I placed a child for adoption and no I do NOT regret it! I will never ‘regret’ it…and if someone doesn’t like that, then that is their problem, not mine!

My situation? I was 24, in college, already had one child who was age 2. My then-husband and I decided we only wanted one child, so I got a tubal ligation which is supposed to be the ultimate in birth control. Yet, the tubal ligation failed and I found myself pregnant anyway! I felt abortion was wrong, but I still wasn’t happy about that pregnancy. I wound up feeling depressed and nearly suicidal. My marriage began falling apart and in fact we separated when I was 7 mos along. People in my church suggested marriage counseling and adoption as a way to “save” the marriage. We made the choice to place with a clear conscience. Several people who knew about it ostracized me and said “how could you give your baby away?” as if I’d abandoned him on the side of the road or something instead of making a responsible choice. I was also told by others that the children would grow up and “hate me” because of it…and they’d be justified in their hatred.

Well, the marriage failed anyway three year latter shortly after moving to another state. Since I didn’t know anyone in the state who knew my “past”, I was able to keep my secret for more than 20 years. I waited until my daughter was an adult to tell her. How do you explain something like what happened to me to a child? She seemed to take it well and not judge.

Then last year the “adoptee” and his “mother” blew into my life. I tried to re-unite but it was a crashing failure and a real disappointment for everyone. In fact, the “son” in his last email made some really hurtful, hateful and judgmental comments re: me as a person and now there’s a strong chance now that my daughter may never speak to me again either and I may never see my grandson again….and all because some think it’s ok to punish me for a conscious and responsible choice I made long ago!.

Why are women who place for adoption forced to be so-called “accountable” when women who choose abortion are not? NO ONE makes women who have abortions disclose the fact to the world, but yet I had to have my life and my choice opened like a book only to get the book slammed in my face over and over! The new scarlet “A” seems to be adoption and I’m being treated worse than a murderer!

This is just not fair at all.

I am VERY angry that I’m not allowed to be honest about my feelings without being made out to be Lizzie Borden, Hitler or a terrorist. The truth? I did not want another child! IF I WANTED ANOTHER BABY I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN MY TUBES TIED!!! Why is that so hard for people to understand or to accept? Why should I have to lie and pretend to feel things I don’t or can’t feel?

If I had kept the unintended and unwanted baby, how would’ve it had gone if I’d wound up spending my life resenting it? Think about that one. Maybe if some of these women you read about in the papers who have murdered their children had placed them for adoption instead, those children would be alive today and in good happy families, and those women wouldn’t be in jail. Yet, no one thinks of that, do they?

Seems like the only “option” they think a woman should have to keep the baby, stuff her feelings, pretend to be happy about the pregnancy and give up any of her goals, hopes, ambitions and dreams…while the man gets off scot free and no one ever judges him!

Some of these women who place for adoption claim they really ‘wanted’ the baby, but I’m telling you some of them are NOT being honest…do you know why the dishonesty? Basic survival. Because when it comes to how harsh and unforgiving society can be to birth mothers, it doesn’t always pay to be honest. You’re damned no matter what you do. It’s somehow all your fault…even in situations where you did all you could to keep from getting pregnant.

Are birth mothers supposed to punished their entire lives? I don’t think so. One last thing, I think people need to STOP calling adoption “giving your baby away!” That’s nothing but a phrase intended to put down and shame a woman for her choice. No one calls women who have abortions babykillers and isn’t that what they are? So why make birth mothers out to be worse than those who murder children???

If you give up a child and then want to have more children there is a lot in your head you need to process. Having children and giving them away is unnatural… and cruel. These are humans we are talking about, actual people. Just because they are infants doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be respected as such. Children are not toys, pets, things to be flung around or discarded when one feels like it.

But then, equally messed up is the feeling that my son may have that we attempted to replace him with other children. It’s a valid reaction and if I could unicorn fart it away I would.

I could never give my babies to somebody else. It would literally kill me. If I thought my depression is bad now wow I think I could actually take the whole bottle of pills if I lost my children to adoption.

My babies are my life. I live to love, care, and support them until I die in my 50s. I will educate and guide them. I will encourage them and support them no matter what mistakes they make. I will be there rock their hope. I love them and cherish them more than anything in this world. So no Personally I don’t have what it takes to lose a child to adoption. And no I don’t what my kids adopted even if I die tomorrow.

I want them to forever have my name and my name alone on their birth certificates. My life is to serve my kids and help them understand this life and help them have compassion and to learn from their pain from their happiness because they need to know the good stuff and the bad. My 4 year old can tell you more about money and work budgets and bills than most people my age.

I am in reunion with my first child.