should i put my baby for adoption?
Vanessa M asked:
I’m 27 weeks pregnant and considering adoption for my baby. My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We’re not financially ready to have a baby. We live below the poverty line, neither of us work. Not because of not wanting to, but there are no jobs where we live and don’t have the resources to move. The best job my husband could find was $6/hr at Krogers. It doesn’t pay our bills. I worked retail for a while, but quit when I had problems with my pregnancy. My hubby and I both grew up in poverty and have not really been able to escape it. It’s like a viscious cycle. It’s a horrible life for a child. I’m scared of adoption because I feel very attached to my baby, even though I know it is probably in his best interest. How would I even present this idea to my husband? Should I even do it? Are there other options?
We’re in the process of getting rid of things we can live without, like tv, internet, etc. I’m already on WIC.
we can’t afford to move and have no help. we already receive govt assistance.
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I’m 27 weeks pregnant and considering adoption for my baby. My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We’re not financially ready to have a baby. We live below the poverty line, neither of us work. Not because of not wanting to, but there are no jobs where we live and don’t have the resources to move. The best job my husband could find was $6/hr at Krogers. It doesn’t pay our bills. I worked retail for a while, but quit when I had problems with my pregnancy. My hubby and I both grew up in poverty and have not really been able to escape it. It’s like a viscious cycle. It’s a horrible life for a child. I’m scared of adoption because I feel very attached to my baby, even though I know it is probably in his best interest. How would I even present this idea to my husband? Should I even do it? Are there other options?
We’re in the process of getting rid of things we can live without, like tv, internet, etc. I’m already on WIC.
we can’t afford to move and have no help. we already receive govt assistance.
November 1st, 2009 at 11:22 am
Have you tried using government assistance? They have gov. assist. checks, food stamps, section 8, housing, and wic! That can help. But if you really want to, that is way better than abortion!! I applaud you. ♥NC Princess is pregnant♥
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
personal decision, if you asked that question to women in kenya they would think you are crazy. your husband will have to work, maybe two jobs, you can work till you are about seven months i think. churches and other programs help low income mothers. itsallaboutmenow!
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Maybe you guys should look for jobs elsewhere and consider moving?
Or focus the next couple of years to getting an education? Colton’s Mommy <3
November 5th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
There is a lot of help out there.
WIC
SOONER CARE
FOOD STAMPS
FREE DAY CARE
SECTION 8
and so much more!
Get all the help you can, and you and your husband go back to school and get a education and then you will be able to get a nice job. Nursing is at high demand and that takes 3years if you go full time.
You can get financial aid, grants and loans to help pay for school and to live off of.
You dont have to give your baby up, just look outside the box for help and moving forward. deshonat26
November 8th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Oh wow. This is a very hard thing for you I imagine. I honestly feel the best for a child is not necessarily money but loving parents. I have friends in your situation - they live below the poverty line and can barely provide for themselves. Sure, their baby doesn’t have all the neat things that wealthier people have but the baby has LOVING parents. The thing is, they don’t know that things won’t turn up in the future - and it is always possible. They also get tremendous support from the community/friends/family. The government CAN help you. I don’t look down on people that take government assistance when they are really trying to be good citizens. That is what it is there for. That is if you feel you are up to that. Maybe adoption is right for you but I personally could never do it unless I knew 100% I could not do the right thing for my baby. Are you 100% sure you cannot? You really need to talk to your husband about this and your concerns. If he is loving he will understand and try and make it work either way.
I am really sorry. My thoughts are with you. You sound like a wonderful mommy. Poppy: due 12/19/08 with baby #1
November 10th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
maybe a family member can adopt or a close friend so u can still be in touch with the baby… but any adoption route u take will give the baby a better life simply happy
November 10th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
no, dont do it! the best gift you can give a child is a mother and father that love each other… anything else you can deal with when it comes along. there must be other options, family assistance from the government ect, maybe consider moving some where were there are more jobs? please don’t give up your child i think you will regret it forever. Noah’s Mummy
November 14th, 2009 at 2:37 am
You know I can see exactly where you stand BUT I truly think no one is financially set for a baby..but somehow someway it ALWAYS seems to work..I know you love your baby..its your decision but there is help out there for people who truly need it till there on there feet..i wish you the best of luck.. MummaOF3
November 17th, 2009 at 5:04 am
I understand that you would be very attached to the baby because I couldn’t imagine anyone not being attached to their own child, but it sounds like to me that it may be in the best interest for your child to really consider adoption.. I read a comment one girl left on someones question before about adoption and she had given up her son and said she didn’t loose out when she decided on adoption but she had gained a whole new family.. she said they call every week to give her updates on her son..that would be something very reassuring to me that adoption doesn’t have to be such a sad thing
I also agree you have to be 100% sure its the right thing to do and that there is no possible way you could make it with a baby.. Good luck with whatever decision you make Rachie
November 19th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
You should just sit down and talk to your husband. He may be feeling the same way and not know how to approach you. It’s a very hard decision to make and you really need to know what he feels about it. It’s the biggest sacrifice you’ll ever make and it will break your heart if you do, but knowing that your child will escape the poverty and have a wonderful life would be worth it. I won’t tell you what to do other than talking to your husband first. I wish you the very best. llnlln56
November 20th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
That is your choice, but there are a lot of programs out there to help with your child’s needs. This is a decision that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Please, consider all your options and exhaust all resources before making a decision. SAMMY
November 21st, 2009 at 8:35 am
He has a job, even though it may not be alot you all could make it. You could go sign up on foodstamps and welfare but they will make you work after so many weeks.
If you knew all of this why didn’t you get on birth control? It is free at the health department.
Anyhow i know people that have things so hard but they still kept their kids.
You all can make it if you try. ஐ♥Julian’sMommy♥ஐ
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 pm
If you want to keep the baby, you can. If you put your mind to it, and believe you can do it.
You could also look into open adoption. The parents you pick will send you pictures and updates, and you could possibly visit the baby. Mamma to an angel
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
Yes you should discuss it with your husband if it is something that you are seriously thinking about. You can bring it up by just talking about how you guys will go about doing things with the baby here, such as finances and stuff. Then when he answers you, just bring it up as an option, not a finalitay.
This is a hard decision to come by, and no one can answer the question for you. THere are other government assistant programs out there besides WIC that will be able to help you as well. Sometimes your electric and gas companies have alternatives as well when you come into having financial trouble. There is also help from the churches out there, so you just need to check around, set a budget, cut everything you can live without and money will be tighter. But if you want to keep the baby, there are plenty of options out there for you, if you decide to give your baby up for adoption, you can always decide to have it be an open adoption, that way you can keep in touch with the adopters and your baby as it grows. Sune
November 25th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
The question is do you want the child? If you want the child, and love the child, do you ever really think you could get over giving it up? Probably not. Are there people who could provide more financially, probably so, but can you provide the things it NEEDS, and LOVE it the way it needs to be loved? Those are the main things. Sign up for finacial assistance from the government. They can help you with more than you think. Look into local clinics, or assistance centers. There may be some places that get donations to give to low income mothers. There is a place in my area that even provides, cribs, clothes, swings, formula, etc. WIC is a good start but you will need to get welfare, medicaid, and food stamps. I can assure you there are jobs. Dont be above any jobs. Take a cashier or fast food if thats all that there is. There is no shame in a man (or woman) doing an honest days work to provide for their family, even if it is in a “demeaning” position. If you feel that giving the baby up is the best choice then the best thing to do is just blurt it out and get the option on the table with your hubby. blessed2bstressedby4
November 26th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Well I would not give up your baby you will reget it the rest or your life there are government assistance to help there are so many things that you can get. I would say think about things long and hard before you do anything because it is a life long thing it is not like you can take the baby back. I hope everything works out. God Bless you in your choice. Kirsten W
November 26th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
there are places that can help you like Birthright they can help you find resources for your situation I wish you the best of luck and God Bless call them 1-800-550-4900 Tanisha D
November 28th, 2009 at 5:39 am
Im wouldn’t if I where you bc dear not everyone is ready to have a child at first but we all make it…..bc I’m a single mother and I thought I couldnt do it alone and my son is 5 years old…..so but some more faith in yourself and your husband and get thru this together and try going to your local Dept of Human Services to get some goverment help ~LoveSpell~
November 28th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I understand loving your baby before you have held it in your arms. I am a mother and thought I was having a miscarriage at 9 weeks.
I also know and understand the wonderful gift of adoption. I have a nephew who was adopted. His mother tried to get pregnant and it was one thing after another.
He is such a joy and saved her from unhappiness. His birth mother had some bad circumstances and gave him up. I am sure she lives every day loving him but hopefully she knows in her heart that he is better than ok. He has a huge extended family that loves him. I would keep him every day of my life if I could.
My point is that adoption is a possibility that can be wonderful but you have to accept that you turn the child to another family. It is the best gift our family has ever received. If you are prepared mention it to hubby. It is truly a gift and I admire a person that knows they must give their child a better life and go this route. My mother was adopted so this was instilled in me.
Good luck with your choice either way. elbow17green
December 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 am
I hope you buy condoms and then you won’t have to worry. First, you have to get hubby to agree, people should not have children until they are on their feet, have a good income and not have to have help from the public. After the baby is born find a job, even $6/hr will help you what with your husband making $6/hr. Maybe you could go to school at night after work,It would only be maybe 2 or 3 night’s a week. Poppy
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
Hi,there im 26 years old and have 3 kids.the third time i found out that i was pregnant my husband didnt want to have another baby cuz we were just making it but i said im having this baby i dont care what you say !!!my baby is know 9 months and he loves her and now he says that how could he not wanted his little angel.The reason why i say this to you is cuz when your holding your firts baby at the hospital your going to want to do better for that angel send from hevan so please make sure that what ever you do you wont regret it
(sorry for my spelling)
you see what i mean i dont even know how to spell and i take care of 3 kids
GOOD LUCK Sara C
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:22 pm
If you feel like you can’t take care of a child, put it up for adoption and have no regrets. Good Luck. Isis Grace