Will my husband resent me for not giving our baby up for adoption?
sunflower112006 asked:
My husband and I had not planned to have kids but when I got pregnant, abortion and adoption were out of the question. We were both really scared at first but have become more accepting and my huband has been really supportive, until recently. Now, 2 weeks away from having this baby he tells me that he doesnt want a baby and that we should give it up for adoption because he thinks it will ruin us and he will not let it ruin his life.He’s concerned about not being able to go out partying when he wants(how selfish) What about my life? Does this mean that he will resent me for not wanting to give it up? A day later he’s asking how the baby is doing and that he will not let this ruin us, so of course he is trying to say sorry for freaking out. What am I to make of all of this? Will he come around after the baby comes or is that wishful thinking?
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My husband and I had not planned to have kids but when I got pregnant, abortion and adoption were out of the question. We were both really scared at first but have become more accepting and my huband has been really supportive, until recently. Now, 2 weeks away from having this baby he tells me that he doesnt want a baby and that we should give it up for adoption because he thinks it will ruin us and he will not let it ruin his life.He’s concerned about not being able to go out partying when he wants(how selfish) What about my life? Does this mean that he will resent me for not wanting to give it up? A day later he’s asking how the baby is doing and that he will not let this ruin us, so of course he is trying to say sorry for freaking out. What am I to make of all of this? Will he come around after the baby comes or is that wishful thinking?
February 1st, 2009 at 12:48 pm
who cares what he thinks, it’s your baby and it will be a part of your life for ever, he may not. he is probably scared of change, many people are when there is an unexpected pregnancy but he’ll be fine. on the other hand you will resent him if you give your baby up to please him. husbands are replable but our children are not. Don’t do it for him
February 1st, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Your husband is very selfish…
If a baby is going to ruin your relationship, maybe your need to think a little more about this.
How can a baby will ruin a strong relationship?
February 4th, 2009 at 10:40 am
You do what you want to do. he may come around after he sees his beautiful child come into this world, but you can’t count on it. He can’t expect you to bond with this person growing inside of you & then decide to get rid of it all of a sudden. This is your baby, it is up to you. Good luck!
February 7th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Wow, I can see that your situation is very hard for you right now. What will be best for your baby is the thing you must consider. If your husband resents the baby or leaves, what kind of life can you provide for your child? Many single mothers are perfectly able to provide a good life for a child. If you give up this child for adoption, adoptive parents are well qualified to provide for a child too. They are screened far ahead of time for education, financial stability etc. Is saving a marriage that sounds a little shaky worth giving up your child for? Men come and go, relationships come and go, but your child is forever. What do you want for your child? Most new dads do go through a shaky period just before the birth, and it could be just that. Please remember that whatever you choose, it is a life long decision for your child. It is absolutely your choice. Best of luck making the best decision for the two of you (baby and yourself!).
February 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
He will in the long term resent his own attitude and judgement if he wants you to give up your baby, stick to your decision, He should come round, if he doesn’t come round,you’ve lost nothing, but in the future he will have great regrets and remorse for even suggesting it.
Good Luck. baby comes first, second, 3rd ++++++
February 11th, 2009 at 4:53 am
Its his child also, and he has every right to freak out. Honestly I would be grateful that he is taking having a child so seriously. So many people think, Oh no big deal, I’ll just work more to pay for daycare and clothes. Having a child is a lifelong committment and you should definitely think about whether you can handle it. Talk to your husband, work through this. You must have a strong marriage before you can be strong parents. Your child can bless your life so much, but you both have to be willing to make that leap. Good luck and God bless!!
February 13th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
It sounds like you may need to get some counseling for the both of you. You two did decide that you did not want any children. For some reason God decided that you will. The baby is coming in two weeks, there is no time to be changing your minds every other day. This is a big responsibility and you need to be reassured that he will be there for you and the baby. I think he will come around after the baby is born but you have to face the fact that he may not. If he does there will be times that he won’t be able to do or go somewhere because of the baby. Are you prepared to take on this responsibility alone if you must. You don’t have much time to decide these things. Good luck to you.
February 15th, 2009 at 5:28 am
its your baby you do what you want ! look men are selfish and they only think about them selfs ! sit down with him and tell him that you are the one carring this baby and that you have a say in this to !
February 16th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
To me it sounds as if he’s having some last minute anxiety. It’s typical for first time (and 2nd and 3rd…so on) parents to experience this. If he was supportive up until now, you can probably bet that when the baby comes along he’ll be pretty excited and overwhelmed with love…just like you
February 18th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Wow, this man is real having a hard time with becoming a dad. I think he has problems dealing with this and has no idea how. Councling may be a good idea for him. Try to keep him active in everything that has to do with the child. Be sure that you do everything that you can to make him feel inculded.
My husband lived two hours away at a military training camp and because this was my first child I refused to have the baby away from my partents and people who could help me with the recovering after the baby. He was angry and even cheated on me( he said he didn’t) but we grew stonger although we had alot of anger issues.
Just be sure that you did all you can so if it does end you can’t be the total blame for his actions.
February 21st, 2009 at 6:44 pm
he is your husband you must do as he state. one must ask how this happen?
that help the young girl think some. as a father this is not good for you, does he understand that whats happen with you also happen with baby? good luck kids hope your and his father are close to your, some time man need man to understand being a father is
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
My husband found it hard when I was pregnant with our 2 children - he couldn’t bond so to speak beacause the baby was inside me, I felt the little kicks, I was the one changing everyday, mentally & physically. But when they came into the world, it was a different story - he was a Daddy. Children do not ruin your life, they need you until the day you die. You can still have a “Social” life, it’s just to know where your prioties lie. Do you think that your Hubby may be frightened of sharing the love that you have for him? Take care of yourself and bub.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:55 am
If he does not come around tell him he is allowed to sleep on the sofa or move out either way you will need help with his child and you do not want to find someone else because you love him but if that is what it takes you will find you another help mate someone that wants to be with you and your child.I hope this will help you.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:58 am
There is no way to know. It is very common for men to freak out when they are finally confronted with the fact that “YOU ARE NOW AN ADULT” and have to give up some of their childlike ways. Keep the baby. If he’s mature enough, he’ll come around, if not and he resents you, is it any worse than you resenting him for making you give up the baby?
February 25th, 2009 at 12:03 am
Your husband sounds like a control freak that needs to get his priorities in order. I was considering adoption also when I was pregnant. But when my son was born my boyfriend refused to comply so I didn’t go through with it. Now I cry when I even think what my life would be like if I didn’t have my son in my life. He means the world to me. Think about your baby, not your husband or yourself. Make sure that baby has a safe, loving environment to go home to.
Babies are blessings! Take care
February 26th, 2009 at 7:40 am
He may be scared right now, but in time I’m presuming that he will come around to accepting the responsibility of being a father. Partying will not always be an alternative route of enjoyment. Together, both of you will be able to work on this and sort out all issues. For even though trials and troubles will come, it’s through working them out that will make a difference and not running away from them and finding an enjoyment activity to run to instead of accepting responsibility.
March 1st, 2009 at 6:21 pm
you must do what you feel is right. If your husband is losing it a bit, it is scary, but he should have considered the consequences before sowing his oats! If you bend to his will and make the wrong decision you will never forgive yourself. A baby does put a strain on a relationship, but if its a strong relationship it will weather these pressures. Don’t be pushed into making a decision you will regret. This will not only effect you, but the baby, family and your husband. Stick to your guns. If you want this baby, you keep it, you husband will very likely come round, and if he doesnt, was he such a great catch?, you deserve better. Good luck with you birth.
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I think sometimes men get scared when they think about having children and all of the things that they will have to give up. Having a child is a blessing and if he does not feel that he is ready to be a father then he should walk away. At this point giving it up for adoption would be hard for both of you considering that you have already bonded with the child and have not had the mindset that it is not yours to keep. Just let it go and if he loves you he will love your child as well. I think he will come around when the baby is born. It might take awhile but don’t give up. Children need both parents and sometimes people make harsh decisions about that.
March 4th, 2009 at 12:57 am
Bottom line is, how do you feel about having a baby? If your husband has voiced his disapproval of having a child, I can almost guarantee he will not be a very positive role model for your child and may end up resenting the child. You need to be very careful with this type of resentment, watch for the red flags, it can be a very dangerous situation for your child.
March 5th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
even tho the women carry the baby men have to deal with it too and they can even have symptoms of bein pregnant like morning sickness and stuff and hes probably goin through an emotional roller coaster right now this is a big deal and its very scary to him its goin to change his life forever! and in my opinion u should have the baby and keep it when he looks in that baby’s eyes and see a lil peice of him he will melt
March 9th, 2009 at 3:04 am
he is being selfish… im sure when he sees that baby he will think differently though…good luck
March 11th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
After this one is born, get your tubes tied and quit whoring around!