Would you give your baby up for an adoption?
G1V3 M3 YOU asked:
Do you think its wrong to give your baby up for an adoption and then later on you might have more kids? Would you keep them?
This entry was posted
on Thursday, June 25th, 2009 at 12:00 am and is filed under Adoption.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Do you think its wrong to give your baby up for an adoption and then later on you might have more kids? Would you keep them?
June 26th, 2009 at 5:52 am
no the baby might be in a bad family keep it
June 26th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
I think adoption is a wonderful thing.
It’s one of the most selfless things you can do …
to give a couple who can’t have their own children, a child is beautiful.
I myself … being 30, married with kids if I got pregnant I would keep the little one …
but if I was young and single … and not ready for children, absolutely I would consider adoption a wonderful possibility.
June 29th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I would never be able to give a baby up for adoption but I don’t think its wrong. It really depends on the situation and the care the baby will get with its birth mother. I think it would be wrong to continuously get pregnant, have a baby and give it up… although that is a better option then abortion. There are so many birth control options and if a person doesn’t want to ever have/keep children then they should probably get their tubes ties, or at the very least use birth control!
June 30th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
No, it’s not wrong. Most women who choose adoption do so for financial reasons, not because they didn’t want a child. If they didn’t want to have a child at all, they wouldn’t have. And the fact that they sacrifice what they desire the most just so that their own flesh and blood might have a better life than what they can provide is proof of that. Many women who find themselves in a different situation later in life do have other children and keep them.
For me, I wouldn’t secure an adoption in the first place because I simply do not believe that families should be ripped apart by anything other than death and certainly not because the mother simply doesn’t have enough money to provide a decent life for her child. If I could not afford a child, I would have to make the difficult choice to end the pregnancy. If I could afford a child, I would consider keeping the pregnancy. But I could never make the sacrifice that mothers who relinquish their children do.
Peace,
Jenn
July 1st, 2009 at 8:30 am
When i found out i was pregnant i was only 15. I have many choices but adoption wasn’t one. I know im not emotionally strong enough to live the rest of my life knowing I gave my child away.
And no i don’t think its wrong under certain circumstances. If you couldn’t because you feel like you just weren’t ready but later on you settled in and are now ready.
July 4th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
No, a lot of couples would love to adopt ;).
July 7th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
You know I have 2 children and I’ve always wanted children and I’ve always had the support of family and friend if I were to get pregnant out of wedlock-which never happened.
So situations are different for everybody, so let’s say there’s a woman out there who’s pregnant and due to her life circumstances isnt able to care for the child properly ie lack of support, lack of money, young age etc etc
then it’s better for her baby to have a better life with a family who’s more ready to handle the baby. And I dont mean only financially, but also emotionally.
If down the road that same mom who gave her baby out of adoption, let’s say gets married or her life circumstances change and she is able to care for her future children then by all means.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
I wouldn’t do it myself, but I don’t think its wrong. I do think that people (especially younger parents) should give parenting a chance. Why not bring the baby home for a 72-hour window then make the final decision? The baby has already bonded to you, so that’s not an excuse. I really wished that more parents would give it a chance, even if only for a day or two. I know, they may still be in high school or have other obstacles, but there is always a way such as shelters (which are much better now-a-days then they once were) and co-parenting homes where the mom could live with another single mom and they help one another with babysitting and both contribute to bills and rent. Again, making an adoption plan is not wrong as long as it is what the parent chooses, not a choice that was forced upon them by people or their situation.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
If I had become pregnant in high school or middle school, yes I would have given it up for adoption no questions.
Now that I’m an adult though, I don’t think I could unless my baby’s life was in danger. If that was the case I’d give it up so it would have a better chance at a normal childhood without the fear of whatever it had been born into .
July 14th, 2009 at 3:23 am
No I don’t. Certain circumstances mean that it is not possible to give the child the up briniging that it needs. By giving it up means that you love it but just can’t keep it. I take my hat off to people that give there kids up. as I don’t no what they go through with making that dicission but it would be hard. as far as having more kids I would say go ahead. As long as you can support them.
July 16th, 2009 at 3:15 am
I did give a baby up.
I do thing its wrong.
I did have another child.
I did keep him.
I am in reunion with my first child.
July 16th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
A young women might give her baby up because she is not ready, Her family is making her, she has no support or Maybe homeless. This is just some of the reasons later in her life these thing change and see wants to mother a child has more and is in a different part in her life so she keeps those babies. There is nothing wrong with her doing this.
July 19th, 2009 at 12:24 am
No, I thought about it when pregnant and would opt to abort or as I did parent my child.
I could never give my babies to somebody else. It would literally kill me. If I thought my depression is bad now wow I think I could actually take the whole bottle of pills if I lost my children to adoption.
My babies are my life. I live to love, care, and support them until I die in my 50s. I will educate and guide them. I will encourage them and support them no matter what mistakes they make. I will be there rock their hope. I love them and cherish them more than anything in this world. So no Personally I don’t have what it takes to lose a child to adoption. And no I don’t what my kids adopted even if I die tomorrow.
I want them to forever have my name and my name alone on their birth certificates. My life is to serve my kids and help them understand this life and help them have compassion and to learn from their pain from their happiness because they need to know the good stuff and the bad. My 4 year old can tell you more about money and work budgets and bills than most people my age.
July 21st, 2009 at 9:56 am
Its not wrong to give your child up for adoption then have more kids.
I know a few people who have had a child at a young age then later when ther’re ready, they have more kids.
If you have a closed adoption your child can’t know anything about you until they’re 18.
You also can’t know anything about them until then.
My friend’s mom went through a closed adoption with her, then later after she was married she had 2 more kids.
My friend only says good things about it. She accualy did the same thing with her own daughter.
July 21st, 2009 at 4:32 pm
I did relinquish my first born for adoption. What I don’t understand is how people seem to think that crisis moments in life are events that stay forever. If I’m not able to care for my son when he is born, I therefore must not be capable ever to care for any more children? If I am in crisis and a bad situation when he is born and relinquished, does he honestly expect me to still be that sad sack person that had to relinquish my baby? How messed up is that?
But then, equally messed up is the feeling that my son may have that we attempted to replace him with other children. It’s a valid reaction and if I could unicorn fart it away I would.
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:49 am
No I wouldn’t give my child up for adoption. Sadly I have had one taken for adoption but I fought for her and never gave her up.
If you give up a child and then want to have more children there is a lot in your head you need to process. Having children and giving them away is unnatural… and cruel. These are humans we are talking about, actual people. Just because they are infants doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be respected as such. Children are not toys, pets, things to be flung around or discarded when one feels like it.
July 24th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
of course it’s wrong… it’s not to be mean but why do you have sex if you know the consequences you know that if you have sex you may get pregnant so don’t have sex with out protection if you don’t want a baby…
July 27th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
This response is actually for Iris, because when I was in the process of giving my child up for adoption, when I was 14 years old, I was told something very similar to what she said, by another pregnant teenager. “I would never give my baby up.” A few weeks later she got in a fight with her boyfriend, they split up, and she aborted the baby. My baby girl is now going on 16 and is loved as much as I’ve ever seen any child loved, because I made the dreams of a couple who couldn’t have children, come true. Cruel? To who? Ignorant people tend to take the easy way out.
Later when I was old enough to raise them properly, I had two more children, and kept them. We are a very happy family, and my first daughter is in a very happy family. Many people don’t realize that, unlike the horror story adoptions of the 1950s, you get to choose the parents who adopt your child, these days.
July 29th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I am just utterly amazed at some of the really judgmental comments here about those of us who choose to place a child for adoption. A question like this just invites judgment and condemnation of birth mothers. Well, I’m sure my answer will get a ton of thumbs down but I want to be the one birth mother who will at least answer truthfully…even if my answer is not the politically correct or socially acceptable one!
I placed a child for adoption and no I do NOT regret it! I will never ‘regret’ it…and if someone doesn’t like that, then that is their problem, not mine!
My situation? I was 24, in college, already had one child who was age 2. My then-husband and I decided we only wanted one child, so I got a tubal ligation which is supposed to be the ultimate in birth control. Yet, the tubal ligation failed and I found myself pregnant anyway! I felt abortion was wrong, but I still wasn’t happy about that pregnancy. I wound up feeling depressed and nearly suicidal. My marriage began falling apart and in fact we separated when I was 7 mos along. People in my church suggested marriage counseling and adoption as a way to “save” the marriage. We made the choice to place with a clear conscience. Several people who knew about it ostracized me and said “how could you give your baby away?” as if I’d abandoned him on the side of the road or something instead of making a responsible choice. I was also told by others that the children would grow up and “hate me” because of it…and they’d be justified in their hatred.
Well, the marriage failed anyway three year latter shortly after moving to another state. Since I didn’t know anyone in the state who knew my “past”, I was able to keep my secret for more than 20 years. I waited until my daughter was an adult to tell her. How do you explain something like what happened to me to a child? She seemed to take it well and not judge.
Then last year the “adoptee” and his “mother” blew into my life. I tried to re-unite but it was a crashing failure and a real disappointment for everyone. In fact, the “son” in his last email made some really hurtful, hateful and judgmental comments re: me as a person and now there’s a strong chance now that my daughter may never speak to me again either and I may never see my grandson again….and all because some think it’s ok to punish me for a conscious and responsible choice I made long ago!.
Why are women who place for adoption forced to be so-called “accountable” when women who choose abortion are not? NO ONE makes women who have abortions disclose the fact to the world, but yet I had to have my life and my choice opened like a book only to get the book slammed in my face over and over! The new scarlet “A” seems to be adoption and I’m being treated worse than a murderer!
This is just not fair at all.
I am VERY angry that I’m not allowed to be honest about my feelings without being made out to be Lizzie Borden, Hitler or a terrorist. The truth? I did not want another child! IF I WANTED ANOTHER BABY I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN MY TUBES TIED!!! Why is that so hard for people to understand or to accept? Why should I have to lie and pretend to feel things I don’t or can’t feel?
If I had kept the unintended and unwanted baby, how would’ve it had gone if I’d wound up spending my life resenting it? Think about that one. Maybe if some of these women you read about in the papers who have murdered their children had placed them for adoption instead, those children would be alive today and in good happy families, and those women wouldn’t be in jail. Yet, no one thinks of that, do they?
Seems like the only “option” they think a woman should have to keep the baby, stuff her feelings, pretend to be happy about the pregnancy and give up any of her goals, hopes, ambitions and dreams…while the man gets off scot free and no one ever judges him!
Some of these women who place for adoption claim they really ‘wanted’ the baby, but I’m telling you some of them are NOT being honest…do you know why the dishonesty? Basic survival. Because when it comes to how harsh and unforgiving society can be to birth mothers, it doesn’t always pay to be honest. You’re damned no matter what you do. It’s somehow all your fault…even in situations where you did all you could to keep from getting pregnant.
Are birth mothers supposed to punished their entire lives? I don’t think so. One last thing, I think people need to STOP calling adoption “giving your baby away!” That’s nothing but a phrase intended to put down and shame a woman for her choice. No one calls women who have abortions babykillers and isn’t that what they are? So why make birth mothers out to be worse than those who murder children???