Comments on: What should I do? Parent or place the baby for adoption?

By: ragdollhugs

ragdollhugs — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:16:33 +0000

First let me say I am sorry for your loss. I understand this is a very difficult time for you having lost your mother.

Take your time and do your research. I strongly urge you to communicate with women who have relinquished children. You have no idea the pain that you may experience in relinquishment. They do.

It sounds like you may be looking for a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The next two years may be difficult while you are raising a child an finishing up school but that will end in two years. Dating may be difficult but still possible. I dated (a lot) and married as a single mother so don’t think it impossible.

I’m not trying to talk you out of considering relinquishment I’m just trying to steer you toward researching all aspects of it because I have read many experiences by women and men who have relinquished children because things were extremely difficult at the time of the birth only to have major regrets and life long pain for that decision. Some deal with it well and have no regrets, some struggle with it but still do not regret but some are left broken.

If you do decide to relinquish your child I again urge you to do your research. There are a lot of adoption scammers and unethical so-called-professionals that prey on expectant women who are considering their options. They promise you the moon and tell you what you want to hear so they can make a buck from the adoption of your child.

On the flip side of all those warnings, there are families out there that will welcome an open adoption arrangement and love your child with all their heart. Just be careful and talk with families who have been there before you. They can guide you to ethical people who can walk you through this.

And about that boyfriend. Don’t count on him. If he steps up then great. It will be a nice addition to your child’s life but don’t feel that you or your child needs him. Many single women choose to parent and go on to lead very successful lives. Since you do not have financial issues then you have a leg up on them.

By: joslin

joslin — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 20:13:12 +0000

Sometimes, I feel that if we have to ask, we know the answer. Parenting this baby has to be something you want with all your heart and soul — anything less — not enough.

You know the adoptive parents are there. It is just a matter of whether you are. If there is absolutely NOTHING on the face of the earth that would stop you from parenting this baby, then there is your answer.

If you hesitate, question, and have that nagging feeling deep in your soul, when no one is around — then its adoption. And how great that you will consider an open adoption for your child!

Good luck to you. Think of this little one five years from now. Then make your decision. It will be right!

By: iwill

iwill — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 12:32:14 +0000

parent. i gave a little girl up 4 adoption 7 years ago and have regretted it everyday. i was in a similar situation except i was broke and found out my boyfriend was a druggy. i thought at 19 i was so smart, i was doing right by my baby. and i probanly was, but i dont think ive been right myself since. the safdness and depression is horrible. can you handle giving up part of your soul?

By: dizzkat

dizzkat — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 23:35:02 +0000

If you already adore this baby, once you see him or her you will know that part of your heart has been placed in this little human being! Whether the baby is living with you where you will have control over it’s upbringing, or with an adoptive and loving family, that part of your heart will no longer be yours.

Do you want to be a mom? That is the bottom line. No matter what else you can and will accomplish, the mom part comes first. Can you fill that wonderful, frightening and sometimes overwhelming role at this point in your life? If you really and truly don’t think you can, then the baby will be better off with parents who can.

I applaud you for thinking this through and trying to make the best decision for you and your child. Listen to your heart and imagine your life both ways. You will make the right decision.

By: skydiver36c

skydiver36c — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:46:03 +0000

You have admitted your greatest fear, of wanting to have your life and goals precede the child’s life and goals. With this info only I would opt for the child to be placed for adoption. I believe that a parent should always strive to meet their own goals and needs but not at the cost of the child’s best interests. This is the subject that you and your counselor need to focus on. It is always difficult to balance those desires for ourselves, as people, with the needs of our children.
Can I put my child’s needs first while still developing my own interests? Where will I put the balance point? Once you can confidently say one way or the other you will have the answer to these questions.

By: Too Funny

Too Funny — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:59:16 +0000

As always, the decisions anyone makes, has to belong to
the one who has the problem. But in my book, pregnancies
and babies, can sometimes be a blessing, that comes our
way, when we least expect it, and can be a joy to our lives.
It is my opinion though, that you should keep the baby, and
be as good a mother as you can.
You have a good start, with the college years you’ve begun,
and you don’t have to postpone that, to be a mother.
If you place the child out…to another family, it would never
know you, or it’s bloodline, or have any photos of any
importance, of your ancestory.
Sounds like you’ve done well with the pregnancy, and
you’ve kept your thinking, very clear, about your situation,
and that is a good sign.
The birth father of the baby is responsible for paying some
amount of child support.
Even though you have your own income, you need to
sign up through the Child Support System, so that the
baby’s father can be obligated to assume his part in the
responsibility of the child.
You are eligible for the Wic Program, most likely, which
is a good thing, if you choose to do that.
After carrying that baby for the 9 months, you’ll really
enjoy the ”companionship & the sharing of that life” for the
next 18 years, I’m sure.
Sounds like you have family members who can help you
with childcare too, because they do love you, in that
respect of having family-unity.
For what it’s worth, I hope you keep the baby, and share in
it’s growth, for you would not want to cheat yourself out of
that ”first experience” of becoming a mother.
You’ve had enough losses in your life. Perhaps this baby
is the Blessing You Need to Keep Your Life on the Right
Track. Much Luck, however you decide. Truly, TF

By: KayKay

KayKay — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 21:10:22 +0000

I first want to say that I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to cancer two years ago and I still have good & bad days. I pray that God will watch over you and you help you through your situation.
As far as adoption goes, I can tell you that I was adopted as a child and it was certainly the best decision my birthmom ever made for me and herself. She was very young as well and made the choice and I respect her for that. I have a very loving relationship with her and she has always been a strong part of my life. Now, my husband and I are waiting to adopt (due to medical reasons) so for me adoption is a positive thing.
I know you say that financially you can care for a child but how about emotionally? That’s something that really you can only answer. You probably already know in your heart what is best and right now your mind is wrestling with the decision. It’s really only one that you can decide dear!
I can honestly say that an open adoption can be such a wonderful thing and still allow you to be a part in your child’s life. I hope God watches over you and your little one and that you find peace with your decision–whatever that may be.
May God bless you today & everyday

By: Diane T

Diane T — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 18:10:45 +0000

This is a question that only you can answer. As a mother through adoption, I know that there is a couple who would love to have your baby. I know I would. You can be involved in the selection of those people if you choose to and receive up dates and pictures on how the baby is doing. My son’s birth mother choose me and my husband. We met her. I now send her pictures and updates through our case worker. Its been 3 years. She was older than you and this was not her first child. But she decided it was best for her. If you selected an adoption agency, they can help you through this. This birth mother was not the first that selected me but the 3rd. The other two changed their minds after the births. Yes, that was very hard for me but very understandable. I guess what I am trying to say that even if today you decide you want to give your baby up, that until you sign off on the papers, you can change your mind. And the adoptive couple you select will find that hard to take and disappointing but in the end, you have to do what you think is best for your baby. That is the most important thing. Your in my prayers

By: xxxyourlullabyxxx

xxxyourlullabyxxx — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:24:27 +0000

I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry but I was adopted too,and the best advice I can give you is think it over,none of us have to live with it,so why ask us? Thats why you pay good money for good counseling.

By: Rhea B

Rhea B — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:21:21 +0000

“I adore the baby and would love to raise him ” Those are the words of a mother that has already bonded with her unborn child.Your heart has already answered for you.It will be hard for a while,but You will do just fine.Here is something I wrote about how I felt about my decision to raise my children.

Hands
My hands. All my fingers are there. My nails are short. The cuticles a little jagged. The skin is dry. My hands have lived. They have held puppies and kittens, mice and lizards. Crayons and pencils to color my world. Pens to describe it. I’ve held fishing poles ,sewing needles, and my children’s hands. These hands have wiped the dew of joy and the seas of grief. They have bandaged knees and fingers. They have tied shoes and guided the little fingers to tying their shoes. These hands have seen life pass through them, and held the very beginnings of life itself. These hands worked hard to provide the bread on the table, and to shake away the fear of harder times to come. They have comforted friend and stranger alike. They have held the grieving, and hugged the joyful. They decorated birthday cakes and glued favorite toys back together again. Sometimes, they ache just to remind me of how much living I have left to do. May your hands be forever full of life’s aches and pains.
Rhea Burris,2007