Should I put my baby up for adoption or try to keep it?
Haylee asked:
i just found out im pregnant and im not sure what to do. i am only15 and yes i know it’s bad so i don’t need anyone else to tell me that. i’m already upset and crying like crazy. i don’t know that i can have an abortion it is against my religion and i would feel just horrible doing it. plus my parents would kill me if i had one. so basically i don’t know whether to keep the baby or consider adoption. please help i need advice
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i just found out im pregnant and im not sure what to do. i am only15 and yes i know it’s bad so i don’t need anyone else to tell me that. i’m already upset and crying like crazy. i don’t know that i can have an abortion it is against my religion and i would feel just horrible doing it. plus my parents would kill me if i had one. so basically i don’t know whether to keep the baby or consider adoption. please help i need advice
August 17th, 2009 at 9:02 am
If you are going to trust a bunch of strangers who know nothing about you or your situation to make the hugest decision of your life, you need therapy first.
Talk to your parents. Weigh out your options & think ALOT. You will figure out what is best for you.
August 18th, 2009 at 8:31 am
You have to do what is right for you, talk to your parents first because their support or lack there of will help you decide. If they are not goign to help it will be very very difficult to raise a baby so young.
August 21st, 2009 at 8:17 am
It is up to you if you want to do that. If you feel that you and the child’s father can not take care of it and you do not want to mess up in school then you should give it up. If you feel that you can support and provide for your child then keep it. I think you should talk to your parents about it and see what they say about it. You can have the child and keep it and still get your education. It is totally up to you.
August 23rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
First of all you need to tell your parents and come clean. They will help you sort everything out. You don’t have to go through this alone. And hun, remember, babies are never an ACCIDENT. Babies are brought into this world because God wanted them to be brought into this world. It may not be the best situation, but it doesn’t mean that this baby isn’t worth keeping. just speak to your parents and they’ll help you. Best of luck hun.
August 26th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I know this is a difficult decision and you need to put a lot of thought into what is best for the BABY. Here is a site that may help you decide the right option
August 28th, 2009 at 9:13 am
If I were you I would look at your financial position…if you and your parents are able to support the baby you may want to try. However, having a baby at a young age is really difficult…you have to remember about school (which you NEED to finish in order to do anything with your life) and the emotional strain. Someone I know had a baby her senior year and she decided to keep him. She loves him to death, but she doesn’t have many options for her future. Adoption is a good option if you don’t think you can support the baby, and infants usually get adopted right away and into loving families. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and pick the right choice for you and the baby.
August 31st, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Yes talk to your parents I understand you’re 15 but in 3 years your parents opinion will probably carry less weight then they do now. Consider the future, you have another 18 years minimum of parenthood ahead of you so you must do what you believe is best for YOURSELF and your child. It is scary to have a child single and young… chances are the guy isn’t going to marry you and if he does statistically speaking it won’t be forever but can he at a minimum give a damn and help out?
Adoption isn’t the greatest situtation… Yes some children have much better lives than they would have with their biological parents BUT others have an emotionally crippling experience, those children would be better off with a 15 year old mother than 5 different families in 5 years!
The decision is yours alone no one here is going to crack open the secret to life and give you the answers that perfectly fit your situtation… I would advise against abortion
!THINK!
September 4th, 2009 at 7:07 am
You do need to speak to your parents no matter what. You will need support from them through all this. It won’t be easy and they will be disappointed but assuming they care about your well-being, they will put that aside and assist you in making a decision that is right for you.
As a general rule, I think very young girls like yourself are not usually in a position to parent a child and provide for all their needs. On their own anyway…or even with a boyfriend who would be equally ill-equipped.
Certainly, it HAS been done and those who have done it can tell you about what sacrifices they had to make in their own personal lives to do this. Read and listen carefully. It is reality, no matter how it turned out for them.
If your parents can help you emotionally and financially and help you raise this baby by being there and giving you a chance to go to school and find employment…that would be ideal so that you can be in your child’s life from the beginning, bond and then eventually handle all the responsibilites on your own.
However, adoption is certainly a valid option in this case so it’s something to consider as well. Get your parents involved. Only you all know what is possible here.
If choosing adoption, make sure you use a reputable licensee and counsellor to look after your interests and don’t let yourself get railroaded one way or another.
Yes…you will be approached through this question and made offers to contact them. Yes…newborns are desirable but I generally believe that a mother should wait until after birth to make a final decision. It saves a lot of good people a lot of heartache.
Take a breath…tell your folks…and thank you for not aborting.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
This is your decision.
Nobody can make it for you.
This is actually an excellent question to ask in a place like this, because you have opinions of people who don’t know you and are not responsible for supporting you.
Adoption gets a bad rap in this country.
About 20,000 American families went to Russia, China, or other countries to adopt a child last year. The process takes years for the paperwork to be finished.
Many American married couples go to bed crying wishing they could have a child. More and more Americans are accepting of a child that does not look like them.
There are few American children to adopt, because abortion is generally accepted here. Sometimes German and other European families come here to adopt, especially for mixed race babies.
You could choose open adoption. You have contact with the adopting family. Maybe just Christmas cards and pictures , or weekly meetings with the child.. This is worked out with an attorney specializing in adoption.
It is very difficult for a young mother to go to school. If you do not go to school, you will be stuck in dead-end jobs forever (probably).
Will your parents help you with this baby?
Will they keep the baby while you go to school?
It is a very strong person to admit you can’t raise a child properly and place the baby for adoption.
September 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
If you’re going to carry it to term, then parent it yourself; otherwise, do the most caring thing a potential mother could do and abort it, ’cause a life of adoption can be a life in hell.
September 6th, 2009 at 12:27 am
it depends im 15 and i would keep the baby but its your decision
you have to tell your mom and dad
September 9th, 2009 at 4:43 am
I would keep it if I were you. You say its against your religion to abort it but I am sure it was aginst your religion to have sex before marriage too. Anyways like I said you should keeo it and deal with having a baby. I know you are very young but that does not mean you cannot do it. I was 16 years old when I had my son and he is now 13 years old. I am now 29. I never wanted to abort him nor did I want to give him up. I knew the only decision I had was to keep him and love him. My mom was upset with me for only 3 weeks but she then accepted my decision and chose to love him too. I do not regret my decision. My son has brought me so much joy and remember GOD will not put anything on your plate he didn’t think you could handle. Many people will try to persuade you to do what they think is right, but you need to folllow your heart and do what you feel is right. I also was never on welfare. My mom helped me out financially as well as my sons father and his fathers parents, so I was blessed with all the support I had. You will be ok, I promise!!!!
September 12th, 2009 at 9:31 am
you need to decide what’s best for you. Find out what kind of support you would be getting from the father, your parents & your community if you do decide to keep the baby.
Find out if you can speak with people who have been in your position and have chosen either Adoption, or to raise the baby themselves. (And adoption agency may be a good place to start if you’re looking for women who have chosen adoption).
If you chose adoption, remember that the way the adoptive parent’s treat you now, is how they will treat you 10 years from now. they need to treat you with respect.
September 12th, 2009 at 11:00 pm
You may be young but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a good mother. People may pass judgement on you but it is not their right. You will still love that baby from the first kick and you will still yearn to give her the world when you set eyes on her. You’re the mother of that baby, you need to give her what’s best–you. Giving your child to strangers will be devastating to your health and your baby’s health.
You can get medi-cal or Medicaid during your pregnancy and it will cover all of your baby’s medical expenses during childhood. You can apply for WIC to receive groceries for you and your baby. If you choose to breastfeed your baby’s food will be free until six months (not to mention baby will be sick less often and you’ll lose baby weight faster). There’s no reason to give up your baby. You can finish your schooling and give your baby a better life by working hard to earn a living. You’ll be fine.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:56 am
Adoption would give you and the baby a fresh and easier start on life. So many people are desperate for a baby to adopt. I would do that if I were you. I understand about the abortion thing.
September 15th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Ok, I just want you to know that I know how you feel, I have been there. I haven’t given up a child, but I am a mother who was told to relinquish. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 19. I was CONVINCED that I would not be a good mom, and I was really wasn’t ready. But I got ready. Being a good parent is determined by the choices we make, and we choose to make those choices, there is not a magical moment in time when we become ready, and we automaticaly are good parents. We can be ready at anytime we choose, all we have to do is decide to make the good choices. Jaydens father isn’t around, but that is okay. Think of it this way:
If the main reason you are wanting to give him up for adoption is because the father is not around, then your child is being rejected by BOTH of his parents, not just one, why are 2 strangers better than one natural parent? Unless there is abuse or neglect, there is no reason for an adoption to occur.
Is it because you are single? So am I, and let me tell you, it is NOT as bad as people make it out to be. Now, I DO have the support of my family, and that helps a ton, but I am still the one that provides the support for my son, I am the one that raises him, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you are wanting a “Two parent home” for your child? Remember, that the divorce rate is out of control, and more than likely, your child will end up being raised by a single parent anyway. Then what? You loose a child, your child looses his heritage (and YOU, which is all he really wants anyways) all for a situation which is no better than he would have had anyways REMEMBER! You will not always be single! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!
Is it because you are young? Honestly, people used to have children at 16 ROUTINELY and did a great job with them. It is an extreamly new development that women wait untill their 30’s to have children. I am 21 now, and let me tell you, I am a wonderful mother. I love my son more than anything. Age is only a number, you CHOOSE to be a good or bad parent! REMEMBER! You will not always be young! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!
Is it because you are in school? I just finished Nursing School. I went to school at night, so my mom or my aunt could watch Jayden. Going to school while being a mom is not that bad. So you have to move your schedual around a little, so what? I promise, it pays off in the end. Being a mom is SOOOO much more fun than getting drunk every weekend at a frat house. And guess what, you can STILL party sometimes, you just find a babysitter for the night. I have never met a woman that became a mother and COMPLETELY gave up having a little fun every once in a while. REMEMBER! You will not always be in school! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!
Is it because you don’t think that you will be able to support the child? I thought that too. I had to move back in with my Mom, I got on Medicaid, WIC, and other government programs. You will get AWESOME scholarships and Grants for having a child. I will end up oweing next to nothing for school. You child does’t want a fancy nursery, name brand clothes, and a trust fund, he wants YOU! You are ALL that he knows, and ALL that he wants. A baby is accutely aware of who his mother is immediatly after birth. This is the modern world, people will NOT allow you and you child to go without basic necessities. There are second hand stores that have REALLY cute stuff for next to nothing. REMEMBER! You will not always be struggling! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!
I really hope you do your research (and that does NOT mean asking adoption agencies what they think, they make money from separting you from your child)
In the end, your child wants YOU. Not some strangers that happened to be in a better position than you at the moment. So what, the timing was off. In a year or two, when things straighten out for you, your child will still want you. Things will work themselves out, and soon. Temporary circumstances should not be a reason to give your child away.
I also hope that you do not make a decision untill after your baby is born. There is NO rush, why don’t you try to parent him for a while? At least then you will know…
September 17th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Oh my. The soliciting on this thread for this woman’s baby is disgusting. Please keep your baby in your family. It is your flesh and blood and you won’t be fifteen forever. Adoption is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. My mother relinquished me at age 17 and it changed her completely. She has thought about, and mourned the loss, for thirty years.
September 19th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Haylee, the good news is you have a long time to think this over. Talk to your parents first and let them deal with their feelings about the pregnancy and then together you guys can make a good plan for your little one. I’m glad you aren’t considering abortion - your little one doesn’t deserve to die before her life gets a chance to begin. There is a lot of help and support out there for young moms. Our oldest daughter was 17 when her daughter was born. Her high school had a daycare for the children of students and her daughter was well cared for there while our daughter completed her studies. Today she is 24 and her daughter is 6. Her daughter is bright, beautiful and happy and the light of our daughter’s life.
Wishing you well.