what happens if i put my baby up for adoption?
unu0nlybabe asked:
Ive decided against abortion. but what about adoption? what if my life improves and i can take care of the baby after all? can i keep my baby? im still confused but i know im in the right direction
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Ive decided against abortion. but what about adoption? what if my life improves and i can take care of the baby after all? can i keep my baby? im still confused but i know im in the right direction
July 10th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Just give it up for adoption. Then, if you will the lottery buy your baby back from his adoptive parents.
July 12th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Give the baby up for adoption, be prepared to get a knock on the door by some angry kid 20 years from now wondering why you gave him/her away. Explain that you were young and stupid etc. They will forgive you and you will live happily ever after.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I think you should not put your baby up for adoption!
If you don’t have the money… The states can pay!
July 19th, 2009 at 4:28 am
You could think about an open adoption, where you could visit and be a part of your baby’s life. Your doing a selfless kind act by blessing a family with your baby that probably can’t have kids. pray and ask God for the peace in your heart on your decision, and if it’s not God’s will for adoption, ask him to show you and make it clear..Best of luck to you and your child, I’m sure you’ll do the right thing..
July 21st, 2009 at 5:41 am
I am an adoptive mother, and although my son is now 23, I am forever grateful that his biological mother chose to give him to me through adoption.
Most states have a 3 day window for you to change your mind. After that, it will be very difficult for you to reverse your decision. However, you may choose the adoptive family, and have an open adoption, where both you and the adoptive family agree on your future contact with the child.
You really need to think deeply about this. You mention about what if your life improves and you can take care of your baby. If your baby is with its new family, would you really want to take him/her from the ones who have been raising them since birth? That’s not good for the child, and it’s obvious that you ARE thinking about doing what’s best for your child. Really think about your choices before you make them, and know that you have made a choice that you can stick with, for yourself, but especially for the child.
I would seriously look into open adoption. There are so many benefits to this…you would have ongoing communication with the family, be able to know how your child is, but still be giving that child the life that you could not give on your own. Also, in most cases like this, the family will pay all your medical expenses related to the pregnancy, and often will help you with your daily expenses during the pregnancy.
Just know that there are SO many families out there who are able to give a wonderful home, love, and are longing for a child. As for me, thanks to my sons biological mother, I am fulfilled, and he had a better life overall.
God bless you, and thank you for choosing not to abort your child. You have, in that decision, already shown so much love for your child.
July 23rd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
It all depends when you get your life together. If it is before you have the baby, or even a month or two after I do believe that you can keep your baby. There is a website you can go to it is but on there it said that you can change your mind up until 60days after. anyway. You are making a wonderful gift for someone who cannot have a baby. it is the right direction and may God bless you. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is wrong. You are doing the loving thing, there is no greater love then to know that you may not be the right choice for your child, and that you know that someone else can give it all that you are not able to at this time. I greatly commend you. You are an outstanding mother!!! who really loves her child. I will be praying for you. You can also enter into an open adoption, where you and the adopted famiy can agree before hand how much interaction between you and the child there will be.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your baby does not want to be raised by strangers…only by YOU. There are many single or young mothers who are amazing mother.
Please do NOT give your child up for adoption. The pain will last an entire lifetime, for you and YOUR BABY. Also, do not listen to anyone but adoptees and first Moms. THEY are the ones who know the life long pain, NOT adoptive parents.
Please read the facts about adoption and how it will more than likely affect YOUR BABY and YOU. If you decide to continue with your pregnancy, your child deserves to be loved and raised by YOU. Adoption does NOT guarantee a better life, only a different one.
Also, do NOT contact anyone who has asked you to, or who has emailed you already. They are greedy vultures who want to make money off your baby, or want that baby for themselves.
Keep in mind that open adoption is NOT legally enforceable in the US. It’s usually a ploy agencies and pap’s use to lure women into surrendering. It may be in the “adoption contract”, it’s still NOT legally enforceable in the US. Tha ap’s can close the adoption any time they wish, and there is nothing the childs first parents can do about it.
Here are some links that can help you.
….
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Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky
July 26th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Adoption is a big decision, but think about what you want for your baby. It all depends on what state you live in, how long you have to “change your mind”. Some people might be willing to do an open adoption and will let you be apart of your child’s life.
Here are a few videos I like-
My husband and I are looking to adopt-
July 28th, 2009 at 4:40 am
adoption is permanent.
once you sign over your parental rights, you can not have your child back, regardless how much your life improves.
the fact that you are asking, indicates that you lack a great deal of education about adoption. i’d stick around a bit and learn from women (and men) who’ve placed babies or were adopted.
also, some will tell you how how selfless and brave and mature you are to give up your baby…these are people who 1) want to adopt, 2) are adoptive parents, 3) profit from adoption or 4) clueless.
in addition, open adoption is a scam, many times. potential adoptive parents are told that “it’s not really a law, just something they can do.” meaning, if they get tired of you, they can slam the door shut and you can never see the child again. this happens quite often.
also…check out some forums by infertile women and adoptive parents. if not blocked, the birthmother hate is noxious! and somehow these women automatically turn off the “hate” switch and can love and honor their child’s mother? i think not.
one more thing, adoption is NOT the “loving” choice over abortion. they are completely different.
abortion is the choice to not be pregnant.
adoption is the choice to not parent.
if you are questioning whether you can “regain” custody, look into a temp. guardianship (usually with family); or sign up for programs to help you until you get on your feet.
July 29th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Look into Open adoptions, someone you know or trust to take care of that child they way you cant. With open adoptions, you stay apart of the “family” to witness the child growing up and maturing into a beautiful person. If you cant fully financially take care of the child, you can help the adoptive parents and give gifts to “your child” whenever you want. If you are in the Ohio are, you can call me!…Take care and you will do the right thing
July 31st, 2009 at 4:17 am
I’m very glad you are letting your baby continue to live. : ) I think unless you are 100% determined to place the baby for adoption, you should consider trying to raise him or her yourself. Our oldest daughter had her daughter at age 17. Our daughter has a variety of health problems and it hasn’t been easy, but is has been very worth it. She gets some financial assistance and medical care for herself and her daughter and food assistance as she seeks to get herself healthy and able to work full-time (she is only able to work part-time now).
Her daughter is 6 years old now - healthy, happy and loves her mom. No regrets.
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:09 am
Once adoption papers are signed, there is generally a short period of time where you would have the option to change your mind. It depends on the local laws, but it could be anywhere from 24 hours to 6 months. You need to find out what the “waiting period” is, where you live. It can vary.
After that point, the adoption is permanent. It is not possible to change your mind and get your baby back. You definitely need to understand this. After an adoption is finalized, you no longer have any legal rights to your child.
There are many resources out there to help struggling parents get on their feet. Yes, this is government assistance. But it’s there as a temporary help for situations like this. You can use that assistance to go to school in order to get a better job. Yes, those first few years are very hard. But it can be done!
Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:24 am
You’ll be held up as a selfless goddess and promised the world (before the relinquishment)
After the relinquishment you’ll be kicked to the kerb and told you have no rights to anything whatsoever.
August 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
You will never get over it and your child will always wonder why his mother didn’t keep him. If you’re saying it’s just that you can’t take care of the baby right now and would want to if things improve - don’t make that permanent decision. There are programs to help single mothers - please, please look into them.
I never got over losing my son. Good luck..
August 6th, 2009 at 10:27 am
no after u agree to adoption thats it u cant go back at anytime to regain the care of ur baby dont u have a friend or relative who would look after ur child untill uv had time to sort urself out
August 8th, 2009 at 3:08 am
you should talk to agencys. it is very possible to do that. i hope everything goes good!!!
but i recomend NOT choosing a family until you are 100% sure, because you will break the adoptive families heart if you decide not to go through.
EDIT: dont listen to these people on here. i was adopted, same with my brothers. and i LOVE my life. i would rather be in a family that can support me rather than be with someone who has to struggle to keep me alive.
i still do LOVE my birthmother. she is an amazing lady, even though i probably wont ever meet her.
my first son is as happy as can be, even though he doesnt live with me. he knows hes adopted, and hes even drawn me a couple pictures for mothers day that the adoptive parents sent to me. i frame them.
do what feels right to YOU. only you can know whats best for your own baby.
EDIT: ive kept an open adoption for a LONNNGGG time. i given more than promised by them. not all adoptions go bad.
August 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Do not talk to agencies as Faith suggested. The job of an agency is to acquire a baby for their paying client….adoptive parents. They will use every method available to coerce you out of your baby. Then sell it to the highest bidding adoptive couple.
Also, as Faith stated about you breaking the adoptive parents hearts. you do not owe them YOUR baby! If you lost a leg, would you feel like you are entitled to someone elses? No. They are not entitled to YOUR baby.
For the other posters that said adoption is good and a loving option. That is not true. It is a different option, and sometimes it is not very loving. My daughter found me several years ago, and I was horrified to find that she was raised in an abusive adoptive home. That is not going to happen in most situations, but it CAN and DOES happen. My daughter would’ve fared much better without adoption.
As far as open adoptions go….they are a boldface LIE. I was promised one too. Never happened. That was a lure to get me to sign over my baby. Not having the openness I was promised broke me inside. It was a slow torture not knowing anything about my child.
Keep your baby. Your baby wants only YOU, not a stranger. Adoption is permanent, forever, and it really, really hurts. It is a pain that never goes away. Do not sentence yourself to this kind of hellish life. Keep your baby.
Please read everything Cantstop sent you.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:40 am
hello . i am 27 years old and i had a son when i was 19 . i chose to give him up for adoption. but my moms best friend had a couple that were her friends that were trying to adopt . so i chose them . i got to see him and now that he is older they just send me pictures. but also i now have two great daughters 1&2 years old. i at the time did not have money and stayed with ,my mom who also did not have money. no im a manager at a major company and make great money . and im aa single mom. i dont regret what i did because it was the best thing to do for him. but it was not easy at the time . you need to make sure that is what you want to do befor you make the decision. it is a big one to make ….. God bless.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
You feel a pain that will never ever heal.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:46 am
You grow that baby in your womb, cry during ultrasounds, feel her kicks. Bond, love and appreciate her. You pick out some APs, who will pay your expenses and when the moment comes that you give birth to YOUR baby, you instantaneously fall in love. The APs then become monsters, pray that you don’t change your mind and guilt you into handing over your flesh and blood. Your heart tells you to keep your baby, at this moment you either:
(1) do the right thing and raise your baby like nature intended, allowing your baby to grow healthy and happy. You take the help offered and get on programs like WIC and medicaid, which will allow you to get your child free food, medical insurance, housing and can even pay daycare.
OR
(2) allow yourself to be manipulated, handing over your baby to complete strangers. You go home with your shirt soaked in milk, your hormones high and your heart low. You sob and forever feel a loss. Meanwhile, your baby screams in the arms of someone they’ve never known, hoping at any moment you will show up and cradle her in your arms. When you don’t, she settles for what she’s got but forever wonders why she wasn’t good enough for you.
Point being, you’ll be making the worst mistake of your life if you traumatize your child with the act of adoption. Do both of you a favor and either abort or parent.
August 17th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Oh goody, goody, goody, a new member the most unpopular club on the planet. I can’t wait to meet you in the wee hours of the morning, rung out from sweat and tears, over not knowing how much it was going to hurt. Welcome