When you gave your baby up for adoption?
pk1 asked:
Did you want to see your baby? Did it make giving your baby up harder? Did your hospital make you leave with the baby and make “the switch” off of hospital grounds?
He’s not going into foster care. I have already picked out a family to adopt him.
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Did you want to see your baby? Did it make giving your baby up harder? Did your hospital make you leave with the baby and make “the switch” off of hospital grounds?
He’s not going into foster care. I have already picked out a family to adopt him.
July 30th, 2009 at 3:11 am
um….nope.
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:12 am
that’s one of the reasons why I got an abortion
there’s ALWAYS regret with adoption because you NEVER know the “what if’s”
what if s/he never got a home?
what if s/he got abused in foster care?
what if s/he hates her family?
what if s/he hates me?
what if s/he grows up to be famous?
what if s/he grows up to be a murderer?
August 4th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I think it is wonderful that you are giving him to a nice family and most of all giving him Life the best gift a mother can give! that is the best thing you could ever do for him Good for you be proud of yourself I am sure it will be hard but you are doing the right thing feel good knowing you gave him life
August 6th, 2009 at 9:41 am
My sister gave her baby up for adoption because she was 16 when she had it. Everything worked out really well for her because she chose to give the baby to a family that was friends with our family, and we still get to see the baby whenever we want. The adopting dad was actually mine and my sister’s teacher from elementary school. I think it was difficult for my sister to give up her baby, but she is happy that it has a good home and I think the adoption has worked out well. I would definately recommend an open adoption for anyone. And no, the hopspital didn’t make her leave grounds before she switched off her baby.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Well, isn’t that just special. So, your adoption is going to be the one adoption in the century that is painless, problem free and wonderful. Good luck to you. Get back to me in about 5 years and let me know how that’s going, okay?
August 10th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Yes, I wanted to see her, Yes it was harder, My mom made me leave her. One of the worst days of my life. I still hate my mom like, No one would ever know.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
DONT GIVE UP YOUR CHILD IM THE FATHER INA 17 YEAR OLD ADOPTION THE HURT NEVER GOES AWAY IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. EVERY DAY YOU WILL THINK OFF THE CHILD LIKE A GHOST IT WILL FOLLOW YOU DONT DO IT. TRY ANY WAY YOU CAN USE FRIENDS OLDER FAMILY FRIEND NEED B TO RAISE IT BUT DONT GIVE IT AWAY IM WARNING YOU ALL YOU DO WILL BE SHADOWED BY THIS
August 16th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Yes I did want to see my son and I did once. He was in foster care before going to his adoptive parents when he was 6 weeks old but the adoption was finaalized when he was almost 6 months old.
I wanted to raise my son but was coerced which is why I only saw him once which was too painful.
August 18th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
you are very brave…see him…if he finds you in the future when he’s grown up he’ll ask about when he was born… he’s been inside you all this time …he’s your baby..just see him briefly..he’s yours that your giving to be brought up by another family…you have made a tough decision…please don’t let people on here upset you
Good luck x
August 21st, 2009 at 8:56 am
Yes I did and to be honest I don’t think it made it any harder. It was hard, it just gave me a face to go with the anguish. I think it would have been worse if I didn’t have that.
August 22nd, 2009 at 12:25 pm
awhh. your so beautiful honey. email me any time!
i just had a baby exactly a month ago, and he was adopted out at birth. i felt like i had to be with him. i was with him for the whole 3 days in the hospital. it made me feel at peace, but everyone is different. what you think would make you feel better, is what you should do. i carried my baby out of the hospital in a weel chair, and the adoptive parents let me have as much time as i wanted with him. i put him in his car seat for the long ride home.
congratulations!!
you are part of the reason i love this world.
August 25th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
I placed my son in an adoptive home 2 months ago. At first I said that I did not want to see him, but right after he was born I held him for a bit before they took him to nursery. I also had them bring him to my room the next day and I held him and talked to him a little while longer, I said that I loved him and goodbye and they took him back to the nursery.
I think that it was going to be hard regardless of if I held him or not. I will always treasure the moments that I got to spend with him and I loved looking at him and figuring out what features of mine he has. The hurt still hasn’t gone away and I don’t think it ever will. Later down the line I know it will still be there, the pain will have just dulled a little.
The hospital originally said that I would have to make the switch off hospital grounds and that I would have to hand the baby over to them. But all I had to do was sign a form stating that the adoptive parents were able to care for him until he left the hospital and the adoptive papers were signed. Talk to your attorney and see how handing the baby over personally can be avoided.
Good luck to you. Write the baby a letter and give it to the adoptive parents telling him why you did adoption. It may make things a little better for him later on. Just know that you’re making the choice because you love the baby so much that you want to give him the best life possible. Unfortunately it can’t be with you right now. After he’s born it’s going to be really hard - the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life - but you can do it for him.
Hope I helped.
August 26th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Be careful, the agency will withhold a lot of information, such as how “the switch”, as you call it, is made.
It is often mandatory for the baby to be placed in foster care before going to the adoptive parents. This is a piece of information they often deliberately neglect to tell mothers.
Keep in mind the adoptive parents can “return” the baby if they are not satisfied and you will never know about it. If that happens, they will not notify you, but will instead place the baby in foster care in hopes of finding another home.
August 28th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
It is going to hurt no matter what you do. Giving up a child hurts.
August 29th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Okay first off, ewwww at how many people who haven’t relinquished or surrendered babies for adoption have attempted to answer this question. =o(
I concede that the this answer might be a bit gruff, but take it in the spirit that I’ve been there done that, and held the hand of others since then who have been there and done that.
When you give birth to your baby and then relinquish him or her for adoption, it’s basically preparing to crash full force into a brick wall. You know the crash is coming and even with air bags and seatbelts, it’s still going to be some scary sad stuff going on.
It’s not the impact of the moment that you should be worried about, but the impact over a lifetime. Would you be able to live with yourself afterward by not taking the time to hold *your* baby? What if you never receive a picture afterwards beside being promised otherwise? What if what matters to you and your child is those pictures of that moment where you held each other, and that he or she knows he matters… versus the idea of it hurt too much and that you didn’t matter to him or her, or that he or she didn’t matter to you.
I realize that preparing for relinquishment and surrender comes with a lot of believing in the positive reasons of why it’s a good idea to do this… but listening to the mothers who just relinquished about how wonderful this is just don’t get it. The shock and denial of grief is so so strong.
Hold your baby. Take pictures. It will matter towards your grief work in the years to come. Because like Sly said, there is no denying the crash to come.
August 30th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
being coerced to sign those papers were
THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE IN MY LIFE
I should have taken my son and ran as fast and as far away as
I could have he was loved he was wanted and he was lost
to adoption and it was not my choice the choice was made by
my mother may she rot in hell for what she did to my life