Should I place my unborn baby up for adoption?
karolsin415 asked:
I am 5 months pregnant and don’t know if I can afford to keep this baby boy. I have 4 other kids and 2 of them are 14 months old twins. One of the twins is disable and needs a lot of attention. I am single and sruggling to make ends meet for my family. I don’t know what is best for my family as of right now. Can I really afford to add another child to this broken home?
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I am 5 months pregnant and don’t know if I can afford to keep this baby boy. I have 4 other kids and 2 of them are 14 months old twins. One of the twins is disable and needs a lot of attention. I am single and sruggling to make ends meet for my family. I don’t know what is best for my family as of right now. Can I really afford to add another child to this broken home?
January 31st, 2009 at 11:36 pm
If you are looking for options call Project Cuddle at:
1-888-628-3353
They will help you with resources whether you choose to keep the baby or not….
if you want to contact me my email is: kck3@live.com
I can talk to you about our experience with them.
We have an adopted daughter (we have one biologically too)and are considering it again. We have a homestudy and everything ready, but are unsure when we wanted to adopt again.
You need to do what is best for you and this baby
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:30 am
if i was in your position i would place the baby up for adoption, it probably be the best thing for you, the baby, and the 4 children you’ve already got to take care of.
February 4th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
That would break your heart. No. Keep it. Things have a way of figuring themselves out. You will make things work, because you have to. Your kids will thank you later for it. You are NEVER given something you can’t handle. This baby chose you to be his/her mommy. That’s why you are pregnant right now. Your baby chose you, choose it. Good Luck, Hun.
February 7th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
if you do decide to do it, make sure that it is something that you can live with. and what is the best for your baby…
shortyrogue510
February 10th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
You already have 4, so one more isn’t going to be that much more money. If you are worried, you could always temporarily go on government aid for awhile. As stressful as a 5th baby will be, I worry that you will forever regret giving up your little boy. You could definately qualify for a lot of aid to help get you back on your feet. In the end only you can decide what to do, but I believe in you. *hugs* You will do what is best for your family. Have faith.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
well,its up to you to keep it or place your unborn baby up for adoption.But with your situation like this i think better not to keep it.Well it only my suggestion if you still want to keep it alright but it will make your life a little bit difficult i guess so.
February 14th, 2009 at 6:35 am
I know it would be heart-breaking to have the kid separated from the others. I’d say keep it & seek governmental assistance, like WIC, Food Stamps, & TANF. & try to get all the help you can get. You probably can get SSI benefits for the disabled baby. Here’s the SSA office #. 1(800) 772-1213.
Good luck!
February 16th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
i would talk to my family and friends first. see what they think, also talk to the father of the baby if not the same as your 4 kids. see if one of your family members is willing to adopt your son. that way you will get to see him grow up. if your son has a different dad see if is willing to take the baby. if not the best thing is to give your baby to a loving family that will take good care of it. good luck
February 19th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Think about it very well, that you will Never regret this decision. My advice would be to keep it. Things are hard right now, but they often get easier when the kids get older. One day when they do, like your kids are grown or whatever, you may regret this decision, and always think that there might have been one more.
February 22nd, 2009 at 4:22 am
Hard to say.. having two eighteen-month-olds, one of which is disabled, and a newborn is gunna be hard. Especially if your other children are under 10.
But giving up your child might be something you regret. Being raised poor, but surrounded by family and love is not too bad. It’ll take a lot of dedication on your end, but I think you could make it work.
If you can get more welfare and even get involved with a church. My local churches usually give away free food once a week and free gift certificates to the supermarket once a month. And if you stop by multiply churches, you can get even more food from here and there. They helped out a lot growing up… donating even diapers or baby formula.
You can try to find an extra job online (affiliate programs/advertising) or a at-home side job so you can watch the kids and make some more work.
There might be single parent groups out there to also offer support.
Remember, if you have love and family, then the home is NOT broken.
If you seriously cannot raise another child, then i’m sure he’ll do great with another family. Don’t feel guilty. Maybe even find a family who could stay in contact with you (if possible) so that your son never has to go on a quest searching for his real mommy and siblings.
Good luck.. its a tough choice and remember there IS NO WRONG choice.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:23 pm
You have a right to make any decision you want. But you need to do what is best for ALL the children. This is what mothers do.
If you are struggling now, and see no major change in the very near future, then it sounds as if adoption might be the best solution for you.
Adoption can be a Win-Win situation for you. Your children will have more of your time and more of your resources, and the baby will be taken care of and have all of his parents time and resources, too.
I have never seen a mother yet who regretted her adoption decision if she kept her child’s/children’s best interest first, above her own.
I want to wish you well in this decision. If you want to email me personally, please do. (Or, if you need a referral to a good agency.)
Good luck to you, and your children.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:12 am
((HUGS)) and KUDOS to you for thinking what’s best for your baby! You are definitely a good mother to you children to be be considering adoption for this unborn baby.
Adoption is a very loving choice!!! You’ll be a hero!!!
Yes, if I were in your situation I would definitely choose adoption. Here is a hotline to call:
1-800-592-4725
If you are needing some help with living expenses during the remainder of your pregnancy they might be able to help you with that too.
I think that choosing adoption for this child is definitely putting your family and the child first!!!
:)
February 28th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
From what you say as hard as it may be that might be the best choice not just for this baby but for the 4 children you already have. I know having a special needs child can sometimes be exhausting as they do require more attention. Not to mentioned you said with 4 kids your struggling to make it, add another child to that and you’d be struggling even more.
Perhaps you can sit down with your bank and go over your budget. At the most I’d advice you talk to a Counselor and if you’re religious pray about it.
You could even think of seeing if a family member would be willing to adopt the baby, or you could always do an open or semi open adoption. You still have a few months to think about it you cant sign adoption papers till after the baby is born.
March 1st, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Well you won’t be a bad mother if you do!! There are adoptions now that are open so they will send you pictures and letters of you baby!! Then when your child is old enough (18)things are different in your life you can explain. I had a friend give up her son from in this situation and her family was very upset but when she see’s how loved he is and cared for the way she wanted him to be, she knows in her heart of hearts it was the right thing to do. it takes a mother who loves her child enough to help him have a better life, if you cannot afford it and it is really hard for you already baby will only suffer more!!
But if you carry the baby to term are you going to be able to give it up?? If you really feel that you cannot support this baby finicial and it will affect the rest of the children finicial then I think it may be a right decision. But ultimatley it is up to you?? Is this baby’s father going to want to be around and help out?? Maybe if he is going to be there and fiancial and physhically it might work!!
When you have the baby may I suggest getting your tubes tied!! Then you wont have to worry anymore about getting pregnant and you can focus on your children you have to take care!!
Good Luck and I wish you the best
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Thats the best thing you can do. I was born in honduras and the fifth child of my birth mom. Knowing she couldn’t take care of me, she put me up for adoption at 3 months old. I was adopted by two lawyers from Brooklyn and New Jersey. They but me through the best private school and now i am in college as a history major. I will become a lawyer and take over their business. As i look back, i am so thankful that I was put up for adoption. I could have been some kid who was starving living in a hut with a dirt floor and worrying about the next meal. Then, trying to find different jobs to keep my family fed with no direction in life and possibilty of breaking out of the system. I have every option available to me now. I am not a mother and i will never know what its like carry a child for 9 months. But i do know, what my birth mother did was the most unselfish thing any human being could ever do. Do your unborn child a favor and find a good home where they value education and have good jobs. Dont try to get in contact with your child and wait till he is ready. He may be successful and want to help you. My mom also happens to be an adoption attorney because of me. She say the worst thing is when a birth mother changes her mind and keeps the child. See, you have three months after you sign papers to change your mind, if you do, it will crush the adoptive parents. Just make sure their a great family with a nice home. No, i don’t think you should make you child grow up in a broken home, its selfish.
March 6th, 2009 at 2:03 am
I think only you know whats best for you and we can only offer a opioion and I think if this is what you want then you should by all means have this baby and raise it but please do not get overwelmed and not be able to provide and then social service will step in and they will remove all of them so please always ask for help before you ever get to that point, I would not want a dog to go to social service, Adoption is a wonderful thing, as a woman who can not have any more children, I am seeking to adopt through a private adoption and I want to be as close to the birthmom now as I am on Adoption day, I want her a part of my family and her to share the baby with us, so I am am here if you want to talk about anything please feel free to email me.
March 8th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
If you truly believe that you cannot afford this baby or give him the attention a newborn needs you would be better off letting someone adopt them. You could always do an open adoption so you could pick the parents yourself, get updates and pictures, etc. Adoption is not like it was years ago when the mom had no way of knowing who adopted their child. I would also recommend getting on some birth control after you have this child so you don’t get pregnant again until you are able to take care of another baby. You would make someone that is not able to have children of their own extremely happy.
March 11th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Well, I certainly cannot tell you what you SHOULD do, except to say that you should do what YOU feel is best for your unborn and for your family. I have placed a child for adoption, and it was only in his best interest that I did so. I had just left an abusive relationship and was living with a friend when I found out I was pregnant with my ex-boyfriend’s (yes, the abuser’s) baby. My situation was very unstable, and since I didn’t have very many options at the time, I placed him for adoption. And I do not regret it one bit. It was hard at first, but I rest easier knowing that he is in good hands, with a family who loves him as much as I do and is able to care for him better than I could at the time.
But regardless of what I or anyone else in here says, do what YOU feel is right. Call some agencies, or search for some online and research your options. Then go from there.
Good luck!
March 12th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I had to put a baby up for adoption 41 years ago and still regret it. I have gone on to have three more children all grown and have adopted a child. I was very poor raising my son’s but you know what? I had plenty of love to give them and if you have plenty of love to give them The Lord will supply the rest for you……….. When the baby is born hold it….. then decide….
March 13th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
No. Having another child would be difficult, but that’s how life is, you’ve got to be responsible for your actions. Be strong, ask help from your parents, friends, relatives, they can help you in deciding, especially during these times of hardship.
March 14th, 2009 at 5:20 am
My brother was adopted and he was the 7th child. He parents could not afford any more and so they gave him up and we were very grateful. My daughter was the 5 child of a 26 year old single parent and she choose me and choose to give the baby to me. She also had a special needs child. It was hard for her I know but she wanted what she could not provide. I send her pictures and up dates about every 3 to 4 months. I can not tell you what to do, but I hope this helps with your decision
March 15th, 2009 at 8:14 am
I think adoption is a very unselfish thing to do. Although it is a decision that you need to be totally sure you want to do an that you will go thru with it. Not at the end when a couple is waiting for the baby do you decide that you changed your mind. That is a horridable thing to do to someone. I think everyone else has really good points with getting Gov. help. There are so many out there that get the gov help that are just to lazy to do anything else you do not seem to be that way. You have a full time job taking care of your 4 children. I have a disabled child also an it is a very demanding job and I only have the one child. There are agencys & churches that will help with disabled children and with your other children. I think that God only gives you what you can handle. If you do decide to go thru with the adoption you can always make it an open adoption where you will have contact with the child.
But this is a question you will need to dig deep inside to find the right answer for you and your family. The other thing I would consider is having a hystertomy or some other type of permenate birth control.
March 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
My mom has 5 kids… and to be honest, I think you could carry on the 5 kid thing too! I understand you are single and that is possibly the hardest thing for you because financially it may be more difficult… I’m not sure of where you live but in many locations they have WIC… (not sure what it stands for) I know it may seem or feel somewhat welfare-ish but when you have a child to support, any financial help is helpful. They gave me food checks that I could use at almost every grocery store which was very helpful. You may want to look into it because my mom had twins and they actually gave her free diapers for a year along with the food checks…The cool thing about the checks is that they have a check for formula and we all know that formula is not cheap! You may want to look into a program like that. I know I could never put any of my kids up for adoption… I only have 1 daughter but I had her when I was 15… my friend got pregnant at 16 and gave it up for adoption but she regrets it now… I think you will be able to overcome the obstacles of having so many kids… I don’t know if you’re religious or not (I am) but I know that God only gives you obstacles you can overcome…
March 19th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
[hey there,
i have a friend like you she had a little girl, a set of twins and was pregnant. giving her baby up was the hardest decison she ever made, but what you have to ask yourself is by having this baby are you making your life or your kids better or worse. We as parents want to give your kids the best life possible. If that better life is with another family we should be grateful that at least your baby will be loved, spolied possibily in ways that you couldn't. What it boils down to is your decision but make with out your feeling wraped up that way you can make the best possible decision. You shouldgo to. you can find some help there
March 21st, 2009 at 7:43 am
please keep the baby and pray to god to make things better and god makes things happen for a reason
March 24th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Im sorry For You Having 2 have 2 cometo this conclusion , no onee should have 2 do it But if it makes the baby happier then yes.And itll make your family more stronger
And i wouldnt call it a broken home,its just high mantience But you dont want 2 take 2 much on otherwise stress wil kick in or depression x i would go see a docor and ask for conciling or if not make a List one saying all the advanges and one of all the disavanges.If you have 2 come2 the dision of putting the baby up for adoption then just think your making another family happy which maby cant have children. Especially if you have 4 kids and ones disabled thats a lot of work! my Mum is stressed out enuff With just me and my twin .
Good luck and wishes on what you decide 2 do But ino Yull do wutevers Right ! x
ANWER MY QUESTION PLZ :: .?qid=20070811110637AAaz1oN
MANY THANKS X
JESS X
March 25th, 2009 at 3:50 am
You should consider an open adoption, that way the child still knows you are his biological mother and will be a part of your life and his siblings lives.
March 28th, 2009 at 12:54 am
If u feel u cant make time for this baby then yes u should be giving the baby up for adoption. I am not saying your not a good mom but i am a little confused as to where the babies daddy is? he definatley has a say in this if he’s not a part of the childs life then u need to do what u feel safe and secure for the child…
March 30th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Adoption is an amazing gift. Alot of people say “your pregnant because God want you to have this child” but could it be that your pregnant because this child is meant to bless another couple, who cannot conceive a child on there own? And logically, considering your circumstances this child may be better of with a family who is able to provide for it in ways you may not. Open adoption is VERY common now. If you choose open adoption you will still be able to have contact with the child. This is a personal decision though, and in the end only YOU know whats best. Good Luck!
April 1st, 2009 at 5:02 am
I was in a similar situation. I placed my baby for adoption last July and it was the best thing for me, my kids, and the new baby. I suggest you talk to a reputable adoption agency they will help you out financially and provide counseling for before and after placement. It is worth checking out.
April 4th, 2009 at 5:57 am
aww. maam i feel for you. i know how hard it must be for you. i was put in foster care when i was 8 yrs old. i know all about the system . my chosen adopted mother could not have any children after many years trying she found out she had pcos. it was heart breaking for her though i wasnt a baby i changed her life by giving her a child of her own to love. now if i hadnt been adopted my life wouldnt be half worth what it is today. my birth mom is bipolar hasnt had a job since 1986 cant get one. never cleans doesnt really do anything. her house is full of cats and no litter box. anywhere you step you geta surprise. and the smeel can make you gag as soon as you get on the porch. now if i hadnt been placed in foster care i would have been like her. because my adopted mom was a clean freak and cared alot about hygeine. whereas my birth mo mwould wait weeks before giving me a bath and i went to school like that. smelling like urine and whatever else i had walked through in my house. but i am 21 now. i am married and i have a 5 month old daughter. my husband encouraged i give her a call after 10 years. it was difficulyt as she put me through hell , scaring me with telling me the voices of dead people were calling out to us from under our trailer. she was the last person i wanted to talk to . but i did make that call. and even though i live 800 miles away from her she has now stayed on her medication, and is very excited about her new granddaughter. so in my story adoption was best , i never had to deal with suffering in my birth mothers home. but in your case you seem like a wonderful mom who is trying so hard to keep her family together. in my religion of islam we are encouraged almost forbidden to take the pill or prevent pregnancy, God says in the quran that we should never worry about feeding or clothing our children, or killing them out of poverty like the people did in history. because God provides all for our kids not us. and by having more children the religion of islam will grow and in the day of judgement islam will be the top religion. … there are alot of parents that cannot have children, my best friend also had pcos she is only 23 and is working in medical school. she is trying everything , and i see her pain. so if you do choose adoption know that you will make a women out there finally be a mom and find happiness and give your child a wonderful home, and if you decide to keep your child. God will provise for you dont worry . you will all be ok and one day your children can say they are so proud of you contact me if you want to talk
April 6th, 2009 at 2:41 am
you know the answer to that question better than we do. we don’t know your financial or emotional constraints. you might not be able to afford another child, but you can definitely afford condoms going forward.
geocities.com/sbiv37/marr
April 8th, 2009 at 10:20 am
In the best interest of all concerned please give the unborn child up for adoption. In cases like this it is imperative that the parent think of the best interest of the children. They deserve to have a good home with parents that can give them financial support and a stable home-life.
My heart goes out to you and to your children and, for that reason, I must ask if you have considered putting the twins up for adoption, also. There are SO many couples that want children with special needs and they would be able to provide the attention and medical care needed. It is wonderful that twins are not longer separated but adopted together, in almost all cases. Look at open adoption which will provide you the opportunity to watch your children grow and still allow them to have a stable life they so deserve. God bless you for thinking of your children’s needs above your own desires. Best of luck to you!
April 9th, 2009 at 7:39 am
If you truly cannot provide for this child (time, emotionally, financially, etc.), then making an adoption plan for this baby may be the best way to go.
Contact a crisis pregnancy center, an adoption agency or attorney & investigate so you can make a good decision for you and the baby.
You can choose the level of openness that you’re most comfortable with — you can have frequent contact, no contact or somewhere in between. You can choose the adoptive couple to raise the child, too.
God bless you & your family.
April 9th, 2009 at 11:46 am
It’s a really tough situation you’re in. I can only think how horrible the baby will feel when he or she grows up and finds you and his (or her) siblings, and realizes that he was the only one you gave away. That will be so awful.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:43 am
This is only a decision that you can make. You need to weight the costs just not financially but emotionally to all of you as well.
There are programs out there to assist single moms - and even more programs out there to assist mothers of children with disabilities.
You need to do some soul searching on this one, but as a mother of a child with a disability as well as a mother thru adoption, if I can offer a shoulder to lean on, please email me.
April 12th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I was adopted by a very loving couple many years ago. Now days you would be able to pick the parents which is very different from when I was adopted. It sounds like you have your hands full. Giving your baby to a couple who are unable to have children that would be able to love it and provide for it is a wonderful gift that you could give the baby and the couple that you choose for your baby.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
this is a decision that you and only you can make. follow your heart… the best way to figure it out is to interview a few couples and see where your heart takes you.
April 17th, 2009 at 4:40 am
i dont know what you should do but if you decide to adopt i would love to take you baby and give it a woundefull home ill pray for you
April 20th, 2009 at 10:04 am
NO, don’t place your baby up for adoption. You have 4 other children welcome this one with open arms too. sure it’ll be tough but not forever. this may hurt you even worst since you have kids–thinking about whether this one will look like your other beautiful children. your other children may also have a problem with it too; especially if they are older. they may develop self worth, trust, and other esteem issues with this. please don’t assume that b/c they are fairly young they don’t get it; they may not fully understand but they will get some kind of message from it(whether its the right message or not). You would never want them to question your love for them– Mommy gave out little brother / sister away to a new family maybe she feels like that about us. the point is children internalize things different. Continuously pray for guidance
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
It looks to me that you are in hot water and it seems that adoption is the only way out but that doesn’t mean you loose contact with the child you have adopted out. Give the child the right to know why you had to adopt him/her out when the time is right. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Well hon.. No one can answer that question for you.. You are the one that has to decide.. Whatever you decide is going to be best for you.. I think being single and having 4 children would be really difficult. Wow twins at 14 months that is a big job besides two others to take care.. I don’t know I think that you will know in your heart what is best for you.. Adoption is a very loving and unselfish option if you decide to go that route.. There are so many couples looking to adopt.. If you would like to talk you can send me a message and we can talk some more…Thanks this is my opinion…
April 25th, 2009 at 12:25 am
My heart goes out to you. I know this is a very difficult time for you. I have never been adopted but my husband was. His birth mother gave him up to a wonderful family who was able to give him all the things she never could. They also gave him love and an extended family who loves him as if he had been born into their family. What his birth mother did was the bravest and most generous thing she could ever do. He has never felt anything but gratitude for what she did. Please consider letting a family adopt your baby.
April 27th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
That is not a question that anyone here can answer for you. However, let me tell you a little story.
The story starts with two people that meet in college and fall in love. They eventually get married and decide to start a family. Unfortunately, they are unable to conceive. They try artificial insemination and IVF, and they don’t work either.
After thinking long and hard about it, the couple decide to try to adopt. They put their names on the list with a placement agency, and they are told that it can take up to three years to find a child. The couple realizes that this is the only way they are going to have their family, so they jump in with both feet and they contact an adoption attorney. They are told that it usually takes about a year.
The couple prepares their profile, gets the home study, and attends the classes. Then they wait.
But…they don’t wait for long! They get a call from the attorney. The birth mother has chosen them, and she is due in a couple of days.
Oh my! Says the man, we don’t even have a nursery set up yet! Oh my! Says the woman, I don’t have time for a shower!
The couple flies all the way across the country to meet with their new baby, and they get to take the baby home!
In the six days between the last two paragraphs, the sparte bedroom became the nursery, complete with paint and a new carpet! The registry was created for all of the gifts. And the shower was planned for a week after the couple comes back home with their new addition.
The reason I am telling you this is because none of this happiness would be possible without a birth mother that chose the couple. A birth mother that loved her baby so much that she decided that she couldn’t give everything that was needed for a happy childhood.
I am that man, and my wife is that woman. There is a woman out there that has given us something that all of the money in the world couldn’t give us. She has made all of our dreams come true.
You hear every day about “heroes” that do unselfish things. That birth mother is truly a hero. She gave up her child, so that we could have a child. We don’t question her motives. In these days where abortions are easy to get, this woman carried a child for nine months.
April 28th, 2009 at 3:31 am
the choice is yours. if you know you can’t provide for this child then adoption would be a good thing. If you truely feel it is best for this little guy look into it. bless you for bringing him into this world and may you have strength through all this. you are a amazing person to want and do what is right for your child
May 1st, 2009 at 10:25 am
I wish i could meet you and adoption your baby boy from you .I want a baby boy.