But it CAN work. It works for us and that’s the plan for the future. As I’ve written here before…in our case…we re-initate contact with our son’s bio mom more than the other way around. She has another child now and we know she cares about our son so we update her on special days, pictures etc…so she knows we still think of her.

Open adoption is more of a spectrum decision….based on the combination of what the mother prefers with what the adoptive parents consider reasonable for their family. Some adoptive families welcome the chance to do updates, pictures and in our case, visits too but not reveal their full name or location as in our case (bio dad who she lives with is a convicted felon…’nuff said).

Some adoptive parents want to just send and receive letters.

Some adoptive parents will do whatever the mother/parents want.

It does work but as you’ve read already, not all adoptive parents hold their end of the agreement. That’s fraud and it’s cruel.

Good luck with your future. Do what YOU think is best for the child. It isn’t all fairytale happiness OR doom and gloom. But you need to look after yourselves if you proceed because it is a painful decision to live with.

I’m not going to yell at you that your only option is to keep your baby like a lot of other people, I just want to offer to a few pointers to consider. You don’t have to arrange the adoption while pregnant, it’s a scary time for a lot of women. Wait until after you give birth, hold your baby in your arms, think it over for a few days. Adoption is permanent, there is no going back and like I said, open adoptions are not legally binding. The AP’s can cut off you off from your child for any reason. If you still don’t think you can raise this child, then look into adoption, there will still be lots of people who would love to adopt your child. Please don’t start the process while pregnant, this is when adoption agency prey on young women like yourself, while your scared and unsure. Also money is never a reason to give up a child, not sure where you are from but ask around, you will be surprised at the amount of help there is for young parents like your boyfriend and yourself. Best of luck to you whatever your choice, wishing you a safe pregnancy

I will tell you that I adopted twins. It is an open adoption. We are very close to the birth mom and her two children. The situation works very well. The kids are 3 soon and know that she is their biological mother (as much as they can understand that they were in her tummy). They love her and she loves them. The bio-mom and I have talked at length about how she is doing and if she has regrets. She says she knows the children are where they belong and loves us all.

I feel like we are sisters and I talk to her often. In no way does she co-parent the children - she doesn’t want to. She really is like an aunt to them.

You need to be sure that you would be able to handle this and find the right couple that is willing to open their lives to you and your baby. It is true that this is not enforceable. In other words, if the couple changes their mind about the open adoption you will have no recourse.

Unfortunately, a lot of people have been hurt by adoption (as you are seeing on this site). I think if you are going to make the choice to do this then an open or semi open adoption may be the best way. Be part of the child’s life and know that there will be no harmful secrets about where they came from. You can also be sure that your child will learn about their biological heritage as well as their adopted one.

To do an open adoption you need to change your definition of what family is… we have a much bigger family than we ever dreamed. We include the birth mom in our family now. We even have adopted relatives in Colombia that we have contacted on facebook (all of her relatives are there).

Please don’t do anything you are not comfortable with! Make sure you find a nonprofit agency that will care for you and your baby and give you free counseling to be sure this is what you want. Make sure you are not pressured or rushed into anything.

Good luck and God bless!

i see my daughter whenever i want too. it does hurt to hear my daughter call another woman mommy but i made the decision to give birth to her and give her a family that could give her more then i could

i found last year i was pregnant again my mom wanted me to give this baby my boyfriend and i talked about keeping her
my daughter is 5 months old now and we don’t much but we love her she has clothes on her back diapers on her booty and food in her belly and i place to call home we love her so much

if you can do this aand then you could take care of your child
but if you really want to give your child up and you feel that is thee best thing for your child then your are a most loving unselfish brave person

i hope everything works out

but just know that when it is final that the child is adopted there is no going back…you are no longer his/her mother. the open adoption will only let you have minimal visitation and picture rights thats really all up to the parents of the child what they want you involved in. i hope all goes well with you and your future. good luck