My Adopted Baby

22 Responses to “When should I start looking? Putting baby up for adoption?”

1. LinnyG Says:
   November 18th, 2009 at 7:07 am

   If you’re not even a month, please terminate your pregnancy. Painless, quick, and no where near the psychological trauma you would put your future child and yourself through. Parenting is the best option though. With YOU as the parent. LinnyG

2. Derek Says:
   November 21st, 2009 at 7:06 pm

   Can you sever an adoption?
   My parents are probably going to get a divorce because of my horrible brother. For 12 years out of their 22 year marriage has been hell and I’ve been in the middle of it since I was 7. I am now 20.

   Ever since the adoption went through, my little brother, who was 2 when we adopted him, was very violent and cruel to me and my entire family. My dad thought he was his little angel and I was slowly pushed aside.

   My brother has tortured my mother with hateful words and disgusting acts such as chewing tobacco, drugs, and alcohol. He has brought the chewing tobacco in our house and spat it all over the walls of his bedroom. Brown stains on the couch and disgusting smells everywhere. He is 14 now.

   My dad won’t get it and has barely helped my mom and protect her from my brother’s violent acts. My mom is severely depressed and won’t get help because she thinks therapists are bogus. My dad is the silent type and believes that he has hope for my brother but won’t step up to the plate to help my mom and won’t put her first.

   My brother got arrested again for drinking and pissing in public as well as hanging out with gang members under probation. He is now in a help hospital and will refuse taking his medication and is still the most angry and most hateful person in my life.

   My dad still has hope for him. My brother despises my mom and hates her so much he almost physically abused her more than once. My dad has done little to help my mom.

   I am in the middle of this and I don’t want my parents to get a divorce!

   Is there any way that you could sever an adoption and put him into foster care?

   that is what my sister said to me. she posted this mean hateful thing online and almost put me in tears. adoption is a hard thing im 15 years old and i was adopted at 2 i have had alot of anger problems, in and out of drug rehabs, anger counseling, and in and out of peoples homes. this past year my parents kicked me out i lived with my birth-mom. then got kicked out again and just today i moved in with my aunt. being adopted is very hard, i have unexplained anger towards my birth-mom and the feeling of always being abandoned. i know many people would be like get in counseling but that doesn’t work for me. im trying to get to if you can keep the kid please try . im just trying to bring an adopted kids point of view into this topic. everyday i ask why was i ever adopted. just a friendly warning from a teenager who was adopted . adoption can go very well or it can go terribly wrong and i am living proof of that. i am trying as hard as i can with my current situation. i hope i gave you little insight. this is just my opinion coming from a 15 year old adopted kid. Derek

3. aloha.girl59 Says:
   November 23rd, 2009 at 2:07 am

   What Linny said. aloha.girl59

4. Crazy*SEXY♥ Says:
   November 23rd, 2009 at 6:57 am

   Wait till your second or third trimmester. You can pick your adopting family. Choose wisely Crazy*SEXY♥

5. Pip Says:
   November 25th, 2009 at 10:45 am

   No don’t start looking for a family now. Although I am pro life if you don’t want to be a parent then abort as you and your child will have to deal with adoption for the rest of your lives if you go along with adoption. Also bear in mind that it’s still early days and you could change your mind about parenting. Pip

6. R1980 Says:
   November 26th, 2009 at 1:14 am

   Hi,
   I think it’s wonderful that you are considering adoption over abortion. Ignore the comments from those on here that advise otherwise….many are carrying their own baggage and wan’t to foce it on others.

   Adoption in itself is not a problem at all; from Biblical times to Darwin-eque examples in the animal world, it occurs. The problem is with the system. If you choose to put your child up for adoption, just be sure to use a lawyer (to protect you and your childs interest) and take your time. You could begin looking as early as 3 months. Sign nothing until you are sure of your decision.

   You’re very brave and I hope everything works out well for you. R1980

7. PhilM Says:
   November 26th, 2009 at 2:49 am

   After you give birth. If you aren’t going to terminate your pregnancy, then see it to the end and see if you feel the same way after you’ve given birth and seen your child. Your feelings about abandoning this child to adoption may change.

   Finding a family now opens the door to coercion and corruption. Don’t put yourself through that.

   Either terminate now, or wait until you’ve given birth to make that plan. PhilM

8. tiffany<3 Says:
   November 29th, 2009 at 9:41 am

   Gee, I could just imagine being in reunion and my birth mom saying ‘I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant I was giving you up for adoption” In my mind that means “From the moment I had a plus sign on my pee stick, I knew I didn’t want you”. But, my mind is warped.

   I am so glad my birth mom didn’t say that.

   That would suck.

   You’ve barely started out. Wait til your 20 week ultrasound, when you feel the baby move around in you, and you see their little arms, legs, eyes, ears, nose, toes!, belly, finger, what sex it is, and hear its heart beat. Wait til you in your third trimester, and when you get happy or excited, the baby wiggles around and flips over. When you get sad or mad the baby kicks the fire out of you. Wait til when you give birth and that baby is crying for YOU. Then decide. tiffany<3

9. cmc Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 1:04 pm

   If you are pregnant and considering adoption, you need to thing about it for a lot longer. My daughter’s mom contacted us only 2 weeks before the birth, so there is certainly no rush. For now adjust to the idea of being pregnant, and the changes you are going through. Take your time about making such a huge decision. cmc

10. 7rin Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Never. If you’re gonna go through with the pregnancy, then go through with the parenting. If, however, you’re absolutely certain that you do not want to raise this child yourself, then please, for both your sakes, do the decent thing and get a bloody abortion!
    is a good place to start, and then if you’ve read that and are still thinking about adoption, read the links and books recommended at paying particular attention to and 7rin

11. gibson.samantha23 Says:
    December 2nd, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    i would start when i get closer to 9months gibson.samantha23

12. dontknow86 Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Have you lost your mind? You need to wait! Once you feel your little baby move your going to know, That your in love with your baby. Keep your baby. dontknow86

13. Wife&MotherTo2 Says:
    December 4th, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    if you love your baby enough that you want to really make sure she/he has as good family than now is the best time, because you won’t be rushed into making a decision on the family, you’ll be able to look through the books and letters of prospective moms/dads without feeling rushed. I think it would be the responsible thing to do. Don’t listen to the people who are venting on you, I am sorry this happens. Good luck to you. Wife&MotherTo2

14. gypsywinter Says:
    December 7th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Get an abortion! gypsywinter

15. Angela Says:
    December 9th, 2009 at 4:52 am

    Wait until after birth, most women end up changing their mind after they see and hold their child. But due to pre-birth matching and guilt they feel the can’t change their minds. There is no rush when it comes to adoption. The ratio is 60 ap to 1 infant. So taking your time to educate yourself is best. Look into resources that will help you parent your own child. Money problems and youth are both temporary things that can be worked around and will go away at some point. While putting your child up for adoption will last FOREVER. You will never legally be your child’s parent again.

    Even if you find a family now that looks like they may be a good home there is no guarantee it will stay a good home. Thousands of things could happen, they could die, divorce, one of them could be an abuser, they could be into drugs and a ton of other things. Parenting is always best in my opinion.

    My husband grow up in the poorest of poor. And i mean poor. At one place they didn’t even have furniture or dishes. They literally ate off the floor. His father would clean it before and after. He remembers eating water down skin milk at the shelter. Did his life turn out bad? Nope, he was well loved by his parents. He joined the air force and makes a ton of money. We are expecting in Feb.

    Now his parents much to their regret put 2 of their boys up for adoption (they had 5 boys in total). One of them contacted us after he turned 18. He was adopted out to a doctor and a stay at home mom. His brother had everything he needed and most of what he wanted. Did he turn out like his adoptive siblings? Did he do well in school, go to college and make something of himself like his adoptive siblings did? Nope he made pretty much made the exact same life choices that his nature brothers made. Almost to the T. But what was different is he felt like an outsider his whole life. His choices, which would of been perfectly fine with his natural family, made him the black sheep with his adoptive family. My point is giving your child up to a wealthy “loving” couple doesn’t mean they are going to turn out any different then what they would be being raised by you. But there is a high chance they will have a ton of trust and abandonment issues. Just ask all the adoptees on yahoo.

    If you still go with adoption beware that there is no such thing as an open adoption. The Adoptive parents can close the adoption and cut of contact to you at any point with out reason or even telling you. Open adoption agreements DO NOT hold up in court! So please educate yourself, research all of your resources and make a wise choice. Don’t let this haunt you for the rest of your life! Angela

16. AbortHim Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 12:58 am

    Abort, abort, abort.

    You and your child will suffer from the tragedy of relinquishment the rest of your lives if you give your child up. Why go through the agony of carrying to term, giving birth, and surrender when you can save yourself and your embryo all of that?

    I have counseled a lot women in abortion clinics for many years and most say they are relieved after their pregnancy is terminated AbortHim

17. Saggyrl Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Um if you’re not even a month along then you wouldn’t know you are PG!! I smell troll on this one.

    Just in case you are legit, I have to say I agree you should abort. I had a couple of abortions as a teen after others begged me to have those babies and give them up for adoption. SO glad I chose abortion- can’t even imagine having my kids out there somewhere, not being able to be with them. I would rather die. Saggyrl

18. Kari N Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    The second trimester would be the best time. That way you have time to think about your decision. Don’t listen to these people who are telling you to kill your baby to save them the pain of being raised by another family. That’s like telling you to kill your baby so one day it won’t feel the pain that the world unloads on everyone. Kari N

19. Lish Says:
    December 13th, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    decide AFTER you hold your baby and provide him with the very important few days of breast milk whether or not u wanna keep ur child. dont decide now, u might change ur mind but it will be hard to do with eager adoptive parents at the end of the bed waiting to catch baby as he comes out. Lish

20. rugby chick Says:
    December 14th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    You should wait till about 6 months. Then you can start looking for a family, or I would contact an adoption agency. Agencies have counseling for you, to help you get through giving your child up for adoption and they also help you to make sure you are doing the right thing for yourself. They support you in whatever your decision is.
    Good Luck rugby chick

21. Ashley Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 6:57 am

    I think if you HONESTLY don’t want your child, then yes start looking now for an adoptive home. But only if your for sure you want to give the baby up. People like my husband and I who cant have one, this gives them what they have been longing for and you don’t have to worry about anything. PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU, DON’T GET AN ABORTION!! It’s already a baby now.. It’s something forming inside you. I hope that you can find a way to raise the baby, but if there is no way at all that you can, then by all means please give them up for adoption, rather it be a family/friend or by going through an agency! I wish you the best of luck, and may god bless you and your child!!! Ashley

22. Tad W Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    You have a moral responsibility to consider all of the available options. I am of the opinion that adoptions are traumatic for both the child and the mother IN ALL cases. That trauma lasts a lifetime. I think of adoption as being like surgery, only done when it is necessary. If you’ve got a gangrenous foot that will kill you otherwise, then amputate. Otherwise do everything you can to save the foot. Same thing with infant adoption. When it is truly the only option, then choose adoption or, as Linny suggests, abortion. In either case you are amputating the emotional, physical and spiritual bond between you and the child. Once you have truly educated yourself on the ramifications and consequences of either choice, then — and only then — can you determine which choice is the least harmful to your baby.

    Also understand that there will be emotional repercussions for you no matter what you choose. If you relinquish for adoption, you will experience a grieving process similar to what a mother who has lost a child in death goes through. And since the child is still alive, It is even more difficult to get closure. Tad W

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