. I know she’s safe, she’ll know who I am, she’ll know she’s adopted from the beginning and I’ll get to physically see her along with pictures and emails.
You may want to just check out adoption and explore adoption and you can change your mind, and decide it’s not what you want to do. I thought I was going to keep my baby up untill the end, and then I decided for adoption. My suggestion is keep your mind open, explore your options, do some research and then decide. This is a huge decision to make. A huge responsibility. Yeah it’s been a tough road for me, but I do know my little girl is safe and I will know who she is and she will know who I am.
I wish you the best of luck. I have grown up in a singel parent home and it’s been tough. I just wanted to protect my litte girl. Not one thing is best for everyone. So explore both options. You can meet people looking to adopt and then decide not to. You can find out how much contact they would allow. So keep your mind open. Good luck and blessings to you! yeehaneeha
December 17th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Your old enough to keep your baby if you want too. A lot of young girls have kept and raised their babies with no problems.
Just because you will be single does not mean your child will grow up with problems. It how you raise them and if you love this baby you will do whatever it takes to keep and support him as best as you can. I don’t advice adoption unless you are an unfit mother with health issues or mental problems…Kid as the grow will later resent being adopted or will look for you to ask you why???you gave them up they tend to grow feeling un-loved. If you decide to adopt you can choose the adopted parents. And you can request they keep in contact with you on how he is doing. But, if you ask me you might regret later if you give him up….. Betty R
December 17th, 2009 at 11:17 am
As a hopeful adoptive mommy one day. I can tell tou that there is lot’s pf people out there who would love to raise a baby and have to wait years to be able to do so. I would talk to a pregancy counsellor and get her non-biased opinion. In the end you need to do what is right for you. My husband and I are open to an open adoption and have a list of things that we are willing to do and will not back out ofm which I am sure people will tell you that adoptive parents do. Yes it is true I want a baby, but I cannot imagine lying to someone to get their baby because one day my child is going to ask about their birth mom and I want to be able to tell them everything I know about her and her/his dad if they so do choose to. We are willing to respect anyones wishes for either an open or non-open adoption. To know if ti is truly what we want to do speak with a counsellor who can help you sort out your feeelings. jason l
December 20th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
I believe you should keep him. Only money you need is a roof over your head, and diapers and food for him. you dont need a hell of a lot just the basic’s. remember all he really needs is your love. *GIGGLES*
December 21st, 2009 at 4:26 am
First of all, I want to let you know how much I respect you for carrying this child and giving him life rather than choosing abortion. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel, but let me tell you about my experience with adoption. My husband and I just adopted a beautiful baby girl in June after trying for 7 years to get pregnant or adopt. The birthmother who placed her with us is 18 and loves her little girl very much. She realized that she couldn’t provide everything for her daughter that she wanted her to have and loved her enough to give her to us so that she can have the kind of life that she really wants for her. We keep in touch with her regulary and share pictures and emails. We even talk on the phone a lot. It has been such an amazing experience and we love our daughter’s birthmother so much. Adoption isn’t about giving your baby up, it’s about giving them more than you could provide if you were to keep them. This amazing young woman gave us the miracle we have been hoping for for such a long time.
This is a decision YOU ultimately have to make. The most important thing to think about is what is best for the baby. You have to look at all of the options and really try to figure out what that is. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without my dad. You can give this baby a mom, but what about a dad?? True, there are many single parents these days, but what are the effects on their children?
This is something you shouldn’t have to face alone. There is a website for our agency — . You can look on the site and get information and resources for free. There is also an 800 number you can call toll free to speak with a caseworker who can help you explore all of your options (marriage, adoption, single parenting, etc.) at no charge. Their birth parent services are completely free of charge. They won’t pressure you into anything, just help you have the facts you need in order to make a decision you feel confident about for your precious child.
Good luck with your difficult decision. Thank you for even considering adoption for your child. There are so many infertile couples out there who want children more than anything and it’s young women like you that have the ability to fulfill that dream for them.
Amy Amy B
December 23rd, 2009 at 5:42 am
Keep your child, as nature intended
Shame on people who say keeping your own child is selfish!
They are the same kind of people who confuse the heck out of a child by saying stuff like ‘Your mommy loved you so much, she gave you away to us’ How can that ever make sense to a child? I mean, really?
Baby needs Mommy. Do some reading honey. The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier and the Secret Life of the Unborn Child
A word of caution. Open adoptions are not enforceable and whilst there are some honorable people out there who will stick to the agreement, there are many many heartbreaking stories of mothers who have been cut off the moment the adoption is finalized Heather H
December 24th, 2009 at 11:42 am
there are two sides to this. first of all one is that if you let him go there would be good loving parents for him. he would have a good home. he would wonder most of his life whether he was wanted you could write a letter to him and let them keep it or have open adoption. but to me its better to have it closed and when the time comes he can come find you leave a letter addressed to him. its hard to raise someone by yourself. i am not sure how ready you are to do this and that is why your mom tells you to give him away. its very hard and money will be tight. it would be very hard on all of you and the baby sitting and the sickness and all by yourself is hard. it would be better when you are ready to marry and have kids and you can later look for him when hes 18. i dont’ know what really to say just look and search yourself and see its not a crime to give them up. i know its seems horrible but sometimes its best and find them later and they are find and happy adjusted people i sure am. take care. Tsunami
December 25th, 2009 at 9:54 am
please keep your baby, as long as you always hold him, he will know that you wanted to keep him, and he wont take it for granted shareeka
December 25th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
You have to go with your heart. If you think that you can do it and will not resent your child for the things that you will miss or not be able to afford, then by all means keep him with you. Good luck. wife2denizmoi
December 28th, 2009 at 9:30 am
It’s very traumatic to give your child up for adoption, it can really screw you up. Women should be counseled on how to keep your child not counseled on how to give him up. Do not let others tell you what you should do. You might have to make some sacrifices, but it will be best in the long run. I gave up my daughter 35 years ago, I was never the same after that, I felt worthless and buried my secret. only a few people knew. So I carried that secret around for 29 years. Then I found her and found out even though she has a wonderful mom, things had happened in her life and she always had feelings of abandonment, even now after 6 years, she still has feeling of abandonment, I am trying to be her friend and even she doesn’t know what she wants from me. I am willing to give her the moon. When she got pregnant (not married) her family said to give him up, but she knew how it felt and didn’t do it. I’m so proud of her. I love my b daughter and her children and I’ve missed out on so much all because I was weak and no one knew how this would affect everyone.
I hope you will keep your baby, I wish i had. snowwillow20
December 31st, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I’m helping a friend right now who is struggling because he kept his baby. He didn’t want her to abort. So he is raising the baby alone. He is a bit older than you and he is having a very tough time. He still wants to have a life with his friends. He still wants to go to school. He still wants a career. But all of that is on hold while he takes care of his baby. I try to tell him all that can come later, but he is young and wants it now. So after 10 months he is thinking he must give her up for adoption. So many hearts will be broken- but the reality is - it is probably the best decision for all.
Give your baby the best start you can. Let person/s who are ready in every way to love your child. You are already thinking you might not be able to. All the demands of a baby are twice what you imagine they will be - and it is 24/7 for almost as many years as you are old.
Adoption is love. chiliswoman
January 2nd, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Hello, Sorry for your situation. I think best will be for you five up for adoption baby, I now it is very difficult.
We are working with an Agency for baby adoption. The process is very long and lots of waiting. We are looking on our own too, if we find birth mother on our own our agency will help with the process. Thank you for your time.Our e-mail is Tazz
January 3rd, 2010 at 12:45 am
I was 19 when I had my daughter. I kept her without a doubt. Ultimately, it is your decision, not your mother’s. You are of legal age. I did, however, give my son up when I was 23 (in 2003). I was still a single mother and could not take on 2 children by myself. We are involved in an open adoption and it has been great. I have done both and struggled either way. I can see that you do want to keep the baby. Do some soul searching.
If everyone waited to be “ready” for kids, it would NEVER come.
God Bless and feel free to contact me if you want. I am a good listener. Sarah C